16th✯

I stared at Mom with confusion. "Why not?"

Mom held onto my hand tighter than she originally did and scooted nearer. "You have to stay away from him. He means trouble, Aerim-a."

"What do you mean trouble? Do you expect me to follow your orders without understanding anything?!" I screamed, standing up whilst staring at Mom. 

Mom also stared, only that her eyes were now filled with disappointment. She tried to be calm and composed, but I saw her hand trembling. "He didn't do anything to you, didn't he? Nothing else happened?"

I was so confused with what she was saying. "Eomma! I don't understand why you're doing this. You're telling me to stop seeing someone without telling me a reason why?"

Mom stood up as well. "Aerim, there are things we can't tell you, but you have to follow what I say. Please, Aerim."

"No! I don't understand at all!" I yelled, grabbing onto my head. "Eomma, I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"Yoon Aerim!"

"Noona?"

Even if Daeul was confused to why I wasn't myself, I didn't stop to say hi to him whatsoever and only walked out of the apartment. I wanted a place of solitude. Where on earth could I find a place like that? There wasn't one, sadly. 

The only thing I was able to come up with was going to see Astro. For some reason, they have become more than just colleagues. 

I set out to get to the entertainment, in hope to find either Sanha or Rocky or any of the Astro members. I spotted Rocky by the lobby, buying a drink and immediately called out his attention. 

"Minhyuk oppa!" I called, running to the entrance of the lobby. 

Rocky was surprised to see me standing there with watery, red, puffy eyes. He rushed in front of me and examined me. "Is something wrong? You're about to cry!"

Imagining having to part ways with the Astro members made me want to cry. Before I'd leave, if I really was leaving or not, I leaned in closer and wrapped my arms around Rocky. 

Rocky stiffened, probably taken aback by the sudden hug I gave him. He stuttered, "Is something wrong, Aerim?"

I nodded, but the explanation couldn't come out of my mouth. 

Rocky began caressing the back of my head, softly asking, "What is it?"

"I'm... I'm leaving," the words finally came out and it gave me the worst feeling I'd ever feel. "I'm leaving, oppa."

Rocky was confused by my ambiguous words and asked, "Leaving? Leaving to where?"

My eyes that were coated with nothing but water looked up into Rocky's pair of confused eyes. I explained, "Oppa, I'm leaving the show. I can't stay and film anymore. I won't see you guys anymore, either."

Rocky was so confused. "But why? We all were having fun and now you're just going to leave? What's going on, Aerim?"

"My mom found out." I let out a heavy sigh, as I did my best not to remember what only happened a few minutes ago before I came to the entertainment. "She doesn't want me to see you guys anymore. She doesn't approve of this entire thing."

It was wrong for me to omit the fact that she just didn't want me to see Sanha anymore but that will lead to Rocky questioning me the questions I wanted answers to, as well. I didn't want to make it as complicated as it already was. 

I snapped out of my thoughts to see what type of expression Rocky was wearing. As predicted, he wore a look of confusion but at the same time, a bitter look. 

"What..." 

I looked away, not wanting to stare any longer at that pained face of his. "It's true, oppa."

Rocky didn't say anything in reply.

"I'm sorry."

When he lacked to say words that would make me regret this choice, I broke our hug and walked away from him, in search of Yoon Sanha. I had to break the news to the person involved with all these confusing strings that I grasp onto but can't pull down whatever hangs on them. 

Sanha's timing was getting better day by day. He just walked out of a room and into the hallway, where we locked eyes. He smiled but that smile dropped when he got a clearer look of me. I guess he saw the tears in my eyes. 

Immediately, he ran up to me and worriedly asked, "Aerim! What's wrong? Your eyes! Did you cry?"

My head dropped with my gaze fixed on the floor as I nodded. 

"Let's go to the rooftop and talk," he said, gripping onto my wrist and bringing me up to the rooftop. 

I didn't refuse his offer and only continued to let him lead me to the rooftop, where we could have a conversation about something I would do with a heavy heart. 

I didn't want to leave, but at the same time, I couldn't disobey Mom. If she doesn't want me to see Yoon Sanha, there must be a larger reason to why, and it also has something to do with all the phenomenons happening ever since I met him. 

Sanha took a seat next to me on the bench and waited for words to escape my lips. 

There were none. I just traced the bench without looking into his eyes. 

I couldn't do that. I wanted to tell him, but I was afraid of hurting someone close. If he really was my cousin, and if we were really close back then when we were kids, I didn't want to hurt him. 

Maybe those blurry visions of a little boy and a little girl were us. Sanha and Aerim. The only question I had left was: why were they blurry and why didn't I recognize those memories at first? They seem so distant, so ambiguous that it didn't seem to be true.

With the lack of my words, Sanha took the lead in the conversation. "What were you crying over? Did a puppy die on the streets?"

There were many ways to break bad news, but none of them would hurt least than the other. The most common way was the "good news bad news", but I didn't have any good news to share. I needed to try, at least. 

"Sanha," I finally called, my head slowly lifted up to stare into his eyes. Just like Rocky's, there was nothing but confusion in his eyes. "I have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Sanha's mouth opened, his braces were visible to my eyes, but words didn't flow out. 

I waited for him to reply. I mentally got myself ready to listen to his decision and deliver either the good or bad news first. Just like him, I was afraid. 

"The..." he paused, re-thinking his decision before he finalized it, "...bad news."

I hated him at times. Why wouldn't he pick the good news first? Well, of course, I didn't have that great of "good news" in the first place so I wouldn't blame him. 

I mentally prepared myself. I didn't want to delay anything so best to be blunt and straight to the point. "Sanha, I have to leave the show."

Sanha didn't move, he didn't blink, nor did he say a single word. 

I knew this would happen. Then, I waited for him to hold me back, to say words that would make me stay for real instead of making a stupid mistake like this. I just hoped he wouldn't be Rocky; he didn't even try. 

Sanha's lips finally parted and faint, soft words escaped, "Why... are you doing this?"

"My mom found out. Remember when I said my parents approved? Well, they didn't. I lied about that." I felt guilty for having to lie like that. "I'm sorry Sanha. If I could stay, I would."

"Is that it?"

I was confused on what he was implying to. "Huh?"

"You got the money, you got fame, you got me thinking we could be real but now you're just going to leave?" Sanha's voice cracked, like a loud glass breaking. This was not the Sanha I knew. 

"You think that was my motive? The money? Yes, at first it was. Shamelessly, yes. But after I met you guys, everything changed. You guys are my friends, no matter how much I hurt you guys and how much I got hurt in this entire process. You think I'm doing this purposely? Yes, I lied about my parents approving on the show but that was one lie. I didn't lie about you guys being my friends. I didn't lie about anything else but that! And now you're seeing me as some gold digger? I may be stubborn at times but I'm not low. It's sad to see that you think of me so low, Yoon Sanha."

Sanha paused, taking in all the words I had spit out. 

If I were to leave, it would be best to leave bitter ends so you wouldn't miss the person leaving you. You would only remember all the bad memories and that would help you in moving on and going on with life. 

I stood up, giving one last glance a Sanha. "And for your information, we're cousins, so there's no such thing as us going real."

Before he would grab my forearm and hold me back, I left the rooftop and the entertainment. Just like Rocky, he failed to hold me back. What good did that do? Nothing. Because that's to tell me that it was best I left. 

✯~✯ ~ ✯

After typing a long message to request MJ oppa to tell their CEO about the show contract and me leaving and apologize for the ruckus it might cause, I threw my phone onto my bed and let out a long, exasperated sigh. It was a tough day today. 

When I came back home, I immediately apologized to Mom and told her that I ended things with Astro, especially Yoon Sanha. She still hadn't explained why I shouldn't get involved with him, and I didn't think she would ever tell me. 

This whole situation was confusing. I'm sure once I see the end of this dark, confusing mesh, I would go, "Oh, so that's why everything was like that." As of now, I was stuck somewhere in the mesh, not even sure if I was in the middle, close to the end or just at the start. 

My mind flew over to what happens now. Since the show ended a little too abruptly, there's no greater reason to why I had to avoid school. I had to wake up and head back to reality. If something like meeting Astro seemed like a fairytale to people, well, it was a nightmare to mine. 

Something about meeting Sanha had started something and it definitely wasn't a fairytale. It was more like the hidden story of a perfectly polished book. The violent version without a promising happy ending. Nothing but continuous wars and monsters that crawled out of a dark abyss. 

I was scared alone. At least then, I had Astro, especially Rocky and Sanha. Now? Now I was completely alone. The term "rescued by a knight and shinning armor or a prince" does not exist from this standpoint on wards. I'm on my own and I needed to be cautious. 

You'll never know what type of monster would jump out and where it would emerge from. 

✯~✯ ~ ✯

Minhyukie: can we please meet up? we need to talk. come to pit-a-pat cafe at 8pm. pls, aerim.. 

I clutched the phone in my hand tightly, scolding myself for not deleting their numbers as soon as I left the entertainment. Rocky had texted me and only now he wanted to talk? Was he going to hold me back when it was already too late?

Nevertheless, I had to crush his hopes before they get out of hand. Changing into decent clothing, I headed out of the room to find Mom sitting by the dinning table, sipping a warm cup of tea. 

Our eyes locked and she was the first one to interact by raising an eyebrow as she examined my outfit while I stood still, like a robot that couldn't function anymore. 

"Where are you going?" she softly asked, putting down the cup of tea. 

I didn't want to lie anymore so I honestly answered, "I haven't properly ended things with a member of Astro. I need to get the message straight into his head so he would stop texting me. I'm going to meet him now, if that's okay with you."

Mom hesitated with answering with an approval. I saw her eyes conflict with her thoughts but in the end, she answered, "All... all right. Make sure you come back safely and always be alerted of your surroundings."

That made me feel like she knew something but wouldn't tell me. I was just the same, anyway. I never told her about the guy with the red scarf, nor did I tell her anything else that has happened. I guess the both of us were just as scared, so we chose to hide them. 

✯ ~ ✯ ~ ✯

Once I caught a glance at Rocky, I felt a heavy feeling return. I didn't want to remember what happened today. He didn't even try to hold me back and even worse was that Sanha accused me of being some kind of gold digger that would leave.

I took a seat across him, refusing to meet his eyes and crossed my hand over my chest. "What is it you wanted to talk to me about that we have to meet up like this?"

"I wanted to say I was sorry."

"That you didn't try to stop me? That you let me go without trying? Yeah, I figured that out earlier when you texted me," I said with a venomous tone. 

"Aerim, please, give me a chance to properly apologize. What I did—no, what I didn't do was wrong. Are you really leaving? Is this really the end of everything?" Rocky slowly asked. 

"Yes, I'm leaving. My decision still could change back then but you didn't even hold me back, so now it's too late. I want to say sorry too, but I'm still mad." 

Rocky leaned in closer by pulling the chair nearer in. His body leaned on the polished wooden table that gave out a smell that told me it was new. It burned my nose but that was just how it was.

"Look, Aerim," Rocky said, his tongue clacking, "I wanted to hold you back as much as I could, but I was afraid. I didn't want you to disobey what your mom asked you to do so I didn't even try."

I was quietly listening to what he was saying.

"Truth is..." he paused, taking in a deep breath. "...I like you. I didn't want to hurt you by holding you back because if I did that, that meant you needed to film with Sanha longer. Remember when I used to tease you back then? I was just like any other boy. Then... slowly, it started. The feelings. This heartbeat. If you noticed, I stopped. The teasing, I mean. I didn't like how you and Sanha would always be together but I didn't show it. It's stupid to think this is how it ends. With a confession left hanging on a string with no hope. I like you. I like you so much it hurts. You're gone. You're not coming back anymore. I need to accept that."

I was taken aback. What I expected was an apology, an explanation but a sudden confession didn't even come to mind. "Rocky..."

"You're leaving," he stated, nodding. "I get it. I'll find a way to get over you. I'm sorry for being an idiot. Goodbye, Yoon Aerim. I really hope this wouldn't be the last time we're meeting, but I don't want to get my hopes up."

Then Rocky stood up, his eyes fixed on the floor as he walked away from the table we occupied. The bell of the front door ringed before it closed and left the lingering sound of the bell dancing in the air. Even with all the voices from people talking in the cafe, there was only one noise I heard clearly. 

That was my heart breaking like a precious, glass heart. 

~Author's Notes~

Hi, Kimichies! It's been a while, I think, and my hell exam week is finally over! Although, the fact that I'd be scared waiting for my results is still there. Oh, well. 

Anyway, I've been tagged by bejeweledMe to do this amazing tag! 

Don't mind the very fail of my selfie, I'm really bad in taking selfies in general, and I didn't even bother to fix my hair. Anyway, comment who you ship me with! I'll be anticipating your comments, keke~ I'm really curious xD

- Hoshi 

- Wonwoo 

- Woozi 

- Dino 

- Taehyung 

- Jeno 

- Youngjae 

I also have been tagged by Tamtam_AS unnie to do, once again, a 13 Facts About Me :3

1. I create more stories than I can write 

2. Dancing to Twice's "Cheer Up" is a daily routine for me and my friend in school these days 

3. My "addicted to" songs these days are Cheer Up, Pretty U, Fire and Save Me

4. Struggling to find a good music app to download K-pop songs, tsk 

5. I really like yogurt drinks, I don't know if you guys know this brand but Marigold's Bliss is life <3

6. If I eat yogurt, I tend to smear it onto my lips like it's lipstick

7. When I was a kid, I was really into painting. But as I grew up, I didn't do it as often. I lost that touch, HAHAHA

8. I'm not used to compliments so when someone compliments me, I either go, "Are you sure?" or *looks everywhere else, pretending they were talking to someone else* or *shyly* "t-thanks" 

9. When I was a kid, my parents bought tissues to put in the car (you know, those boxed tissues? yeah, those) and I would always take out some, tear them into smaller pieces and throw it up so it falls like snow xD 

10. I don't really like going out of the house. Everything I need is right at home, why do I need to go out?

11. I'm not a fan of strawberry ice cream, but I like strawberry and ice cream ;)

12. My fingers are double jointed 

13. It took me forever to think of facts for this tag 

Thanks for the continuous support, my lovely Kimichies! We've reached 6K views already, wow! 

Take all my sarangs for you already *shoots hearts at everyone* 

See you in the next update, my lovely Kimichies! <3333

xoxo

Byun Sang Kyung