okay- again, not requested and i probably should finish the requests but idc rn.

idk if any of you knew, but today is my birthday, and no I'm not saying this just because i want congratulations.
no, cuz i actually couldn't care less about them.

just wanna talk about my weird feelings towards (my especially) bithdays.

and idk if anyone feels the same like me, if you do.. I'm sorry.

so, you may be wondering "what the hell is this bitch talking about?"
well-
I'm talking about this hatred against my birthday.

cause every fucking year i do my best to make my friends birthdays the best, maybe not with a party or whatever but yea- and i congratulate everyone (from whom i know the birthdate) evey year.

and-
idk, i always have this weird expectations, cuz ik i hate my dad, with all passion in my body.. but when he was still here my birthdays were better.
i was literally happy and felt special, and felt.. yk, good. what was something special in my childhood, cuz, yk, trauma and shit.

and now every year i just think something like: oh, probably a lot of people will gratulate me, cuz actually a lot of people know!
and every year, i just see that they never do that.. like yea, a few, but there are so many people who always want to know when my birthday is and then they forget it.

i always hate this feeling, cuz i already know that they probably always have so special birthday partys with fun and shit.
and i never really got that- and i just hate how irrelevant i always feel.

and.. last year- i had a friend who had birthday on the same day as me, and everyone of our internet friendgroup gratulated her, not me.
and we always called us the "birthday twins" cuz yk, same birthday- so how tf could they possibly forget me?

and today again, everyone forgot about me, and i hate that. cuz everyone always forgets me.

ik this chapter probably turned out really dark but idc actually rn.

.. yk how people always get things as gifts that they really like, and people really had thoughts behind it, and you didn't even needed to tell them what you want?
well, ik i shouldn't complain about something like this- but it just pisses me so off, cuz like they get worse every year.
last year i literally got shampoo and deo. and that's it.

and bet what i got this year? oh i got the manga i already have twice. were i literally got it myself last year for the birthday cuz no one seems to know what i like.
and why do i have it twice you ask? well someone got it for me on christmas as well.

and ik, all of this isn't so bad- but i literally save up my work money for my siblings for weeks, to buy them something useful or something they definitely would enjoy-
and idk, they don't seem to care.
and i hate it so much-

y'all may think I'm overreacting, but I'm not. I'm definitely not- every year less people seem to care, but are attacking me when i forget their birthday because i was in fucking PSYCHIATRY (dang i hope yk i mean you).

like omfg just shut up if you need to be reminded that i have birthday before you congratulate me.
like just fuck off if you could care less about me, it feels worse to know that you forget me, and try to act as if you care about me than that you just don't text me.

okay ig I'm done now-
and i may seem ungrateful but if you don't know how that feels, than stfu.

bye, y'all have a great day, cuz i sure will not.