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Chapter: 27


"Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afriad to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters." -John Green.


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Tani's POV


It was the mid of January and I was standing in my window looking outside of my house in the midnight, everything seemed so calm and quiet, filled with peace and happiness, my eyes were stick to one place, but my thoughts were flowing everywhere. I was feeling so so happy, I couldn't sleep the whole night, I just kept thinking about him, how much he made me happy by just saying that he loved me too. Just, I know that how much my breath hitched, my heart stopped pacing and my body started trembling at those words from him,


'I LOVE YOU',


He said so simply yet so deeply, full of deep emotions, deep feelings in it. Although I can't see him but I could feel him, his words, his feelings. I was happy but also amazed at the same time, when I saw those words, I just couldn't believe that he could surrender before me, he could accept his love for me, that he could keep his ego aside and accept me and my love, just like that. I couldn't believe that his heart could ever melt for me.


But I just believe that Allah made him love me, He made him accept his love for me, cause only He knows how much I've prayed for him to love me back, how much I've prayed for his long life with me, how much I've prayed for him to be my future husband and I am really really thankful to my ALLAH, that He made him love me, He gave me what I had asked for. I quickly started getting ready for offering prayers, special prayer, 'Salat Al-shukr' or 'Namaz-e-Shukrana' , cause I know that only He has a power to melt someone's heart because He Himself lives in His creature's hearts, so I should atleast say thanks to Him.


After offering prayers to thank Allah, I found myself again lost in deep thoughts, saying that I was happy is an understatement cause I was beyond just happy, my feelings were weird, good---good weird and different. I was thinking how much life changed in this whole month after that kidnapping but there he is, his love----made me powerful, he gave me again what I had lost, he gave me my feelings, my boldness back, he gave me my happiness back, no one knows except me and my Allah that how much I was terrified in these days, I was acting normal but just, I knew that, from what I was fighting, I was fighting with my fears, I was fighting with myself to show everyone that I'm fine, although I was not. How could I be normal ?


For God sake, someone has kidnapped me and he is my relative, wasn't that the biggest shock for me, how could i find myself normal? Often, At nights, I found myself waking up from nightmares and felt like someone is watching me, although there was no one, but yet I felt like that, I started feeling eyes on me, wherever I went, I felt someone is watching me, I started scaring. The girl who use to watch horror movies was now feeling actually horror in her life. But this man, Oh Allah! this man... made me feel happy, made me feel secure, I can't believe this how much just through his words he could made me feel happy and secure. I mean he was not there to protect me, but still it felt like he was there, he was just there, for me.


I was so thankful to him too, cause whenever anyone from my uni or from my relatives said any cruel words to me, I found myself comforting only by his words, he just told me,


"Ignore them, they don't know what you've been through and they couldn't ever get that feeling only until it happens to them too."


And Ohh so right he was. Only thinking like him made me feel powerful, his words gave me strength to fight, and I was now again feeling like I haven't lost myself, I'm still that Tani that I was before, his love made me feel like that. he never thought of me like those people, he never rasied a finger on my holiness, even after my kidnapping when I started talking with him, he seemed change and the sudden change in his behaviour made me flinch, like he used to insult me before, but now he just tease me sometimes, but mostly he showed care for me, love for me, and now I realized that he changed his behaviour for me, he started loving me like I love him that's why he started caring for me, more and more.


The thing that was bothering me and that I didn't get was, when I accepted his proposal what he said to me after that.


'I know'


How did he know? Did he know that from starting? I mean how could he say that, I never showed my real feelings to him, even after some time of usual fights, I also started hiding my hurt, my anger for him, due to his cruel words before kidnapping, whenever he made me feel so worthless, whenever he made me angry I stopped showing my anger cause I knew that it was useless to say anything to him, cause he would never get that why am I saying all this. But, he changed, after my kidnapping, not only I changed but he changed too, I was amazed, curious with his sudden change in behaviour but when he proposed me I felt weak, I felt his love, I realized then why he changed himself, I got my answers and I felt sudden urge to tell him that I love him too, I love him eversince I started knowing him. I love him and no one can change my feelings for him. I was feeling the overwhelming need to just go to him and hug him, I just wanna live with him, just wanna see him. i started praying to Allah to give me any chance to meet him. I just wanna tell him my feelings for him, maybe in that first meeting or---or first date.



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After some days of his confession, I was doing my assignment late at night, while sitting on my bed, and messing all my things on the bed, notes, laptop, books, journals everything and under those things my phone hid somewhere. When it started shouting loudly then I started finding it with panick and when I couldn't, I just started throwing all things on the floor in search of it, I almost took 10-15 minutes in just finding my phone and when I found it, I quickly opened and read the notification saying,


'3 missed calls from Rezay Ali.'


He is calling me? I mean really? why? It's not like that he didn't call me before but it was the first time when he was calling me after his confession, I started trembling as it was first call from him, even I've talked to him many times before but now it felt like, no----it's the first time, it's the first time he is calling me. I picked up his phone, when it again started ringing, with trembling hands,


"H-hello?" I stuttered, yeah I knew that my voice would come like this.


"Hey my love." wait what? My phone almost slipped from my hand while hearing this and I made a sound 'Oommfff' and heard him chuckling and I blushed.


"Why are you laughing?" I said frowning, but half smiling.


"Look at your face in the mirror, I bet your face would be totally red this time." I blushed even more.


"ohh---Shutup." I said laughing.


"I just imagine, I bet you'd look cute when you blush." He said huskily, my heart started sinking, I was feeling like there is no tomorrow and It's the last day of my life, when I'm actually hearing him saying cute things to me. When I kept blushing and didn't reply, he started,


"Can you please speak up, I can't hear your cute voice, I call you to hear your voice not your mumbling." I started laughing more, cute voice? Really?


"How my voice is cute, I thought it'd be mature or--or maybe sexy." I pouted saying that and he chuckled,


"Fatima, Fatima.. what you're doing to me, you're making me crazy more and more---" I heard him sighing.


"---Your voice is sexy as hell, but yeah you sounds cute too just like your face and personality which is so innocent and cute." I blushed hard.


"See, you're blushing again." I heard him chuckling,


"Don't make me come over to you right now. You are really making me---" He stopped in mid sentence and I wondered what he wanna say more, so I asked,


"---Making me?" I asked too oblivious of his next word and he stated,


"---Hot, you are making me hot and mad for you and--- I don't know. Just--- I know I wanna kiss you right now." He said in a low and husky voice. I started trembling hearing him saying these things to me, How could I tell him, I wanna kiss him more, but we can't---also we shouldn't before atleast our marriage. I don't know what to say more so I started,


"Mhmm.. Its okay, you can say anything to me, I won't mind." I assured him cause I heard him groaning like he was fighting with himself.


"You sure? You won't mind anything?" Ohh how could i tell him, I love him before him, I love him, love him, so I wanna be with him and I don't care how much I think and let him say everything even out of the limits, cause he would be soon my husband, so I don't have to worry about that. Right?


"No Rezay, no, I--I won't mind aything. You can say whatever you have in your mind for me, what do you think about me? How much you love me? I wanna know." I said everything in one breath. I didn't realize I was holding my breath. Then, he started,


"Damn! I love you---Fatima, you know I don't wanna say that---day, but I couldn't stop myself, cause I knew that I love you and I don't wanna hide it anymore. Also---sorry for confessing my love in that awkward way but--- but you don't know, you can never know how much I fought myself to say those words to you.---" I was just smiling at him and let him finish whatever he wanna say,


"---You know whenever I call you, I just can't stop myself from memorizing your voice again and again--in my head, your voice soothes me, your words soothes me, you give me comfort, I never had this feeling before with anyone that I have with you, that I feel---whenever I talk to you, before...I didn't know that why I feel like this, also I don't wanna accept that fact, but that day, that day I don't know what happened to me, but I confessed and I wanna again say this to you---" My heart beat stopped, he is going to say again ?


"---I--I LOVE YOU FATIMA! Save me from my past, save me from my fears, prove me wrong that you'd ever ditch me or break me, prove me wrong, be with me, be my WIFE please, WILL YOU MARRY ME?"


I didn't know when I started crying, tears started rolling down from my eyes and i was standing there stunned with his words. He again said,


"Say something, please---" I managed some words and said,


"Y--Yes, Yes. I will marry you. Only you--" I bursted out crying, I couldn't speak more.


"Heyi heyi, Don't cry love, I'm with you, I'd never leave you, I love you!" He again said those words to me and with every cute word he uttered I cried more and more.


After a while when I stopped crying and he kept soothing me with his words and sometimes just silently hear me crying, then he said,


"Do you love me? I know you do, but I wanna hear this from you." I panicked how I gonna say to him, I can't, I just can't, not on phone,


"I--I can't."


"Why not?"


"Just try to--, I can't--umm-on call."


"NO WAY, you don't love me anymore, don't you? Atleast after that big speech, yet I can't even get those sweet three magical words from you." I laughed at his cuteness, he was just acting like a kid.


"Okay, okay I'm saying that, but---umm-- don't judge me, I'm so shaking with fear."


"Whoa! why fear? Just say it, you wanted to say that to me, you remember? Just say it, I'm holding your hand, there is no need to fear me." Ohh boy, I love you, I love you, how you calm me, I love your way of comforting me.


"I---"I stopped and started taking deep breaths.


"Hmm?" He hummed in response,


"--L--LOVE---"


"Hmm?" His humming increased,


"---YOU." Whoa! I finally said that, I tapped my shoulder and heard him saying,


"Again?" Again?


"What again?"


"Say it again." No way.


"Nop." I said emphasizing on P.


"Yep. You are saying it again and I'm gonna hear it again." He said in response.


"No Rezay."


"Yes Fatima, say it, or else---okay then I'm going." He was about to hung up when I stopped him, 'what's wrong in saying that again Tani?', 'But I have gathered my courage to say that once but not twice.' 'Just say it now'. My subconscious was glaring at me.


"Okay, okay, I'm saying it again, just--stay here." He again hummed in response, even his humming was a turn on for me.


"I--I love y--ou Rezay!" I said and he replied,


"Again?"


"I- love you!"


"Again!" he said in a low and husky tone,


"I love you!"


"Keep saying it and yeah I love you too." And with that he gave me a kiss on the phone from the other line, my mouth hung open in shock. I didn't expect that.


"I--I---I--" I heard him chuckling and I glared at him from the phone.


"Fatima--- ohh my Allah, I love Fatima, I love her. How cute you are? I wonder sometimes. how come you love me? But I'm proud of that, you really loves me and I love you!" I smiled hearing him saying again and again, I couldn't stop the huge grin on my face.


"I love you too!" I finally said it again and he said,


"I know!" And I know he would be smiling too like me. Then he told me,


"Ahh--I totally forgot." I got confused,


"What?"


"I forgot to tell you that I'm going on a Pakistan tour next week for few days. It'll be fun, do you--- umm---wanna join me? If you want--then I can arrange tickets for you as well." He told me and I smiled, I really want to go with you but I can't, I know, my parents won't give me permission to go, espacially with him.


"You know, how my Parents are, they won't give me permission to go with you, I--I can't, that's not so easy." In response all he could say was,


"Ohh." I frowned,


"Are you mad at me?" I asked,


"No, why would I ? I love you, you remember that? I won't ever go mad on you unless-- in any severe condition."


"Ohh, I really wanna go with you." I said in a low tone finally voicing my thoughts.


"No one would know that more than me." I nodded although he can't see me then I hummed in response.


"Heyi, don't be sad, we will go, one day, Inshaa Allah, and then that day you'd not be allowed to say that you can't go with me. Got it?"


"Yes Sir." I said mimicking my voice in stern tone and he chuckled,


"Yeah, that's like my girl." I laughed.


We talked more and more, we just couldn't get away with each other and then we slept while placing phones on our ears and hearing each other's breaths.



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*After five months*


Tani's POV


I am so happy now a days, everyday and everytime, me and Rezay chat with each other, not only on messages but on calls too. We started loving each other more and more, I can't believe this, he daily call me and we just talk whole night, now I have no fear, I am not terrified to look over my shoulder to check if someone is following me or not, I know he is here to save me, my love is here to save me. He also told me to stay away from Sami, and told me that he will soon send his parents to consult with mine, about our marriage so that I don't have to worry about that fake engagement with Sami, he told me that he have to study alot, he want 2-3 years to make his career so that he can marry me after that, till then our engagement would work and I comforted him by saying that,


'I can spend my whole life just on your name'


He seemed so pleased with my answer that he said nothing after that, then he told me to atleast gather my mother's consent for our relationship and I told him not to worry about that, I can handle that.


My exams are about to end this week and so we decided to finally meet with each other. I was excited although worried too, I mean on that call when he asked me to say those words to him from phone, I was shivering at that moment, I don't know how am I gonna face him, I bet I would die when I meet him. I told my friends about meeting Rezay so that they could plan to help me in meeting him and they sound pleased and quickly came up with a plan for our meeting at some place.



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Rezay's POV


I was so happy when I proposed her, I don't know what came to me but I felt a sudden need to open my heart to her, to show my love to that girl who---who loves me without asking for anything in return, who loves me whole-heartedly, who still clings to me after seeing my darker side, I never praised her but still she is with me, she never left me, she never said anything bad to me, even she never threw herself on me, she never asked me for sex chat or dirty talks although I tried many times to flirt with her, to seduce her, but everytime I found her just chuckling madly, just ignoring that topic or sometimes just giving me cute answers in return. She never made fun of me, although we tease each other but she never did that.


Then one day when I heard her crying cause someone said some cruel words to her only because she had been kidnapped and were missing the 4 nights, so what? If she was missing some nights, so what's her fault in that? Someone had kidnapped her, it was someone's fault, not her, it was not her fault. I kept saying to her, that its not your fault but she was not listening to me, she kept saying that it was her fault and she should have been careful. I was kept thinking about her, about everything from which she has been through, It was not her fault, I kept saying that, I kept saying those words to myself and then one night finally I gave in to her, I gave her what she wanted, also I wanted that too. I wanted to propose her and I proposed her. We both wanted that to happen, we both found comfort in each other, that was the time, now or never, I had to propose her then, she needed me, she needed my love.


But now, when I think what have I done some months before, was wrong, I shoudln't have done that, I bound her, I bound her to myself, to my love, she is like a free bird, I shouldn't have done that to her. I have to free her from my grasp, I have to do that, no matter how much I get hurt, but I have to do that. When she told me that,


'I can spend my whole life just on your name'


Then I realized what have I done to her, I've bounded her to my name, I've bounded her only to myself, now she can't think about anything except me. I have to do something, I have to do that, no matter what. I have to tell her that. I have to tell her the biggest secret that I've been hiding from her.


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What secret? Now what? What is he upto now? Any guesses?

Please my silent readers, I'm inviting/requesting you to please come forward and do votes and comments on my book, I'd pleased if you do that for me, for this book, also I'd get to know you then, so Please.

Don't forget to Read, votes and comments :)

-Fatima




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