Previously

I feel the heaviness of my guilt weighing down on my shoulders. In the darker corner of my room, I fall onto my knees and use my hands to try and hold myself upright. They, or rather, my whole body shakes, my breath is hitched as I gasp for air, and my hair is sticking onto my face with my tears stained on my cheeks.

My arms give up on me and collapse under the weight of my body. I end up holding myself up with my forearms and slamming my fist on the ground in anger.

"How could I be so ignorant!? So oblivious to my situation!!?" I shout out loud, the anger continuing to uncontrollably spew out of me.

Minutes of crying goes by before the pain starts to settle in. I curl up into a ball and sob the rest of my tears out. But, soon, I'll run out of tears to cry...

"I'm sorry I couldn't have done better for you..."

Now

I widen my eyes as the sound of shattering glass rings through my mind and a cracking sensation runs through my body. A sudden scratchiness in my throat causes me to cough. On the carpeted floor, is now a bloodstain. And floating above me is the glitchy figure I thought had disappeared. But, no, she comes back from the depths of my mind to haunt me again.

"Inverse..." I spit out with spite, blood leaking out of my mouth, down my chin, and on the floor.

'My, my. It looks like dear (Y/N) has summoned me once more,' she says with a high pitched giggle.

I blatantly ignore her and continue to hack out what else was stuck in my throat.

She floats over to the bed and lays down on her stomach. She watches me spit up the blood in amusement as she rests her head on her hands.

"Why must you come at such an inconvenient time!? And I thought I've gotten rid of you already!"

'Poor, stupid (Y/N). You can never get rid of me. I'll also be with you, whether I'm in the back of your mind or right next to you. But I do not fade.'

I scoff and wipe the blood from my mouth with my sleeve. Great. Now it's stained with blood too...

I sigh, take off my hoodie, and unlock my door to wash it off in the bathroom.

Minutes of intense scrubbing and a bit of soap later, I finally got the stain off. I grab a clothing hanger and hang it above the bathtub to let it dry.

I make it back into my room to see the trashed mess I've created during my "tantrum."

With a bitter face, I start cleaning. I pick up pillows lying on the floor, pencils and pens that went flying across the room, book piles that I've knocked over, the blanket that is half on the floor, etc.

After a long while of tidying up my room, with Inverse grumbling in annoyance that nothing "interesting," is happening, I finish.

I flop down on my bed and let my hair cover my face.

'I'm just tired...and I don't wanna do anything...'

* * * * * *

At dinner, I ate very little due to my decreasing appetite and pushed away most of what was offered to me.

When I was finally excused from the table, I force myself to work without the motivation I needed. With shaky hands, I pick up the pen and start scribbling on my papers. After an hour of putting what I could into it, the result was only mediocre at best.

I sigh tiredly and put away my papers before laying my head down on the desk.

"She's gone..." I mutter under my breath.

'Yes, she's gone. How long do you have to tell yourself that for?' Inverse crosses her arms.

"Why can't you just let me mourn...?"

'Your mourning consists of moping and sulking. Tha-'

"Let me guess. It's not 'entertaining' enough for you, huh?" I push myself away from the desk and get up from my chair to look at her in the eye, the anger boiling up in me, "I don't suppose that you've ever mourned for someone! You don't know how it feels to be like this, do you!? To be sad, angry, and overwhelmed with emotions and then falling back to the same emptiness in the next second! I'm tired, okay!? So let me be tired!!"

The scratchiness in my throat starts up again.

'Perfect. Fudging. Timing.'

I hack out the expected blood into a tissue I grabbed from on my desk while Inverse audibly smirks.

"Go to hell..." I wheeze out in another fit of coughing.

When I finish, I ball up the tissue and toss it into the trash can, luckily making it in, and flop down on the bed. This makes Inverse float away and watch me from my desk chair.

I kinda just stare at the ceiling. Nothing. Just white. Like a blank canvas. Nothing runs through my brain. And I hate this. The feeling of being empty and not being able to feel anything. But, if I feel numb, am I still feeling? Is it possible to feel nothing at all? What about hatred? That's a feeling. Maybe, I'm not numb enough if I'm still feeling hatred.

Mindless thoughts float around my head. I don't even know when I've fallen asleep, but, after a few hours, I'm already drifting off.

* * * * * *

The sun is so bright. But I don't want to get up yet. Or ever for that matter.

'I'm just tired...'

'Your excuse for everything is that you're tired.'

'But it's true, isn't it?'

I stare out the window as the rays of sunshine practically beg me to get up for the day. Play with us! Play with us! They chant with enthusiasm.

I uncover myself and sit on the side of my bed, my back hunched over like an elderly woman. I sigh in defeat and give in to getting up.

I slowly walk over to the closet and throw on a t-shirt, a hoodie, leggings, and probably mismatched socks.

'Honestly, who cares at this point? Because I don't.'

I do my daily routine a lot more sluggishly than normal, coughing up blood all the while. I stuff a few tissues in my hoodie pocket and shuffle downstairs.

"(Y/N), do you want to sta-" Mr. Error starts, but I interrupt him.

"No, it's fine. I'll go," I say tiredly as I pour myself a glass of water and take my medication.

It doesn't feel the same as it did when I first started using it. Maybe I've built some kind of tolerance to it over the last months.

I grab an orange from the fruit basket on the counter and start peeling in the skin.

To be honest, I don't really want to do anything. I don't want to take my medications or go to school or even eat. But...I know PJ wouldn't want to see me like that. So, I'll put on the best smile I can manage. Just for him.

I take the peeled orange with me up to my room, so I can get ready. I've already wasted so much time in the bathroom this morning and I need to get going in five.

I put on a jacket and swing my bag on my shoulder before falling into another fit of coughing. Thank God it was dry. I wheeze for breath in between coughs and hold my chest. I feel my hand go up and down from my heavy pants and the beating of my soul, desperately trying to pump determination around my body.

When I return downstairs, I encounter PJ, who gives me a look of pity and a long kiss on the cheek.

He leads me to the front door to where the others were, who are unaware of my situation. But it's fine. I just won't say anything until they ask. I wouldn't want to put a burden on their shoulders.

When we get to school, I finally finish my orange and we all go to class. I stuff my jacket into my locker and grab the books I need before heading to class.

During science, I almost drift off a couple of times due to sleep deprivation. Thankfully, I don't fall asleep completely and Dr. Gaster didn't notice.

In PE, I ran a lot slower than usual, finishing in almost last place. I can't...

In art, art block hit me like a trainwreck. I couldn't get any ideas and my brain wasn't helping me either.

During history, my brain practically shut down. I couldn't physically focus on Mr. Nightmare's lesson. I didn't understand a single word that came out of his mouth.

During astrology, my sleep deprivation started to take control. I ended up falling asleep with my head resting on my hand. Me. Dream noticed...Thank God he's a lenient teacher and only gave me a warning or I would've gotten detention!

Lunch was a mess. I kept dozing off and then being awakened again by some loud noise. And the others were asking what was wrong. I lied through my teeth and said I only didn't get a good night's sleep. Nothing else was wrong.

During drama, we reviewed parts of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, which didn't take much effort, since all we do is listen to a lecture.

During cooking, we had to prepare bread dough for rising and baking tomorrow. Truthfully, Skate did most of the work because I felt like I was gonna pass out the entire time. But I tried to pull my own weight in the best I could.

In music class, we took notes on rhythm, note types, etc. Again, I keep drifting off, but, luckily for me, Frisk was there to keep me awake. He also seemed to sense that something was terribly wrong with me. So, when I was waiting for PJ outside the school, he found me.

"(Y/N), is everything okay? You seemed a bit off today in class."

"..."

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

I look down, hiding my face in my hair.

"(Y/N)...?"

My eyes start tearing up again and I can feel the sniffles coming.

'Dammit, (Y/N)! Pull yourself together!'

But no matter how much I tried to hold back the tears, they wouldn't stop coming down.

"Come here," he opens up his arms, welcoming a hug.

Without a second thought, I return the hug and start weeping into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I manage to choke out in between sobs.

"It's okay, let it out," he gently pats my back, "Just breath."

I take about a minute or few to steady my breath with occasional shakiness before he continues.

"Now, do you want to tell me what's wrong? It's not good to bottle up your feelings," he asks, not letting go.

"S-She..." I start before my voice breaks at the end, "She...she's g-gone..."

Even without looking at him, I could tell he was taken aback.

"Ms. Avery...?"

I slowly nod and suck up the rest of my emotions.

"Oh, I am so sorry..." he murmurs with a twinge of empathy as he hangs his head.

We let a moment of silence wash over us before I hear footsteps coming towards us. Frisk lets go of me.

"Sorry, am I interrupting something?" PJ asks from behind me.

I turn around to meet his gaze. He looks worried.

"No, not at all," Frisk responds, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"And sorry I kept you waiting, (Y/N)," he rubs the back of his neck, "Let's go home now, okay?"

"Okay," I walk towards him and turn around to wave goodbye, "Bye, Frisk."

"See you tomorrow."

We start walking in silence. PJ puts an arm around my shoulder while we walked.

* * * * * *

I plop down on my desk chair and switch on the lamplight. Even though the sky is dark, I don't bother to switch on the ceiling light. Besides, the darkness creates the illusion that I'm hiding from the rest of the world.

I use the last of my brainpower to finish homework and set down my pen with a clack on the desk. Something is stuck in my throat again. I grab a tissue and put it over my mouth, knowing that a cough was coming. The usual blood comes out of my mouth, but it has become a norm already.

I toss the tissue away and crawl onto my bed, laying down. During class, I was so tired and ready to drop asleep at any second. But, now, I'm wide awake and insanely restless and agitated.

I sit back up on the edge of the bed and immediately hold my head. The room is spinning before me and everything feels hazy. Black spots appear before my eyes so I try to blink to regain my vision.

After waiting a few minutes, the dizziness subsided with a small headache.

I groan in annoyance at my body for not functioning properly and look up to come face to face with Inverse, who's sitting cross-legged on top of my desk.

"Oh. You," I deadpan.

My body becomes fidgety and I get up from the bed and start pacing the floor for no real reason. I just can't sit still! But, my body isn't the only thing that's pacing. My brain is also spiraling. I aimlessly drift from one idea to another without really grasping the subject. Everything is a bit fuzzy and looks like a blur of colors.

Until a specific thought hits me. What does my soul look like now? It's been a long while since I've seen it physically. And my health isn't getting any better. There must be something wrong with it.

I stop dead in my tracks and sit on the floor, criss-cross applesauce style.

Inverse watches me closely as I slowly take out my soul.

My heart almost drops, but Inverse wheezes out like a kettle.

The core of my soul is almost a transparent white and the cracks grew larger and are most definitely visible. The golden yellow that used to shine dully is so washed out and incredibly bland that it could've been mistaken for a weird tint of brown. Not to mention the fact that all soul glow, but mine barely emits any light.

No wonder I've been feeling "down" lately. My soul is so damaged and my meds aren't giving me the same effect as it did in the beginning.

'That look on your face is priceless!' Inverse cackles loudly.

"Shut up!" I yell out loud as my soul automatically returns back to its place.

'Or what? Huh?' She taunts me, 'You can't stop me even if you tried.'

"Just leave me be!" I burst into tears and crawl up into a ball on the floor. It seems that everything is a trigger for waterworks.

A few moments into crying, I hear Inverse get up from the desk and kneel down before me. She grabs my chin and raises my face to stare at her, to which I give in to because I'm too tired to resist.

'Hey, guess what?' She softens her voice but not her expression. She lets out a taunting chuckle before spitting out, 'You're powerless.'

She drops my chin and I fall face first. I try and deny it. Deny that I'm really that weak against something living in the depths of my mind. But, deep down, I know how vulnerable and unstable I really am. I just hide it well enough that others don't see it. Until I snap. I know my limits. And my breaking point is near.

~A/N~
Some quality time with Inverse
UwU

Word count: 2648 words (including A/N)

*nopes out*