Why can't I get rid of these feelings. I want to, but no matter how hard I try they don't leave

Jealousy, guilt, sadness, self disappointment, regret, remorse, they just won't go away. I want them to go away. I feel absolutely pathetic that I can't do anything about it. I can't even get out of a stupid bed. Yk what maybe I will. Maybe I'll just leave the hospital, they said I could go, so I guess that's what I'll do. I'm not going to sit here and be an absolute pathetic excuse of a living being, I'm going to do something with my life that isn't nothing. 

You guys probably won't see this though, so I guess it doesn't really matter in the end. But they won't stop me, so I'm going home. I'm walking, maps says it's only a days walk, I bet I could do it in half the time. 58 miles and lack of transportation isn't going to stop me. Plus I need to feed the neighbors dog anyway since Frank left.