///

How do you go from being in a relationship with your best friend, love of your life and the hero of all your struggles to being alone and completely single?

Well you sure as hell don't know, but unfortunately you're the one who put the situation on your own head.

It's been a few days.

Four to be exact.

And you were stuck in your dorm, re-watching friends from the beginning while cuddled up in blankets in a large hoodie.

You had to restrain yourself, with the upmost difficulty may I add, from wearing one of Jimin's jumpers.

Although you would be lying if you said you hadn't picked one up and held it to your chest, inhaling his scent.

You'd also be lying if you said you didn't sleep with that jumper around one of your teddies, tricking your mind to think it was him and falling asleep with ease as you had tried to fall asleep beforehand and nothing was allowing you to sleep as it was begging you for Jimin.

You head wouldn't let you sleep.

The cold chill on your back where Jimin usually holds you warmly.

You were purposely avoiding him, knowing that you wouldn't be able to deal with seeing him in any state of form.

When ever you both had a class at the same time, meaning you'd leave your dorms around the same time, you would leave half an hour earlier.

You always took the back exit into the dorm building for fear of meeting him out the front.

You always peeped around every corner before your walked down it to make sure you wouldn't pass him.

And it has been working successfully as you've not seen sight nor sound from him.

Although one thing that hasn't been so successful and you've been struggling with is boredom and you didn't know how to deal with it.

It was the weekend and you didn't know what to do.

When you were bored with Jimin you'd go for a walk or go to a café.

Your tears had stopped being shed on day two, your body unable to keep the constant supply there.

Ever since, you just wallow in sadness. Feeling the excruciating pain of heartbreak and loneliness every time his name came to mind, which was quite often.

You were biting on the nail on your thumb while watching the first episode in season two of the sitcom: The one with Ross's new girlfriend.

You had to pause the video on your computer before the episode could finish, not being able to handle watching anymore. You cringed at the thought of you being exactly like Rachel when Jimin gets a new girlfriend.

Your thoughts weren't in the set of mind where your brain could go: when or if he gets a new girlfriend.

He will.

He will get a new girlfriend at some point. Why would he sit around for some girl who broke his heart.

They'll probably be more than one girlfriend. He could go through a hundred of them and you're just going to have to sit back and watch it all happen right in front of your eyes.

He mightn't even remember your name by the time he finds the one.

He'll refer to you as "the one with daddy issues"

You mightn't even be the only one with the same title.

There could be "the second one with daddy issues" or "the third one with daddy issues" and so on.

You were aching to run back to him and apologize profusely, but unfortunately you knew that you did it for a reason.

You're head is fucked up at the moment and it wouldn't be fair for him to even try and tackle fixing it with you.

Sowon came into the dorm after her shift at the local store and sighed upon seeing you exactly how she left you six hours ago.

"So you're on friends now? What happened to Gilmore girls?" She asked after seeing the paused video on your screen. She then began throwing her bag and keys onto the bed and walking over to you.

"Dean was really starting to annoy me, I just wanted Rory to end up with Jess. So I moved on before Dean made me drill a hole through my skull" you explained, still hugging your teddy with the hoodie over it.

You scratched your arm over the red patch on your arm with the rash you got a few days ago. You used to get a rash like this over nervousness around your father but now you feel like you're getting them for stress of some sort.

Sowon eyes the teddy then moved her eyes to you disapprovingly. "What did I say about his hoodies?" She asked.

"Hey! I'm not wearing it am I?" You justified.

"No, you're just cuddling it to death" she replied.

"Please just let me have this at least" You whined.

"Hey, I'm not the one trying to get over someone. This is completely up to you how you want to cope" she put her hands up in defense.

The sound of a phone notification sounded and Sowon took her phone from her pocket and smiled before unlocking her phone to reply.

"How's Chaerin?" You asked quietly after you heard her message that she typed out was sent.

"She's great, excited for the holidays" she enthuses. "Are you excited?" She asked back.

"Sure" you really weren't. "I just need to finish one project and hand it in, then I can go" you informed.

Truth is you had no excitement for the days to come. You weren't going to go back to the apartment that Jimin bought.

There's too many good memories there to make you sad.

Your other option was your old house, the one Jimin got you out of.

There was a lot of sad memories there, but you're in a better place mentally now so you can see yourself how far you've come.

"So why don't you finish that project now and hand it in early tomorrow. The earlier you hand it in, the earlier you can see your friends and family" she tried to persuade, but it only mad everything worse.

What family? There's none left.

What friends? They're either spending time with their own family or their best friends with Jimin.

Chaerin knew that the story with your parents wasn't good and that basically they weren't at home anymore. She just presumed that you had grandparents or aunts and uncles.

But that wasn't the case.

It was going to be a lonely Christmas this year. At least last year there was another person in the house, now there would be no one.

///

Jimin's P.O.V.

I've only gotten up to go to dance class.

That's it.

Otherwise I'm in my bed.

And even at that, I don't do much at dance class because of my cast so I only really learn foot work.

The only good think that has happened over the past few days was rekindling my friendship with Jungkook.

I practically sprinted up to him and began apologizing profusely.

He accepted my apology of course, because he's Jungkook, he doesn't have it in him to stay mad at anyone.

I told him about everything that has happened.

And I've never seen so much sympathy in Jungkook's eyes.

He's a great buddy to me.

I haven't seen she who shall not be named since that incident at the diner and I have the gut wrenching feeling that she's avoiding me on purpose.

And that pains me the most.

The fact that she'd go out of her way to purposely avoid me.

I get to go back home tomorrow. I'll see my mom and give her a big squeezey hug and when I'm finished she'll expect to see y/n behind me waiting for her hug too.

We were going to spend Christmas together but now it'll just be me and my mom.

I don't have the heart to break that kind of news to my mother about y/n over the phone so I'm just going to have to do it in person.

It's crazy the small things that would remind me of her. She pops into my head with everything I see and then the most random thoughts swarm my brain.

For example:

"That's a nice tree. I wonder as y/n ever seen that tree"

"Wow I wonder what that guy is reading. Oh, what if y/n has read it before"

"It's pretty cold. Oh that coat looks so warm on that woman, I bet she's nice and toasty. I hope y/n is warm"

Like, really random thoughts.

But I can't help it, she won't get out of my mind.

I've been having a mental debate lately over her.

It's one of many that I've had.

But I'm not sure how to get her back.

Do I keep my distance?

Or

Do I chase after her?

I know that she asked for distance and that she should get that at least.

But also if you think back to movies, the guy who gives her space ends up alone because someone more eager and willing chases after her.

His head is aching from this debate of his.

"I'm a very sad turtle, who wants to walk a lone, slow path."

"There's plenty of fish in the sea"

He scoffed and pulled out his phone, immediately going to google images.

"Now why would I want a fish?"

"When I can have a cute little turtle?"

I began to scroll further.

"Look! This could be me and Muffin!" I say to no one, only myself.

I begin to realize how crazy I sound and I turn off my phone.

"Did I really just say that me and y/n could be two turtles that are hugging?" I ask myself. "Because that shit is weird"

I really need her back before I become any more crazy.

"The smoking would be a good place to start" I say to myself, unlocking my phone to ask google what to do.

Once the phone unlocked the ugly fish appeared and I near shit myself.

"Okay I'm deleting that search"

I then typed in how to stop smoking and the following came up:

1. Find Your Reason. To get motivated, you need a powerful, personal reason to quit.

2. Consider Nicotine Replacement.

3. Give Yourself a Break.

4. Avoid Alcohol and Other Triggers.

"This is going well, I can do this" I say to myself.

Well that was until I hit number five.

5. Lean On Your Loved Ones.

That step is going to be harder than the others. But hey, I still have mom and all my friends there to support me.

I sighed and lay down on my couch.

The room was silent, the only thing I could hear was the faint pattern of footsteps outside the door as people passed by.

I left myself to feel lifeless. I wrapped up in one of the blankets that y/n brought here when I was sick.

I cuddled in close to it and I let myself cry for the nth time over the past few days.

It wasn't fair.

I had a pain in my heart and an odd chill where your body used lay in my arms.

It was a horrible thing to experience.

I've been through breakups before and they were hard, for sure, but they were nothing compared to this one.

Because before, with those breakups, they were with people I barley knew. They asked me out and I said yeah or vice versa and then I got bored as awful as it sounds.

They just weren't for me.

And to think, I thought a breakup with them is hard.

Let me just say, a breakup with the one you actually love is a hundred trillion times worse.

It's like someone ripped out your heart and rolled over it with a car.

Or someone took a big block of ice and stuck it to you so that you were hugging it 24/7 and it never melted. Just that constant chill where warmth should be.

Or someone took those butterflies you get when that feeling of love swarms through you at unexpected moments and threw knifes at them like darts.

This, dear readers, is what my breakup is like at the moment.

And this is the only one I'll ever suffer through because I will never love someone the same way as I love my muffin. She's everything I could ever want.

How could anyone even try to top her.

They just can't.

And that's just that.

My muffin is irreplaceable.

TBC

A/N: I CANT BELIEVE "UGLY FISH" IS IN MY SEARCH HISTORY NOW HAHAHAHA

lots of love xx