"Jungkook, wait—"

Jungkook snatched his arm from Jin's light hold. He pressed his palm to his forehead and sobbed. His heart clenched behind his chest and he wanted to die.

"I swear I wanted to tell you, kookie," Jin explained. "I really did."

It felt like a dream. Jungkook could barely believe what was happening to him.

"I should have told you before you confessed your feelings to me."

"Now what!? Now that I've foolishly gone ahead to confess my feelings to you, what happens?!" Jungkook snapped at him.

Jin shut his eyes. It was getting difficult for him to breath. His heart went sore when Jungkook began to cry again.

"Please don't cry. I can't stand to see you cry. It's worse that it's because of me."

"You make me a fool of me, hyung," Jungkook accused. "You deceived me. Did you even ever have me in mind?"

"Don't say that. You know I did. I do have you in mind, always. I care about you way too much, " Jin replied in exasperation.

"Then, can you explain what just happened with your roommate?" Jungkook questioned, wild-eyed. "What was that!?"

Jin fingered his hair furiously. He shook his head lost for words. Sighing, he let his hands fall by his side.

"Nothing? I don't deserve an explanation for what I just saw?" Jungkook's lips pursed, as he still shrugged his shoulders.

"You do. Of course, you do."

"So, tell me. Explain to me what I just saw. Is he your boyfriend? Your lover? How long have you been with him? When were you going to tell me about him, about you? And why did you lead me on?" He questioned.

"You're... You're misunderstanding this whole situation, Jungkook. Hoseok and I have been together for almost 3 years and I—"

"What?" Jungkook gasped, a fresh set of tear brimming in his eyes. "3 years? It didn't just start now, but 3 years? Hyung! Why would you do this to me?"

If anyone had told him his Jin hyung had been in a relationship, Jungkook would have never believed. In fact, it was his confidence that Jin wasn't in any relationship that gave him the courage to make the decision to confess his feelings. He had imagined a life with Jin. He hadn't thought of the possibility of there being anyone else by Jin's side.

Where, then, was all of these coming from?

"I'm sorry, I didn't tell you about Hoseok. I... In the beginning, I didn't think there was a need to discuss it. I enjoyed your company and you enjoyed mine, I didn't think there was a reason to tell you that I was in a relationship. But now that I've gotten to know you, I regret not telling you. I should have told you when I had the chance. It's all my fault you're feeling this way."

Jungkook chewed his fingernails frantically, blinking like he had pepper in his eyes. His mind was racing with thoughts.

He had never had a chance from the beginning. No matter what he would have done, Jin wouldn't have looked at him because he had someone else. It wouldn't have mattered either way.

His heart plunged into his stomach. But Jin... Jin was the one for him. He had built his trust and hope around Jin. There was no way he could survive without him. He hands shook and his lips trembled.

Jin took his hands and held them in his. "Please, don't hate me, Kookie. I know I messed up big time but don't give up on me because of it."

Shaky breathes escaped Jungkook's tears and saliva moistened lips. Wet scared brown eyes stared into his own. Jin was afraid, too.

"Please, " Jin begged softly. He instantly pulled Jungkook against his body and hugged him tightly. He buried his face in Jungkook's neck and let out silent sobs.

"Hyung..."

"You can't leave me, okay? We can't leave each other."

"I love you, hyung. I love you so much." Jungkook shook his head against Jin. "But what about him?

What about him?

What about Hoseok, Jin? Jin shut his eyes. After everything he had been through in the hands of Hoseok, why did he have to get heartbroken? He could be with Jungkook and be happy. Hoseok was selfish, completely inconsiderate. Why did Jin have to go through this pain then, when he could leave him and be with someone who truly cared for him.

Maybe it was because he had put in so much effort, time and hope in Hoseok changing. He had been subjected to abuse and he had endured it because he had believed it was only a phase, that Hoseok would treat him better like before. But now, in the process of hoping, he had hurt someone that had come to mean so much to him.

" Hyung, what am I supposed to do then?" Jungkook asked.

"Your friendship means everything to me. I can't lose it. I can't lose you."

"That's the issue, Jin." Jungkook pulled away, walking further away from Jin. Jin rested his hands on his waist and let his head fall in utter frustration. "I don't want to be your friend."

"Jungkook—"

"Listen to me. At first, I was okay with it. I wanted to be your friend, I had so much respect for you because you were always there for me, because you were so kind. Now I can't have enough. Now I want more." He sucked in a breath and let it out harshly. "You affect me in ways no one ever has, Jin. I'm crazy about you. I have never told anyone this before, but I'm telling you now. I am madly in love with you. I can't understand how you make me feel. But when I'm with you, nothing else matters."

Jungkook inched closer to him again. His eyes softened, they begged desperately.

"So, please, don't send me away. Unless you don't love me back, then I won't force you to return my feelings."

He was at a crossroads. Jin was battling with his emotions, his heart, and his brain. He was going crazy. He knew Jungkook's words were sincere. Hell, he knew they were sincere the first time the boy had spoken. He knew too, that he felt the same way. But then, Hoseok was his first love. Hoseok had, at one point, saved Jin from himself, had brought him out of depression and showed him what it meant to appreciate life.

Before Hoseok changed, he had been Jin's whole world and his reason to live.

But then, Hoseok changed and Jungkook came and redefined the meaning of love and happiness. He had opened Jin's heart and made him smile wider. From casual relationship and academic advice, Jin had begun to look out for him, to worry about him, to sincerely care for him and bit by bit began to love Jungkook.

He wouldn't lie, at a point, when Jungkook got mad about his break up with Taehyung, Jin had felt a pang of jealousy but he had stupidly passed it off as concern and overprotectiveness. He had only come to realize a while ago that, whenever Jungkook spoke about his exes in a loving manner, his heart would clench in a not too happy way.

He spent most nights awake, thinking about Jungkook's striking face, his small pretty lips, his long legs that go on forever and his Angelic voice. He knew at that moment that he was beginning to develop feelings for the boy.

He came back to his senses when he heard Jungkook whimper.

Jin's head fell. His heart stung, it felt like it was being squeezed dry. It became difficult for him to breath. "Kookie..."

Jungkook inched towards him slowly. His knees felt weak and his legs threatened to give out, but he didn't stop walking until he was a few inches from Jin. Bringing up shaky hands, he took Jin's face and leaned in until their faces were inches apart. Hot air fanned across both their faces from the other person, wet hurting pairs of eyes mirrored into each other.

Using his thumb to brush Jin's face, Jungkook choked a sob. "Jin, please," He cried, breathing shallowly. Jin's eyes held heavy-lidded bags which had swollen more from crying. Jungkook wanted to sob more. It was hard to believe someone as precious as Jin could be the cause of his aching heart. "Don't... do this to me."

Leaning forward, he crashed his lips to Jin's lips, tasting the salty tears that had rolled from Jin's eyes. His mouth moved eagerly with Jin's, letting out low sobs and moans occasionally. His heart raced in want. He forgot completely about how heartbroken he felt and the plenty reasons why kissing Jin was supposed to be the last thing he should be doing. Every emotion he had been feeling moments ago had merged into a big need to be touched and loved by Jin.

Jin sighed and kissed him back. His mind whirled with the hurt he had brought to the one he had come to love. He had turned out to be just like the very set of people he always condemned. No one should go through something like this, especially not Jungkook. Jungkook was a priceless, precious jewel, he was more precious than the morning star and gold, he was magnificent beyond all things fine Jin had seen. He deserved a love like the ones in a fairytale. He deserved to be happy, to be loved unconditionally and completely. He didn't deserve someone like Jin who was torn between two people.

Hands wrapped around Jin's waist. Slim, delicate fingers dug tenderly into his back, massaging the thin skin on Jin's back. Their bodies merged in the middle, and their lips molded against one another. Jungkook's tongue briefly breezed out and licked Jin's lips, delving back in and attacking Jin with only his lips.

Jin dug his fingers in Jungkook's hair, raking brunette locks aimlessly. When Jungkook's tongue eased out again, Jin met his own tongue at the same pace. His mind exploded and his heart slapped against his chest rapidly. He kissed him deeply, hungry kisses that caused them to moan for more. Their tongues collided gently, their lips swelled under each other's mouths, their hands raked each other's body exploring, yearning for more.

Jungkook wrapped one arm around Jin's neck, and with the other, he wrapped around Jin's waist. He walked back towards the couch and slowly, lay against it, pulling Jin down with him. Jin hovered over Jungkook, propping himself up on slim yet muscular veiny arms. Jungkook marveled at the myriad of long, green twisted wires running down Jin's arms. How hadn't he seen them before? He gripped unto Jin's hand and ran his thumb over them.

Jin looked down at him, panting. His eyes had morphed from sad and pained, to want and love. Jungkook swallowed, unable to look away from the man over him. Leaning up, he met his lips with Jin's and Jin took charge again.

Not wanting to strain his pretty Kookie, Jin leaned down until Jungkook's head touched the soft foam of the couch. He cocked his head to the side and moved his lips and tongue manically against Jungkook's. He felt Jungkook touch his arm, his shoulders, his neck and back and every time he ached to be touched more. Jungkook's touches were like a drug and slowly, Jin was getting addicted to them. Despite how risky that was. Despite his consciousness and sense of responsibility slipping from his being, Jin yearned for Jungkook to touch him and Jungkook did.

Jungkook guided his hands down Jin's torso and inched towards his trousers. He pressed his palm against the front of Jin's skinny jeans, feeling the hardness in Jin's pants. He hitched at the contact, his throat going dry. He ran his hand over the bulge sensitively, earning involuntary thrusts from Jin. Jin's hips bucked subconsciously at the touch and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Strenuous breathes left his mouth as he moaned in utter pleasure.

Jin's lips moved from Jungkook's mouth and eased on his cheeks, gingerly they kissed his neck, nibbling, licking and sucking. Then he inched towards Jungkook's collarbone, grazing it with his teeth. Jungkook gave a low moan of pleasure, he pulled Jin's lips back to his mouth, missing the sweet taste of his round, soft, delicious lips.

Jin let out a cry when Jungkook pressed down on his hardness. Jungkook cupped him and squeezed gently but utmostly very effectively. At that moment, Jin's senses knocked and he became fully aware of what he was about to do. He placed his hand on Jungkook's chest and leaned away.

Jungkook stared up at him innocently, eagerly, hopefully.

'What are you doing, Jin?' Jin's guilt tripped him.

"Jin..." Jungkook called as he tried to catch his breath. He blinked up at Jin. "Did I do something wrong? I won't touch you there again."

Jin licked his lips, he shook his head as he got to his feet. Deep down, he was dying for Jungkook to touch him there and beyond. But he also knew he would be worsening the matter if they didn't stop there. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Why? I want to. I promise."

Jin shook his head again. "I know, but I can't afford for you to hate me afterward. You're upset, Kookie."

Jungkook's eyes brimmed with tears instantly, he looked away. Jin wanted to fall to his knees and beg Jungkook not to cry again. He wanted to make things right, with Jungkook. He was dying to take Jungkook's hands, lead him into his room and make sweet love to him in such a way his fears would disappear and he would crave Jin every day of his life. But Jin knew that doing that would be selfish. Jungkook trusted him. He couldn't have sex with him, then break his heart after. He had to fix everything. He wanted to. But it was going to be difficult, very difficult, to please everyone.

"Why can't you be with me?"

Despite all Hoseok had done to him, Jin couldn't deny his feelings for him were still very much alive. How couldn't they be? Hoseok was the first guy he had ever loved.

"You don't feel the same way for me?"

"I love you, Jungkook," Jin said. He wasn't looking at Jungkook. His eyes were fixated to the floor because looking at Jungkook would bring tears to them.

"But you love Hoseok more?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me, Jin. You're perfect," Jungkook defended confidently.

And that was the other part Jin knew he had to tell Jungkook about. He was everything but perfect; a punching bag, a good listener, a nerd, a fool, a nice guy, a pretender, a snake. But definitely not perfect.

"Jungkook."

"You're perfect, Jin. You're everything I ever wanted, and you're right here."

I'm not at all. I'm far from being perfect. If I am, why does Hoseok hurt me at every chance he gets? Jin wanted to ask. He gritted his teeth to stop himself from talking. Jungkook couldn't find out about him getting abused. His life would be over then. He would never be able to show his face to Jungkook. Someone who saw him as a kind of superhero finding out he was his boyfriend's bitch? Jin had promised to protect Jungkook, to be there for him and to defend him, how would Jungkook ever believe or trust him if he found out his supposed savior was getting pummeled on a daily basis.

If anything, he wanted to remain 'the perfect hyung' to his choco kookie.

"So, why can't you be with me?"

Jin sighed softly. "I love Hoseok."

"More than you love me?"

His lips quivered. "Yes." Did he really?

Jungkook's teeth shook feverishly. He bit down on his lips and nodded. "Oh. But hyung, why didn't you push me away when you saw I was falling for you? You knew didn't you?"

Jin hesitated but nodded. He knew, he had craved it and he had loved the feeling of watching Jungkook develop feelings for him like he had been doing for Jungkook.

"Then why didn't you ask me to stop. Why didn't you tell me I didn't have a chance? Why did you have to wait until I was in deep?"

Because he had hoped to enjoy Jungkook's love without having to hurt neither Jungkook nor himself by bringing Hoseok into the matter.

Because he had been selfish.

There was a pause. Jin was tongue tied and confused. Jungkook was just silent for a minute.

"You don't care about me, Jin."

His words broke Jin's heart because they weren't true. "I do a—"

"And I can't be friends with you anymore," Jungkook said flatly.

Jin brought his head up to look at Jungkook. The boy's face was wet with tears, he breathed through his open mouth but he wasn't crying as he had been doing. He still looked hurt but not as sorrowful was he did moments ago.

"Kookie, don't do this to us. We can make it work."

"As what? Friends?" Jungkook shook his head. "Hyung, as long as you're you, Kim Seokjin, the person who has always been there for me when no one else was, there's no way I can ever look at you as a friend anymore. There's no way I can ever be satisfied with being just friends."

Had he lost his Kookie? His chocolate chip Kookie?

"And you obviously won't choose me. You love your boyfriend more. I won't ask you to pick me over him anymore. I won't force you. It's your life."

"Kookie—" Jin didn't hide his face this time. He let his teat fall like a stream, with Jungkook watching him.

"I won't bother you anymore. I promise." Jungkook smiled at him, sighing. He sniffed wiping the tears that had just rolled down his cheeks. "You've done more than enough for me. I'm fine now, hyung."

"No, Kookie, please—"

"I won't text or call you anymore. You have a boyfriend. You should focus on him alone."

"Kookie—"

"My name is Jeon Jungkook, not Kookie."

-

Jin-fucking-kook 😢