Fake friends hurt less than real ones
~Krish(not from Krish 2 lol)

Journ, damn it's weird calling you Journ but please don't expect me writing dear diary, for centuries... And aay aay a guy doesn't keep a diary and pour their heart about how their day was.

Like
My  day was okay you know. You know my parents don't love me you know I bought a new nail paint and you know.... then again aay aay.

We keep it for jotting down phone numbers of the people we never called to, track a record of our debt in case we forgot which is like always and to pretend we are writing songs while I write this.

Krish writes a journal who knew?

Well, No one knows about it

And they would ask who's Krish by the way?

So I wrote my first record a month ago and no I didn't forget you Journ it's that I just tried to learn to keep my emotions at bay. They are locked up now.

But often they pushed me to be acknowledged and remind me of their presence.

So yes Journ your gloomy writer is back who will try to be less gloomy today.

My mother says I ain't fun anymore. She knows what happened and she just said if it's a true love it will survive.

And I corrected her silently, if it was a true love it would have survived.

She said she misses Kyra

I said me too.

Oh look who's being gloomy again

My life isn't stopped as I thought for a moment. I pushed myself every day to get up and be over this phase.

It will get over, everything gets.

It can take a day, a week, a month-

December 10, 2018

I was in a hurry today my guitar on my shoulder I rushed down the streets. We would make a song.
'We' here are my bandmates.

I joined the band with an enrollment to a music school at Mumbai.

They had a studio there so this last month here in my hometown we practiced our very first song to upload on YouTube.

Our channel

Heartbeat

I am over it alright!

I just suggested nonchalantly and they were like it's the best, most apt and moreover, it has a famous vibe.

Lucky the lead vocalist

Satvik the drummer

And me the guitarist

(Hayee 🙈)

They were okay I guess as long as I get to sing and play my guitar. Wasn't looking for friends or any other hurt right now.

Opening the door, I got in, in the basement room of a warehouse which has most of the space occupied by the jammed up instruments, giving a small portion in the middle.

I maneuvered across Satvik who was playing lightly in soft rhythms on drums while Lucky nodding his head as he listened to some song from his headphones.

I stopped there dragging a chair out to make my presence known.

They turned noticing me .

"Hey," I said we weren't the talkative type actually it was me who kept the conversation short just more keen to do the work.

"Krish you here man let's get started you know we practiced yesterday we'll continue from there slight a change in the lyrics though," Lucky handed me the sheet.

I settled back taking my position while others went about and did the same.

Grasping the guitar in my arms the relief and feeling of the unfolding of the tightness soothing me. Like a raft in the storm, I clutched it for my support.

Taking a deep break with my eyes closed. Gathering myself I played soft tunes adjusting it according to Satvik meek drumming.

Lucky started with his part he had a deep and great voice,
"I saw you looking brand new overnight
I caught you looking too but you didn't look twice
You look happy..."

As the chorus came I and Satvik joined I looked down for the lyrics from the sheet.

"Now I wish we'd never met
Cause' you're too hard to forget
While I'm cleaning up your mess
I know he's taking off your dress-"
I stopped playing with a squeeze in my heart.

"Who's he? " I asked without thinking.

The both halted too staring at me with confusion.

Lucky with a raised brow said, "he who? Anyone it could be! your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend! "

Both guffawed. I stifled a sharp breath.

"Dude don't be too emotionally invested just imagine it" Satvik suggested still chuckling.

"Like heartbroken, betrayed" Lucky added disgustedly.

Oh not a problem there I guess

We continued,

"While I'm cleaning up your mess,
I know he's taking off your dress,
And I know you don't
But if I ask you if you love me
I hope you-" I left the lead again.

"I hope you lie to me" they sang alone ending it Satvik appeared a little frustrated and while Lucky studied me curiously. "What's wrong with you today?"

I ran my hand through my hair avoiding their speculation, "I -I just it's I don't like this part"

"Why?" Satvik questioned in disbelief.

"It's the best a heartbroken wrote this. It seems real also" Lucky informed.

I blew out a breath.

"Wait you aren't suffering too don't tell me!" Satvik got up incredulously coming over to me.

I leaned back looking very uncomfortable.

"You were writing some songs even, show us  them," Lucky said suddenly leaping and snatching my song diary before I could stop him.

He snapped it open Satvik bent his head down to get the glimpse of it.

"Umm it's not that good" I did a weak attempt of protesting.

"Drink all night, never sleep
You say "Go" I won't leave
I love you you love me
But not in the same way" Lucky read with wide eyes glancing at me.

Satvik proceeded,
"Rip my heart out and leave
On the floor, watch me bleed
I love you you love me
But not in the same way"

"Wow," Lucky said in  amazement, "you were really in love"

Satvik threw the dairy with a dirty expression," it's good you will be writing the lyrics now. And you had a break-up?"

"Bitter one?" Lucky acted to be serious but struggled not to burst out laughing.

It irked me as if they were laughing at me for being foolish like my situation was laughable one. Fell in love with a girl she left me. A joke to give a belly laugh type.
With a clenched jaw, I slung my guitar back standing up.

"Wait you're not angry? you're so naive, Krish. We don't fall in love we don't settle down with one- wait - had been with only one girl or what?" Satvik wondered aloud my head snapped up at his so surprised tone. Surprised at my bizarre want for commitment.

Lucky stepped forward shaking his head, "first law of love never fall in love"

Satvik snorted at it.

"I am leaving-

"Man now don't be pissed off love is shitty business. But we can help you in getting over it " Satvik offered with a smug look.

It gets over?

I considered I want to get over yes I want my life back I want myself back I want to start new but not with this ache and emptiness.

"How?" I blurted hopelessly lost there.

Both shared a look with a thought going. It reminded me of Abhi and me how we used to telepathically knew what other one thought.

I sighed.

"Come with us"

The loud music people packed up with ground vibrating with their jumping and swaying, drinks all over its tangy smell mingled with sugar burned stench. At the corner, teenagers huddled up with pot in between.

An odd remedy of heartbreak.

"You would get everything you want here" Satvik told me from behind. Lucky was pulled by a group of girls.

"I don't know how this will-

"Satv whatcha got there? Oh, that's a fine face" a girl appeared some years older than us jumped from a boy's lap who had his head thrown back with a sloppy grin.

She approached us with a sway of her hips her eyes traveling over my body.

She was beautiful with big eyes and red dark lips flashing memory of Kyra on the farewell when she took my breath away in red saree.

I gulped down the heaviness surging up.

"Another love patient Veronica," Satvik said slyly Veronica leaned over kissing him.

I looked away awkwardly. I felt out of place I wanted to leave immediately.

She pulled back coming to me, "what's your name darling?"

I looked back at Satvik unsurely what was happening. But he wasn't there he left me It felt like the first day of my school mum pushed me in the class as I stood stubbornly at the door and once I was in there I turned back she was gone.

Wait did I just compare Satvik to my mom.

Geez, my brain is messed up.

"Come along let's see where it hurts you sweet boy" she yanked me by my arm.

I stumbled following her confusedly.

She threw me to one of the black sofa straddling up to me.

What

My eyes widened. I tried as gently to push her back but she clung to me kissing on my neck.

"Forget or just imagine me her" I closed my eyes they stung. The lavender fragrance imagining it I buried my head in her hair thinking of her I shrunk back when my nose filled with some strawberry kinda perfume mixed with smoke.

Veronica gyrated to me. Rubbed her hands on my shoulder for evoking any reactions from me but I was numbed unresponsive like a cold fish. I looked down at her drawing her away from me with more force this time.

Flushed face due to rushing of blood by my desire hair disarrayed by my fingers and then lips red swollen by my lips

A stunning picture to hold in my eyes

This wasn't her.

I pushed her not so gently this time.

I got up running away from there.

What was it what was wrong with me how could I think I would get over her.

How could I forget her when I don't want to.

So Journ other girls won't work for me now you see. Well anyway, who wants girls I have music now, two friends who don't understand me and,

life is getting good haha I told you I will be funny this time

Let's be practical here,
-getting over 101

first step
Don't get over don't forget keep it in there it will calm down some day because once I was living without it I will be there again.

~ cold fish Krish(hey that rhymed!)

P.S A) did I tell you Abhi called me today?

P.S B) I won't answer his calls never

P.S C) until the fifth ring

P.S D)he said, "you know Krish it's time for us to grow up"

And please don't hate my Kyra and Krish it hurts me, they have laid down their perspectives before you as to why they did or will do in the upcoming chapters. The ending will be spoiler alert happy. So yeah this is just one hell of a ride where you know how it ends.