Okay, so I read xreaders...
Don't judge me.
Anyways, like when I read them I don't imagine myself, I just imagine someone with my name.
It's weird, ik, but still! The problem issssssssss.... Thanks to my anxiety and depression I feel anxious, and as if I am cheating and I start to feel like shit whenever I read one. Even though I don't even picture myself as the character!
But at the same time I have this mental battle with myself saying like 'hey if my gf didn't want me reading this she would talk to me more and I wouldn't have to' which of course makes me feel MORE like shit cuz then I start to feel neglected by my girlfriend even though I'm not, but I'm such a needy piece of shit that I feel like I am. And now I'm thinking what if my gf were to break up with me and I am very close to sobbing, but I can't, cuz my parents would start going crazy and keep asking what is wrong and I can't do this shit anymore! Like I love to read 5hem but then I feel like this? What kind of life am I living where I have to live in constant fear and sadness?
UGH
Sorry it's not sexuality related, but I just had to rant.