"If I know what love is, it is because of you." -Herman hesse.

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Tani's POV

I reached to that room where Sami was, but before I could enter, 

"Oops! Sorry." I quickly said when I bumped in the same doctor who had done my dressing before, he was coming out of his room along with Iqbal? what was he doing here ? I wondered then I diverted my attention to the doctor,

"When will he wake up?" I asked sadly. 

"We don't really know, it could take him another year or just a month or a day. It's all in His hands." He said pointing towards the sky mentioning God. I nodded and asked him,

"I wanna meet him, Can I ?" I asked, he thought for a while then he nodded and said,

"Go ahead." He smiled and left. 

When I entered in his room I thanked Allah that his parents were not there, otherwise I'd surely got any harsh comment. 

I suddenly stopped in my tracks, turned and saw Iqbal still standing in the door way, I motioned him to enter, then I asked,

"What happened? what are you doing here?" 

"I've assigned my two officers here for his safety---" He pointed towards Sami, "--But for some reason they couldn't make it today, so that's why I'm here." I nodded and said,

"Iqbal... I wanna thank you for everything you did last year for us and still----"

"Ohh no! No need Ma'am, it's our job and I'm really sorry that I couldn't do anything else for you, I couldn't even find him." I raised my hand to stop him from saying sorry.

"No, don't be sorry, it's not your fault, really, and call me Tani, please---" I gave him a weak smile, then I stopped in between and thought about telling him that he was here, that kidnapper was here, but me telling him would it be safe for Sami? or Iqbal? should I ? I think I should try but if that devil would be listening too from somewhere ? then ? Thinking that, I quickly glanced in my surroundings before lowering my voice level and said,

"Erm.. Iqbal?" He looked at me with mixed expressions on his face.

"Yes Ma'am? Do you wanna say something?" He asked looking here and there for any sign of my sudden weird behavior. I nodded,

"Uhm--I think--- I've seen him here, today." I said and looked at him. He quickly realized what do I mean by 'HIM', cause his eyes got wide.

"What?" He asked shocked and I nodded in agreement.

"Why? I mean how can he come here so easily? and why--why didn't you call me when you saw him?" I shrugged. I thought he won't believe me, he'd think, that I could be hallucinating that's why I didn't call him also he just vanished from there, I could just see that someone was there, watching me and then he was gone. what would I tell him basically ? 'That I saw someone and within a second he was gone?' It sounds so pathetic already. 

"I thought you won't believe me." I simply said,

"If I wouldn't have believed you last year, I'd not be here today." He said sighing heavily, then he continued,

"Yes we can't believe anyone without any proof, but that unknown caller proved me that your theory for angel was true and also that the one who had kidnapped you was in your room that same day he attacked Sami, also that he could be still stalking you and yes he could be here too." He stopped again then said,

"I believe you Ma--uh--Tani." I smiled and said,

"Thank you so much." He nodded then said,

"I'm truly sorry that we still couldn't locate him." I nodded and said,

"He's smart." I agreed and he said,

"Yes, very very smart, he is doing everything that he wants right under our noses, but still we couldn't trace him. He never left any proof, any evidence, any single thing behind. His both victims---you and him are alive, but one who might have seen him is unconscious and the another one who is conscious, have never seen him without his costume or mask whatever he wears, also his given numbers have useless locations---" He ranted and I nodded in agreement, cause whatever he was saying is true, it'd be so irritating for them maybe searching a non-existent guy, who wanders freely, stalks others, kills others but he is still alive and free, completely free. Maybe no one has ever suspected him cause he could be so normal in looks and behavior but the point is, then why he is doing these things? What is his problem? What the hell he actually wants? It's a big mystery which can never be solved until we caught him red-handed.

"---Then there is your angel aka unknown caller, who called me, who saves you everytime, and who might would know who was behind your kidnapping and attacking Sami but still he don't come forward, he is also hiding, I don't know to whom and for what? But he is hiding and I'm sure he'd know everything, everything about you, about that criminal, but still he is not doing anything to help us, to let him caught. Instead, he himself is playing hide and seek. But Tani---" He paused for a while and looked so tense, I looked at him briefly then gestured him to continue,

"Beware of your relatives and closed ones, I've told you that before. Beware of everyone who is near you cause he might be with you everytime and you don't even know, he might be watching you so closely but you don't notice nor your family and us. So, be careful, espacially now! When you're back here, I think he can or will come back too, for you." 

"I know Iqbal and now I have a plan." I said and lowered my head, I was not happy with my plan but I can't do anything else, I don't have any choice.

"What? what are you trying to say? what are you thinking?" He looked at me with confused expression, but I can't tell him now.

"I'll tell you later, let me do for what I come here." I said pointing towards Sami's bed and he said,

"Okay, okay. But later, right?" I nodded then he asked,

"I'm going to eat something from cafeteria, meanwhile can you take care of him?" 

"Yes, why not?" I agreed.

"You want anything from there?"

"No--uh yeah just a cup of coffee." I smiled and he left. 

I turned and saw Sami, lying on his bed, it felt like after a long long time, I was facing my best friend. once again, but it felt different, he looked so far from me, he didn't look like that same Sami, he looked so pale, so sick, he looked so --- dead. My eyes started filling with tears, seeing him like this was not easy for me, my heart broke into pieces, it was a pathetic view, I'd never imagined that one day I'd be facing him like this.

I moved towards him, held his hand in mine and kissed the back of his hand and said,

"Erm.. Hey?" I said smiling weakly and waited as if he'd reply when he didn't, I gathered myself and again started,

"I wanna hear you Sami, your voice, your jokes, your comments, your names for me---" I stopped in between and started crying,

"---Sami, I miss you so much, I can't even tell you in words how much I miss you, how much I'm sorry for your condition, it happened because of me, I know, it all happened because of me. I--I am sorry, Sami, Please wake up. I won't ever let you go again, please, please---" I bursted into tears while saying,

"--Sami, please wake up, please, I'm here, I'm right here with you, I'll protect you, I--I know that sounds so stupid but I'm positive, I'll never again let you or anyone hurt, if I'd have to be killed for this, I don't care, I'm ready to die, but I won't let him hurt anyone anymore." I said wiping my tears and showed as if I'm the strongest person of this world although I was not.

"Please Sami, if you're listening to me, so please you should know that I love you and I can't see you like this anymore, I want you to be back, back---for your parents, for those who loves you, for me. I want you to be back with me just like before. Sami--- I wanna smile, I wanna laugh, I wanna cry before you, I wanna share everything with you, I want you to be there whenever I need you. I want you to be in my life just like before, please don't give me a big punishment like this, I can't stand this fact that I'm the one because of whom you are here-- like this. Sami, I'm really really sorry, can you ever forgive me?" I looked at him hopefully that maybe he'd reply but he didn't, he didn't even move a bit. Then, I tightened my grip around his hand more and said caressing his cheek,

"Sami, I'm here now, I'll always be with you, I'll never leave you again, never! Do you hear me? Come back, please." I squeezed his hand and leaned towards him, kissed his forehead, held his arm and put my head against it and murmured,

"I miss you." I said and closed my eyes to quietly savoured that moment with him. I don't know how long I cuddled with him but I was feeling good, safe and comfortable with him. The last thing I know was that, atleast I could listen his smooth breathing, atleast I could feel him alive.

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"Tani?"

"Tani?"

"Wake up!"

"Wake up!" huh?

"Tani! Ohh God! You sleepyhead, wake up!" Someone was continuously shaking my shoulder, but what the hell is wrong with this person?

"Tani? Wake up!" Now when he jerked my hand so hardly that I almost fell from my sitting position, I quickly opened my eyes and saw a very angry Faiz standing infront of me,

"Faiz? WTH! Can't you let me sleep with peace?" I saw his anger rose slightly but he quickly shook his head and said,

"You wanna sleep in the hospital? Like this?" He said pointing towards my position, and I moved my head to the side to get a better view of my position and I saw Sami was sound asleep as before and my one hand was still holding Sami's hand and the other one was holding his arm and my head was resting on his arm and my whole body weight was almost on him, I quickly pulled away realizing that I would have hurt him and said,

"Oh! Sorry sorry, did it hurt?" I asked quickly while rubbing his arm and his hand slightly and now when I again turned towards Faiz to ask him time, I saw behind him was everyone in the room, my friends who smiled weakly at me, Sami's parents who were throwing daggers at me, Iqbal was standing in the doorway and he gave me genuine smile and I blushed with embarassment that everyone was here since when ? the whole time? I quickly kept Sami's hand in it's place, stood up and moved aside, grabbed my purse and stole a last quick glance at him and gestured Faiz to come with me, then I went towards my friends along with Faiz. 

"Hey 3 idiots!" I said smiling and they quickly pulled me in a group bear hug and I hugged back.

"We missed you so much Tani, how's you ?" Molly asked,

"I'm same as before." I said and Yasira asked,

"What happened to your face?" I looked at Faiz, who started looking at floor nervously and pretended as if he hasn't heard her question, I quickly removed my gaze from him and answered,

"Ohh, it's -- uh-- Actually, I had an accident before coming here." I said while nodding my head as if agreeing with myself and she looked at me suspiciously then nodded.  

"Let her freshen up guys first, then we'll go to the cafeteria and continue our chit chat." Badra jumped in the conversation and exclaimed excitedly.

"Sounds great." I agreed smiling and asked Faiz,

"Can you please go and sit with them in the cafeteria for a while? I'll be back in a jiffy." He nodded and said,

"Sure!" He looked so unhappy with me, I don't know why, but I don't really care now. I saw them leaving and I quickly headed towards the washroom that was in the hallway cause when Sami's parents were in his room, so, I don't wanted to be there anymore. 

I entered in the rest room, that was so small for my liking, but I ignored it, put my purse on some wooden drawer and opened my scarf and stole and hung them in the hangers that were in the corner, I removed my bandage too, threw it in the trash and then started washing my face, hands and neck, after washing them, I looked at myself in the mirror, I was looking so exhausted. I quickly splashed more cold water on my face again and again, it felt good, but still that look didn't change. I sighed and turned off the tap, took my stole and put it on my shoulder and started tying scarf meanwhile unlocking the door, right when I unlocked the door, someone pushed me backwards, quickly entered and locked the door again, I stumbled but quickly balanced myself by holding the wall, but a wave of horror washed over me when I saw him locking the door and then he turned,

"WTH! Faiz?" My eyes got wide when I saw him. He quickly pinned me against the wall, held my both wrists in his one hand and started,

"What the hell were you doing there?" 

"What the hell are you doing now?" He put his finger on my lips and said,

"Answer me first!"

"I didn't get you, what do you mean by what was I doing there? I was sleeping."

"With him?" WTH!

"What do you mean by with him?" I rolled my eyes while saying the last two words.

"You know what I mean." He said and looked at my lips briefly and I saw something in his dark eyes, was it lust? Thinking that, I started feeling sick and started struggling under him.

"I was not having sex with him, For God Sake Faiz! I just slept beside him---" I said while trying to remove his grip from me, "---and leave me." I said angrily and then he pulled me by my wrists towards him that our faces were just one or two inches apart and our breaths were mixing, I started feeling weird and tried to pull away but his grip more tightened around me and then he said,

"Don't ever think about it." what is he talking about?

"Think about what?"

"Having sex with anyone? Do you get it?" Why is he so acting weird today? what's his problem? why everyone commands me? It's my life, I can do whatever I want, he is no one to control my life. 

"I can sex or sleep with anyone I want, even with any random person, okay? You're no one to tell me what should I do and what should I not." I jerked his hands away from me while saying it angrily and his eyes got wide at my reply but then again he pulled me by my arms and said in a low and husky voice,

"How about with me? You wanna do sex? So do it with me." My eyes got wide and I looked at him with horror and said,

"F--Faiz?" 

"What?" 

"No! I didn't mean th---, Faiz, leave me!"

"NO!" He said sternly.

"Faiz please!" I pleaded and he leaned towards me, kissed my cheek and started licking the water that was dripping from my face and I was feeling weird, my body was not responding, I got numb, but it was not right, he can't kiss me like that, what is he even doing ? what does he want ? then he started caressing my lower lip and without removing his gaze from my lips he said,

"You'll soon do it with me."

"Fai----"

"Sshh..." He said while putting his finger on my lips and continued,

"--Don't say anything, don't. I want to savour this moment with you." He said while resting his forehead against mine and he closed his eyes. I was still in a shock, I was stuck in my place, unmoving, completely still and then he started caressing my cheeks and said,

"We're soon getting married."

"What?" I blurted out. No, no, no, it can't be possible.

"No! We're not." I said.

"Yes, we're. I wanted to tell you before but you were too busy in yourself."

"Why? What? What do you mean? When did it all happen? You never told me---"

"Listen! I asked your parents one month before your return and they agreed, even they were happy. So we're getting married soon, Isn't it exciting?" He said smiling and caressing the side of my face. I looked at him confused and asked angrily,

"Why the hell did you do that? Don't you know what had happened to Sami for marrying me, Do you wanna die too ?"     

"He was not the right one for you that's why he is here in that condition right now and I know I won't die---" His face held a weird, hatred expression while talking about Sami that I was wondering what's his problem with him? Then he paused and said,

"---Also I want to marry you and the reason behind it---I'll tell you but not here, not like this. I'll tell you lat--" I cut him off and said,

"I'm not gonna marry you Faiz, I'm sorry, but you can't force me like this and please leave me now." I said with straight face and he again kissed my cheek and said,

"My angry bird! You don't know how am I stopping myself to not kissing you on those lips and---" He paused and now he kissed my neck and weird feeling shot through my whole body and I started trembling when he said,

"I think you forgot that." 

"F--forgot ? W--what?" I asked stuttering with fear and realization,

"I can do whatever I want with you and I'm not forcing you cause you're already mine." I looked at him with horror and said,

"No!"

"Yes!" He said and looked deeply in my eyes as if trying to see what am I thinking, but I was thinking exactly what I was seeing, It can't be a joke, It can't be, but I can't let him know what am I thinking, if he'd realize then I don't know what else he could do. 

So I quickly changed my expression and forced smile on my face and said,

"Okay then, I'm ready to marry you only if---that kidnapper won't hurt you--" I said and he quickly cut me off,

"Ohh he won't." I looked at him skeptically and asked,

"How are you so sure?" He looked nervous then said,

"Aah! I--I-- I'm just sure, he can't kill me, I'll kill him, no one can lay hands on you now, no one can snatch you from me, you're mine, just mine." I laughed nervously, what should I do now? How should I make him fool? I don't wanna marry him, that's true. Should I ask for time? Yes! Time. I said,

"But I want some time." 

"How much?" He asked quickly,

"Until my graduation." My graduation is after two years and I think it'd be enough time for me to come up with a master plan. 

"Okay." He smiled and agreed then he asked hopefully,

"Are you happy with it?" Really? Do you really expect me to be happy? Are you out of your mind, Faiz? 

"Yeah, why not?" I said.

"So... Can I kiss you now?" As if you were kissing me with my permission before. But no--- wait! What did he mean by this? No, no. I can't let him kiss me, he leaned over until his lips were just inches away from mine and I panicked, I quickly put my finger on his lips and said,

"N--no, I mean before marriage, No!" I forced smile on my lips and he chuckled and said,

"You're so shy." I nodded and sighed with relief then said,

"Now, please! Can you leave? I wanna tie my scarf." I said pointing towards my head which was fully uncovered now. My hairs were falling on one side of my face, he quickly tugged a lock of hairs behind my ear and said,

"Okay, come fast." He gave a quick peck on my forehead and left, after he went outside I quickly locked the door from inside and took steps backward until I hit the wall.

"What the hell was that?" I asked myself in disbelief, I don't know when I started crying, I'd never expected that from him, him? Ohh God! There is no way in hell I'll marry him, no! What should I do now? Allah! Help me. Tell me what to do now? I can't even tell anyone about him yet. What should I do? To whom should I consult? Or am I overthinking? Should I wait for anything to happen? Or should I wait for him to do something--- anything with me? Or should I make a plan?

I kept standing there still for a while then I quickly took my cell phone out of my purse and started dialing, after one or two rings, I heard a voice and I said,

"I need your help, please!"

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I was entering in the cafeteria, when I spotted all of them sitting on a table, Faiz waved right when he saw me and I smiled,

"Hey beautiful!" He said standing up as if in my honour, right when I reached the table. I smiled and said,

"Thanks!" I said and sat nervously beside him and was looking at him with the corner of my eye when Molly shook my hand and I almost jumped in my place.

"What?" Molly asked laughing,

"You almost killed me, molly!" I glared at her and she said,

"Why are you so scared?" I quickly looked at Faiz who was looking at me suspiciously, I gulped and said,

"N-no, I'm not scared, I just---" What should I say?

"okay, okay, leave it." Badra interrupted and said,

"Okay Tani tell me, how's your studies going?" 

Then I started telling her about my studies and hostel life there and everything, then I told them about my internship and holidays, then Yasira asked,

"So you'd live at your home now?" I shook my head negatively and was about to answer her when Faiz started while cutting me off,

"No! She'll live in my home with me, from now on." I looked at him with pure horror on my face and he said,

"Yes Tani, Bajjo didn't tell you that before? That's why she sent you with me." He said and then I realized that it was all planned, my parents still don't want me there, in my own home, with them, they can send me to live with any psychopath but they can't let me live in my own home. I felt hatred not for my parents but for myself that they hate me so much, that I made them hate me due to my foolishness, they don't believe me, they don't want me now with them. They don't love me anymore. I started trembling with fear, anger and hurt, lots of expressions, at once, I can't even tell what expression was more visible on my face, anger? Fear? or hurt? My eyes started stinging and I don't know how but I held my tears back and lowered my gaze on the table and didn't said anything more. 

My friends kept babbling, which I didn't get any single thing that what they were even talking about and then after one hour the whole discussion came to an end, from which I zoned out mostly all the time. Then my friends took the address of Faiz's home and promised me that they'll come again there and I nodded and we said our good-byes. 

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After a while, me and Faiz left too, when we were in his car, I asked,

"Are you going to imprison me?" He looked at me confused then asked,

"What do you mean? Do I look like a jailer to you?" He said chuckling, why the hell he is so happy? Am I overthinking things? Am I doing bad by suspecting him? If he wouldn't be that one then? I face palmed myself and thought, I should have something to proof myself first, I'm so stupid, what am I doing? Should I ask him? No, no. Whatever it is, he is still acting weird today if he'd know that I'm suspecting him, he'd kill me surely. I jerked this thought away from my head and said,

"Faiz? Can you tell me something? Seriously?" He turned on the engine of his car and started driving, while driving he looked at me with concern? now there was no lust, no darkness, no coldness in his eyes, but just concern? How am I suppose to suspect him now? I'm confused, ohh God!

"Yeah ? what do you wanna ask?" He said.

"What exactly did mommy tell you?"

"You are thinking wrong Tani." He said with serious face.

"How do you know what am I thinking?"

"Cause I know you, they don't tell me to take you away, or if you think that they wanted to get away from you, so that's not true."

"So what's the truth actually?" I frowned.

"Tani, your mommy asked me to take you to my home, if---only if, you get selection in that company, which is positive now, cause you get selected, right?"

"Right! So?"

"So she asked me that your company is near to my home that's why you are suppose to live with me and my mom, dad now, cause that's how I could drop you there on time before going to my office and then I'd pick you up from there too on time. No need of van, no need of you to go alone, no need to worry about anything cause I'm here." He said giving me his best genuine smile and I looked at him confused.

"Still that doesn't explain me that they love me or not."

"They loves you Tani." I scowled,

"You don't know Faiz, you don't know anything, they don't." I spat at him.

"They do Tani, they do, don't overthink things, I've told you before. Don't think like that, they are your parents."

"They don't. No one loves me, no one." I said while resting my head on the seat behind me and silently let tears fell from my eyes. I think I'm going crazy, I don't know what to do, whom to believe, where to live, where to go? That kidnapper and Rezay made me half crazy, now I'm full because of these things, one more happening and I would become complete psycho or I'd be dead now. 

I think I should kill myself, but I've tried last year lots of time to kill myself, but everytime, I stopped myself, thinking about that it's a sin to take your own life and I can't take my own life just like that without Allah's permission, I can't kill myself and I shouldn't, what will happen with my parents then if I'd kill myself ? what they'll do? Ghannu and Hamza? My friends? Sami? He needs me the most. 

But now from where I'm seeing this, I think I should have killed myself before cause no one really loves me, espacially Rezay, he made me strong? Really? Am I strong enough to fight with these all things? The girl who had been kidnapped, the girl whose one and only hope, one and only love, left him, the girl whose kidnapper or stalker is still behind her, the girl whose best friend had been attacked or almost killed by her kidnapper because of her, cause he don't wanted her to marry with anyone, the girl whose parents don't trust her anymore, don't love her anymore, the girl whose family pushed her away from themselves, the girl who have friends--- No, who have no friends now. The girl who should be dead now, yes! I should be dead now.

"I do love you Tani!" He said holding my hand in his one hand but I didn't look at him, I didn't want to face anyone, I just wanna die. His words can't comfort me anymore, No one can comfort me now except 'HIM'. Ohh Allah! How much I want him back in my life? I don't even know that. Please Allah! Send him back to me, send him back in my life, I want his words, to sooth me, to comfort me. I want him to love me, to make me smile, to keep me sane, I'm going mad, I'd kill myself now, if he won't come back, cause I don't have any reason to live anymore, I don't have anything to give to anyone, I don't know anymore what to do, how to be strong, I need him Allah, I need his love, I need his words, his voice, I can't live without him anymore, Allah! Send him back, please. 

I was praying for him to come back, but I was thinking to kill myself too. I don't know what am I saying? what am I doing? I don't know anything--- anymore. On one hand, I'm strong, on the other hand, I'm not. I want to be strong whenever I think about his words, whenever I think about my family, but I know now I have nothing, I don't have him nor my family with me, how am I suppose to be strong now? I wanna fight, but how am I suppose to fight? I'm just some useless shit, who can't do anything to save anyone, a big example of Sami is before me. I can't save anyone and if I truly wanna save everyone then I should die, I should kill myself, that's how it'd end----yes end. I have to end this, I can't take it anymore, I know it's my punishment, I'm a sinner. But I can't take these things anymore, I can't. Allah kill me or let me kill myself, please! Forgive me! Forgive me!

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5000+ words? OMG! 

BTW, How was this chapter? I know, I know, It's a hell confusing one, but I wanna show her thinking, I wanna show mixed emotions, her feelings towards her life and these happenings. I wanna show the real circumstances, if anything like this happens in reality, humans are not strong enough to take these things, either they kill themselves or they die with stress. Going through hell is not easy, even also when your family is behaving like this. So do you agree with her? Do you think her feelings are true? Any suggestions for her? Should she kill herself? or not ? Comments please.

Don't forget to read, votes and comments, silent ones, show yourselves, GO AHEAD. xD ;)

Enjoy reading and please avoid any mistakes cause I have no time, really no time to edit my all chapters so please avoid them or mention big mistakes for me so that I can edit them. Okay? ;) Love you all <3 

-Fatima.