I'm just boiling.

Betrayed so many times.

And why let it get to me? Because I've been through enough.

You don't give trust away. It has to be fucking earned. That's the lesson I learned.

I'm so tired of living in my head. Dreaming of a better life because this one can really suck sometimes. My real life friends are leaving one by one and I'm left to pick up the pieces.

And I can pick all of them up. But that's not the life I want to live.

I want a life in which everyday brings me intense joy. I just want to wake up and not even worry about the growing gap in my teeth or the way people see me.

I wish I could just disappear and do my own thing without the eyes of others.

I used to not be like this. There was a time when I thought everyone was my friend and that I could change the world. I still can change the world, but not everyone is a friend. There's so many 'friends' nowadays and I just want the one in real life who wouldn't betray me.

I shouldn't complain very much tbh. I have three really good friends and they have my back completely.

But I'm heartbroken about my fourth friend. I don't want him to leave, but he's gone. He promised we would see each-other one last time, but now it's too late. Then, there's me... picking up the pieces. Using people to get the attention I've been starved from since I've been born.

I'm just so tired of being me.