None of you know me irl, and that's probably for the best. None of you want to see me irl, and there's a good chance you never will.

I've said this before, but right now, I'm lost. I don't have anything really to live for except for a couple of people. I don't have anything to look forward to in the future besides one specific person if anything. I have an idea for a career but I don't know if I want to go to college anymore. And if I did I don't know where. Right now I'm just used as a study tool to people at school and that's about it because there's nothing better for me to do with my life. I wish I had some sort of future, but other than that career that I'm currently not even sure about, and the one person, that's it. That's enough for me to keep living, but is that enough to keep me sane?

I don't know. Maybe I've been slowly deteriorating for years after... an event. And maybe I knew that it would catch up to me slowly, but I didn't want to take it out on you guys. I'm sorry for the aforementioned person that I talked about in the previous chapter. You didn't deserve that, and you probably hate me. And if you don't, you don't act like you used to around me. You basically act like you don't know me most of the time. But you didn't deserve that, and I'm sorry.

If you met me in irl you'd see a normal person, you'd overlook me, you'd barely notice I exist. If you see me at my house, or in my room, then you'll see the same me. But you guys know me as you've seen me on here. And this is the truest form of me. The side of me that I don't let people see irl, they don't need to. And if they did, they'd wish they never had. When I'm around people irl, they only see the happy side of me, the content side with me. And sometimes, it's a mask. 

So I'm sorry. For taking all of this out on you guys, you guys don't need to be dealing with this, none of you need to. And the person that I mentioned before, I apologize, but I truly feel that way, and there's very little that convinces me otherwise, I'm sorry. But I doubt you'll find those things. Because that's not something I see you being able to do unfortunately.

And to the rest of you reading this, I apologize for you having read this.