"News Flash! you are going to be the death of me too, yes you Mr. Krish!" (You don't like it fine! I will call you Mr. Krish from now onwards)

Mr. Krish your standard bar which measures the aptness of journal names is atrocious. Though it's partial when it comes to you.

Biased are you?

Mr. Krish Mr.Krish hello Mr. Krish I hope you are reading this Mr. Krish oh shit my pen isn't working properly.

Mr. Krish, Mr. Krish, Mr. Krish God for some reason it's going on writing Mr. Krish

Guess my pen has a sense of humor.

So as I was saying you mock my naming choice when you yourself named the journal Journ?

At least I applied some creativity by adding a 'Y' that something belong from my side, my brain unlike Mr. Krish Mr. Krish Mr.Krish dammit pen you are going to kill someone from laughing... Yeah unlike you who had scissored the actual Journal word and here we have ladies and gentlemen 'the slow nod accepted in the name list indigenous name'

Journ!!!

Okay I am not crazy or lost my brain cells but after getting someone back someone who's not just any someone who's as crazy now as I am for him so when he's now officially back in my life can drive anyone nuts especially, when they casually go around writing that they think about you at nights, yeah at nights the dark hours of sins ....geez I have lost my mind and also they say their thoughts aren't PG- 13 ...oh dear.....I need to calm down.

Anyway that's not what I only read actually that's what I read twice.

See Mr. Krish this kinda behavior I won't tolerate of you. You can't write these indecent things about me, you have to say them to my face. Got it?

Oh sheesh when this entry turn to sexting!

Wait Krish.. we haven't decided how old is our Blacky. Yes it's Blacky no Journ or Journ.

Okay okay!
Fine Blacky! I am coming to the point.

So Mr. Krish you think Kyra is gonna be the death of you that's me and yes I am working at the diner with this name. I didn't change my name, it's my stage name now.

That reminds you of certain someone.. Ring a bell? a photo of 29 November 2018 on your insta account. She(Kaira) had her arm around your shoulder.

How many girls arms does that shoulder is a resting spot for?

Yeah this was what I was thinking while crossing the road today.

29, May 2019

From the morning I felt sick. No actually everything was fine no headaches, no anywhere ache, a cold or stomach bug.

I doubt this disease had any term or is medically known.

Psychedelic? yes!!
What does it mean by the way?

I don't know but I think I think it's just that I only THINK!!! that's the disease I am diagnosed of.

I got a lead role I couldn't memorize the script couldn't focus. My mind is just poking me to think think Kyra you can't make up your mind without thinking. Think twice think thrice ...

But think on how wrong you are being by leaving him for the second time? Again you're blaming him by giving a very oh so noble reason you respect his choice if he didn't want you back then you're all peachy and fine.

When perhaps you are endlessly stalking him on internet. Why?? Why are you staring his photo why are you digging and fuming at the ones which had a girl near him.

Because I want him still! Happy now shut it!

I am okay he doesn't want me now, for Kissing yes but not in his life because of one wrong decision which I made according to the situation at that time.

It was a mistake but I won't be here if I didn't do so. I won't be on my feet independent if I didn't get out of from there. Maybe it was not that big mistake I don't regret it that much.

But,
The pang in my heart says otherwise

Closing my eyes I took deep breaths. Then when I felt the humming was stopped there at my mind I snatched off my bag with my uniform and shuffled out from my pg room. My roommate came only for sleeping in the nights the rest of the day the condo belongs to me.

I gazed down at my mobile screen I scrolled down on his insta account cautious enough to check where I was going on the road even though I knew the way like the back of my mind.

My thumb halted on a pic. He was with Pratiksha what? When were they friends last time I remembered He didn't tolerate her much, so now she had  her arm around him and he's smiling very fake smile but still he didn't look like he minded her near him.

How many girls does he go around plastering this fake smiles on his face.

And how many just snaked their arms around his shoulders? Will he just allow them anything to-

The screeching of tires over the asphalt jolted me. Startled, my phone tumbledown .

I snapped my head at approximately too near to my ears source.

There was a white car ceased moving on the moderate traffic road. It was halted exactly at my standing spot like it would have ran over me. Imagining it, cold skittered down to my legs.

My heart almost stopped beating, my breath caught and eyes wide still stuck on the prospect seeing what could have happened to me if...?

Just over in a mere few seconds.

I covered my eyes with my hand breathing out in a sign to tell me I was still alive.

The driver rushed out apologising and then reproaching me for my carelessness.

I jerked myself awake from the blank zone out. The aftermath of near death experienced.

Slowly I took my mobile pushed myself to move my legs which felt heavy and unresponsive.

I was shocked to my legs. I tried to joke and get me going.

On the way I walked more alert more cautiously while inside freaking out a jittery mess.

Just in a few seconds it was over, so much planning, so much tensions and all will be in vain in seconds, all will be over with it. In a snap of fingers.

We make it so complicated when end of it is so simple and so sudden.

Big or small any choices will take me somewhere or nowhere it's just a phase of life where death is the end a final stop.

And regrets are going to be there.

Oh shit what the hell I am thinking

But-

If I died today so many of yesterday's regrets

If I died tomorrow so many of today's regrets

Choices come with regrets and I can't avoid them by anyway.

Something is wrong with me definitely I am losing my mind.

I sat down at a shop stair. Trying to gather myself I can't work today like this.

I unlocked my phone and going over to contact.

Krish❤️

What exactly made me do? my near death/brutal accident experience or from the day he stopped coming to set that want to hear him again I shoved had swelled up and took over me.

I called him.

I wished he changed his number so I get back to myself from this dumb shock effect.

The ring went.

He picked up.

"Hello" it wasn't his voice.

Nervously I said still, "Krish?"

"Oh he's not here may I know who's speaking?" The person asked.

When I didn't say anything.

He continued, "by the way he left for the concert in a very very far away city. And he intentionally left his mobile to avoid any kind of 'distraction'. He needs some time alone to focus on his work not to indulge in some mindless 'distractions'. Again. So can I know your name?"

I pressed my lips putting my hand to my chest in defense way to ease the pain.

Wiping a lone tear, I replied exerting some effort to keep my voice even, "oh..no it's fine it's nothing I-I"

I hung up abruptly.

I dropped my head on my knees. Now this feels like a big mistake. Like I got him and deliberately I had slipped him off my fingers.

What should I do he didn't want me anyway.

I sniffed, my shoulders shook with silent sobs.

He wanted but he didn't trust me I won't leave him again. I won't leave him but he didn't trust me....ughhhhh why the hell is this so complicated??

When the answer is a simple yes or no.

I got up again and dragged myself to the restaurant. Changed into my uniform. No sooner did I enter the Kitchen than Gia jumped to my way.

"Guess what!"

"What?" I asked trying to match her energy.

"He left you his Journal again. Is this some new way of sharing love letters? By the way the guy is from the heartbeat band I knew those intense hazel eyes he hid by wearing a cap but you can't hide that beaut-

"Gia what are you talking about ?" I blinked getting more attentive now.

"This" she held the black journal out.

"Blacky?" I said taking it.

"Yeah it is black but who knew you and Krish(real name ; Sid) are pals"

"What did you say?" I asked alarmed holding the journal.

"He brought it" she frowned.

My eyes went round putting two and two together. I stormed past her dropping to the corner seat. Flipping the first page go HELL! with privacy now.

I read the first Entry
My eyes filled up God I made him cry that would be the last thing I wanted no it won't be there on my list ever

Second Entry
That Veronica Aunty jii I WILL KILL HER!!!

Third Entry
And Again Pratiksha I WILL KILL HER TOO!!
And then I will kill you Krish and then I will kill myself

Boy you really know how to make me cry

I sobbed putting my head down over my arm. How could I leave him again and hurt him inflicting so much pain for another time. No Krish I won't leave you No Never ....Trust me.

If I knew it would be so painful for you, you won't cope with I- I thought maybe I loved you more. Because I was first there, more early and more deep so I thought it wouldn't matter that much to you . You'll easily forget me. But you didn't ..

I am stupid Krish we are a pair.

I am sorry

Right now I am on a taxi on my way to your studio because well an Asshole has your phone where I could make a guess it's Satvik. And if it's Lucky then I have a very nice(5000kgs of Sarcasm please) first impression of him.

And what the hell with second ring thing? Why the hell did you give it to me then? You really were out that day to make Kyra feel bad. Don't you ever return it to me!

Yes I was asking about you checking if you'll come again. Why? Because I love you!

I literally didn't breath when I read you were going to leave. Separation I can't take again Krish and won't give you also this time so yes it's Our love . And you better be ready for a long kiss and I want my choice of audience there that's Satvik.and Lucky.

~ your Kyra

P.S A) I saw you!

P.S B) Satvik looked shocked

P.S C) Niti told me about your Studio's location

P.S D) you stumbled spotting me writing it and glancing at you

Well Blacky/Journ here your parents meet again

Well two chaps to go... And on Sunday complete!!!! I kept the deadline wohooooooooo
Anyway, I will include few bonus chapters but laaaaaaaater on

Now Vote pls ❤️