Chapter 4: So Unless I'm Sleeping With Dr. Park....

The next two days were nothing short of perfect. A romantic honeymoon of sorts. It certainly felt like a getaway. Jimin canceled his Thursday sessions, and luckily only had my session on Friday but with Mark being away it was "canceled." Jimin and I spent the days defiling almost every inch of my house with the exception of my marital bed. Despite my betrayal, I couldn't bring myself to do that. How noble of you, Y/N. It was so nice not to have to worry about rushing against the clock and actually be able to savor every kiss, every touch, every thrust. We barely slept, as we didn't want to waste a minute not soaking up every bit of each other. When we did sleep, it was only small naps here and there before one woke the other up demanding the connection we both so desperately craved.

I told Jimin that I needed time to process what he said and I wanted him to think about it as well. Is this what he really wanted? Or was he caught up in the sex high? Did he really want to be with me? Or did he just not want me to be with Mark? I know I have no right to ask him to wait, but I did. I feel like the cliche where one makes promises to their lover that they will leave their spouse but they never do. But I would never do that to Jimin. I really just need time. How would I even do it? Sorry, Mark, I just don't want this anymore? Do I tell him there's someone else? Fuck no Y/N, are you insane?

My thoughts are interrupted by a slam of a car door and my heart sinks knowing that it's back to reality. Since he left earlier, Mark was coming home Saturday versus Sunday, which means I had to wait two excruciatingly long days until I got to see Jimin again. I am somewhat worried about how Mark is going to react to seeing me, especially since I was so vulnerable and clingy before he left when I thought Jimin and I were over. He enters the den where I am reading and smiles before closing the distance between us.

"Y/N," he says, wrapping his arms around me and burying his nose in my hair. I can hear the deep breath he takes as he inhales my scent, and despite the two showers I've taken since Jimin left I wonder if he can smell Jimin on me.

I wonder if men, like animals, can detect when there has been an invasion of their space.

"I missed you so much." He pulls away before he tilts my face up and kisses me hard on the mouth. I gasp at the aggression allowing his tongue to attack mine. Within a second, I'm being lifted into his arms. Fuck this is what I was afraid of. Pick a fight, Y/N. Pick a fucking fight. QUICK. He carries me up the stairs and deposits me on the bed before he's on me instantly.

"I've been thinking about this for the past two days." Yeah me too... just not with you.

"Mark" I say, his lips finally leaving mine allowing me a chance to speak. I feel his lips at my neck and I put my hands against his chest and push gently. "How was your trip?"

"Long. Exhausting. I couldn't stop thinking about being inside of you. Baby, it's been too long, and kissing you before I left... I remembered how good it always was between us," he says standing up and pulling off his jacket and beginning to unbutton his shirt.

Sure, for you. "Mark, I did some thinking while you were gone."

"Oh? About what?"

"Us."

"What about it?"

"I think... I think maybe you were right about therapy. Maybe it's not working." I shrug. "Or maybe it's not really the therapy. Maybe it's us. We're not working. We don't work anymore."

"What? Y/N why are you saying this?"

"Because I enjoyed you being gone far too much," I say honestly. I wince at the harshness of my words, but I need to get his mind away from trying to be intimate with me. And if he's mad or hurt maybe he won't want to fuck me.

He looks at me as if I've just slapped him in the face, and I guess in a way, I did. "You were all over my dick two days ago, what the fuck happened?"

"I was vulnerable. We had just rehashed all of the skeletons of our pasts and then you up and left me there-"

"You said you were fine."

"If that helps you sleep at night, Mark, fine. But you knew I wasn't. But you also know I wasn't going to ask you to stay. You made your decision. Not that I think it would have made a difference one way or the other. We keep putting bandaids on our problems instead of really trying to solve them."

"I am trying Y/N, I've been trying for months. I'll admit I wasn't at first, but ever since we started therapy I've really made an effort. You've been the one fighting me."

I sigh wondering how I am even going to argue that. He's right, ever since I started my affair with Jimin, I've been less than enthusiastic about reconciliation. I don't have a reply so I fix my gaze on something on the floor. Maybe I should just do it now. Why prolong the inevitable? But... is it inevitable? Is being with Jimin the endgame? Once I do this, there's no going back. Say I leave Mark and things with Jimin don't work out. Then I'm completely alone. Is it worth my safety and security for a wild card romance? What if our whole relationship is fueled by just the thrill of the forbidden? What if it doesn't work when our relationship is more than just stolen moments and kisses? What if the spark between Jimin and I dies along with my marriage to Mark?

All of the "what ifs" are blaring in my brain and I wish I could quiet the questions for just a minute. "I'm going to take a shower. I'm glad you're home," I say turning my back and walking out of our bedroom. I've taken two steps before my back is against the wall and my husband is towering over me. I know he'd never lay a finger on me, so I'm not worried about that. No, I'm more worried he's about to drop to his knees and beg. Frankly, I'm not sure which is worse.

"Talk to me," he pleads, his eyes boring into mine. "Tell me why you've put this wall up. Why are you keeping me out? What do I have to do to be close to you?" His hands slide down the wall and onto my shoulders before they creep towards my chest. His hands find my breasts, palming them through my T- shirt before he slides them down my body and around to my back. Within seconds his hands are on my ass, cupping me through my thin cotton shorts.

Can you not? I reach behind me to grab his hands and remove them from my ass when I feel one move between my legs. "Let me make you feel good baby" You can't. I feel what his hand is trying to do and I panic.

"Stop!" I say pushing hard against his chest, and his hand that was trying to make its way into my shorts is removed from my body. "I don't want..." I narrow my eyes and I feel the tears coming at any moment. But not because of this, but because I feel sick that my husband's hands were all over my body, one that belongs to Jimin.

XXXXXXXXXXX

I wake up Monday morning, cranky, my mood matching the dreary, gray day outside when I feel warmth beside me. It must be early if Mark is still asleep but when I check my phone and see 8:30, I frown. What is he still doing here? I tap him a few times with my index finger and he groans.

"What, Y/N?"

"Do you know how late it is?"

"How late is it?" he asks, his eyes still closed.

"8:30."

"Okay?"

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I'm working from home," he says, turning back over.

Fuck. How am I supposed to see Jimin before our session? God dammit. "Oh." I fling the covers back before I head out of the bedroom. It takes everything out of me not to stomp like a child who isn't getting her way. I'm in the bathroom, taking my aggression out on my teeth as I'm jabbing the brush in and out of my mouth. This is fucking ridiculous. I lean over to spit and when I stand I feel his presence behind me, his morning wood pressing into my back. I turn around and look at him and he gives me a shy smile.

"I'm going to shower, join me?" Jesus Mark, you haven't been this pushy about sex in at least a year.

"I'm going to go for a run."

He nods, accepting the rejection before dropping his shorts before I leave the room. I catch a glimpse at his dick and I realize it's been so long since I've seen it I had forgotten what it looked like. Once I hear the shower turn on, I close the door behind me and bolt for my purse, grabbing my cellphone and running down the stairs. I know I don't have much time, but I need to tell him what's going on, and what won't be happening today. I'm pressing the send button before I've even reached the bottom stairs. I hear his voice on the other end but I'm making sure all bases are covered. "One second," I say before I listen to make sure the shower is still running. Once I hear it, I run into the living room and turn the television on loud.

"Jimin," I whisper.

"Baby, how are you? I missed you yesterday."

"I know, I'm sorry. Mark is being so... clingy right now. He's barely left my side."

He sighs. "I can't wait to be inside of you baby, I got spoiled having you nonstop for two days. Can you come earlier than noon? I want to kiss every inch of your body. I'm touching my dick right now thinking about you. Do you want to skype?" I can hear the desperation and the excitement in his voice and I hate that I have to burst his bubble.

I groan. "God, I want that... all of that so bad. But... I can't."

"What? Why?"

"Mark is working from home today." There's silence on the other end and I know he's seething.

"Baby..."

"So what, I can't be alone with you at all today?" he demands and I start to panic at the thought as well.

"I don't know what else to do."

"Go for a run, I'll come to you. Now."

"Now? Jimin, that's... risky."

"I don't care, Y/N. I need you, please."

I sigh. "I'll text you."

"Make it work, Y/N." So now on top of a clingy husband that won't stop pawing at me, I now have a jealous boyfriend that's getting more possessive by the day. I am so fucked.

"I have to go," I whisper.

"I love you," he says and I wish he knew how much I want to say it back. I almost give in to the urge when I hear my name. Close. I can tell by the volume, that Mark is one room over, and coming in fast. I hang up on Jimin without a word and my heart sinks that I had to do that. Please forgive me, Jimin. I bolt for the couch, sitting on top of my cellphone, as the clothes I wear to bed have nowhere near enough material to hide a cell phone.

"Shit, Y/N why is the TV so loud, are you going deaf?"

"Oh sorry, I didn't realize," I say as I turn the volume of the television down.

"I thought you were going for a run?"

"I wanted to check the weather first, I thought it might rain." Thank God, it's at least on the Weather Channel.

He sits next to me on the couch and begins looking through his phone and I feel like my heart is racing at the thought that Jimin might try and call me back or text me, and I haven't had a chance to turn it off. And while my phone is on silent, I think Mark would feel the vibration.

"Can you make the coffee?" I ask.

"Coffee before your run?" he asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

"For when I get back?"

He narrows his eyes at me, no doubt confused about why I would want him to make coffee for me to drink an hour from now but he obliges. He gets up and heads towards the kitchen. I quickly reach under me and turn my cellphone off. Jimin probably got the hint for why I had to abruptly end the call so hasn't tried to make contact. I reach for a magazine and hide the cellphone within the pages before heading up the stairs to change into something to wear for my run. I pull on my pants with the back zipper pocket and store my cellphone in there while putting one of my longer shirts that comes down over my behind. I pull my hair up into a ponytail and move down the stairs. "I'll be back," I say.

"Have a good run," he smiles and I nod. Oh I intend to.

I'm out the door, running down the stairs and sprinting for the end of the street and turning the corner, powering my phone on the second I'm out of sight of my house. I call the number and I'm shocked when it goes to voicemail. What? I call back and again I get his voicemail.

I'm so sorry, Mark walked in...

I can't talk right now.

Are you pissed at me?

I certainly don't appreciate being hung up on.

I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do... please call me back. I want to see you... I went for a run.

I can't now.

What? You told me to go now! This is the only chance we will have today.

I'll see you in your session.

That's not the fucking same.

Goodbye, Y/N.

I resist the urge to scream as I feel like I am drowning in feelings of anger, sadness and overwhelming dread. I continue to run, hoping that it calms me down. I've barely hit the half mile mark when I stop and before I can think I'm dialing one of the few numbers I know by heart.

"Hi," I say, taking a deep breath. "I need a favor."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You've got a fucking burner phone!? Jesus Christ Y/N, you're in so fucking deep."

"It's not a burner phone! I'm not a drug dealer."

"No you're right, Park is the dealer, and you're the addict that keeps going back. He's your drug and he's bad for you."

"Oh he's bad for me now? Two months ago you were dying to hear every fucking explicit detail," I say looking at my best friend who's weaving through the traffic towards the familiar building on Promise Street.

"That's when I thought it was just sex! Now he's telling you he loves you and to leave Mark and... I don't know. Aren't you worried he's going to tell Mark?"

I snap my head to look at her. "What?! Hwasa... no way."

"I'm just saying. He's volatile... he's like a volcano ready to erupt," she says as she takes the exit ramp.

"Stop with the fucking metaphors!" I growl at her as I rub my head.

"And how are you going to explain being gone on this run all this time."

"That's where you come in,"

"Me!? I have to get back to work."

"Ten minutes. Drive me back, I'll say you were on your way over because you needed to talk and you ran into me and we talked." She sighs. "Hwasa please. You basically run your office, they don't care that you're gone." Oh Y/N what a tangled web you're weaving.

She sighs again. "Fine. Do not have sex with him while you're here, I mean it," she says shooting me a scolding look.

"No promises," I say.

"You're going to smell like sex, you think Mark won't notice it?" We pull up to the building and I'm unbuckling my seat belt and bolting for the building when I hear her voice ringing through the air. "MAKE GOOD CHOICES!" she yells. I flick her off before I disappear out of her sight.

I'm out of the elevator and pushing through the wooden door with the words "Dr. Park Jimin" Marriage Counselor etched into it. Lisa looks up when I enter and I can see her looking me up and down no doubt wondering about my choice of attire and why I am three hours earlier for my 'afternoon delight' appointment.

"Dr. Park has-" she starts before I'm knocking on his door. Hard. "Mrs. L/N, he's in a session." I ignore her words and continue to knock, turning normal raps, to rapid pounding when the door opens.

"What in the-" his eyes widen when he sees me, his eyes shooting fire out towards me "Mrs. L/N, I'm in the middle of a session now is really not a good time."

The tears flood my eyes as I look towards the people behind Jimin that are no doubt staring at me in confusion. "I-" I look back and forth between Jimin and Lisa and back away slowly. "I didn't know... that..." I swallow. "Sorry Dr. Park," I say before I'm on my way back out the door.

Once I'm out of his office I realize the magnitude of what I've just done and I feel the tears falling down my cheeks. What if that couple says something? I mean I guess there really isn't proof but I certainly didn't act like we had a professional relationship. I'm entering the elevator before I'm being yanked back and dragged into the woman's bathroom.

"What the fuck!?" He growls at me.

"I'm sorry, I thought... I didn't know you had a session," I say the tears rolling down my cheeks. "Please don't yell at me."

"Lisa told you I was with someone before you started pounding I'm sure..." he looks at my attire and narrows his eyes at me curiously. "Did you run here?" He looks at his watch.

"There's no way, I just talked to you."

"I... got a ride."

"From who?" I swallow guiltily and realization dawns on him. "Who knows about us, Y/N?"

"Hwasa," I say and he sighs.

"I didn't realize you had told anyone."

"She's my best friend."

"What are you even doing here?"

"I thought you wanted to see me... I wanted to see you. I felt bad that I hung up on you and I knew you were mad."

He crosses his arms and gives me a stern look. "So you felt the need to come here and interrupt my session?"

"I said I was sorry," I said. "I just thought..." I bite down on my bottom lip and I feel his presence surrounding me.

"You thought what?" he says, lifting my chin up. "That you could show up here unannounced, half dressed and I would drop everything and fuck you?"

My lip trembles at the harshness of his words. "I just-"

"Because you're right." His lips seal over mine and within seconds I feel him fumbling with his pants. "We have to be quick. I left them yelling at each other."

I start to pull my pants down when he shakes his head. "No."

"No?"

"I want your lips wrapped around my cock," he says rubbing my bottom lip with his thumb and I smile before dropping to my knees in front of him. His impressive erection juts out the second I lower his briefs and I run my tongue up the underside of the shaft before taking him into my mouth and hollowing out my cheeks. "Fuck." I pull him out of my mouth, a trail of spit connecting my lips to his cock. I swirl my tongue around the tip before glancing upwards at the man who I somehow can bring to his knees, even when he's pissed. He's looking down at me, his eyes hooded with raw lust when I feel my butt start to vibrate indicating my cellphone is ringing.

"Shit."

"Don't you dare," he groans, holding onto my ponytail to keep me on his dick.

"It's Hwasa..."

"I don't care if it's the president. Suck."

"Well get there fucking faster." I whimper around his dick as I start to suck harder and faster, needing to get him to the finish quicker when I feel him start to spasm.

"That's right, baby. Take it, fuck take it all." I feel my eyes start to water as he pushes to the back of my throat as he empties himself and I swallow every drop, as always. He finishes and is zipping himself back into his pants before I'm even off of my knees. He lifts me to my feet.

"So this was all about you? You're not even going to attempt to fuck me?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.

"I thought you had to go," he says, rubbing a hand through his hair.

"You're a fucking asshole." I growl at him before I look in the mirror and rub my hands under my eyes to wipe the water away. "I came here to try and apologize and talk and spend time-"

"Spend time? Y/N don't you dare even go there. Like this," he points between us. "Is enough."

"I know it sucks but-"

"But nothing. Make a fucking decision, Y/N."

"Is that what this is about? You said you wouldn't push me."

"Is that what this is about? Did you really ask me that? That's what ALL of this is about! Sneaking around and lying and you showing up to my office in your workout gear because you had to sneak out of your house under the illusion of going on a run! Your best friend calling you while your mouth is on my cock summoning you back. Me only being able to see you when your husband is ignoring you. I'm not trying to push you, but I told you I loved you. How long do you expect me to wait?" He looks at me.

"Please don't do this now... I don't know when I can see you again."

He shakes his head at me. "That's exactly what I'm talking about," he says before he heads for the door. "I'll see you at three."

He leaves the bathroom, the room suddenly much chillier than when we entered. I exit the elevator to the familiar car double parked in front of the building. "God I was about to come in after you."

"It's been like fourteen minutes," I say looking at my phone.

"I take it, things didn't go well."

"Brilliant deduction," I say.

"Okay can we check the attitude before I leave you on the side of the road?" she says as she begins to drive me back home.

"Good one."

"What happened?"

"I sucked his dick. He's still pissed."

"Clearly you didn't do it right," Hwasa jokes and I shoot her a glare.

"I'm serious. I'm in so deep, Hwasa. I don't even know how I got here," I say, the hot tears streaming down my face.

"Just... stop, Y/N. You have to stop."

"But... I can't," I whisper.

"Yes you can, you have to. Forget about Mark and the fact that you're married and cheating on him, but think about you. Look at what it's doing to you,"

"I love him, Hwasa," I say as tears pour out of me. "Please don't tell me to give him up."

She sighs and looks at me as we sit at a stoplight. "I would never tell you what to do. And I know you haven't been happy with Mark but... you know I've always been straight with you." I nod, knowing I'm not going to like what I am about to hear, but knowing that I need to hear it.

"This is going to blow up in your face. Both of you. Jimin is going to lose his practice, you're going to lose Mark, who knows what else."

"Will I lose Jimin too?" I ask, needing the reassurance that this man will be with me even in the end.

"God Y/N, is that all you care about!? All of this is going up in flames, and it's like you will gladly burn if it means he's right there with you."

"Isn't that what being in love is about?" I ask quietly as she turns onto my familiar quiet street.

"You're in love with him?" She asks me, her eyes confused and curious but not judgmental in the slightest.

I nod once. "I haven't told him that yet."

"Fuck. Y/N... Well then you know what you have to do."

"I know. I've known for a while. I just... I don't know how to do it."

"This is going to sound terrible but maybe... maybe Jimin can be there when you do it. You know as your unbiased counselor," Hwasa says, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I just want to be sure first, you know? I'm turning my life upside down for a guy that I've been sleeping with for four months and have known for seven. What if I end things with Mark and... things with Jimin don't work out?"

"And that's a reason to stay with Mark? Because you're what- afraid to be alone?"

"It's so much deeper than that and you know it," I snap at her.

"I know. There are things that go bump in the night and they terrify you, but you're not really living right now, Y/N. I know you're scared of the unknown and being left unprotected but is that what all of this is about? Or are you using that as an excuse to hide the fact that you have a fear of being alone. And you'd rather have someone to come home to at the end of the day- even if you can barely stand them half the time then no one at all. And as much as you want to throw caution to the wind and be with Jimin, you're used to stability and doing that would invite chaos into your life." I want so badly to call her a bitch. The worst friend ever. Storm out of her car, slam the door and tell her to fuck off. But she's right. And I hate it when she's right.

"You know I'm right."

"Even a broken clock is right twice a day."

She sighs and looks at me. "I have to get back to work. But you know that I'm here." I'm about to answer when I see my husband standing in front of her car. I sigh as he comes over and stands next to Hwasa's window. She rolls it down and looks up at him. "What's up, Tuan?"

"Ladies," he nods. "I was wondering where you ran off to. You didn't even take your phone," he says looking at me.

"My bad, I was on my way over to talk. Emergency," Hwasa shrugs. "And I ran into her on her run so I kidnapped her."

"I see, well Hwasa I hope everything is okay?"

"Yes, fine. Thanks Mark." She looks at me and we share a look that only we understand. "Call me later?"

"Yes, of course," I say, hugging her a second longer than usual in an attempt to express my gratitude for today.

I'm out of the car and moving up the stairs. "Next time, just take your phone," he says. "I'm surprised you didn't. You always listen to music."

"It's... it's a new thing. Running in silence," I lie. Truth is I couldn't run without the sounds of music blaring in my ears.

I think even he hears the lie in my voice because he eyes me warily. "Well, I've got some work to do. I'll be in my study if you need me."

"Okay," I say as I head up the stairs, thankful that he didn't try and kiss me with the flavor of Jimin's cum still in my mouth.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

I run my hand through my hair, my knee bouncing aggressively as Mark and I sit in the waiting area. I feel his hand on my knee giving it a gentle squeeze. "What's with you today, are you okay?"

"Fine," I say.

"Mr. Tuan, Mrs. L/N," I hear and I look up to find Jimin in his doorway. We follow him inside and sit in our usual spots.

"Well I haven't seen you two in a while. How are you? Mr. Tuan, I trust your trip went well."

"Yes, great. I don't think I really needed to be there, but whatever," he says.

"So what's-" Jimin starts when Mark interrupts.

"I have something. I've been waiting to talk about this, and Y/N is going to be pissed but frankly I want some goddamn answers."

My eyebrows furrow as I have no idea what he's going to talk about but I brace myself for the worst.

"Y/N blatantly refuses to touch me. If I even go near her she shuts down." Yep, as bad as I thought it was going to be. Well at least Jimin can be assured that I am not sleeping with him. I'm silent, completely at a loss at what to say. Jimin I'll let you field this one.

He clears his throat clearly uncomfortable by this and turns to me. "Mrs. L/N."

"Yep?"

"Do you have anything to say to that?"

"Nope."

"Is there a reason you don't feel the pull to be intimate with your husband?"

"Ummm migraines?"

"Don't be a smart ass," Mark says.

"That's all I got," I shrug. The only way to get out of this is to berate him into a fight or just act so indifferent that he loses it. Do not engage him on this, Y/N. Do not engage.

"We are in marriage counseling for fuck's sake, Y/N. If we are trying to fix our marriage, we need to be intimate."

"Says who? You know tons of people believe sex is only needed for procreation," I shrug.

"And last I checked we weren't doing that." Jimin rubs his hand over his bottom lip and although he's hiding it well I can see the amusement in his eyes.

"Don't you have anything to say!?" Mark says, looking at Jimin.

"I think you two should talk this one out," he says.

"Is that what this is about? That I'm not ready for kids? So if I was willing to start trying, I could at least see you fucking naked?"

"First of all, that's a low blow to try and manipulate me into bed by offering me something I want more than anything. Secondly, we are not going to have a baby to try and fix our marriage. That is the worst idea."

"I would have to agree with that," Jimin interjects just a little too quickly. Relax, Park. That's not happening. The only kids I'm interested in having will be calling you Daddy.

"So that's it? We're just never having sex? You certainly had me fooled after Wednesday." He looks at Jimin and I immediately stiffen. Fuck. "She was all over me when I was leaving-"

"All over you? As if! I hugged you goodbye and we kissed. Give me a break."

"We haven't kissed like that in months."

"Well I'm sorry I was upset after Wednesday's session," I say glaring at Jimin daring him to get upset after the way he treated me after Wednesday's session. "I just wanted... to be held."

"And then two days later I come back and you've reverted back to being the ice queen. I just want to know what changed. It just keeps leading me back to square one, thinking that there's someone else."

I bite my bottom lip as I don't know what else to do and I need to focus on something. "I don't know what else to tell you."

"How about the truth for once?"

I look at the man in front of me and then the man to the right. "I have nothing to say. I'm sorry that I'm not particularly up for sex. You've ruined a lot of my self-esteem, you've shattered my confidence after months of pushing me to the side. You made me think that I wasn't good anymore, that you were bored, that the idea of sleeping with me bored you or repulsed you. I'm sorry that I'm not eager to jump back into bed with you now that you've got months of cum backed up and you need a release. I don't work that way. And for the record, all those months that you were pushing me away, am I supposed to just believe you didn't have someone on the side? Please."

"I didn't."

"Like you'd tell me. Mark, I saw you for like seven hours a week, don't insult my intelligence."

"Don't turn this shit around on me, Y/N. This is the first I'm hearing of this hypothesis and now that I've accused you of it, now all of a sudden you think I was too?"

"Just because I never said anything doesn't mean I never thought about it."

"How would that make you feel... finding out that Mark had been unfaithful?" he asks me and I resist the urge to tell him to back off with this line of questioning.

"Why are we even talking about this? I've never been unfaithful to Y/N!" he screeches. "Give me a fucking polygraph."

"Look I never had any proof, it was just a theory because I never saw you. Just like you have a theory now."

"Whatever."

Okay Y/N, this might backfire but... do it.

"Okay seriously Mark, when I'm not with you at some awful work function, I'm shopping or at exercise class, maybe yoga, with Hwasa, or here at therapy. So unless I'm fucking Dr. Park, I don't think there are any other options." I don't even chance a look at him, because I know I'll lose it.

"Don't be so crass, Y/N," Mark says and I still haven't looked at Jimin after my comment.

"Don't fucking Y/N me. I am so sick of hearing you question whether or not I've been unfaithful. If you truly think I am, fucking leave me! For the love of God, if I'm so horrible, why are you still here?" Ask yourself that same question, Y/N.

He narrows his eyes at me. "When did you get to be like this?"

"I don't know, probably somewhere around our third year of marriage."

"You can be such a bitch when you want to be," Mark snaps and I see the fire in Jimin's eyes briefly before he reigns in his temper.

"You know I don't put up with that here," Jimin interjects. "Apologize."

"For what?"

"You know what."

"She's acting like it and you know it," Mark argues.

"Not the point. Use different words."

"Fine. Sorry," he says and I shrug unmoved by his half-assed apology.

We are silent for a second when Jimin finally says something. "I can't believe after seven months you still haven't gotten to the root of your problems."

"Isn't that what we're paying you four hundred dollars an hour for?" Mark asks.

"I've tried to spoon-feed it to you, but I can't do the work for you. I can't have the epiphanies for you. Mr. Tuan... Mark.. tell me why you want to be with Y/N."

I narrow my eyes not liking where this is going. "Because I love her and we took vows. And we've been through alot together. No one knows her like I do and vice versa."

"Does she make you happy?" he asks.

"Most of the time."

"Are you telling the truth?"

"Yes."

"Does she make you happy? Or the good memories of the beginning of your relationship... is that what makes you happy? Because those memories won't keep you warm at night."

"She makes me happy. She's supportive and kind and caring... she's been there with me through so much."

"That's called loyalty not love, which we have already cleared up that you two have for each other." Not so much on my end anymore.

"It can be both," Mark says.

"Yes, but they're not synonymous."

He looks over at me. "What do you have to say about all of this? You're awfully quiet."

"I think... I think I'm scared of what not having you in my life means. It's been eight years and... not having you in my life seems strange. I basically became the person I am today in part based on you and our relationship. For all intents and purposes we grew up together. We became adults together. But Mark we haven't been happy in... what two years? I will take responsibility for the last several months but there was so much that happened that led me here. I got fed up, I am fed up. I'm exhausted from feeling like I've been in this marriage by myself. But at the same time..." I trail off and I feel the tears building. "At the same time, I'm terrified of leaving this marriage and... not having someone to look out for me. You've fought so many demons for me that I don't... I don't know if anyone else will understand what I need. I have baggage and not everyone can handle that."

"I understand that," Mark whispers. "But, does that mean... that's the only reason you want to stay married?"

This is it... my out. Take it Y/N. "I just don't think... my feelings for you are enough to stay married."

I see the tears in his eyes before he clears his throat. "Do you want out?"

I bite my lip and I realize this isn't a conversation I can have with Jimin in the room. "Can we talk about this at home?" I say and I see Jimin's flash of confusion though he quickly recovers.

"Why wouldn't we talk about this here with Dr. Park?" he asks and I sigh at his logic. Of course that makes sense if I'm not thinking about leaving you for said counselor.

"I just..." I sigh, unable to find the words when the best and the worst thing happens, Mark's phone whirls to life.

I look at his chest pocket towards the source of the ringing. The small object that has caused such a rift in our marriage. The item that controls his every move. "Just answer it," I say as I shake my head. "You know you need to."

He pulls his phone out and looks at me and then the phone and then me again. "Five minutes," he says, getting up. I have to admit, it never gets easier realizing that you will always come in second. It's a bitter pill, even if I'm sleeping with someone else. He's out of the room, the door closing behind him.

"Baby," I hear his soft voice in the quiet room and I look up at him, the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "Please don't cry. It will kill me and I can't touch you right now."

"What- what was that shit earlier?"

"I was angry... I had told you I loved you and then you just hung up on me. I know it was poor timing, but it hurt. And then you showed up here, which... I loved. But... I didn't have enough time with you. And then Hwasa called and..." he takes off his glasses and rubs his hand over his face before putting them back on. "I made a mistake treating you like that. I'm sorry." I nod and he looks at me harder. "Are you going to tell him you want out?"

I look up and shake my head. "You've got to stop pressuring me. I'm ending my marriage. It's not that simple. I've known him for almost a decade. I owe him more than a 'fuck you, I'm out' even if he hasn't been the best husband."

"Are you...? Ending your marriage?"

I look down at my engagement and wedding ring, and begin to fiddle with them. "Yes."

"That's all I needed to know," he says, shooting me a smile. "This is the first time you've said that."

"I want to be with you," I whisper.

"I want to be with you too."

"Can we make it work?"

"Of course we can."

"But what about your practice? Can you get into trouble?"

"When you get divorced and you're no longer being counseled by me, we are free to be together. We just won't go around discussing how we started out."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The rest of the session crawled by at a snail's pace. Mark pressuring me to open up and Jimin doing his best to keep the spotlight off of me and keep Mark in check. All I wanted to do upon leaving was go home and climb into bed alone so I can sext Jimin. I needed to get off and I needed some connection with him to get me there but alas the Gods were not in my favor.

"We need to be out of the house by six," Mark says. The first words he's said to me since we left Dr. Park's office.

My eyes widen as I realize I have somewhere to be tonight. "What?"

"We have plans with Jennie and Jin? Remember? We are trying that new restaurant?"

My stomach growls immediately. God dammit I've been dying to eat there. "Right. Sorry it just slipped my mind. I'll be ready." Maybe this is just what I need. A night out. I can talk to Jennie about mindless shit while my husband talks to Seokjin and it'll be fine.

I'm putting on my favorite piece of jewelry, my watch. A wedding gift from Mark- I finger it gently recalling that day. I was so blissfully happy I don't think I stopped smiling the entire day. I was marrying the love of my life and I was ecstatic. I close my eyes and I feel like I'm transported back to a simpler time. Maybe God will grant me a do-over. I can go back and not marry Mark and then I don't have to hurt him. I know I've become this selfish manipulative bitch but I wasn't always like this. And sadly I don't even know the person looking back at me when I look in the mirror the few times I can even look myself in the eye. I pull my hair slightly tightening the messy high ponytail I have in and turn to the side eyeing my attire. I walk out of the bathroom to see Mark sliding on his jacket. He frowns slightly as he takes in my appearance. "That's what you're wearing?"

I look down and then back up. "Yes? I... Is there a problem?"

"We aren't going out to a bar, Y/N."

"It's a jumpsuit."

"Where's the rest of it?"

I look down at the endless black material around my body."It's a cropped pant!"

"There's no straps!" I look down to my chest, that's completely covered by the fabric going straight across hiding any potential cleavage.

"So?"

He shakes his head before walking by me without another glance. "Whatever."

I look at my closet wondering if I should change when I roll my eyes. Fuck that. I send Jimin a text telling him I would be out for a while and that I would text him when I could before heading downstairs.

"Okay I'm ready."

He looks at me again. "Wait, you're not going to change?"

"No? Mark I look fine. What is your problem?" Better than fine actually.

"Just wish you were looking a bit more conservative, what if we run into people from work?"

"I would never wear this if we were meeting people from your job, but we are having dinner with Jennie and Seokjin. I tow the line when it's necessary but give me a fucking break," I say crossing my arms.

"Whatever, let's go," he says walking out of the house in front of me and towards the car. I sigh as I lock the door behind us and pray to the Gods for an endless supply of wine.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"You look gorgeous!" Kim Jennie says as we approach the table. She hugs me for a second too long and I almost break down feeling someone squeeze me that hard and tell me that I look nice for that matter. "I've missed you. Let's do something soon, okay?"

I nod. "You look great too, Jennie." Seokjin pulls me into a hug before kissing my cheek.

"Hey Y/N." I always wonder what Mark divulges to Seokjin. If he paints me in this horrible light. But if he does I would never know it because Seokjin is always such a gentleman.

We sit around the half circle booth, Jennie and I in the middle and Mark and Seokjin on the sides. I'm grateful for the wine already on the table so I reach for it when I feel Mark's hand stopping me.

"I'm with Y/N, let's crack it open. It's been a hell of a day," Seokjin says as he rubs his head and waves the bottle towards him for him to open. "The chef is sending over everything so we don't need to order. Apparently this wine is the best on the menu."

I glare at Mark before passing the bottle over. "So how's it going?" Seokjin asks, observing the tension between Mark and I and trying to defuse it. Bless his heart.

"Good," Mark says immediately. "I finally closed that deal at work." He says and my lips form a straight line that he jumps at any opportunity to talk about work especially since when the conversation was directed at both of us.

"And how are you?" Jennie asks me as the guys continue to talk.

I'm grateful for the wine that's been placed in front of me before I take a long sip. "I'm okay, Jennie. Thank you for asking." I look back at my lap willing this night to be over so I can talk to a man who cares about what I have to say or a woman that I don't have to lie to. People that love me for me and not the front I put up.

An hour and three bottles of wine later, Mark switches to something stronger and I realize he's barreling towards being drunk. I'm feeling buzzed myself and I have a feeling this will be a night we Uber home. I've started to loosen up slightly and I've even laughed a few times when I put my hand on Mark's glass keeping it away from his mouth. "Maybe you should slow down?" I ask quietly.

"Oh come on, we are amongst our friends."

"Yeah come on, Y/N. Like we used to before Mark went and got that big fancy job and couldn't hang anymore," Seokjin says. Ah so it's not just me that got pushed to the wayside then?

I shake my head as I see Mark shoot Seokjin his middle finger. "Oh shit!" He chuckles and I look at him for his outburst. "It's our marriage counselor," he chuckles. And I resist the sensation to jump three feet.

My body certainly starts to hum in anticipation. Calm the fuck down Y/N, he can't fuck you here. "Oh and shit he's got a woman with him! Good for him. I was wondering about his situation."

He shrugs and I am burning with rage. That can't be right. That cannot be fucking right.

"Should we go say hi?" I ask. Yeah I'm playing with fire but I want to know what the fuck this is about.

"Interrupt his date?"

"It may not be a date," I counter. "He's with other people."

"Two girls and two guys? Looks like a date to me. But sure, come on let's go chat," he says, sliding out of the booth and not bothering to wait for me before he heads towards the table.

Shit he is drunk. And I'm not far behind him. Before he reaches the table, Jimin's eyes find mine and they widen slightly and I see him prepare himself for the explosion heading his way.

"Dr. Park!" he says as Jimin stands. "You're out amongst us mere commoners" he jokes.

"We just wanted to come over and say hello"

"I'm glad you did" Jimin says. "It's good to see you," he says and I don't miss the way he rakes my body in appreciation. In front of my husband? Mark doesn't seem to notice as he finishes the rest of his drink. "Oh hey can I have another one of these," he says to a waiter passing by and sits the glass on his empty tray.

"Mark that's not-"

"Yes sir." I hear him say and I am thoroughly embarrassed. I glare at him before realizing that we are still in mixed company and I turn back to Jimin.

"Who are your friends?" I say as I look at the table.

I can see the look he's trying to give me. The soft, kind look as if he's begging me to give him a chance to explain. "This is my brother Hoseok, his girlfriend Jisoo and her friend Rose.

Everyone this is Tuan Mark and L/N Y/N." I love the way he introduced me. From that introduction you would never know we are married which I think was his point.

"So it is a date," Mark exclaims. "Told ya," he says to me and all I want to do is mark my territory all over Jimin so this bitch knows who he belongs to. My name is all over his dick, so don't even try it.

He chuckles. "No it's not a date," he says immediately and I see Rose's face fall and his brother shoot him a glare. So it was a date? But my guess is it was forced by his brother and his girlfriend. But still what the fuck? And was he just not going to tell me? "How many of those have you had Mark, you feeling okay?" He looks at me. "I hope neither of you are driving."

"Oh take the counselor hat off for a second. Come have a drink with us. Bring your friends."

"There's not really a ton of room..." I trail off not wanting to bring that kind of negative energy to a table with myself and my drunk husband. Tension was already at an all time high.

He looks at the table we are sitting to see Jennie and Seokjin behaving borderline obscene. As I see Seokjin's hand around Jennie's shoulder and dancing around the top of her shirt before it's inside. I roll my eyes but at the same time I'm jealous of how easy their marriage looks. I mean even if they're pretending, which I don't think they are, at least they look happy. The waiter that actually is for Jimin's table brings

Mark's drink and Jimin stops him. "Can you bring us a round of shots?"

My eyes widen and I look at the people behind him staring at me. "What! We've had enough. That's very... nice of you but-"

"Oh come on one shot for Jimin's friends I've never met!" Hoseok chirps up.

"Oh we aren't his friends," Mark perks up as he takes a healthy sip of his drink. "We pay him to make sure we don't kill each other."

"Oh, you're one of his couples?" Hoseok nods. "Well nice to meet you both! Didn't know you were married the way he introduced you," Hoseok says and I see Jimin shoot him a look.

"Yeah she didn't change her last name. Can you believe that?"

"I never understood why women don't change their name when they get married. Why didn't you?" Rose asks. I'm sorry but was anyone talking to you?

"Rose," her friend scolds her. "That's not your business."

"I ask her that all the time, I don't think she even knows," Mark says and I look at him and I can't control the look of disgust on my face for airing our laundry like this in mixed company.

"We should go back to the table."

"What about our shots?" Mark asks. Don't you think you've had enough?

"Stay and take them if you want," I snap. "I'm going back to the table."

"Don't be such a brat, Dr. Park ordered them for us."

"I don't want them," I say before I storm off. I walk past the table and towards the bathroom slamming my clutch on the table before sitting on the couch. It doesn't take long before I hear the door opening and closing. I don't anticipate that it's Jimin and when I peek around the corner I see Jennie standing there.

She sits next to me on the couch and before she says anything she wraps her arms around me. "I'm sorry, Y/N."

"For what?"

"Not being a better friend to you."

"You're a great friend, Jennie. Why do you say that?"

"Because you're so sad every time I see you. You should see the hurt written all over your face every second and it's gotten worse over the past few months. Y/N why don't you leave him?"

I shrug. "It's not that simple," I say. "Or maybe it is..." I feel the tears streaming down my face and I know exactly why. I'm slightly intoxicated and seeing the man I love out on a date with another woman regardless of his level of interest was a punch in the gut. I know he probably has similar feelings with me being married but this is the first I've experienced it. And it sucks.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," she says, squeezing my hands before giving me another tight hug.

She helps me get myself together before we walk back into the restaurant. I see Mark has taken his seat back at our table and Jimin's eyes find me immediately. We make eye contact briefly and I hope in that moment he can see what I'm feeling. We haven't had a moment alone since the few minutes during our session and we haven't had contact since the blow job I gave him that left me feeling empty and hurt. He didn't even kiss me goodbye. And now he's on a date. I want nothing more than to leave when I feel eyes on me. A lot of eyes. I look up and see Jimin's gaze fixed on me and to the right and see Mark's on me as well.

"What?"

"You look hot in that. That's why I wanted you to change. Too fucking hot," he says and I roll my eyes at his drunkenness.

"Thank you," I say as I take another sip.

"Can I touch you when we get home?" he says so quietly I almost miss it.

"Fine," I say without thinking. No Y/N, what are you saying? I know you're mad at Jimin but this isn't going to make anything better. "Wait what?"

"Y/N... do I repulse you? Is that it?"

"Can we not do this here? Right now?" I ask even though I know Jennie and Seokjin are in their own world.

"I just think we should try."

"You're drunk."

"You know that's when I'm the most fun," he says wiggling his eyebrows at me and I can't help the chuckle that moves out of me. He won't even remember this conversation later and the chances he'll even be able to get it up are slim. My eyes find the table again and they widen when I see that Jimin is absent. Where did he go? I see Rose so I know that he's nowhere with her. Thank God.

"I have to pee again," I say motioning for him to move. "You know once you break the seal."

He lets me out of the seat and I start walking towards the bathroom when I feel hands wrapping around my wrist and I'm being hauled into a room marked "Employees Only."

I look around and see it's a small office and before I can think I'm pushed against the door of the office and lips are everywhere. My cheeks, my lips, my neck, my chest. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me," I hear in my ear as I feel him pressing his erection against me.

I push on his chest hard and he stumbles backward. "What the hell is that! Who is that?! Touching you and..." I cross my arms. "She is tragic. Is that what you want?" I know I'm lashing out but I can't help it.

"No! Of course not baby, I want you."

"Then what are you doing on a date with some girl who is clearly dying to suck your dick," I grit out.

"You know exactly what this is, Y/N. Hoseok and his girlfriend and his girlfriend's friend that they were trying to set me up with. Baby I didn't even know until we were on our way here that this is what this was!"

"Were you even going to tell me?"

"Of course I was. The next time we were together."

"It's easy to say that now," I say.

"I've never lied to you, Y/N. Speaking of, were you going to tell me about your little makeout session Wednesday with Tuan?"

"You're kidding me, right?" He shoots me a look and I snap. "After you basically told me you couldn't be what I needed? And I left your office even more broken than if we had just talked about my past? Give me a fucking break."

His features soften dramatically as he's reminded of the details of my past and I think he opts to cut me some slack over my moment of weakness with Mark. "Keep his tongue out of your mouth Y/N, I mean it,"

"Sounds like you don't trust me now."

"Like you trust me? You can't if you think Rose means anything to me."

"I trust you, it doesn't mean I'm happy watching you with someone else."

"And you think it's easy for me?"

"Stop throwing that in my face, Jimin. We are talking about you going out on a date with another woman the day I told you I was going to leave him!"

"It's not a fucking date! Why are you doing this? Why are you picking a fight with me when I should be inside of you?"

I ignore his accusatory line of questioning. "And the buying us shots what the fuck is that? Did you think we were just gonna eat, drink and be merry?!"

"I was playing along, Tuan is hammered."

"You think?"

"I need to make sure you get home safe," he says, moving towards me.

"No," I say, putting up a hand to stop him from coming forward. "Don't touch me."

"Wh-what?"

"You walked out of that bathroom today when I needed you after treating me like your own personal cum dumpster so now it's your turn to know how it feels," I say walking out of the door and back to my table.

________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note: Uh oh...trouble in paradise...

I can't thank you guys enough for the support that you have shown with this series! I can't believe the amount of views it already has! Thank you so much! I hope that I will continue to make you proud!

-Serendipity