31st➳

"Hong Jisoo!" I said, eyeing him with disbelief. "Why— why are you doing this?"

Joshua gave me a sad smile yet again and began to walk away. 

Normally, in situations like these, it'd would seem like I would chase after Joshua and beg him not to leave but I felt like I had already given up. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do right now. I didn't feel that hurt since it only felt like this was a pause—or maybe it was because I haven't let it sink just yet. 

My eyes were already watery and I didn't even try to wipe them away. I just went over to the seats that were located right next to the wall and sat down, staring into oblivion. 

What went wrong? What was so wrong with our relationship? Why was everyone so against it? Or was it mainly because of me they hated it? They just hated me that much, which was why they were against it. They just hated me having a happy ending, which was why they tried to destroy it. 

I learned something new today. And that was the reason to why Peter Pan was a lonely boy and why he hated love so much. 

♥

I only returned to class at the fourth period and sat down, facing the opposite direction of Joshua. I had my head laid down on the table as I scribbled on a piece of paper. As usual, I wasn't listening to whatever the teacher was saying. 

hong jisoo... 

I blinked at what I had scribbled down on a piece of paper and immediately crossed it out with my pen. I began scribbling other things on the piece of paper. 

peter pan... hoya... jaemin... happiness... growing up... 

I closed my eyes for a quick second. There must be something I could do to get Hoya and Jaemin and escape from this bad chapter in my story. I didn't need people who would leave me behind. Ms. Pyo said something about knowing how to let go when time comes, but why is it that I don't feel like giving up?

I would usually be the first one to give up but it seemed to be that in our span of dating, in that short moment, I was able to mimic something of Joshua. And that was learning not to give up on the people you love easily. 

Not wanting to drown so much in useless thoughts, I tried to fall asleep until break time came. 

♥

Students flooded the hallways and the chatter was louder than usual. That was the obvious sign that it was break time because no teacher was telling them to shut up. I would do the honors but I didn't mind anyone today but myself. 

It was even louder in our class, since in our class, we had the noisiest of the bunch. The ones that never shut up, the ones that never stopped with their talk, they resided in our class. 

Fun, right?

Getting annoyed with their non-stop blabber, I slapped the table and got up, glaring at the group who were enjoying their talk. "Yah, you guys, be quiet. Some people are actually trying to sleep. And what did I say about talking behind people's back?"

One of them scoffed. "Why are you always poking in someone else's business? Mind your own business, oh?!"

I scoffed back. "Why are you telling someone else to mind in their own business when you're definitely not doing the same?" They turned silent and I used it to my advantage. "See? You guys turned quiet because you're obviously guilty about it. You know what? I hope it gets straight into your mind. Stop talking behind people's back."

Deciding that I wouldn't be able to get peace and quiet in this classroom, I left to find another place to sleep in. The music room was overused by me and I bet Joshua might be in there thinking and I definitely didn't want to encounter him, though I did sit next to him in class. 

Where else would be a good place? 

I settled for the soccer field since it was usually empty during break time, since the players would be doing other things. I think. Whatever, I just went to the soccer field anyway to check if it was empty or not. Luckily it was. I sat down on the bleacher and examined the empty field. 

So, I guess in this game of high school, I'll lose no matter what. I'll lose whatever I have. Family, love, friends. I'll forever be alone. Wait, speaking of friends, I took out my phone and dialed Jiyeon's number. At least I still had her, though I barely talk and see her these days. 

"Yeobosaeyo?" a familiar voice answered on the other line. 

"Jiyeong-a!" I whined, pouting once I heard her voice. It's been so long since I heard her voice and it was calming to finally hear a familiar voice. "Yeon-yeon!" 

Jiyeon laughed on the other end and said, "Ah, bwoya. Don't call me that, it sounds weird! But what's with your voice? Is something wrong?"

I nodded, though she couldn't see it. "I miss you so much. So, so, so much!"

"I miss you too, Nari-yah," Jiyeon said on the other line. "Is something wrong, though? Your voice..."

"Jiyeong-a, remember that boy you gave up for me?" 

"Ah, yes. Joshua Hong Jisoo, am I right? What happened between the two of you? You guys are dating, aren't you?" Jiyeon teased on the other line. 

I would have been smiling like an idiot by her teasing but my lips couldn't even pull up into a sad smile. "Jiyeong-a... yes, we did date but we broke up today. I don't even know why but he's engaged now to No. 1, In Gain. I feel like everyone hates it when I'm actually happy so they take away all my happiness."

Jiyeon was quiet for the first few seconds before saying, "Nari... I'm so sorry. What kind of friend am I to not know about all these things? I feel so bad. Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you want me to beat that guy up for you?"

"Chingu!" I whined again, sighing. "How do you forget someone you loved?"

"Omo!" Jiyeon sounded surprised on the other end. "I can't believe it! Nari is asking me to forget someone they loved! When did my Nari grow up? Omona!"

"Yah, Kwon Nari hasn't grown up fully yet, you know?" I told her, finally smiling. It's been a while since it's been just the both of us. "I just want to forget so I don't end up hurting myself continuously."

"Aigeu, it's not that easy, Kwon Nari," Jiyeon told me, as a matter of factly. "But since my dear chingu is going through a painful phase, how about the both of us go for some patbingsoo after school? I'll go to your school."

"Will you really do that for me?" I asked her, my eyes sparkling. It's been a while since I ate patbingsoo. 

"Of course!" Jiyeon shouted over the phone. "Ey, my best friend is hurting, why wouldn't I? Don't leave school early and wait for me, okay?"

"Nae, eomma!" I answered with an aegyo voice. Because I love Jiyeon so much and that she's such an amazing friend, I had the tendency to act cute around her. "Komawo, Jiyong-a! I don't know what I would do without a great friend like you."

"You'd disappear with Peter Pan and leave for Neverland," Jiyeon answered then laughed afterwards. "I have to hang up now because I have to see a teacher. Don't forget to wait for me, okay? Annyeong!"

"Nae, Jiyong-a! Annyeong!" I greeted and pulled my phone away, ending the call. I arranged my position on the bleacher and finally laid down on it, staring at the clouds up in the skies. I miss this kind of peace. 

One of the cloud look like a smiling hippo which made me giggle at it. Another cloud looked like a pig riding a race car, which I thought was adorable. I must have stayed there for until break time was over because not long after, I heard the bell ring. 

I groaned and got up from where I laid down on the bleacher. I did some arm stretching and left the soccer field to re-enter the school building to get to class. 

I wouldn't even care if I was late because I have gotten too used to all the words the teachers throw at me, all their scoldings and lectures. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but it definitely was fine with me because it was an advantage.

It was honestly really uncomfortable sitting next to Joshua because I wasn't sure how to treat him after we broke up. Or was this a temporary pause? Did Joshua have something planned up his sleeve? I hope he did; I wasn't ready to let go just yet. 

I placed my head on the table, facing, once again, the opposite direction of where Joshua sat. So this was what a break up felt like? All those good times spent together only felt like they've turned into Polaroid pictures and that it was my choice whether or not to burn them to forget or cherish them until a very long time.

In the end, I chose neither. 

♥

The school bell finally rang and students busily stood up, gathering their things whilst chatting with their friends. Some had already rushed out of the classroom meanwhile others remained to chit chat with their friends longer. I knew what I was going to do so the moment that bell rang, I grabbed my things, stood up and left the classroom as quickly as possible. 

The main reason to why I left the classroom really quickly, I told myself, is because I was afraid of making Jiyeon wait. But I had realize, I only told myself that Jiyeon was the reason why I had left the room so quickly, was because I didn't want to admit that I didn't want to see Joshua for too long. It brought back memories that I supposed I wasn't supposed to have in the first place. 

"Kwon Nari!" someone excitedly called for my name. 

I looked up from my sneakers and saw a different school uniform by the school gates happily smiling and waving at me. I smiled back and picked up my pace to run to her. "Jiyong!"

"Aigeu, still calling me that," Jiyeon noted, giving me a smile before she linked her arm with mine. "Shall we go, then?"

I gave her a huge kid smile and in a cutesy voice, I replied, "Nae!"

Jiyeon and I happily walked down the streets that were also flooded with students from my school. We didn't mind them and continued to smile as we talked about our day. It seemed like Jiyeon had once again been asked out by a cute guy but she rejected. The reason? It was a playboy that asked her out this time. 

"He thinks he can get all of the girls in this school," Jiyeon told me as we waited for the red light to turn green for us to cross the street in peace. She rolled her eyes and obviously, she wasn't happy with the guy. "No guy should be like that, seriously."

I sadly smiled because this was reminding me of the relationship Joshua and I had ended today. I thought I was supposed to forget, but even the littlest things remind me of him. 

Jiyeon noticed that I wasn't saying anything to insult the playboy and cast me a secret glance, which I noticed. "Oh, Nari, I didn't mean to go on about love like that when you..."

I gave her a reassuring smile and told her, "Aniya, it's fine. That playboy has nothing to do with what I have been through." 

"But still, it was rude of me to go on about it like that when it could have probably reminded you of— Nari? Nari, are you okay?"

The world suddenly felt like it was floating around me. My grip on Jiyeon tightened but I continued to shake my head, snapping out of it. I blinked and found ourselves halted in the middle of the zebra crossing with other people walking past us. 

"Nari?"

I looked back at Jiyeon's face and gave her a smile, assuring her, "I'm okay. Just got a little dizzy back there. Let's go. My tongue's craving for some patbingsoo."

Jiyeon giggled. "There's the Kwon Nari I know."

I gave her a big grin. "I never left, you know?"

Jiyeon patted me on the head as we resumed walking. "Sure, let's say you didn't. But part of you sort of left, since you grew up. Not entirely, but you did in a small way."

I went back to frowning. "I don't like growing up, Jiyong."

Jiyeon messily ruffled up my hair and said, "I don't like it, either. But did you think we have a choice? Of course not! So what do we do? We just learn to deal with them. Omo, I didn't think I'd have a conversation like this with you. My Nari is really growing up!"

I pushed her hand that was caressing the back of my head and gave her a teasing smile. "It's not like a kid could stop herself from liking someone, you know? Even a kid can fall in love."

Jiyeon gave me a teasing smile before she pulled me into a hug and cooed, "Well, aren't you a cutie?"

"Well, I'm Kwon Nari." I gave her a wink before giggling away. Then we stopped in front of the line of people ordering their patbingsoo and such. I looked at the huge menu that hung above the cashier and tried to search what I should order. I pointed at the chocolate flavour and told Jiyeon, "I want that one."

Jiyeon grinned at me and pinched my nose lightly. "Keurae. Let's cheer you up, you big baby."

Jiyeon was a great friend trying to cheer me up with patbingsoo after a heartbreak that still hadn't sunk in just yet. I bet if it did, it'd be even more painful. However, as of now, I was enjoying the mostly numb feeling. 

We sat down comfortably at our table and enjoyed our time chatting while waiting for our patbingsoo. We went on about me growing up—since Jiyeon didn't drop the topic at all—and eventually, our patbingsoo arrived. 

"So, what are you going to do now?" Jiyeon asked whilst we were enjoying our cold dessert.

I looked up, confused to what she was referring to. "Hmm?"

Jiyeon cleared her throat and leaned in a little closer. "Your breakup. Are you just going to give up?"

The cold dessert that I was eating in my mouth, the mango that was part of the patbingsoo and that I was chewing, eventually I slowed down my mouth movement and my eyes looked everywhere else, as if hoping that I'd be able to avoid the question. 

The thing is, I wasn't sure myself what to do. Should I just give up, seeing that he is now engaged to someone smarter and of his league? Or do I continue to wait, hoping a miracle would happen?

I looked at Jiyeon and asked her, "What would you do?"

Jiyeon was taken aback by the question and nervously laughed. "Nari, everyone has different ways and have different choices. You can't solely follow mine. See, love is about trusting your heart, even if you might get hurt in the end. Who knows? The memory of being loved might give you strength to go on in life."

I scrunched my nose at her. "That sounds like a quote from a drama or book."

Jiyeon snapped her fingers and laughed. "You caught me. It's from Love in the Moonlight. I swear, Park Bogum oppa is so handsome! You can't resist his charms nor face. Especially when he smiles!"

Since I didn't watch the drama, I only gave Jiyeon a smile out of courtesy, since she was enjoying her daydream with Bogum—whoever that really is. "Sorry that I don't know who he is, Jiyong-a."

Jiyeon smiled and told me, "It's totally fine because you would have fallen for him if you did and we might end up fighting for him. We don't want that, now, do we?"

I shook my head and smiled back. "Nope! I'll stick with Peter Pan then."

"Keurae, stick with your Peter Pan," Jiyeon said, and the both of us laughed. "Well, whatever decision you come to make, Nari, I will trust you. It's your life and your feelings after all. You get to decide."

"What if I'm afraid...?"

"Ey, now that's not the Nari I know. The Nari I know doesn't waver even over the most scariest adults and she knows what she wants and will always try her best to get it. She never gives up without a fight."

I smiled at her. "You're right! Who are they to control my light, my emotions? A bunch of adults can't hold me down because there's a reason why Peter Pan never lands."

Jiyeon cringed when she caught up to my pun and gave me a smile in the end. "Keurae, you show them. But, oh boy, you with your puns."

I innocently smiled at her and shrugged. "At least they're fun."

"Whatever tickles your bones, Nari." Jiyeon laughed. 

♥

I stood outside the Hong mansion and examined the vast building in front of me. Why must I return here? Why did I work here, out of all places? Why must I work at a place where I could easily see Joshua, where I could easily remember all those memories I was supposed to bury?

I think this was Jiae's way of rubbing salt into my wounds. She wasn't just rubbing on my wounds, she was pushing it deep into my wounds, watching me hiss in pain with a smile that told me she was enjoying every bit of my pain. 

I shook my head then entered the Hong mansion and first went into the servants' quarters and washed up before changing into my maid outfit. I sighed at my reflection in the mirror before I left the bathroom to find Ms. Pyo or something to see if she could give me chores to do. 

I eventually found Ms. Pyo in the kitchen, preparing food. She gave me a smile and asked, "Home already?"

She honestly reminded me of a great Mom figure. I smiled back and nodded. "Nae, I'm back. Is there anything I have to do, Ms. Pyo?"

"Well, Miss Jiae is coming home soon. You can help Ms. Kim prepare Miss Jiae's bath," Ms. Pyo answered, nodding at the maid waiting by the stairs of the mansion. "Hurry up now. Ms. Jiae will be back soon."

"Ah, nae," I answered, bowing before I followed Ms. Kim up to Jiae's room. Jiae's room looked a lot like Jisoo's, only a whole lot classier and girly. Ms. Kim and I prepared Jiae's bath and I tried to remember every step because Ms. Kim told me she wouldn't always be here to help me since it was my job in the first place. 

I sighed and continued doing my work well and hoped that everything would be okay from now on. 

Jisoo

"Why did you want to meet?" Jisoo asked in a disinterested voice as he took a seat on the stone bench in the park, making sure to leave a wide gap between them. 

"Hong Jisoo, let's make a plan," Gain then suggested. 

"Nae?" Jisoo was confused. Just what on earth was she thinking of right now? It was bad enough Jisoo had to agree to get together with her, so what does she want now? "What on earth are you talking about?"

"We can both agree that we don't want this arranged marriage at all," Gain stated, which made Jisoo nod his head. She continued, "So let's devise a plan so we can both get out of this horrible arranged marriage."

~Author's Notes~

Editing always takes forever but writing takes even longer, aigoo... Here's an update, guys :) 

Dedicating this chapter to @seouldrafts because she made the lovely cover for this book ^^ thank you so much for it~ 

See you guys in the next chapter then :D

xoxo

Byun Sang Kyung