I wish I could've done more.

I wish I could've given them more, shown them I was willing to do what they wanted. I wish they could talk to me. I wish they would've talked to me. I wish they could've seen how much I was going to give them.

I wish they could've seen that I gave away so much for them. I wish I could've been there when they couldn't sleep at night, needed a friend, needed someone to talk to, needed help, needed some to trust, when they needed anything. I wish I could've been there when they were hurt, reassured them, gave them a hug, I wish I had known. I wish I could've been what they needed, and what they wanted.

I wish they'd have known how much I cared. How much I gave up, all the things I did. I wish they'd have seen it. I wish they could've seen that I wanted to be there for them. That I would've given them anything they wanted. I wish I could've given them those flowers that I picked out for them. But they already had that, all of it, from the start.

I wish I could've seen your successes. Your work, your laugh, smile, eyes, or heard your voice. I wish I could've seen you irl. But now I'm left with my regrets, things I wish I could've done, could've given them. Things I'll never get to see, things like them. Something I'll never get to see.

Someone that left me with so many regrets and things I wish I could've done for them. But in the end, what I didn't see, is that they had everything they could've ever wanted already, and I wasn't needed from the very beginning. Someone that I thought cared about me, but in the end, they had already moved on.

If you're reading this you know who you are, and I'll forever live with these regrets, things left unfulfilled, things I'll never get to do because I'll never see you irl. Because you're already happy the way you are, and you don't need anything I could give you. Words that I said to you that I can never say again with their intended meaning, things I wish could still be true. Things that you said that may not have been true in the first place. You've already moved on, you moved on immediately. You were ready to move on from the beginning, never intending to stay. And that's how it has always been for me, and I'm not surprised. Just regretful, not for anything you did, but for what I didn't do.

But you're happy, and that's all that matters, because that's all I want in life, for people to be happy. I'm my last priority, that's what I have taught myself, because the world needs kindness, not me.

You made me realize things in life. Things I wouldn't have seen otherwise. You made me see that no matter how hard I could try, no matter how much I could do, it's not enough for people. No matter how much I give to someone, they almost always never return half of what I give. That I'm not enough for anyone, that I'm not meant for anyone, not like they are. That my future is insignificant in retrospect, no one will remember me when they become famous. Only when I become famous will people acknowledge I exist, and even then there will be hate, as there always is. I could be trying to help everyone and there would still be people that hate me. And that's okay. You might hate me and that's okay. That even I'm not important to myself, so why would I have been remotely important to someone like you, I clearly wasn't.

I doubt you would've missed me if I was actually gone, if I had succeeded that day, you would've forgotten about me in less than a month. You have people that would help you get over it in less than a day. You've probably already forgotten almost everything about me. You probably don't remember my birthday off the top of your head. And that's fine.

I've grown to only give and that's what I'll do. I'll keep giving to you, even if you hate me. If you want me to stop I will. But after I publish this, I'll have moved on. You won't talk to me like you used to, even before everything. When we were friends, you don't even talk to me like we're friends anymore. In fact you practically stopped talking to me altogether. And that's what I think I'll have to do in return. Because if you don't want to talk to me then that's okay, I'll leave you alone. The person I used to talk to, the real you, the one you are around your true friends, you've stopped being that around me, and I've lost you. So I'm sorry.