As Steven stopped the car, I tried to unbuckle my seatbelt, but somehow, no matter what I did, I couldn't get it off. It was like my mortification had no end. I was going from one blunder to another.

"Let me help you," Steven said, leaning towards me and proceeding to unbuckle the troublesome contraption effortlessly.

Surprisingly, his proximity didn't make me panic like I expected because it often happened in the past, which was a huge relief. After all, I wasn't sure I was ready to explain about me hating men, about never having dated before, and so on and on.

It turned out that I trusted Steven far more than I thought. In the past, I flinched away from any male touch. However, considering how many of the men were insensitive brutes, was it any wonder that I wanted to avoid physical contact with any of them?

My dislike for men probably started in high school when I heard how disrespectfully the boys talked about girls they slept with and how disgusted I was by the lack of sensitivity or respect. It didn't help matters that many of my friends were sexually assaulted or molested in one way or another. So, it's no surprise I had lost all trust in men. My logic was better safe than sorry as I wasn't sure if I could deal with such a traumatic situation if it happened to me.

Luckily, I didn't have any traumatizing experiences of that kind. The closest I came was when someone grabbed my butt at one of the parties, and it was in passing, so I didn't figure out who did it as the place was crowded. If I had figured out who it was, they would have sported a black eye to match their black souls. The problem was that this event destroyed even the tiny amount of trust I had in men before because all those present were my high school friends, people I trusted the most.

"Mina, Mina!" Steven exclaimed like someone who had been calling someone's name for a long time. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, sorry," I said apologetically. "I just got lost in my thoughts."

Then, I pressed my lips tightly together, hurriedly exiting the car before he could ask any more questions that my nervousness might force me to answer. He didn't have to know that I was afraid of most men because of what happened to my cousin and what kept happening in the world.

And even though I knew I was being unfair, that all men weren't just on the lookout to take advantage of women, I just couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling that any man could be a potential harasser. After all, the person who assaulted my cousin was a family member who should have been safe. If even family wasn't safe, how could you know a stranger didn't have something dark like that in them?

With Steven, however, all that fear seemed to melt away. He was just a nice person trying his best to be liked, and I couldn't find any flaw in that.

"Don't you know that you should wait for the gentleman to come out and open the door for you?" Steven asked, smiling brightly at me.

I hadn't even noticed when he came to stand by my side as I was so disoriented by the quick trip down memory lane. The flashbacks had a weird timing because this was the one time, I wasn't afraid. Maybe the contrast was so shocking and made me compare the two feelings.

"And don't you know that gentlemen have died out with the dinosaurs?" I said jokingly, surprising even myself by how relaxed I felt.

"I guess some of them did manage to survive," Steven said, offering me his arm again.

"I guess so," I said, tentatively accepting the offered arm, as there was no way I would get used to that.

"So why this place?" I asked Steven as we entered the small Italian restaurant, the only Italian restaurant in our town.

"I know you like pasta, so I thought we might as well go here, the closest to Italy that we can get for the time being," Steven said, holding the door open for me.

"And how do you know that I like pasta?" I said, turning to look at his expression, still trying to figure out my future husband. "Also, what do you mean 'for the time being'?"

"I saw you post about it on social media," Steven said, sounding like an expert on my posts. "As for Italy, we'll go there whenever you want us to go after we get married. We can even go for our honeymoon."

"Honeymoon?" I asked, reddening instantly.

Surely Steven understood the rules clearly, that we were a couple only on paper, that there would be no honey on our honeymoon.

"Of course. It would be very suspicious if we didn't have a honeymoon," Steven said soothingly, accurately guessing my thoughts. "Just because we aren't a real couple doesn't mean we can't enjoy the real tourist attractions in different countries, as friends, of course."

"Of course," I said as I started to take off my coat clumsily.

"Allow me," Steven said gentlemanly, helping me out of my coat before I could stop him.

Then he pulled out the chair for me, causing me to almost fall down because I was unused to that type of treatment and misjudged the distance between the chair and my behind.

"Thank you," I said, feeling like my blood must have been boiling because I felt so hot as if I were on a tropical island and not in the cooler climate of my country.

As I finally settled comfortably in my seat, all I could do was hope he didn't notice the rips in the lining of my coat and the fact that I almost fell out of my chair just because he pulled it out for me. It would only show him how unused I was to things that were probably usual for him.

Maybe marrying him wasn't the best idea. How many little things like that would come up during our marriage? How would I find enough courage and acting ability to deal with all of them?

"No. Thank YOU," Steven said, sounding genuinely sincere.

"For what?" I asked, confused.

"For asking me to marry you," Steven said, flipping through the menu, avoiding to look me in the eyes. "I didn't really know that I wanted someone to stand by my side, to be my life partner (even if it's not a romantic partner) until you asked, and I started imagining how nice it would be to have someone with whom you could be honest and who would support you in dealing with people, with life in general."

His speech made it clear that it was way too late for me to back out of the deal I suggested. One way or another, Steven was emotionally invested in this, and I needed to see it through because the last thing I wanted was to hurt him again. Besides, I also thought it would be nice to have someone standing by my side to catch me when I fall and not judge me for falling in the first place, and Steven sounded like the perfect guy for the job.

"Okay, enough with the mushy stuff," I said awkwardly. "Let's order some food."

"Good idea. I hear that you can get really...hangry when you don't eat on time or when you don't eat enough," Steven said, carefully checking the menu for the most delicious dishes.

"Where did you hear that?" I asked, annoyed.

I wasn't as bad as people were saying, was I? Maybe I was more easily annoyed and emotional than an average person. However, I was sure other people got angry too.

"Oh, it was on the news," Steven said in an overly serious tone. "In the BEWARE HUNGRY MINA section."

"Very funny," I said, smiling at him more naturally than I had smiled in a long time.

" We aim to please," he said, grinning at me like a Cheshire cat.

The odd little smile made me laugh out loud for the first time in years.

Maybe marrying Steven wasn't such a bad idea. He sure seemed to be a fun guy to be around. This marriage could be a good thing for both of us. It could allow us both to breathe a bit more freely and let our friendship be the raft that carries us above the drowning opinions of others.

It was worth a try. At this point, it couldn't harm us more than those we trusted the most have already hurt us. On the contrary, it might be that two broken souls like us needed each other to heal. We could be crutches for each other to bear the pain and maybe even find some happiness on the way.

The way to healing and self-acceptance might not be the contractual marriage itself but the nurturing of the friendship that I had cut in the bud a long time ago, because it had the potential to grow into a much deeper bond. At the time, trusting people terrified me.

It still does.

However, I was ready to take the leap with him. He was the only one I trusted enough to do so, to gamble that our friendship would lead to a deeper connection and understanding, which in turn would help us both heal.

When the food arrived, all my profound thoughts vanished, and my future husband and I enjoyed a quiet meal together.

Maybe that was what life was about. About small moments of quiet joy.