Date: October 30th
Time: 10:51am
Location: University hallway
Mood: Hotter than a pepper no mint
<><><>

Y/n was going to die due to overheating.

It was serious this time. In-between lectures, another student she vaguely recognized from her forensic science class approached her. Tall and sort of lanky, he wasn't the conventional type of handsome or even cute. Though he held a certain charm. Onyx colored irises, messy, untamed hair, wide forehead and a splatter of freckles along his nose made up his person. He approached, hands holding a bouquet of blooming, gorgeous, but dead flowers in her face.

The sweet fragrance sent her mind back to childhood when this smell used to be a happy one. The sunflowers dotted throughout the arrangement made her feel sick as they produced a particular memory.

"If you ever want to feel happy, look at a sunflower. They follow the sun, the light that gives the earth life. That means they can direct you out of the darkness."

Funny how looking at them as a child always helped her to feel better, but seeing them now made her feel hopeless. The words spoken by the man who heartlessly left his family now acted as a poison.

As if that weren't bad enough, the student that approached her bowed his head and all but shouted, bringing curious stares from onlookers their way. "I LIKE YOU!"

She was going to die. A cold and heavy sweat broke out on her flushed forehead and her palms. The scientific facts she recited to calm herself were there, but stuck in a thick ball in her throat that was making it difficult to breathe. For a second her sight blurred and she wobbled unsteadily, feeling faint and knowing she was close to passing out.

In the next moment, darkness covered her vision but it wasn't from fainting or closing her eyes, but something draped over her head, effectively hiding her from view. The smell of leather invaded her senses at the same time Hyuna's voice cut through the air.

"You like me?!?" she squealed. "Babe, I am so flattered! What's yer name? What's yer sign? I ain't ever seen you before but baby, I can't wait to bump uglies."

A crinkling sound like the flowers had been snatched and a deep inhale made it's way to Y/n's ears. Her hands clutched at the fabric hiding her from view, the jacket acting as a protective shield that gave her the space she needed to calm down.

"Huh?" The deeper voice told her it was the man replying, and he sounded very confused. "No, I meant-"

"What do you mean, no?" Hyuna's tone switched to one of outrage. "You said you liked me and now you just gon' take it back?!? HOW COULD YOU? IS IT CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BUMP MY UGLY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY UGLY? ITS ACTUALLY PRETTY! HYGIENE, BITCH!"

"What? That's not—I wasn't-"

"Oh, wow." Hyuna's voice trembled and Y/n swore she heard her sniffle. "You gonna change yer mind AGAIN? I can't with you. Indecisive men ain't my thing. Please," she choked up, before her voice dropped to a dramatic whisper "leave!"

"I..." a deep sigh followed. "Fine."

Like someone flipped a switch, Hyuna's tone was back to normal. "I can keep these flowers though, right?"

<><><>
10:57am

After having followed her to the physics class they shared, Hyuna sat next to her in the lecture hall. Bags beneath her eyes and a slight pale tint to her face conjured a concerned feeling in Y/n. Although her makeup was always done perfectly, today it was a thin covering of foundation and some mascara. That, and the slight frizziness to her hair was very unlike her. One hand rubbed idly at her stomach while the other was fiddling with what appeared to be a business card.

Opening her mouth to ask if she was ok, Y/n was cut off before she could.

"Soooo..." the blonde woman paused, a wince coming over her face as she clenched her stomach. "Don't get mad at me." She warned once her pain seemed to have passed.

"Are y-you ok?" she replied after setting up the pc on her lap.

"Yeah, yeah, just nauseous. I didn't really sleep last night. Anywho..." pausing again, the fidgeting around with the card increased. "The reason I like you so much is cause you remind me of my little sister. She had sociophobia growing up. Now she's mostly cured. Just crazy," a ghost of a smile appeared on her face. "Um. But what I'm tryin' to say is: she went to this doc," her hand wiggled the card like it was a fan, cooling off her face and causing a few baby hairs to blow back. "It ain't cheap, but it worked."

A normal person would be thankful for the recommendation. However, Y/n was far from normal so when she realized what Hyuna was getting at her heart plummeted to her stomach where that organ proceeded to tie itself up in knots. At this point, she had to concede that she liked Hyuna. She was funny, protective and took care of her when she could. Already considering her a friend, she'd been tempted more than once to think about letting her in. It was like Hyuna was slowing chipping through the ice, methodically removing one shard at a time. But now. Now she wondered.

Why was she suggesting this? Common sense and intellect assured that it was a friendly suggestion, another way Hyuna was caring for her. But that voice was small compared to that vindictive one. It was a colossal weight of pain, fear, and anxiety, and it ruled over her mind, black as night and stretching on for miles. It liked to remind her that she wasn't good enough and never was. That Hyuna didn't care about her and was saying all of this to imply that she didn't like the person Y/n was now.

And then there was the anger. It wasn't enough to ignite a bigger flame, but a spark of irritation. She was annoyed that the one person she was unconsciously beginning to trust would overstep her bounds. You don't just tell someone they need a therapist.

Obviously, she did. She knew she did. That didn't mean that the suggestion didn't hurt.

"Oh, don't look at me like that." Hyuna snapped, but there was a flash of worry and concern in her eyes. "I ain't saying ya need to change or anything, I'm just saying if you think you need help, it's an option. Bitch, you're perfect the way you are. My only thought was yer feelings."

Before she could reply, Hyuna reached down between them and shoved the card deep into Y/n's bag.

Not knowing how to react, she kept to herself for the rest of the school day.

<><><>
4:14pm

As if to add to the growing list of the unexpected today, Seo-Joon came to pick her up.

Leaning up against the hood of his car, he stood with arms crossed and a look on his face that his sister would categorize as a scowl, but other girls would refer to as a smolder.

Y/n couldn't help the sigh that came out at the way her brother's glare seemed to be slice through a guy that brushed past her and barely grazed her elbow with his own. All that energy towards a stranger that didn't know her, and yet nothing to the gaggle of girls whispering excitedly about him and his car.

The car. In her mind there was nothing remotely interesting about automobiles. They were objects that could be taken apart and put back together. Everything about them was known, there was no puzzle to solve or new discoveries to be made.

However, holding absolutely no knowledge about them didn't stop her from knowing what this car was. Her brother taught her how to drive in this car and it had been stapled into her mind everyday that she had to be careful because a 1975 Mustang GT350 didn't come along everyday. Or as Seo-Joon would occasionally put it: The Shelby.

Internally she sighed again. Cars weren't interesting.

But this was. Why he was here was the first question in mind when she approached, and the first question out of Seo-Joon's mouth was her answer.

"Hey sis." He paused, gaze scanning around behind her, again ignoring all of the girls looking his way. "So. Where's Jimin?"

Really, she should have seen that coming.

Saliva seemed to build up in her mouth faster than usual as a nervous knot grew in her belly. Lying was not her forté, but the thought of Seo-Joon hurting the tiny man bothered something deep inside.

"I don't know." Was the answer she landed on. For a moment she contemplated on saying that he was across campus, but on second thought, those words would lead to more questions. Questions like, 'how do you know where he is? Did he tell you that? You have his number? Why do you have his number?'

"You said he went to this university." he accused.

Becoming increasingly more uncomfortable with lying and with the small audience of females admiring her brother, she nervously tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Oppa, I don't know where he is. Let's go home. Please?"

Grumbling something unintelligible, he made one last sweep with his eyes around the area for his target. Seemingly giving up for now, he motioned for her to get in the car, soon following after.

"Home?" he questioned as he buckled his seat belt. "Don't you have work?"

She froze for a second and thankfully, her brother failed to notice. The lack of deception skills was becoming more obvious now that he pointed that out. How she could have forgotten her own daily schedule confused her.

"Yes, but...um," she scrambled for an answer before grasping onto the one thing she knew Seo-Joon would never question. "I have a girl problem to take care of first."

"Eh?" he chanced a glance her way. "A girl...Oh." cheeks turning ruddy, he awkwardly cleared his throat and moved on from the subject as she knew he would. "Right, right. Sorry I asked."

'Sorry I lied.' she thought with sadness. How could anyone stand to lie? It made her feel gross all over.

<><><>
5:00pm

Even through the ride home and the short time spent there, the small square of printed card stock was on her mind all day.

Never one to be mad for long, forgiving Hyuna came easily. She only meant well, and though it still hurt a bit to know that Hyuna recognized that there was something wrong with her, Y/n tried to remember that.

The card. The psychologist.

It was terrifying. Just thinking of going through with it made her want to cry. The first step would certainly be the hardest, and honestly, she was very doubtful the action could be done.

Making an appointment might not seem so hard. But with any doctor's appointment, you have to tell them what you need to be seen for.

That meant explaining her problem.

The first step. The hardest step. Admitting it.

It was one thing living with it. But it was a whole other ballgame to put your pain into words and say them out loud. That made it more real. It wasn't like she could ignore it, but it was a secret. Everyone knew she was shy. No one knew what went on her mind. No one sees your pain and struggle, they only see your flaws. And with her, flaws were aplenty. Always down on herself, unable to communicate properly, pushing people away when they tried to help.

Going to a professional and talking about it...everyone would judge her. What she suffered with was a very real mental illness that an alarming amount of society looked down on and didn't take seriously.

Seo-Joon would tell her to get over it. Rosie wouldn't look up to her anymore. Her parents would refuse to help because of the treatment cost. And Jimin wouldn't smile at her ever again. That part was particularly painful in a way she couldn't wrap her mind around.

They would all know the real her then, and they would all leave.

When faced with something like this she felt weak. There was no way she could do it. The path was blocked by a very real obstacle. A man in his mid forties, closely cropped hair, a nose slightly on the large side and a square jaw. Her father. He wouldn't allow her to pass. Whenever she came close he would remind her that there was no point anyway, as she would fail because she was useless.

The worst part of it all was that she wanted to fight back. She wanted out of this. To be able to live a normal life was like a dream. Unfortunately, she was trapped in her own body. The words 'help me' were very much there, but no matter how much she tried they would not leave her mouth.

Maybe she shouldn't even bother.

Jimin was usually at work before she was, but today by the time she arrived through the back entrance, he was no where in sight. She discovered that her boss was up front, speaking at the back of the room with the mint haired regular. It wasn't her intention to listen. But she had to work. Hiding her bag under the counter and pining her name tag to her chest, it was kind of hard not to hear them. Either they hadn't noticed she was there, or didn't care. The latter option would be odd, considering their conversation was...strange.

"Please give me Jimin's schedule. You know I can't be here when he is." At the words from the green-haired man, he cast his eyes around the room worriedly.

Not knowing why, Y/n ducked behind the counter to evade his gaze. Not that it mattered. She was so freakishly short she couldn't be seen over the shelves anyway.

"You know damn well you shouldn't be here, Yoongi. This is disrespectful to your pack mate and friend. This is his mate we're talking about. How would you feel if the situation were reversed?"

Pack mate? As in those vacuum sealed storage bags her mother always stored their summer or winter clothes in?

"I don't care." he replied. Y/n had only heard him speak once before, but just now noticed the deep timbre in his voice. "You know why I'm doing this."

There was an exaggerated sigh from the older woman. "Exactly the problem here! If you just told him-"

He cut her off, deep voice full of irritation and malice. "No. I started this and I'm doing it my way."

And what did mate mean? Jimin's mate? He wasn't an animal.

"You aren't doing anything! All you're accomplishing is torturing yourself."

"Get off my back already." he spit. Y/n felt nervous at the tone he was directing at an elder but obviously he did not care. "I don't need you giving me shit over something you don't understand. Your advice here is useless. If you aren't going to help me, then get out of my way."

"Yoongi-"

Both voices halted. Figuring she had been caught eavesdropping, (but was it really eavesdropping if she was doing her job and they happened to be there?) the nervous feeling in Y/n's stomach grew.

"Run," her boss whispered, her voice was followed by the sound of a spray canister emitting something into the air. "Through the back, quickly."

The moment they disappeared through the back exit, the bell over the front one jingled as Jimin stepped through it.

Gaze shooting to her location shortly after, he rushed over to where she stood. Smiling from ear to ear he deposited a six pack of Dr Peppers in glass bottles on the counter between them and gently slid them forward. "For you."

A slow exhale escaped him as his eyes lingered over her face. Her cheeks darkened in response. Then, as if realizing what he was doing, he froze before turning around and presenting his back to her instead. One hand reached back to tap one of the unopened bottles of soda as he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"You, uh," he floundered for a moment before finding his words. "You like this. So...I got it for you. Tell me when you finish them and I'll buy you more."

Why? That was what she wanted to ask. This was not the first drink he bought her. It wasn't the first gift. Jimin tended to bring her presents every now and then and she couldn't understand why. Was he the giving type? Or was there some other reason behind it?

Though she wasn't going to complain. Truth be told, all of the soda would probably gone by tomorrow morning. It was like a drug, a weakness she couldn't hold out against.

"Thank you." she answered softly and with genuine feeling. All she could see was his back but somehow she knew his smile had brightened, and the knowledge that she had made it happen brought her to blush a little more.

At this point, Jimin to her wasn't necessarily a negative anymore. He'd toned it down to a normal level and what regular people would call 'comfortable' she called 'familiar'. Comfortable was still a long way off but he might get there some day. For now he was someone that she could expect certain things from and not be on edge around. Or as 'on edge' as she could keep herself from being on. More often than not she was paranoid that everyone was out to hurt her, but she didn't expect that from Jimin as much, which was remarkable in and of itself.

"I learned how to do CPR today." he offered the information randomly and for whatever reason it brought forth a curiosity in her. A small thirst for more knowledge about Jimin. "It wasn't as hard as I thought but it was a lot more physically taxing than I figured it would be. Tomorrow I learn how to perform it on babies. I hope I never have to use that."

Since she was experiencing a mini panic attack in her mind over why she was suddenly interested in Jimin, Y/n failed to reply. But she did notice the slight pause in his words before he tentatively asked, "how was your day?"

"It," 'was good' was what almost came out before she recalled the business card that seemed to weigh her bag down. "-was alright." Was how she decided to reply. Voice low and a trace of sadness in her tone, Jimin's usual response to any sign of sadness from her would have been to get angry and murder something.

Instead his shoulders tightened and his arms came to cross in front him in a strained and forced sort of way. His face wasn't in view but his body language spoke of a tightly wound coil ready to snap. Despite that, his voice was the same soft and sweet one he reserved just for her.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Yes. She did want to. There was so much she had to say, millions of words unspoken. Just then an idea came to mind. There had always been that ugly, nagging voice in her head that urged her to push Jimin away before he hurt her. While she didn't believe that he would, that voice remained. This could be her chance to make him leave if he wanted. The possibility was unpleasant to think about. But if he was going to leave eventually, wouldn't it be better for him to go now rather than later? Later, when it would hurt more.

Under all of that, it felt important. Y/n wanted to know, had to know how Jimin would react. There was this yearning for his approval deep under the surface that terrified her. But at the same time comforted her, insisting that she already had it.

Maybe Jimin was the perfect person to show this to because they weren't very close but they weren't total strangers. He was familiar with her. But he didn't know her that well.

Not knowing where the courage came from, she squatted to find her bag and fished around for the little card that had been on her mind all day. Once finding it she straightened up again, heart racing over what she was about to do.

"D-d you uh-um..." she used up the last of her will to hold the card out with both hands until it slid over the top of his shoulder. "Do you th-think I need this?"

Taking the offered object, he paused as he read it over. It was of a simple format. Mostly white, names, numbers and location printed on that side, while the on the left there was a green strip with the word 'psychologist' written in bold, golden letters. Every second that ticked by as he read it over caused her racing heart to increase in speed. In reality it was about four seconds, but to her it felt like an eternity. An eternity that was trying to kill her heart and soak her palms in a cold sweat.

"Not really." Jimin replied casually with a shrug of his shoulders.

That...was it? Where was the judging? The hatred? The 'get away me from, freak.'? Why wasn't he leaving and why didn't he think it was a big deal?

"But-" he continued and her stomach dropped. Ah, here it is. The rejection she was waiting for. "That's a question only you can answer. You're the only one in your own head. It's a decision only you can make and no on else's opinion matters. And just so you know," he turned his head to peak at her over his shoulder, "there's nothing to be ashamed of. There are other people in this room that have needed therapy before. You aren't alone."

Just then her racing heart decided to perform an odd tumble of sorts. As if it had been running it's own marathon and stumbled at hearing Jimin's words. By the time it picked back up again, there was a small, almost imperceptible flutter to it.

That...was different.

—
Edited 7/14/22