Jungkook heaved into the toilet bowl, his organs ached him and his throat itched like crazy.

When the heaving stopped he fell back against the wall of the toilet and continued crying.

He had tossed his phone into his laundry basket after turning it off because the notifications kept coming in.

Everyone knew, he thought. Everyone knew.

He didn't know which was worse; that everyone in school now knew he was gay, or that they thought he was a manwhore parading as a virgin. But what he knew was that, the worse of all was his mother finding out.

Oh, God! She would kill him, he was sure of that.

His mother was a disciplinarian, a no-nonsense woman who grew up with a military father. She was hard, but inside and outside. Although she was a very beautiful woman, she always had a scowl on her face.

Jungkook most times wondered how she became a nurse. She was too hardhearted and no patient would willingly want to be put in her care. Or maybe it was because of her inability to feel normal human emotions that drove her to take one of the most emotional jobs available.

Jungkook shook his head. None of those mattered. All that mattered in that moment, was his life was screwed and he had no idea what to do. Earlier, he had rang Jin number but he didn't pick up. He had sent numerous SOS messages to Jin in hope for advice and guidance, but the notifications from Facebook made him switch off his phone. So, he had no idea if Jin had responded or not. And he wasn't ready to find out if it meant turning on his phone.

To Jungkook's dismay, the time went fast, very fast. He dreaded every swift minute that drifted by, he dreaded the tick-tock of the wall clock in his bedroom, it constantly reminded him 'hey! I'm on the roll and your mum will be home soon!' and he didn't want that reminder.

By 4:30, Jungkook was downstairs in the living room, rocking his feet back and forth as he sat out on the couch. His eyes were bloodshot red, and his hands vibrated.

How do people come out as gay to their parents? Specifically, how do one come out as a gay kid rumoured to be having sex with 3 boys in his school, to their mother who was strict as Kim Jong Un.

When Namjoon came home, he didn't say anything to Jungkook. He didn't even spare him a glance as he gently walked up to his room.

Jungkook contemplated multiple times going to Namjoon first and explaining everything to him. He had stood at the bottom of the stairs first, then went back to the living room. Next, it was the top of the stairs, but he cowered again. The last time, he stood outside Namjoon's door, with his hand up.

Do it, do it, he urged himself. He could help you. But Namjoon hadn't helped himself enough let alone help someone else.

Jungkook's hand still remained in the air when Namjoon's door flung open.

"What the hell are you doing there?!" Namjoon asked, frightened.

Jungkook breathed out, not realising he had been holding his breath. He looked down. "S-sorry."

Namjoon shook his head, brushing past Jungkook.

"Hyung-"

Namjoon stooped, and turned to look at him. "Yeah."

"I... I-I.. I need... Hyung, I.." Jungkook shut his eyes.

He couldn't do it. If he was this afraid to tell Namjoon, that meant he would collapse in front of his mother.

"You what?" Namjoon asked, narrowing his gaze.

His eyes brimmed with tears again. "N-nothing." He ran past Namjoon and rushed outside the house.

Jungkook sat outside on the porch, with his head buried atop his knees, crying silently. Seconds turned to minutes and an hour later, Jungkook entered the house.

He looked ghostly, his eyes had sunken and his body weighed less. He felt weakness eat deep to his bone marrow and he could barely walk steadily.

"Mum is on her way," Namjoon announced from where he was sat watching a movie as Jungkook entered the living room from outside.

Jungkook stumbled past.

"I already made dinner, so freshen up before she comes back."

Jungkook took a sit on the middle step and held his aching head in his hand. He needed comforting. He needed reassurance, that all would be well.

He wrapped his arms around his body in an attempt to give himself a little comfort, but of course it wasn't enough. It was nowhere to being enough.

Jungkook's heart sank when their mother came back. Once he heard her unlock the door from outside, he ran to his room, locking it.

There, another phase of crying began. He cried and heaved, and cried and heaved continuously until he felt dizzy and his head pounded insanely.

He said multiple silent prayers, chewed his nails until he had no more nails to chew then he began to chew his skin until he drew blood.

In that moment, Jungkook cursed the day he was born. If he hadn't been born then he wouldn't be living a cursed life.

Jungkook wished in that moment, regretfully, why he didn't have an understanding mother. He cried at why his mother had to be someone so strict, so different from the stories his classmates brought from home. Why she had to be difficult and very had to please.

When Namjoon called him to eat, it took almost 10 minutes before he left his room. He had washed his face then dried it, then did a quick inhale-exhale therapy to calm his bolting heart.

His journey down the stair consisted of silent, tearless sobs and painful hisses. His socked feet dragged against the tiles, and he pulled himself like a person that had given up on life.

Before he entered the Kitchen, he said another silent prayer. He tried to motivate himself, he just had to say it to her. It wouldn't take a minute, right? And by the end of the night, he would have done the necessary and wouldn't bother about coming out to anyone anymore.

Look on the bright side, Jungkook, he thought. You wouldn't have to hide anymore.

As he entered the Kitchen, his mother looked at him. He didn't look at her but he felt he piercing gaze on him.

Oh my God! Does she know!? His heart raced as he chewed the insides of his cheek hungrily.

"Stop doing that with your mouth," She cautioned and Jungkook immediately fixed himself.

"G-good evening, mum," He said, bowing as he went to take a sit across from Namjoon who was on her left side.

"Were you sleeping?"

Jungkook cleared his throat stealthily afraid his voice would croak again. "No."

Namjoon chewed on his rice as he eyed Jungkook. He reached for Jungkook's plate and dished a spoon of Kimchi Fried Rice before setting it down.

Jungkook picked up his cutlery with his head low. He stared at his food and quickly wiped the tear that had speedily ran down his face.

His appetite had long disappeared. But he spooned in rice on his mouth and munched on the grains which had seemed heavy and dry.

Namjoon was the best cook and his Kimchi Fried Rice was better than their mother's. So, Jungkook knew it was because of his lack of appetite the food tasted like he was eating chaff.

"Jungkook, what is it?"

Jungkook's heart stopped for a split second at their mother's frightening voice.

"Why aren't you eating? Isn't this your favourite food?" She asked.

Jungkook's mouth quivered and his eyes watered again.

This time, his mother caught his expression. She put down her cutlery and cupped his face just as more tears fell.

"Jungkook," She called sternly. "What is it?"

This is it.

Jungkook knew it was time. He had to confess to her now. There was no point procrastinating.

"Mum..." He sobbed loudly, and started to cry.

His heart thudded in anxiety. He didn't stop looking at his mother's face. Behind her hard expression, he could see her worry, concern. He wished she could express it more so telling her would be easier.

"Jeon Jungkook," She called then turned to Namjoon. "Why is your little brother crying?"

Namjoon blinked, he too looked nervous. "I don't know. Maybe he got in trouble."

"Jungkook, did you get in trouble?"

"No," He cried.

"What is it? Did someone touch you?!"

"No. Mum, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?! Jungkook, talk to me."

"Mummy." He shut his eyes wailing like a baby, tears and snort rolling down to his mouth and dripping on his shirt.

"Namjoon!"

"Maybe he's failing in class?"

"Mum, I'm.. I'm.." Jungkook clamped his hand over his mouth. He was shaking.

"You're not doing your assignment," Namjoom completed.

"I'm... I'm g-"

"Getting suspended!" Namjoon slapped his hands atop the table. "He's getting suspended. His principal sent you a letter, he's not been doing his homework!"

"Jungkook? Is that true?"

"I'm- I'm- I'm gay."

Silence.

The whole room was silent, no one moved. It were as though everyone and everything had frozen over. Even the wall clock that always ticked loudly was silent.

The only sound was Jungkook's heart drumming in his ears, in his throat, in his stomach and everywhere.

His head was bowed and his mouth quivered and his eyes brimmed with new unshed tears.

"You're what?"

"I'm sorry," He started cry. "I'm so sorry, mummy. I swear, I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. Please, mummy. I'm sorry."

Why was he apologizing for being gay, for being something he was born as? Why didn't people apologize for being straight as well?

"Jungkook!" Namjoon kicked against the leg of Jungkook's chair, almost kicking the chair down.

Jungkook gripped on the edge of the table to hold himelf from falling backwards.

Namjoon began to laugh hysterically. "He got you! He's joking, mum. He watched a silly movie today about kids pranking their parents. That's what he's doing."

Jungkook didn't understand what Namjoon was saying.

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes, you are! Shut up!!"

Jungkook glared at Namjoon, heaving hard and crying.

"How dare you say that!?" Namjoon fired angrily. "Are you crazy!? You're what!? What the hell do you think gay means!? What the hell do you know about feelings to decide whom you're attracted to!?"

Jungkook shook his head. He knew he had liked Taehyung. He knew he had felt something for Jimin. He knew he felt stronger for Jin. They were all boys, didn't it mean he was homosexual? Gay?

"You're so stupid!" Namjoon spat.

Jungkook choked on the sobs he was holding back. Namjoon was the worst elder brother anyone could have and he wished he didn't have one to begin with.

"Get out of here, now! Move it!"

Jungkook jumped to his feet and scurried away from the Kitchen, racing for his room. He missed a step and went flying down the stairs. But got to his feet, and limped to his room.

Namjoon's words had torn his heart to pieces, to shreds then grinded it into powder.

He was a horrible person. An evil brother to have spoken to him like that. Namjoon was supposed to be his backbone, his support, his shield, not his enemy. He was supposed to calm their mother down and comfort Jungkook, not trample all over him like he was a rival.

Jungkook thrashed around, knocked down his books from the shelf, tossed his bed sheet from the bed, kicked his basketball. He tugged at his hairs, scratched his face, jabbed his heart and flung himself on the floor in agony.

He hated himself. He hated the life he was born into.

He was hated at school. He was hated at home. He had nowhere else to go. No one to turn to.

No one except Jin. And Jin wasn't picking up his phone.

Jungkook crawled over his things and to his laundry basket where he coiled himself up and fetched his phone.

He turned on his phone and the first thing he did was disconnect the Wi-Fi.

Jin's text messages flooded in, but Jungkook went to call him. He picked on the 3rd ring. "Kookie-"

"Hyung," Jungkook cried. "I need you."

"Calm down."

"Come and get me, Hyung. Please, I can't stay here with them."

"Kookie, please, listen to me-"

"No!" He cried stubbornly. "I'll kill myself if I stay here tonight with these people. Please come get me! I want to be with you."

There was a little pause, then Jin said, "Okay, Kookie."

Then, Jungkook stopped his tantrum. He relaxed against the wall and sobbed.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Can I stay at your hostel?" He choked.

"Um.. How about we go somewhere else? Uh.. Is there any cafe opened by this time around your place?"

"I could..." He breathed. "Come to our spot."

"I don't want you moving around so late. Um.. Text me the address to your place and I'll call you when to come out. Okay?"

Jungkook hummed in response.

"Choco Kookie," Jin called softly.

"Hyung..." His voice cracked.

"I'm coming, okay? Just wait for me," Jin reassured.

Jungkook nodded. "Okay."

He believed Jin. He trusted him.

So, as the call disconnected. He hugged his arms around his pulled up legs and rocked himself, waiting for his Jin Hyung.