I always wonder to myself what would've happened if I did something different
I could've swallowed my confusion and fear and done something
Though I sure as hell wouldn't have gotten here
For once I'm healthy and happy again
I noticed that the other day
That my depression was getting better
I was in the kitchen looking for something to eat
I was willingly eating for once
I was humming like I didn't have a care in the world
I was happy and I loved it
Was it because I tried to fix whatever hurting me for so long?
Did I hit rock bottom without realizing it?
Because sure I get frustrated with chemistry homework
And I do lay in my bed at night crying
Because I don't know what I want to do with my life
I decided that if anything tries to pull me down
I'd fight back
I don't remember when I started fighting back
It caught my attention when my mom mentioned the Dad-daughter dance coming up
And I said that I won't want to wear a dress
Even though the dress code said otherwise
I argued with my mom and I felt my face turn red
But I won
Tonight I fought back when I said that core classes in college are stupid
I didn't win but I made it clear that it's stupid
I never use to fight and now?
I'm so damn controversial that I'm not afraid to speak my mind
And I'm proud
Or maybe it's when I chose that I should start caring for myself again
I started my exercise routine
And I started having fun again
I cried and laughed
And I worked on gifts until I ran out of time and materials
Or maybe it's when I realized that I don't have to take anyone's shit
Because I'm my own person
And I sure as hell am flawed
But I love myself so much
Perhaps it's all of the above
Fighting, caring and loving
All so one day I can be happy and
That's okay