Why feel numb when you could feel pain,
when hardcore crying's all the same?
Why feel nothing when you could be in agony,
when your life is already a meaningless tragedy?

I want to feel something, something that is more,
more than me just blankly staring at the floor.
Staring for hours and hours on end,
and before I know it it's next weekend.

Oh why can't I just be normal,
why can't people just have some morals?
Why do people have to push me down,
off of a bridge and than hope that i'll drown?

Why can't people just leave me be,
why do they have to do these awful things just to me?
It's a twisted life we are forced to live,
when day after day we just want to jump off a cliff.

If I didn't feel so numb, than maybe i'd be able to feel alone,
maybe if I wasn't so dumb, maybe than i'd have a mind that was my own,
un-used, un-abused, un-infused with their lies,
maybe i'd be able to cry, know what it feels like to wipe my eyes.

But when you're numb, you don't feel the pain-
well, yes you do, it just feels like you're unaffected,
disconnected..
You feel nothing at all, except for insane.

And feeling numb is all that remains,
though I still wanna put a bullet through my brain,
and when I cry I just don't care,
as I just sit and stare.

Just stare and think as the tears roll down my cheeks,
being afraid to speak,
monotone voice,
though not by choice,
I feel the pain though that's okay,
because all my life i've been taught to obey.

...Why feel numb?
When I could feel pain.
When my nerves could shock and startle my brain?

Why feel nothing, when I could feel something?
Oh how I love the gasping and grunting,
when I run the knife across my forearms,
when I just wish that I was gone.

Still, no matter how much pain I inflict on myself,
my feelings are still placed on the highest of shelves,
collecting dust while I curse myself.

How do you truly feel something?
..Not something bad, but good.
Maybe instead of trying to feel pain, i'll try to feel something I could?

Why feel numb..when I could smile?
When I could make this meaningless life worth my while?

Why ignore friends who just try to help,
when I could build relationships that will help myself?

Has it just been me all along?
Have I been doing this to myself?
Was everything that I thought was my life was wrong,
and can I take my feelings off of the shelf?

But oh, it's the highest shelf to reach,
so high I can't even see-
but if I get a ladder, and build myself up
piece by piece-
than yes, I can get better.