28th➳

Once I was back at my apartment and in my room, I threw my backpack against the ground, jumping onto my bed and lying on it, staring at the ceiling of my cramped room. My arms were sprawled around the bed as heavy sighs escaped my mouth. 

Before I knew it, a tear dropped from my eyes and I felt like I was suffocated. Like I was being pulled down into the waters by the mermaids in Neverland that were jealous of other girls with Peter Pan. 

I tossed to the side, closing my eyes for a quick second before opening them again. I sat up on  my bed and examined my whole room. I would have to pack soon because I needed to live at Jiae's house and become her maid. Think about it. Isn't it weird to have a maid who acts nothing more like a child? Who can't do a lot because she never wanted to? This wasn't going to be a good thing for either of us. 

How was I going to tell Joshua this? I could see him turning mad, probably even scolding me for choosing this path when clearly, he could have helped me with it. But I didn't want him to. He has done too much for me and if he were to help me with this, I would have only felt indebted to him. 

Since it was nearing night, I forced myself to get out of bed and headed to the bathroom to wash up. All my strength from today was now gone and all I wanted to do was sleep it off, but I had a feeling that sleeping wasn't going to change everything that has already happened. 

If I thought about it, compared to the way I used to think and act from then and now, it's totally different. I guess this is me growing up. All the happiness I thought I had was nothing but pieces of my imagination and now that those fake walls broke down, I'm faced with complications and problems like these. Some might even say, "Welcome to reality. They offer only the worst of everything here."

I only want to prove them wrong because if there's one thing I've learned from acting like a kid, it's that they believe in only the good and fear the bad, so they stay away from it as much as possible. So as much as things get hard from here on now, I'll continue to believe in the good that will eventually come along like a cloud passing by. 

♥

One wrong event can change the way you see and feel about everything. Which was why while I was walking to school, I didn't feel the foreign sense I used to feel whenever I arrived in school. In fact, there was another feeling. A heavy feeling. I couldn't recognize what feeling it was, but it became stronger once I saw Joshua sitting in his seat in class. 

"Hi," he greeted with a smile on his face. Clearly, nothing stressful was going on in his life for him, which was why he was so happy and everything. I envied him. He lived a peaceful life, unlike me. 

"Hi," I greeted back, unable to look into his eyes. The feeling grew stronger but I pushed it down, hoping it'd make a difference. 

"You don't look so well. Are you sick, Nari?" Joshua asked, putting a hand over my forehead. 

With his touch, I immediately reacted with my eyes widening and promptly pushing his hand away, which made him pout. "S-sorry, Jisoo. I'm just tired. I didn't get to properly sleep last night. I'll be fine. I'm not sick, at least."

"I can ask a teacher to excuse you to the nurse's office. You can rest there," he suggested with a sweet smile. 

I shook my head, turning down his proposal. "Jisoo, I'm fine, really. Just really tired." Tired of this life. Tired of the problems. Tired of growing up. "Plus, I can nap in class. The teachers wouldn't really mind. I've been doing that a lot that they've gotten used to it."

Joshua looked like he wanted to protest against that, but he didn't do it. He did look like he was against me sleeping in class but him being the understanding and perfect guy, he understood my heart and the way I was and let me sleep in peace in between classes. 

Though, I wasn't able to properly sleep due to all the nightmares I've been getting. Once the nightmares struck, I found myself clutching tightly onto the school jacket of Joshua's. Sometimes when I realized I was clutching onto it, I'd peek out of my arms to see what face Joshua wore and he only continued to have that smile on his face, which made me feel embarrassed. 

Instead of trying to explain to him—which I found sort of unnecessary—I just continued trying to doze off. It was hard trying to pretend everything was okay when it clearly isn't. Even doing something wouldn't make things go away. I have to learn to deal with this, but I just can't. I feel imprisoned. I feel like I could slip and break apart and I didn't want that to happen. 

Once break time came around, I disappeared to the music room, not wanting to talk to Joshua since I could feel like he has noticed that I've been acting a little odd these days. 

In the music room, a text came from Jiae and I tapped on the notification to see what it was about. Obviously, I already had a clue on what she wanted from me. 

Jiae: Yah, meet me in Pit-a-pat cafe today after school. Quit your job in the convenient store by tomorrow. You don't need to work there anymore since you're going to work for me. I'll discuss more when we meet. 

My fists clench tighter as well as my grip on the phone as it rested by the side of my body. I glared at the floor and was almost tempted to throw my phone across the floor but restrained myself from breaking my phone. I didn't have extra money to buy a new one so it's best not to damage it. 

I wanted to let out a high pitch scream to relieve my stress and frustration but instead of doing that, I fell down onto the floor, in the middle of the dark music room, and quietly sobbed. I hated crying. I hated how it satisfied the people who hated me. I hated how it made me look weak. I hate crying. 

All of a sudden, I felt someone hand me a tissue. I paused from sobbing to look up to see who it was. I saw Joshua, silently watching me and handing me a piece of tissue. He didn't have a face expression; it remained cryptic. When I only held onto the tissue he gave, he took it back and wiped the tears that fell from my eyes. 

"Why are you crying?" he asked in a soft whisper as he continued to wipe the tears away. 

I shook my head, refusing to reply. 

"Did something happen? You can talk to me about it," Joshua said. I knew I could trust him, I have always known that but I was afraid of telling him what I have done. 

I shook my head again. "I don't want to tell you. I can't. I won't. I wish I could, but I just—"

Before I could finish my sentence, Joshua pulled me into a hug. It was warm and comforting and I nearly blurted out the reason to why I was crying but held my ground. Jiae told me not to tell him and disobeying her wouldn't be a smart option. 

"You do know that whatever you're going through, you can talk to me about it, right?" Joshua told me, caressing the back of my head. "But since you're being really protective about this, I have to understand that it must be something you can't easily talk about. I want to know, I wish to know, but I'm still understanding. I'll give you time to handle it on your own, okay?"

In a soft whisper with my voice that broke, I muttered, "Thank you, Jisoo. I'm sorry I can't tell you."

You'll find out eventually, anyway. Why was I being stupid and hiding it this way? 

Joshua's hug tightened even more. He didn't say anything afterwards, and I was glad. I didn't think I had the energy to even answer or keep the conversation going. 

I closed my eyes and in that darkness, I convinced myself that everything was okay. But that was only in my mind, in the end. 

♥

Once school ended, I ran towards the direction of the cafe Jiae wanted us to meet. I blended with the crowd of people, escaping Joshua's sight once again. I wondered if Joshua was annoyed with me always leaving him alone like this. Maybe that was one of the signs that the world never approved of us being together.

The cafe was still the same as before with no changes whatsoever so I entered inside, finding where Jiae would be and this time, she sat next to the window, but at the corner of the cafe. She was sipping a cup of hot coffee and I tried not to gag. Coffee was definitely not my thing. 

I sat down in front of her, trying not to gag at the cup of coffee in front of me. I kept my eyes focused on Jiae instead of the coffee and waited for her to begin whatever she wanted to say. Our discussion about me working as her maid. 

"Ah, you're here." Jiae acknowledged my presence before she went back to sipping on her disgusting cup of coffee. "Well, seeing that I have an important meeting at five, we better hurry this up. Here are the rules."

Jiae handed me pieces of paper that were stapled together and left me to read them on my own. I was surprised that she even prepared this much. 

Rules; 

1. Do not interact with HONG JISOO 
2. Do not come out whenever I have important guests in the mansion 
3. Only roam around inside the mansion when you are allowed to or if you have been instructed by me to do something or if you are receiving training by the head maid
4. You do not get any privileges from working under me 
5. You must live in the servants' quarters 
6. You will work until you pay off the fine I have settled for you
7. Do not talk until I allow to or say so 
8. More rules might be added, depending on how you will act under the Hong mansion 

A scoff threatened to come out of my mouth but I forced it back down. I put the paper back down on the table, looking up at Jiae. "So, am I supposed to sign this or something?"

"Smart girl," Jiae said with no sincerity at all, "it's for proof that you approve and agree on obeying all of the rules I have stated."

I just nodded in reply and she handed me a pen. I've gone this far already. There was no way I could go back and undo everything. My hand held tightly onto the pen and shakily signed the papers, closing my eyes for a quick second before opening them and staring at Jiae. 

"Pack your bags and get ready. At around 7pm tonight, I'll be coming to your apartment to pick you up and taking you to the Hong mansion," Jiae told me.

I just nodded understandably. It wasn't like I had anything to say. Actually, I did, but they didn't come out like usual. I felt like I was intimidated by her, unlike when I'm with my classmates. What an odd feeling. 

"That's all I have to say." Jiae got up from her seat and picked up her things. "I'm going now. Remember that at 7pm, I'll come to pick you up. You better be ready. Another rule I just thought about is, never let me be the one waiting for you."

Then, Jiae walked past my seat and straight to the door, where she left the cafe. My hands clutched tightly on the armrests of the chair I sat on and I tried not to let out a scream in the cafe. Instead, I stood up, recomposed my face and sucked in a deep breath before also leaving the cafe. 

♥

Back at home, I entered my room and sighed heavily before kneeling on my knees to grab a luggage back from under my bed. I unzipped it and threw it open so I could start packing up. It was better to pack up earlier than rush to pack later on. I knew Jiae wasn't the type to actually wait for me, so it was better not to do such a thing. 

As I was packing, my eyes traveled around my room until it landed on the shelf where I kept my storybooks in. My mind was making a hard decision on whether or not to bring that with me. Part of me was screaming yes but another part of me was saying it was finally time to grow up. I wasn't sure which one to listen to. 

A knock on my door came and I turned around, wondering who was at the door but only found out that Mom was there, staring at me packing with a pair of confused eyes. 

"Are you planning to run away?" she asked straight forwardly and for once, she was actually sober. 

"If I were to run away, wouldn't I have been less obvious about it?" I asked her, turning back around as I continued to pack. I wanted to ignore her presence, but at the same time, I wanted to tell her off. 

"Kwon Nari, where are you going?" Mom asked. For once, she was actually worried about me. 

I didn't reply to her question. Why bother to tell her? It wasn't like she was going to change her ways right now and stop me from working my butt off the pay off the fine Jiae has paid for me. It was too late. It has happened and only if a miracle were to happen then would I be able to return to the peaceful childish life I used to live. 

"Kwon Nari," Mom called once again. 

I glared ahead of me, stood up from crouching on the floor and turned around to face her. I crossed my eyes over my chest and asked her, "Eomma, when did you care? For all I knew it, you never cared—even when I was a kid. A baby, even. You have a problem and you never tried to change it. It's so sad because you barely got to live your life. Now, stop bothering me because, after all, you never cared."

"Kwon Nari." 

"What do you want from me?!" I screamed in her face, at the verge of crying. "You were never there for me! Now you're acting like you care?" I scoffed and took a step forward. "Wake up, eomma. The only thing you're ever going to be is someone who doesn't care about anyone in her life but herself."

"Kwon Nari—"

I blocked her voice out from my head and continued to dump clothing and other necessary materials into my luggage and closed it in a rush, picked it up from the floor and gave Mom one last glance before I walked out of the door, but she stopped me in my tracks by holding onto my wrist. 

"Let go," I told her in a calm yet warning voice. "Let go, I said."

"If you think you can run away from this house, I won't let you." Mom was being stubborn. 

I forcefully pulled my hand away from her grip and gave her a glare. "Stop acting like you care. It works like this: I cared for you up until last year. Now, we're two human beings living under the same roof but we don't know each other. How does that sound?"

"Kwon Nari. How can you speak like that to your mother?" she asked me, shock evident on her face. 

"Mwo?" I blinked at her. I couldn't understand her. "My mother? Ah, you must still be living in that delusional world. Since when were you certified to be called my mother? I don't remember you acting like one the entire time when I was younger. I don't even see you acting like one right now."

Mom looked like she would throw a bunch of nasty words, calling me names, but instead of what I expected she would do, she got on her knees and bowed her head. "I'm so sorry, Nari-a. All I did for you was cause you trouble. You're moving out to live in that woman's house, aren't you? I saw the fine. I figured someone powerful would do such a thing. This is all my fault and you're the one who's paying the price."

The anger in my eyes disappeared and for once, Mom was sober as she was saying all of this. She noticed. She knew. But did she really care? 

Before I knew it, Mom started to cry on her knees, burying her face into her hands. I wanted to comfort her and make her feel better but has she ever done anything for me? I couldn't do it. I didn't know how to. They say children are the mirror of their parents, so this was how it was going to be. 

With all my might, I turned around and walked away, dragging the luggage bag with me as I left the apartment door, shutting the door behind me. I took in a deep breath and continued on, walking to the elevator and heading down the lobby to wait for Jiae. 

A black shiny car parked by the curb and anyone could tell it was a rich person's car. Though, instead of Jiae coming out of that car, the driver of it came out and walked up to me. 

"Are you Ms. Kwon Nari?" he asked me. He seemed to be in his fifties.

I examined him before nodding my head. "Yes, that would be me. Did Hong Jiae send you?"

"Yes," the man answered, nodding. He then picked up my luggage, to which I reacted differently. I was holding onto it, still. "Is something wrong, Ms. Kwon Nari?"

To be honest, I was a little jumpy when someone was helping me like this. I guess you could say that it was kind of the first since someone helped me with my luggage this way. I let go of my luggage and shook my head. "N-no. Nothing's wrong. Um, let's go."

"I'm Mr. Yoo by the way. I have been the Hong's driver for fifteen years now. Ms. Jiae couldn't be here because she has a fashion meeting to attend to. She has instructed me to pick you up. Further instruction about your job will be given to you by Ms. Kim back at the mansion," Mr. Yoo told me. 

I nodded understandably. "Ah, I see."

Mr. Yoo guided me to the car. Before he put my luggage into the trunk of the car, he opened the door for me. I got inside and was about to close the door when Mr. Yoo already beat me to it. 

I reminded myself that this type of treatment I shouldn't get used to. This wasn't the type of life I was living and I reminded myself that it will never be. I even still wonder why I was still with Joshua when our differences were as wide as the distance between man and the stars. 

The car began moving and I just stared out of the window blanklessly and before I knew it, we already arrived at the Hong mansion. Mr. Yoo parked the car and opened the door for me. He was about to carry my luggage again but I quickly snatched it away from his grip. 

I bowed to him. "I'll take it from here. I'm just a worker, I don't need any special treatment."

Mr. Yoo looked surprised at first but eventually smiled and bowed. "Nae. Ms. Kim is waiting for you by the front door of the mansion. She will help and assist you. Welcome to the Hong household, Ms. Kwon."

I bowed once more and began dragging my luggage bag to get to the front door of the mansion. A woman in her early forties was waiting there by the front door in a typical maid uniform. Once she saw me, she smiled and gave me a bow, which I returned. 

"You must be the new maid." Ms. Kim, as Mr. Yoo introduced, looked at me from head to toe. "Aren't you a little too..."

"Young?" I helped her answer, giving her a smile. "Yes, I am. Due to personal reasons, I cannot tell you why I have become a maid here. But I'm sure Jiae has told you. Anyway, what am I supposed to do?"

Ms. Kim shook it off and gave me one more smile before she guided me inside the mansion. "Nae, first let's get you settled in before giving you a tour around the mansion. You will need to know where is where in order to serve Jiae. She said you will only serve and attend her." 

I nodded my head. "Nae."

Ms. Kim took me to another part of the mansion, a smaller place, with several doors lined up next to each other and opened a door for me. It was almost the same size as my bedroom back at my apartment, only slightly bigger. "This is where you'll be sleeping. Here, let's put your luggage here. We need to show you around first."

Ms. Kim helped me put my luggage in a safe area before she closed the door, gave me a smile and began the tour. 

♥

Ms. Pyo, the head of all maids, was giving me a brief explanation about what the Hongs like to do and how they like to be served. We were out by the patio of the mansion and I didn't even notice a presence of somebody until they asked, "Nari?"

I looked up from what Ms. Pyo was explaining to me and my eyes were then soaked with realization as I saw Joshua standing there. I stuttered, "J-Joshua."

"What are you doing here?" he asked me. Then he noticed Ms. Pyo. "Ms. Pyo? Why are you teaching those things to Nari?"

Ms. Pyo sensed that she needed to leave to give us alone time so she picked up her things, whispered to me something about teaching me later on and bowed to Joshua before leaving the two of us there by the patio. 

I brushed my side bangs away from my face and looked away. 

"Nari?" Joshua asked in a softer voice as he came closer. The only thing ringing at the back of my head was the rule Jiae had given to me. 

Don't interact with Joshua Hong!

"Nari, what's really going on?"

I refused to reply. 

"Nari."

My lips quivered and eventually, I blurted out, "I didn't have a choice! Your sister and I made a deal!"

~Author's Notes~

Sorry for a long wait! The first draft didn't get saved, I got mad, didn't bother to retype this story for a few days and came back to retype it sooo here! I also took so long to edit it HAHAHA 

NCT DREAM DEBUTED, I'M SO HAPPY! And at this point, I'm not even sure whether my bias group is still SEVENTEEN or it has already changed to NCT DREAM. Uh oh. 

Lee Jeno is life and he's the trigger to awaken Beast Mich and she can be... a little scary. Oops. Y'all have been warned, just saying. AND CHENLE IS CUTE AF AND HE'S MY AGE OKAY THEN BYE. 

xoxo

Byun Sang Kyung