Date: January 10th
Time: 7:22pm
Location: Work
Mood: Tolerable
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"Yoo Yoo is sad."

Y/n looked down to the little boy at her side as he met her gaze with childish curiosity, unaware of just how accurate his statement was. Although she wasn't the saddest she had ever been, she definitely wasn't as happy as she should be. It had been a very hard week and she was trying her best to keep it together.

In one way she felt relief at having finally taken that leap and reaching out for help. That part of her inner voice that wanted to stay locked away had lost it's power now that it had been exposed to the light of day. It was a strange and new beginning that Seo-Joon was working hard to forge the path for her to take. He set up every appointment for her and even joined her on the first one. This wasn't for the therapist Hyuna had recommended, but for a general practitioner to give her the initial diagnosis so that they could then move on to the therapist.

However, just because this wasn't the therapist, didn't mean that this appointment was any easier. She still had to admit her problem all over again, this time listing off symptoms that she hadn't realized she had until she started talking about it. And once she started talking about it, then came the uncontrollable crying. The reception she was met with wasn't what her inner voice had tried to convince her it would be at all.

No one was disgusted or surprised. Not one person told her that she was weak or to suck it up. They were all understanding about it. The doctor hadn't even charged her for the visit, instead she gave her two prescriptions. A mild antidepressant to take everyday and another that should only be taken in the case of an anxiety attack.

And then they had moved on like this was normal for everyone. According to her brother, it was. But most didn't want to admit to it. She didn't have to inquire as to why that was. The answer was already in her head. It had been all along.

Seo-Joon was supportive. Jimin, when she let him know what was happening, was supportive. Hyuna slapped her butt and said 'atta girl!' when Y/n told her that she had taken the step towards help...she took that to be supportive. Her parents outright told her how proud they were and then held a mini celebration of sorts, where her mom made her favorite meal and dessert and then let her pick the movie for family movie night.

While all of that helped, another part of her heart was suffering alone. Because she couldn't tell anyone what she had seen. She couldn't tell them where she went everyday to see that someone. Jimin wouldn't like it. He grew angry whenever she mentioned her birth father. The same with Seo-Joon. She didn't want to tell her mom, as it would likely hurt her. She didn't want to bring it up to her step dad because it wouldn't be out of the spectrum of reality for him to tell Seo-Joon to get in the car so they could go beat the man up. And Hyuna didn't know anything about the circumstances surrounding it, only that the dad she would occasionally mention was her step father.

In this, she was alone. Every day she would take the small space of time in-between school and work to walk by and peek through the window to try and get a glimpse of him.

There was no telling why, as it brought her no happiness in doing so. There was an irresistible pull that convinced her to go there. Sometimes she didn't see him and would be disappointed. But other times she would see him, and be even more disappointed. What was she trying to find? Perhaps it was regret, if any ounce of it could be found in his expression. Maybe some amount of shame in his face would make her feel better but all he ever showed was the infuriatingly undeserved smile he bore everyday.

It wasn't fair. She wanted to scream and throw things at him, to ask why and why not. But she didn't. She stood and watched and wondered.

But here with the kids and her boyfriend and her best friend, was work, but also her happy place. Working with kids was like trying to ride a bull in a hurricane as you made a sandwich with one hand. To put it plainly, it was hard work. The kind of work that you had to pay close attention to or else it would be putting LEGOS in it's pants or trying to eat a baby doll's head. It kept her mind busy and distracted from the less enjoyable things in her life.

Especially her favorite kid here. Baek Hyeon's little arms slowly wrapped around her leg to give it a squeeze. His eyes shown with unshed tears which startled her. Why was he about to cry? Before she was able to ask he spoke again.

"No be sad, Yoo Yoo. I give hugs so you no be sad. K?"

"Is..." she paused, unsure, but went on. If it turned out she was wrong, there was nothing to be ashamed about. Little kids weren't judgmental like adults were. "Is that why you're about to cry? Because you think I'm sad?"

"Mhmm." This was hummed gloomily as he tugged on her skirt to wipe his face with. "I no like it. Yoo Yoo no cry. It make my heart hurt."

That he was so opposed to someone else feeling sad showed how empathetic he was. At his age it was remarkable how he was able to articulate those feelings verbally. It said good things about how well his parents were doing in raising him. He was ready to cry just because he thought she was sad...Another reason was tacked on for why Y/n loved this kid so much.

"Thank you, Baek Hyeon. I think I feel better already! Your hug really helped a lot." He kept his face towards the floor but she caught sight of a wide smile. She reached down and pat him on the head, more grateful for him than he would ever know.

After a careful scan of her kids, she glanced around the room to make sure no one else needed any help. Over in the corner she watched as Hyuna struggled to get Ga-in's pants on her and tried not to snort at the way the the child kept putting two legs in one pant hole. Jimin was reading a book to his group. Three girls climbed him like a jungle gym and the other two fought over who got to to sit in his lap. Across the room, Carl was like a super parent, zooming from one kid to the next and seemingly cleaning up messes before they were ever made.

Once more her gaze went back to Hyuna, where the blonde woman had finally gotten Ga-in fully clothed. The child skipped away happily. But Y/n frowned at the way Hyuna paused and bent to rub at her knees, a look of pain on her face and her chest moving up and down as she breathed heavily. As far as Y/n had seen, Hyuna hadn't sat on her knees or bumped them on anything. Had she injured them before work? And why was she breathing like she'd just run ten laps?

Things like this were becoming a more common occurrence and it was bothering her. Hyuna was nauseous a lot. She was tired all the time. She always said she had a headache and she only worked three nights a week and never brought it up in conversation why or what she was doing at that time. Not that she had to, but Y/n was curious. When she would ask, Hyuna would brush her off and switch the topic to something else.

There were other things she found strange as well. But she never pressed for answers. Even though she suspected that she was being lied to for one reason or another. Of course she wanted to know, but she wanted even less to harm their friendship. Hyuna was the only friend she had ever really had and screwing that up was the last thing she wanted to do. She already held the fear that everyone she loved would leave her. That was mainly what kept her mouth shut and out of her friend's business. Maybe one day she would find the courage to ask, but right now while her emotions were all over the place was a bad time.

The hours passed by until one by one parents began showing up to take their offspring home. Baek Hyeon crossed his arms in protest when Y/n tried to put his coat on.

"Come on, open your arms," she urged gently while holding open the jacket for him.

"I no wanna." His frown and the heavy pout to his lips reminded her of the way Jimin acted when they had to separate. It was always a hassle (though admittedly, one she loved) to get him to let her go.

"But you have to. Your mom will be here soon."

At the reminder, a brief look of happiness at seeing his mom crossed his features. That didn't remain for long as he went back to pouting right away. "Can Yoo Yoo come wif me? You can haf my room. I gotta Spider-Man in dere! You like it."

For the first time this week she let out soft laugh. He was so cute and managed to make her feel needed. She was grateful to Baek Hyeon's mom for choosing this daycare.

"But I want to live with my mom." His nose scrunched up in confusion at her words.

"Yoo Yoo gotta mommy?"

"Of course. And I have a little sister that is two. I think you would like her."

He gave her a look of look of disbelief, as if she was talking crazy. When she tapped his arms again he heaved a big sigh and sadly held them open for her, his bottom lip stuck all out as far as it could go.

"There you go." She smiled encouragingly. "Now doesn't that feel better?"

"Nuh-uh."

Well, she had tried.

As much as he had protested, Baek Hyeon was thrilled when his mom arrived and ran into her arms, forgetting all about Y/n. She had to giggle at the fickleness he displayed.

But he wasn't the only pouting male here. Jimin had let it be known that he had to study for an important upcoming exam at the end of the week. And according to him, if he spent more than five minutes with her, then she was the only thing he would be able to think about for the rest of the night. It was very flattering, but she was disappointed when he asked if she could get someone else to drive her home to 'avoid temptation'.

Even though she would prefer he was the one taking her home, she went along with his wishes and asked Hyuna for a ride. The blonde was happy when Y/n asked, which made her feel better about her Jimin separation anxiety.

Once the classroom was empty and the last remaining chores complete, they waved goodbye to Carl and headed out themselves.

Not a second had passed after Hyuna had slipped into the car that Jimin had his mate in his arms. It was dark and there wasn't anyone around them aside from Hyuna, but that was one too many witnesses for her. Later she vowed to get back at him for this but for now settled for hiding her hot face in his chest.

"Say something to keep me from wanting you later."

Unseen by him, she rolled her eyes at the absurd request. "Something."

"Ugh," he groaned and let his cheek rest atop her head. "What am I going to do? You're so cute there's no way I can stay away."

"Shh." After shushing him she tried to look around to find any peering eyes intruding on their public display, but a firm tug brought her back to his chest and didn't allow for much movement.

"No one's looking. Not even Hyuna."

"No, but I am listening."

"Yah!" The sound of her friend's evil cackle met her ears as she tugged at the opening of Jimin's jacket and used it to cover her face.

"She rolled up the window..." he said thinly, an edge of irritation to his voice. "No one's watching." The sound of him sniffing reached her ears as her face slowly came back into view. "Why do you smell like raspberries? Last time you smelled like that you were stressed out. Is something bothering you?"

There was a lot bothering her at the moment and he knew most of it, so it was a bit strange to her that he was asking. Also that she...smelled like raspberries?

"Yeah." That was the short and simple answer she decided to give. There was more going on that he didn't know but that wasn't a conversation to be shared in a five minute hug. Besides, he was the one who decided on that time range. Y/n might be a little sour about that fact.

"I know. Everything is going to be alright." He murmured while stroking her back comfortingly. "When do you see the therapist?"

Y/n was very aware that the whole therapist thing was a good idea and that she had made the right choice. But a small childish part of her also wished that someone would tell her that she didn't have to go. Or, more unrealistically, that her feelings and mental issues would inexplicably disappear and never bother her again. Going to new places and speaking to strange people about her feelings was scarier than being stuck with those damaging thoughts for years.

"It's tomorrow." She tried not to sound too whiny when she said that and moved to change the subject. "Did you ask about the full moon?"

"Yes. Hoseok-hyung still has to watch Namjoon-hyung as well so we'll probably go to my house since it's smaller and easier for him to keep an eye on both of us at once."

Finally, something she could look forward to. Though she knew it might irritate Jimin, she had to ask.

"Will I see their wolves too??" She probably shouldn't have sounded so excited. But the book he had lent her said that Alpha werewolves were gigantic and she was very curious to see if that was really true. In response Jimin growled lightly, which she ignored in anticipation for his response.

"Not if I have anything to say about it."

"Why nooot? I want to."

"Because you can't pet every werewolf you see, Y/n. Don't frown at me. You know I hate that!"

"I just want to pet the dogs." She sulked at the thought of all those werewolves not being pet or getting belly rubs or their ears scratched. The world was so unfair.

Creatures that adorable deserved it and more. Jimin grumbled about them 'not being dogs' as she continued to sulk. Why was he so against this? The book taught her a lot but it never said anything about not being allowed to pet all the werewolves.

"You can pet Wolfy. He's very excited about you coming over and I know he won't mind shifting for you. But...he's very shy when it comes to you so you're probably going to have to make him feel comfortable."

"Me?" Y/n, the most timid and awkward person alive was supposed help someone else from feeling the same way? Thinking of actually speaking to Wolfy one on one had already made her nervous. That he was in the same boat...she couldn't tell if it made it better or worse.

"You'll do fine, just try not to smell too good. Or be too beautiful. Definitely don't smile a lot. And don't do this thing." Batting his eyelashes excessively, he tucked an invisible stand of hair behind his ear and peered at her in an absurdly provocative manner.

"I don't do that!"

"YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME." The car window rolled down and Hyuna leaned across the seats to look out at them. Flushing, Y/n tucked her face back into Jimin's chest as he covered her protectively. "Don't look at my baby!"

The blonde woman ignored the both of them. "I'm hungry."

She was hungry? Inwardly Y/n celebrated, a part of her relieved to see that Hyuna was actually wanting to eat. She moved to pull away but was quickly jerked back as a glaring Jimin informed her friend, "I still have 30 seconds."

"Thirty seconds of torture," Hyuna grumbled as the window went back up again.

Thirty seconds and fierce arguments over how many kisses was appropriate later, a scarlet faced Y/n entered Hyuna's car to where her friend was waiting with a smirk.

"Dude is completely obsessed with you."

There was no way to deny it even if she wanted to. Jimin was so openly vocal and affectionate that anyone could see that Hyuna was right. Rather than argue, Y/n clicked her seatbelt in place and waved goodbye to her depressed looking boyfriend. It was enough to tug at her own heartstrings, what with how emotional she had been this week. She focused on not crying as they drove off, and somehow successfully succeeded in keeping a straight face.

"Ya hungry? I'll buy ya supper."

"Yes, please."

"Kay. Whatcha feel like eating?"

Inexplicably Y/n's mind shot to the florist shop and she tried to remember what restaurants were nearby. It was a terrible idea but her mind and mouth moved on their own without her consent. Or did it?

"I-I know of a taco place that sells tofu tacos..." she held her breath and tried to appear nonchalant as she studied her friend from the corner of her eye. Would Hyuna notice that she had ulterior motives?

"Sounds good." Her fingers tapped at the steering wheel. She hadn't noticed a thing. "Where's it at?"

A shot of regret and guilt ran down her spine as she relayed the directions to Hyuna. There was a taco stand nearby the florist shop but this still felt like a lie.

"Unnie..." her conscience had made her speak without any premeditation. Hyuna would support her if she told her everything...right?

"Yeah?" She replied while looking both ways before making a left turn.

The mood between them was calm but the palms of Y/n's hands began to sweat as her stomach twisted painfully. Realistically, Hyuna was the best option if she was going to tell anyone about her dad. She could be a hot head and usually hit first and asked questions later, but if Y/n laid it out carefully she knew that her friend would listen. Nervously she clenched her hands together and decided to go ahead.

"I need to tell you something."

"Ya do? Actually," she hesitated as a look of apprehension crossed her face, "I gotta tell you something too." She glanced over to check Y/n's reaction, also giving her a smile to put her at ease.

"Oh. Then you go first."

"Nah, you go ahead cause mine is um, well...it's a lot."

"I—alright then." She would rather Hyuna go first but this was slowly killing her and she had spent enough of her life keeping her worries and issues to herself. She didn't want to do it anymore. More than that, it was too exhausting keeping it all inside. "Um...you know how I have a step dad?"

"Yes."

"That's because my real dad—I mean, my birth dad," she quickly went to correct her wording. Her step father was her real father. Not the one who had chosen not to be there. "My birth father, he...he left us. A long time ago he left us." This time there were no tears and her words came out eerily calm. Matter of fact. As if the memory didn't tear her heart out. Why was that?

"Asshole." Hyuna muttered but otherwise kept quiet and listened.

"Yeah. Um...so...we haven't seen him for years and I didn't know where he was until...until last week. I found him."

Although she waited for a reply or some form of reaction, Hyuna didn't give her much of anything. Nothing aside from the worried look she displayed. "Did you talk to him?"

Relief hit her like a wave. Of course Hyuna wasn't judging or thinking less of her. She was sort of crazy, but she was a good person.

"No." Calming thoughts. She tried to keep them from clenching her fingers too tightly together but it wasn't working so well.

"Ya want to? I'll go with you."

"You will?!?"

"Of course." She answered in a tone that said, duh. "And this is just a guess, but how close to this taco truck is he?"

A blush warmed her face and she looked down at her lap. "He has a shop about 20 meters away."

"Is it weird that I find you adorable right now?"

She had no idea how to answer that. Instead she moved on from the comment. "I don't think I can talk to him yet..."

"So ya just wanna spy on him? I can do that. Once I spied on my ex for two weeks."

"W-What?? Why?"

"Thought he was cheatin' on me. But it turned out he was just a crazy sasaeng fan stalking his favorite girl group."

"That's worse..."

"You're telling me." she agreed. "Crazy mother fucker tried to justify that shit. Is this the street?"

Her nerves became a bundle of anxiety as she realized where they were. "Yes."

"Mkay, don't worry. Unnie is here with ya."

"Thank you." Her voice came out in a whisper without her meaning it to, prompting Hyuna to reach over and pat her head.

"It's all good. Just say the word and I'll break this deadbeat's ass bone."

"It's a tailbone." she giggled. "And please don't do that."

"I won't unless you give me the ok."

Spotting the taco truck, she directed the car behind a building and into a vacant spot. It was past 9pm and there were few people out. The streets weren't empty, though not as full as they would be during daylight hours. Two other people sat at one of the fold up table and chairs next to the taco truck and a couple pedestrians dotted the sidewalk here and there.

Hyuna and Y/n exited the car and the former immediately began to curse at how cold it was as the winter wind nipped at their skin harshly. She looked from the food truck and then back to Y/n, silently asking which way she wanted to go for first.

"Uh...that way-" she pointed int he direction of the florist shop before digging in her pocket and pulling out a hand warmer to offer Hyuna.

"I swear you have a million of these on you at all times."

"I only have ten." She countered as Hyuna accepted the warmer and shoved it into her pocket.

"Ten??"

Actually, she had fourteen.

They walked on the opposite side of the street as the florist shop to avoid detection and her footsteps faltered as they drew near until she forced herself to keep moving, now at a slower rate. Hyuna followed along as they came closer to their destination and surprised Y/n when she hooked their arms around one another.

"Don't be sad." She told her seriously. "It makes me feel violent."

Just then the urge to hug her friend was incredible. What had she done to deserve her? Nothing, really. But now she couldn't imagine life without her. Hyuna had helped her come out of her shell almost as much as Jimin had, if not more.

With a smile she had decided to go ahead and hug her anyway, shyness over people watching be damned. But before she could, something across the street caught her eye.

"Dada!!"

The smile she had worn a moment before dropped, along with the last remnants of her self worth. Bile rose in her throat as she watched disbelievingly at the scene that played out before her. It was as if the universe knew just how to destroy her heart and was going in for the kill.

The bell over the door to the florist shop jingled as a little boy rushed inside and straight into her father's arms. He was calling out for his dad. A smiling woman, presumably his mother followed in after him. Even from across the street she was able to see the shiny gold band on her left ring finger.

The man that already had a family had left them and now had a new one.

But that wasn't what hurt the most. The worst part was that the little boy was her Baek Hyeon.

—
Edited 9/14/22