I was never one of those girls who dreamed about living a luxurious life. An enormous mansion and an expensive car were way too intimidating for me. However, I always wished for my prince charming to come and swipe me off my feet, make me fall in love, and forget about all the worldly troubles.

What I got, in reality, was completely opposite from anything I could have dreamed. It was all one big mess I trapped myself in because I didn't want other people to continue saying I was weird. I wanted to be a regular person so they would say my life made sense. Why I would do that, change for them... well, that was a whole different story.

But let me start from the beginning.

My name is Mina. I am a regular young woman with a job I love and a decent enough salary. I was always rather happy with my existence, even though I had no husband or children to live for. However, my family was...less happy about those facts, which they kept pointing out at any opportunity they got, and I mean any.

Every topic could be turned into a why-isn't-Mina-getting-married-and-having-children subject. Even if we were discussing something as simple as the weather.

Now you might wonder if the situation was so dire, why I didn't just shut out my family and go somewhere no one knew me? Well, the fact is that I still love my family. I couldn't imagine being completely isolated from them, yet I couldn't imagine continuing my life while being constantly criticized. It started to wear me down, making me snap when I shouldn't, and, in general, feel unhappy and depressed.

Talking about my feelings didn't help. Begging them to worry about their own lives made things even worse. Thus, I decided to do something crazy, something I never thought I would be doing as long as I lived.

That's where the story of my pampered life began, with one crazy decision. 

Even though I had already decided what to do, pressing the send button was a huge challenge. I could pretend it was because I was afraid he might get offended or that I didn't want to disturb him, but the truth was that I was scared that he would see me as a lunatic or that he would make fun of me.

Once again, I checked the message.

"Hi, Steven. This is Mina," I read aloud, stopping with a frustrated sigh after that embarrassing line. "Of course, he knows it's me. We've been friends on Facebook for years, and it clearly says my name."

The thing was that I didn't know how else to start the message, so no matter how strange it sounded, I decided to keep it. After all, what I was about to suggest would be even worse, so that clumsy beginning would fade in comparison.

"So, how have you been?" I finish reading.

It was the worst message I had ever composed, and yet, not knowing how else to break the ice, I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed 'send'. I took comfort in knowing that after more than ten years of zero online communication, Stephen would consider any message I sent strange. It hardly mattered what I said. The important thing was to open up the line of communication.

"Hi, Mina. I am fine, thank you," came his instant reply. "How about you? How have you been?"

"My hands are shaking, and I am about to throw up. But other than that, I am great," I think.

"I've been pretty good, thanks," I type in, thinking how to prolong the conversation because I clearly couldn't rely on him for that.

I was never the one to initiate communication like this, especially not with a boy, and I felt incredibly nervous. It was the strangest thing ever.

Then again, considering what I planned to ask of him, maybe my being on edge was normal, expected.

"This must be the strangest message I've ever sent and the strangest one you will ever receive, but I have been wanting to apologize to you for years," I type in, raising my head, thinking how to word the said apology. "The way I ran away from our friendship has been bugging me ever since I did it, but at the time, it seemed like the best possible option, although you must think I am an insensitive monster. I am incredibly sorry I didn't tell you honestly that I wanted us to have some distance but instead created it by avoiding you. If I am being honest, I felt like we were getting too close and that you were starting to have feelings for me. However, since I didn't share the same feelings and saw you as just a good friend to talk to, I decided to nip it in the bud before I could have the chance to break your heart. And meeting an old friend that day seemed like the perfect opportunity to stop us from walking home together. I was hoping that what started as an accident could end as such as well. I am sorry if I hurt you by doing so. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I sincerely apologize."

"Well, that sure is a way too long sentence to say a simple sorry," I thought, looking over the grammar and potential spelling mistakes. "But I really want him to understand I was still traumatized by my past, that I was afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone else, and self-isolation was the best defense."

When I pressed send, I started thinking how idiotic the message was. I started feeling embarrassed for being so honest and saying so much. I even considered recalling the message but forced myself to stop. Whatever happened, I could deal with the consequences. Stephen deserved an explanation and so much more.

"That is quite an unexpected message, especially since it has been more than 15 years since that happened, but I never blamed you. I never thought you were insensitive," I read the message with trepidation. "I never thought a girl like you could actually like a guy like me, but I hoped we could at least be friends. No one ever listened to me the way you did or talked with me as honestly. So, it hurt when you suddenly cut all ties with me when you barely even spoke with me in class. However, I forgave you a long time ago. Maybe it was because of what you did for me in my final year of high school. Or maybe because I can forgive almost anything when I love someone. Whatever the case, you can rest assured you have been forgiven. You have nothing to feel bad for. After all, we were all kids back then, stumbling through life as best as we could. We all have our own demons we are fighting with. Yours just came out when it was most inconvenient for me, but I understand that wasn't something you could have controlled."

To my surprise, it annoyed me that he was so understanding. Couldn't he yell at me or get angry? Those would have been reactions I could understand, but the complete forgiveness based on nothing was annoyingly sweet. From my previous experience with people, it made little to no sense. Also, it made what I was about to ask to seem even crueler.

"So, are you still divorced?" I sent the message without giving myself enough time to think. And regretted sending it immediately after.

"Yes, why do you ask?" he replied.

"I am not into you or anything... Argh, how do I explain this? Are you in the country now, or are you still abroad?" I said, thinking I might have taken the wrong approach. "I believe what I want to discuss might be better done in person."

"I'm home visiting my parents," he said after typing for quite a while.

He was probably writing and deleting for a long time before sending that. It was worrisome because I didn't want him to get the wrong impression which I was clearly giving him. Even though he was probably not still in love with me, he might think I had changed my mind that after all those years, I was in love with him.

"I have some business to discuss with you. Are you free on Saturday?" I asked, choosing my words carefully to dispel any hopes he might have gotten that I was interested in him romantically.

Honestly, I wasn't even sure he was still in love with me, although for my plans to work, maybe it would have been better if he still was. But for his well-being, I hoped he wasn't.

It was a rather complicated plan that I kept having second thoughts about.

Mainly because it was so out of character for me to do something that went against everything I had ever believed, every set of values I had ever had. But even though I was terrified that he would say no, I was sick and tired of living in a strange situation where everyone looked down on me, seeing me as somehow less than them.

The loud ping of the following message managed to dispel a tornado of doubt that was about to wreak havoc in my head, reminding me that what I was doing wasn't necessarily bad, that it could help both of us in the long run if his situation was as I assumed it to be.

"I am free," his message said. "Where do you want to meet?"

"Do you remember that coffee shop where you guys often went in the first year of high school?" I asked, remembering again how awkward and asocial I was as a teenager in most cases. "Why don't we meet there?"

"Yes, that sounds good," he wrote. "At five p.m.?"

"Yes, that's fine," I said, sounding so forced and formal even to myself but not knowing how not to seem weird. "I'll see you then."

"See you," he wrote.

And then I was sitting there, staring at the message. Why was I doing that?

Not only would it be awkward seeing him after all this time, but what I wanted to ask him would make the situation even more uncomfortable. Besides, it was a conversation I didn't think many people had.

However, one question troubled me more than all the rest. The question, an answer to which I feared more than I wanted to admit, for reasons I couldn't really explain to myself.

Why did he agree to meet me?