My early mornings are filled with a curled lip to the sky and thoughts of you

Recently I've been attempting to find my footing of my different feelings

Nail down a title and definition of exactly the colorful arrangements I'm experiencing

Like the weight in the intricate catacombs on my stomach

Or the phantom breath tickling the back of my neck

Why this gentle current only flirts with my loose hair

Whenever my mind begins to wander after I stare at you for too long

The feeling isn't entirely new, but hasn't been by my side as often

It started a few months ago while I found myself with a cheesy grin

And someone to admire from a distance all too far away

I'm not accompanied to wanting to be closer to people

My past cursed of secretive operations that could drag me down like an anchor

My curiosity strives to close this gap between anyone who invokes this feeling

In a quick stomp, my heel digs into the earth

Because this can't be me

It could only be the lonely delusions of a lifetime of isolation

Nothing more, nothing less

That doesn't stop my mind from wandering

Concocting new and dangerous daydreams

Selfish daydreams that feel like poison to consider

I'm afraid the toxins are son infatuating that I can't seem to think of anything else

It's a foreign territory outside my circle at arms length

Perhaps it's because of the freeing change I've allowed myself

New ways of dressing

Of smelling crisp fall air

Of watching crinkled yellow leaves slowly fall to the ground

Of thinking

My new pink sweater makes me feel like another person

Like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde

The idea of wandering through my bouquet of daydreams

Sends a catapult of guilt through my catacombs

I don't like being selfish but sometimes

The smell of ocean water brings mixed emotions

A conflict that no longer surprises me

Cool waves crashing into my bare ankles

A sensation that feels so natural

The ocean makes my shoulders tense

It also seems like a comfortable skewed version of home

Sitting on the pier of my mind, I spend afternoons being selfish

Just thinking

Wandering

With the occasional phantom-like breath of air

On the back of my neck