I'm Sorry
Gayeon was walking in a lonely forest on an empty road. At the end of the long dirt way, someone was waiting for her, a tall, apathetically dark-haired man. Through the strong rays of sun, it couldn't be seen his face. With a slight movement, he held out his hand calmly. She approached as if knew him and when Gayeon took his right hand, she was thrown on a cliff that seemed to have no end. She tried to scream, but no sound came out of her mouth, it was as if her body were paralyzed. When she felt the ground was approaching, she was certain, surely, she was going die. With a scream and all sweaty, Gayeon got up quickly breathing hard.
"Was it... Just a dream?"
She cringed in bed still feeling her body tremble with fear and the heart wanting to come out of her mouth. She hugged her legs resting the forehead on her knees. It seemed so real that she ended up crying trying to control all that emotions.
After a few long minutes calming herself down, Gayeon went to the bathroom. She needed to take a shower and change the bed sheets; they were very sweaty just like her. Took advantage of that moment to try to forget what had happen, and for being alone, she didn't care to leave the bathroom door open. Meanwhile, stopping to think, that dream made no sense at all. She took off her clothes calmly and entered the shower, letting the water touch her in a pleasure and comfortable way. She was humming a song while bathing and totally disconnected from reality.
It was then that a loud noise caught her attention, something almost like a thud on the floor, which made her shut up quickly and at that moment turn off the shower. Gayeon slowly opened the bathroom stall to see what was happening and came across Jaehyun just breaking in through the window of her bedroom
"Jaehyun...?" when their eyes met, his face became completely red.
"AH!" they shouted together as she wrapped, reflexively, a towel covering her body.
Everything that Gayeon could reach in the sink, she threw against him in her bedroom until he turned away.
"NO WAY THIS IS HAPPENING!" she ran to close the bathroom door, feeling her whole face heat up.
Gayeon was almost ready wearing her clothes on in the bathroom, but she didn't want to leave because of the embarrassing moment she just had to face. Still nervous, she slowly opened the bathroom door and fixed her gaze on the floor. She dared to throw a glance and saw Jaehyun sitting in front of the window, wagging his face with his hand. He was still flushed and couldn't look directly at her either.
"W-Why did you jumped the window?!" she tried to make the situation less uncomfortable, which was impossible, so she went to her bed to take the sweaty sheets and pillowcases away.
"I heard a scream coming from here. S-still, I rang the bell!" it wasn't usual to see him stammer" But no one answered the door, that's when I saw your window open and I thought something had happened!" his tone was loud and confident, he didn't seem to be lying.
"Did you leave Bogum alone?!" without looking at him, she began to roll up the sheets and pillowcases so that she could carry them down to the floor below.
"No, no! Winwin and Yuta decided to spend the night at home... I mean, they slept before leaving."
"Hm..."
"Yeah..."
"Did you see... Anything?" she turned her back to him as she walked to the bedroom door.
"W-What?! Oh, huh, no! Don't worry, I didn't see anything..." his voice didn't seem reliable at all.
"You saw everything, didn't you?" Gayeon wanted to cry with embarrassment at that time.
"I'm sorry..." he whispered.
Gayeon went downstairs wanting to die and took the sheets to the washing machine. Soon she heard Jaehyun's footsteps follow her to the laundry room. They were silent for a few minutes, with him following her around the rooms as if he wanted to say something. Soon after getting some lemonade, which had been in the refrigerator ever since Jaehyun was there with Bogum, she turned with courage to look at him.
"Okay, now tell me, why did you ring my bell?"
"I wanted to call you for a walk."
"You were going to ask me out?" she almost choked on the juice, but disguised herself well.
"You didn't look very well after... You know, discovering the truth." he referred to Doyoung she believed.
"Ah..." she pondered a little and then asked "Jaehyun you knew from the beginning, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did, why do you think I tried to stop you from meeting him?" he leaned against the granite counter" I should've told you, but if he didn't tell you himself, there must've had a reason.
"I would've preferred if you had told me..."
"Hey..." he thought on approaching, but he recoiled when their eyes met "I tried to warn you."
"Really Jaehyun, are you sure?" she mumbled, letting the glass in the sink.
"In the wrong way, I know! I'm not good at these things, damn it."
"It's okay, never mind."
"I didn't want you to get hurt. I knew this was going to happen by the way you looked at him. Damn, I was annoyed by this and I know I shouldn't have taken it out on you. But now it's time to talk to him about everything, don't you think?" he took Gayeon's phone from the bedroom before going downstairs and now handed it to her.
"Jaehyun..." as she picked up the phone, she felt his hand caress her hair briefly with a gentle smile on his face "Thank you..."
Jaehyun left the house. Even with the little accident they had, it was good to see him in the morning, that was what Gayeon was thinking. He was right, she confused Doyoung's deeds with romance, or maybe there was something more in this story. She remembered the conversation she had with Doyoung the other day, he wanted to tell her something important, maybe the fiancée thing was what he would like to talk about, and that everything she was creating in her mind was just an illusion. Now bravely, Gayeon sought out Doyoung's contact on her phone and called him, no matter whether he was busy or not, she deserved an explanation.
"Hello?" he answered in a few seconds.
"Hi, it's me. You said you needed to talk about something important."
"I'm a little busy now..."
"Doyoung, I already know you have a fiancée. I just want you to explain this situation to me."
"Okay..." his voice sounded a little tense "This is not a conversation to be made through a phone call. Meet me in the square near your house in twenty minutes."
They hung up and she felt a goddamn uncomfortable pain in her chest. A part of her still wanted to believe that this was just a misunderstanding. But he didn't deny anything.
Gayeon arrived the square with ten minutes in advance. She was nervous and afraid. The empty park reminded her of the dream, her fingers looking restless as she sat on the bench staring at the spot where Bogum had been pushed by that little boy the other day. Gayeon tried to reassure herself by closing her eyes and humming the same song she sang in the shower this morning. It didn't take long; she heard a car approaching and parking next to the bench she was sitting in. Doyoung sat down next to her quietly. She opened her eyes and stared at him.
"Did I make you wait too long?" he didn't smile like he had before.
"You're late" she couldn't smile too "But that's okay."
"I'm sorry about that." he looked uneasy and worried "I wish I'd told you before, please believe me."
"And why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't really think we would get this far. You know... I thought we wouldn't see each other again after college, so it wouldn't become a problem. I don't usually talk about my engagement, since it was arranged." he smiled briefly, seeing her surprise at that statement "But with you, things started to flow in a strange way. I didn't love my fiancée back then and I was feeling attracted to you. I was sure of it, so I called you out, knowing it was a mistake to drag you in the middle of this since I'm engaged..." his face became melancholy.
"Back then, huh? So now, you..."
"I'm sorry..." his voice showed how hurt he was by telling Gayeon those words "I never intended to play with your feelings. Please forgive me." his eyes were fixed on hers while she stayed silent for a few seconds.
"Ok..." his sincerity was enough for her, yet she wasn't happy that he had said those words "We're friends, aren't we?"
"I really want to remain your friend if you let me."
There was no more reason to sit there and talk. The tension between them was heavy and it seemed like she was falling off an endless cliff and finally Doyoung made her reach the ground. His cell phone rang, and with that, he had to leave. Gayeon didn't want to accept the ride he offered, she preferred to stay there a little longer, staring at the breeze and feeling strange. An hour must have passed, and only then she decided to go home. Gayeon didn't pay much attention to what was around her, and just went straight through the door.
"Gwiyomi!" a voice called her a little distant, when looking up she came across Winwin in the window of Jaehyun's house "It'll rain, quick come over here!"
Dark clouds were taking over the sky, seeing Winwin made her mind relax a bit. Without further ado she rang the bell of the Jung's house to be greeted with a hug from Bogum. She let a thin smile on her lips and picked up the smaller one.
"How did my boy behave today?" smiling wide, Gayeon hid her negative emotion.
"I made soap bubbles in the bathtub with Yuta hyung!" he laughed with pleasure playing with her hair.
"The princess of the kingdom has arrived!" Yuta came up with a brief bow and gave her a smile that would melt anyone's heart. However, she didn't feel nothing.
"She barely arrived and you are already flirting?" Jaehyun approached with Sicheng just behind.
"Gwiyomi, come with me!" Winwin grinned waving his hand.
"Gwiyomi?" both Jaehyun and Yuta looked at Winwin confused.
"What's with that?" Yuta with his malicious grin touched Jaehyun's arm with his elbow "Aren't you going to say something?"
"Oh, shut up." Jaehyun gave a disapproving look to the japanese one at his side.
"As older, I don't allow you to talk to me like this Jaehyun-ah" like a child, Yuta put his hands on his waist" And you, how come you are all lovey-dovey with her?
"I call her whatever I want... If the two of you are jealous, just call her so too." Sicheng completely ignored them taking Gayeon's arm and pulling her inside "I want you to come with me over here."
"Jaehyun don't let him kidnap the princess!"
"Yuta, what the heck is this princess thing, stop."
"I thought you were my faithful knight... Nah, never mind, no lady can resist the charms of the Prince of Osaka!" Jaehyun slapped the older boy's shoulder being totally outraged and kept attacking him "Traitor! Winwin, save me!"
"If you're going to die, die in silence..." Sicheng whispered loudly enough for the other two to hear, which made Jaehyun laugh, letting the older one goes who ended up laughing together "Now, Gwiyomi! Let's play videogames, just the two of us" the boy, with chinese looks, took her to the sofa facing the television.
"Bogum will also play!" the smallest sat on Gayeon's lap, all cheered up.
"Of course! You'll play on my team" she smiled taking one of the controls and holding it together with the small hands of the child.
Bogum soon became disinterested in the game and started to play with his toys scattered on the floor. Jaehyun and Yuta were almost killing themselves in the kitchen trying to figure out who would cook something better for lunch, while Winwin and Gayeon were fighting a complicated battle in the videogame. She lost all the matches so far.
"How can you be so good in a game with so few attack options?"
"Changing the order of the attacks."
"No, no, no! Damn it! I lost again... Revenge!"
"Gayeon" his voice sounded unsure, as if he just wanted her to hear what he was going to say.
"Yes?" she kept her attention in the game.
"Why are you sad?" no exchange of looks had been done.
"Just had been dumped."
Apparently, those words got Winwin, because his game character became motionless as he stared at the girl by his side.
"Oh yeah... Yeah! Yes, I won!" she smiled at him, and before saying anything, she felt his hand touch her hair with a soft caress.
Gayeon fixed her gaze on his, undoing that smile, her eyes wanting to cry, but she held on as hard as she could.
"Did you cry last night?" he was smiling in such a cozy way. Gayeon shook her head "Don't cry today too, okay?"
"You won't know what to do?" this time he shook his head.
"I won't be there to take care of you. What kind of friend would I be?"
"Thank you, Winwin..." she smiled wide and made him smile together.
Jaehyun appeared in the hallway with an annoyed look.
"Am I interrupting you two?"
"Yes." Winwin immediately stopped smiling to get a serious face.
Gayeon couldn't help but laugh at Jaehyun's speechless expression.
"I-I don't care! Since it's so, you guys won't eat. Come with me Bogum, only you behaved today." taking the smaller one with him, Jaehyun headed for the dining room.
"Ya! Jaehyun, wait, it was a joke!" Winwin ran after the other, massaging his shoulders.
Gayeon leaned on the couch watching the three of them fight and laugh at each other. It seemed fun. She got up, even though she wasn't hungry to eat with them. As they talked about different things, time passed as it pleased. In short Winwin and Yuta was playing videogames and Bogum was in Jaehyun's arms while he was bottle feeding him and stayed in the kitchen with Gayeon. She thought it was okay to wash the dishes since she hadn't helped at making lunch.
"Even after eating, he still wants to take a bottle..."
"At least he doesn't use diapers anymore" she laughs as finishes drying her hands.
"I think this is even more dangerous... Urine" they looked at each other and laughed together.
When he finished taking his bottle, Bogum seemed to be sleeping soundly. Gayeon helped Jaehyun by taking the little boy in her arms and took him to the bedroom where she finds out a beautiful white cot next to the bed. She tucked the little boy over there covering him and humming so he wouldn't wake up as he stepped out of her warm embrace and hit the cold sheets. She noticed Jaehyun approaching and watching her from the door with a suspicious smile.
"I didn't know you'd bought a crib" Gayeon pulled back a little to sit on the edge of the bed.
"It was Yuta who gave it to me. He brought it yesterday, and when you went home, we set it up, since the little one here deserved." he smiled.
"Bogum is lucky to have you and everyone here with him" Jaehyun nodded, approaching and sitting next to her.
"Now there's something new, I didn't know you drew your neighbors" he leaned his hands on the mattress.
"What?" she remembered Jaehyun was alone in her room with the sketch on the desk "Oh, that..."
"Don't worry... It's Doyoung, isn't it? The drawing" on hearing his name, Gayeon become silent and pressed her fingers against the sheets.
The moment she was going to respond, Yuta entered the room.
"Man, Winwin's mother is so mad, he forgot to tell her he was here. I have to take him back, since the idea was mine tho..."
"LET'S GO OR IT WILL BE BAD FOR YOU TOO!" Sicheng shouted from the living room.
"At his age it's funny to see those kinds of situations happening. Then the Prince of Osaka and his faithful knight will withdraw. Traitor, if you act indecently with the princess, I'll kill you" with a wink Yuta said goodbye and ran with Winwin in a hurry to the car.
They laughed with the whole situation, Jaehyun watched them from the window until the car could no longer be seen on the street. Gayeon clasped her hands entwining her fingers.
"It's not Doyoung. It was supposed to be in the beginning, but it's not him."
"What?" Jaehyun sat down next to her again in surprise.
"I didn't draw Doyoung" their eyes were fixed on each other "It's someone else."
"Hm..." he wanted to ask, but he didn't "You talked to him?" he seemed a little unsure of asking this too.
"Yes" she was able to hold on with Winwin, she didn't want cry in front of Jaehyun.
"What did he say?" his tone was more serious.
"He's in love with her, that's what he said" she turned the gaze to her hands.
She could say it out loud, yet it seemed to hurt more. She was managing to hold her emotions well until Jaehyun wrapped his arms around her body in a warm embrace. Gayeon was surprised looking embarrassed and not knowing how to react.
"It's okay, you don't need to..."
"It's not okay!" he said loudly, but Bogum didn't woke up "I'm always watching you, if you want, just cry damn it!" he squeezed her closer into his arms.
That was it, she couldn't hold on to what was to come. Gayeon took her hands to Jaehyun's back, pressing the fabric of his shirt against her fingers. She hid her face on his shoulder starting to cry slowly.
"I didn't know that it would hurt so much" with every word that came out of her lips, more and more Jaehyun caressed her back with sweetness.
Along with brief strokes, he snuggled her in and stood with her until she calmed down. Her eyes were red and hard to keep open. She didn't want to release Jaehyun from that embrace, so she just rested her cheek on his shoulder. He kissed her hair as he was caressing it tenderly.
"The draw" she whispered.
"What about it?" Jaehyun kept embraced with her.
"It was neither Doyoung nor Yuta."
"Who was then?"
"You."
She felt the affection cease and calmly Jaehyun held her by the shoulders, pushing her aside to see her face with a calm look.
"Don't cry in front of other boys."
"Why?"
"You also look beautiful while crying."
They stared at each other without noticing that their distance was even smaller. "It's alright to let this happen?" — she thought. Their eyes closed slowly. She could feel his breath touch her cheeks and a shiver struck her as Jaehyun's hand was touching the back of her neck. Gayeon pressed her fingers against his shirt the moment their lips met. They fit perfectly well into each other, which left a slight chill in Gayeon's spine. It started with only a brief kiss, but it became a long kiss, the lips of both of them danced together in a calm warm waltz. That feeling was sweet, she felt totally secure and complete in that instant. The moment Jaehyun leaned closer a loud ringing sounded in the room, startling the both of them. They split up quickly, almost desperately, and searched around trying to figure out where the sound came from.
"Shit! It's my phone" he reached down to the table where the lamp was and answered the call "Taeil hyung?"
Gayeon started to feel shy next to him. What have they just done? Her emotions were shaken, she got her first rejection, and things got a little carried away, that's what she thought while trying to calm down feeling her cheeks flush with the heat. Like the first time, she still felt the warmth of Jaehyun's lips. It was like warm weather on a cold day.
"What?! When?!" Jaehyun got up from the bed looking like he was scared "Can we get in touch with her like this?"
Gayeon fixed her gaze on the boy's impatient silhouette beside her. After scratching his forehead and thanking the older friend on the other end of the line, Jaehyun hung up the phone and looked at bit concerned.
"Something happened...?"
"Bogum's mother... Has returned to Korea."
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