Chapter 16: Out in the Open

The rest of our time in Busan seemed to fly by quickly. Jimin and I spent most of our time in his suite in bed as Hwasa and Hoseok seemed to hit it off to no one's surprise. I wasn't sure if they were going to continue this relationship once they get back to Seoul and the excitement of a vacation fling wore off but only time would tell. I drop my bag in Jimin's bedroom as he follows behind me closely. "I'm going to go over to the house."

"Now?" I say feeling like I could sleep for a week despite the relaxing vacation I just finished. I guess a year of an exhausting marriage and divorce can't be reversed by five days. I drop to the bed and my head finds the pillow. "Don't you want to take a nap with me?" I yawn as my eyes flutter closed. When I open them, he's kneeled so that we are at eye level.

"You stay here, I'll be back before you know it. The window has already been replaced but I want to make sure the cameras are set up properly."

"Who set them up?" I ask as I prop my head up on my hand.

"Jungkook."

I nod. "About that... how long is he going to be hanging around? I thought you hired him to find out about Seven? Seems like now he's becoming a security of sorts. Do we really need that?"

"Your ex-husband just sent a brick through the window of a house you'll soon be living in. You really think now is the time to let him go?" He raises an eyebrow at me and I sigh knowing an argument about my safety is one I won't win. "I'm keeping him around until everything dies down. Trust me he doesn't mind."

"That must be getting... expensive. Maybe I should-"

"Don't finish that sentence, Y/N."

"Why? You have him because of me, I can at least help pay what I assume to be a pretty hefty bill."

"Y/N," he shoots me a stern look.

"Jimin," I say, shooting him one back.

He sits on the bed next to me, and I sit up, allowing me to drape my legs across his. "If I were to stop counseling people, close down my practice altogether, I would still have more than enough to support us and our family." My brows furrow together and I'm wondering how that's possible. "My grandfather left pretty large trust funds for my brother and I." I nod slowly in understanding.

"I see." I have a brief, fleeting thought that this could be an issue. Marrying another man that treats money as if it's nothing. I hope in ten years I'm not in the same position that I was in with Mark. Not working, relying completely on a man and his financial support.

And as if he can hear my thoughts he quiets them with a kiss to my nose. "I would never use money to manipulate you, Y/N. I would never stop you from working and wanting to contribute to our life." I give him a smile knowing that Jimin would never want to hold me back from anything, only push me forward. Our life. The words make the butterflies flutter inside of me. He's studying me closely when he runs a hand over my face.

I press my face further into his hand, relishing in the feeling of the gentle caress. "What?"

"Are you still on the pill?"

I didn't realize this is where this conversation was going and I'm sure my face illustrates my shock. "Yes...?"

He nods. "Are you thinking about going off of it soon?"

"I wasn't thinking about it right now. And I certainly wouldn't go off of it without telling you?"

He nods before running a hand along his jaw. "I know you've been wanting a baby- I just thought..."

"You're not my baby maker, Jimin. Nor are you my sperm donor. I'm not with you because you told me you wanted to build a family with me. I love you and when we are both ready I want us to have a baby."

He smiles and wraps me in his arms, rubbing his nose against mine. "I just don't want you to feel that we have to get married before we have a baby. You're just getting out of a marriage, it's normal to feel like you don't want to jump into another one. I just want you to know that I'm all in. I'm committed to you whether there's a ring on your finger now or a year from now."

"Are you taking back the answer to my proposal, Park?" I pull out of his grasp and give him a stern look, though I can't stop the smile from crossing my face.

"Never. It's just the shrink in me coming out."

"I want a baby, but I want us to spend some time alone first. Being a couple in love with no outside drama. No vindictive ex-husbands, no issues. Just you and me spending our weekends in bed and being out in the world like a real couple."

"A real couple?" He smiles. "Like dinner... and dancing... ice skating?"

"I hate ice skating. But yes to the other two." I smile thinking of all of the bruises I sport after just a few laps around an ice rink.

"How about tomorrow?"

"What about it?"

"We go on our first official date."

My eyes light up and I clap my hands as I squeal. "Really?"

"I think it's time I take you out on an official date. No more hiding. Out in the open." Instead of answering with words I press my lips to his, winding my hands in his hair as I climb into his lap and press myself hard onto him. I don't know how long we are kissing when he finally pulls apart, his lips swollen, and I know I have a pair to match. "I'll never tire of kissing you. But we can continue this later," he moves me off of his lap and gives me one final kiss. "I have to go check on a few things. You stay here, warm in my bed, and I'll be back before you know it," he tells me.

He makes his way towards the door when I call after him. He turns around giving me a devastatingly handsome smile and I lean up on one elbow and bite my lip seductively. "I hope you don't think I'm putting out on the first date." He chuckles as he leaves the room and before I even hear him leave the apartment, I'm asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I've just finished the final curl in my hair when I hear Jimin entering the penthouse. He told me to be ready at six and that we had reservations for seven at a restaurant across town. He enters the room and finds me in the bathroom, standing only in my bra and panties. "What a way to come home," he says standing behind me, his hands finding my ass and squeezing gently before moving around to the front.

"I'm curling my hair!" I giggle as I feel his hand stroke my covered folds. I set the curling iron down and spin around in his arms. "Welcome home. I'm sorry I'm not ready yet, but almost!"

"I just came home to you half naked. I would say you are forgiven for being late," he smiles as he drops to his knees in front of me and spreads my legs.

Dinner was amazing, I don't think I've enjoyed a meal at a restaurant with a man in quite some time. Every meal I had with Mark had a purpose, to show face, to show the world that we were the perfect couple. I didn't feel like I could really relax. But with Jimin, everything was so easy and the tension between us sizzled. We are preparing to leave the restaurant when I excuse myself to use the ladies room. I'm washing my hands when I hear my name. Well kind of.

"Oh Mrs. Tuan! I thought that was you... but I wasn't sure," she says. "Well.. I guess you aren't Mrs. Tuan anymore." I never was. "I heard about the divorce, dear." I look up to see Mrs. Kim, the wife of Mark's boss, staring at me with a sad expression.

"Hi, Mrs. Kim," I say, giving my best smile.

"My husband told me about the divorce. He says Mark is just beside himself," she says as she looks at me as if I can- or want to make it all better with the snap of my fingers. "There's no hope for reconciliation?"

"No," I say tersely, but keeping the edge out of my voice. "There was irreparable damage done to our marriage."

She furrows her brow. "I saw you out there with another young man. You seemed very... close," he says and I don't miss the accusation in her voice.

"Mrs. Kim..." I sigh. "It was lovely seeing you." I smile as I reach forward and give her a side kiss. "Do give my best to Mr. Kim and the kids," I say referring to her two children. I don't give her a chance to respond before I'm out the door and dragging Jimin who was waiting for me outside of the bathroom towards the exit. I give it a week before that gets back to me.

Jimin and I had the perfect "first" date and despite my cheeky comment about not putting out on the first date, I was naked and underneath him within ten minutes of entering our apartment. I'm resting my head on Jimin's chest, drawing circles on him. "Don't ever leave me," he says finally after several minutes of silence, the weight of our orgasms still lingering between us.

I look up at him. "Don't ever leave me." How could he possibly think that I would ever leave him?

"Never," he whispers into my hair before he lifts my face to find my lips. "You're everything to me, Y/N. I'll never leave you." And we lose ourselves in each other once more.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A week after our perfect "first" date, I'm sitting on the couch, trying to make sense of my résumé and the five year gap I have of no work experience when Jimin walks through the apartment. He's visibly agitated and I notice him yank his tie from his neck roughly. I look at my watch confused. He's early. Like really early. I remember him saying he had a two hour session at four and it's only four fifteen. He doesn't glance in my direction as he rummages through the kitchen angrily, slamming cabinet doors. I get up and move towards the kitchen. "You're early," I say softly as I wrap my arms around him, letting my cheek rest on his back. He flinches before he visibly relaxes, letting his shoulders sag defeatedly. "I'm making dinner but it's not ready yet."

"Not hungry," he says gruffly. I look up just in time to see him tip the tumbler to his lips, draining the glass of its entire contents.

"Hey," I say moving so that I'm in front of him and I can stare at him straight on. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just a long day," he says, his eyes finding mine but his gaze doesn't pierce me like it usually does with blazing fire and passion. No, his eyes are vacant. Expressionless.

He tries to move out of my grasp and I stop him. "Stop that," I tell him as I wrap my arms around him tightly. Don't walk away from me. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Y/N," he says, pulling out of my grasp. "Just... give me some space," he brushes his lips across mine as if that will soften the blow of his words and then he's gone. Space? What the hell happened? He slides out of my grasp and moves towards his office leaving me alone in the kitchen, a chill coming over me in reaction to his coldness.

A few hours later, I've long since changed into my usual sleep attire which is any number of Jimin's T-shirts. I slide the fabric under my nose and breathe in the familiar scent. This one smells a little too much like me... time to switch it out. I move through the apartment and towards his office where he's holed himself inside for the entire night. I couldn't bear to eat yet another meal alone as I've spent the last year doing that and settled for putting it in the refrigerator for later. I push through the door and see the man I love sitting at his desk nursing yet another drink. How many of those has he had today? I see that there's a bottle next to him that looks as if he put a decent dent in if it was full earlier today. This ends now. I have no control over my feet as I push myself through the room and I move myself into his lap. I don't think he even realizes I'm there until I put my hands on his cheeks to make him look at me.

He gives me a small smile and I can see the glaze washing over his eyes. He's drunk. "You're so beautiful, Y/N," he says softly as he runs his hand across my cheek. His hands find my hair and he begins to play with the strands. "I've never met anyone like you. And I just... had to have you. But, you weren't mine to have. I took you from someone else. You weren't mine to look at- to touch- to fuck."

I silence him, putting a hand over his mouth. "Stop it."

He shrugs and leans back in his chair. "He's never going to give you up, Y/N."

"Who?" He gives me a look as he reaches for his glass sitting behind me. I stop his hand and bring it to my mouth letting his fingertips graze my bottom lip. "Stop it. Tell me what's going on."

"Your husband-"

"Ex-husband," I interrupt.

"Whatever he is. He's not going to settle until he has you back.. Or I leave you... or whatever," he says sadly. "He did make that promise, remember? When he was 'finished with us' all you'd have left would be the money from the settlement. He may not turn me in, he may not tell anyone about our affair, but he's going to do everything in his power to break us up. He wants us to be as miserable as he is, which means we don't get to be together."

"We can't let him," I plead. "You promised we were on the same side. We agreed we wouldn't let anything turn us against each other."

"The whole time you were still married it used to drive me crazy wondering if you were sleeping with him. If you were letting him touch you, kiss you, see you the way that you said you would only let me see you."

"I didn't!" My eyes are wide as I shake my head vigorously back and forth. What did Mark tell him!? I'll kill him.

"But you did at some point," he says sadly. Well... yeah, Jimin.

"Well yes I did consummate my marriage, Jimin. But... once we started, he never touched me. I've belonged to you since the moment you touched me." I shiver at the mere memory of him sliding through my folds for the first time.

"Seeing you fuck him didn't destroy me, Y/N."

"Wha-what?" Seeing me? He's drunk. What in the world is he talking about?

"I shouldn't have watched it. I should have burned it when I got it. But... I don't know, call it morbid curiosity." He shrugs as he lets his head fall, his chin connecting with his chest.

"I don't understand," I say, the tears forming in my eyes as I hear how unsure he sounds about everything. Me. Us. Our love. He pulls a CD from behind me that I didn't realize was sitting on his desk and plays with it in his fingers. I look down at what he's holding and look up at him and for the first time since we got together, I see pure defeat in Jimin's eyes. "What is this?"

"Assumedly, Tuan sent me this. Of course, before I watched it, I didn't know. I should break it," he says, pulling the CD from its case and bending it slightly.

"What is it?" I ask, though a part of me, somewhere deep inside knows what's on this CD and how it might destroy the one thing- the one person I love the most.

"There was a note inside the package. I didn't see it at first... but after I turned it off... after I threw a glass at the wall, I saw it. 'I had to listen to you fuck my wife, so now you're going to watch me fuck your girlfriend' the note read," he says and I feel the blood drain from my face. "There was some other shit about how humiliated he was when his boss told him that his wife ran into you the night we'd gone out to dinner." I knew that was going to get back to Mark. "Said we couldn't just lay low. We had to flaunt it. We had to show the world that he was a fool."

"Tell me you didn't watch it," I whisper, ignoring all of the other words he said. The only thing that matters is whether or not Jimin watched it. And something tells me he did.

"I thought seeing another man fuck the woman I love would be the hardest part. But it wasn't. It was surprisingly easy. I mean it pissed me off, but you were married. I knew you had sex with him." He grimaces. "But no... it was the way you looked at him. The way you came apart in his arms... the way you told him you loved him. That destroyed me."

The tears are sliding down my cheek as I push myself further into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Why did you watch it!? How!? You're never going to look at me the same!" I shriek. I don't hear him reply and that only spurs me on further, the sobs becoming louder. "How could you do this!?"

"What do you mean how?"

"You knew watching this would change you... change us. Why would you do this!? Why didn't you stop, when you saw what was on it?" I push hard against his chest, needing him to feel my pain. I grip his shirt and my head finds his shoulder.

"I know, Y/N. I know. I should have stopped."

"How long did you watch it?" I say lifting my head, my vision blurry from all of the tears brimming under my lids.

"About thirty seconds. Enough to watch you come." His hands find his hair and then he looks up at me with sad eyes. "I thought he never made you come?" He asks me and I can't believe I'm actually talking to him about this.

"I know when we made that tape..." I trail off. "It was before we were married. He was... more considerate back then," I say.

He nods. "You told him you loved him."

"I did love him, Jimin, once upon a time. Or at least I thought I did. You can't punish me over the man that came before you. You more than anyone knows that I have a past."

"What does that mean?" He hiccups and I know it's time to end this conversation until he's more sober.

"It just means that you knew I had been involved with someone considering I was still involved with them when we started. Jimin... don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Push me away. I need... I need Dr. Park right now," I say knowing that appealing to his reasonable side is the only way to get through this.

"He's unavailable. You've got the insanely jealous boyfriend who watched his fiancé's sex tape with her ex-husband. Don't you see how fucked up this is?" This is the first time he's called me his fiance and I can't even enjoy the feeling that washes over me hearing the term. I'm too worked up and upset.

"Don't you see that this is what he wants? To create a divide between us? He's manipulative, and calculated... we can't let him do this to us. We are stronger than that."

"I don't know Y/N... the brick and then this... what's next? Is he ever going to stop?"

My teeth find my bottom lip as I look down sadly. Is he ending it? Is he saying I'm not worth the trouble? I feel my lip trembling and I feel his hand on my lip and my heart skips a beat at the minor contact. "Are you breaking up with me?" I ask. I feel weak, something I swore I'd never feel again after I left Mark. I'm stronger than this.

"I don't know," he whispers.

I let out a breath. "You don't want this."

"No shit," he chuckles as he shuts his eyes.

"I mean..." I say, wanting to make sure we are on the same page about what Jimin does and does not want. "I mean you don't want to break up."

"I don't know what I want."

I chuckle sarcastically. "So that's it? Shit gets hard and you walk?" Despite my chuckle, the words that come out of my mouth are anything but funny. He promised he was in this with me.

"Gets hard? Y/N where have you been? Shit has been hard."

"I've been divorced one goddamn week!" I feel myself starting to spiral, my blood pressure is rising, my heart is pounding so fast it might beat out of my chest and I'm resisting the urge to scream. My breaths are coming out in short spurts as I feel as if someone is standing on my chest, making it hard to breathe. In short, I'm about to fucking lose it. I move out of his lap. "If you do this... there's no going back, Jimin. I'm not doing this again. If you don't want to fight for me... with me... for us... Then let me go. Because I'm not going to go through this with you every time there's an issue. I'm not going to be in a relationship where I feel like you could leave me at any second. It's not fair to me. You said you loved me but this? This isn't love," I say to him. I'm out of his office without hearing what he has to say in his drunken stupor. Did I believe that his "I don't know what I want talk" was just fueled by alcohol? Yes. But that wasn't the point. Somewhere deep inside of him he thought those things. He wasn't sure that he could get past the things he saw on that CD. Why... WHY did he have to watch that fucking video!? Fuck you, Mark.

I manage to get myself into bed and as soon as I'm in the horizontal position, the tears begin to fall more rapidly, the sobs louder. I wonder how long before he comes to find me and I'm arguing with myself on whether I want him to stay away or come wrap his arms around me and rock me to sleep. I don't have to wait long for my answer when I feel the bed dip behind me and his arms wrap around me tightly. The smell of alcohol is all around me but the faint smell of Jimin is what I cling to. I can't make out what he's saying over my cries but he seems to grip me even tighter every time he says something. I'm not sure how long we lie there, him holding onto me like a life raft as he desperately tries not to drown in all of this. I'm asleep before I figure it out.

My eyes shoot open, the need to relieve myself is suddenly extraordinary. I try to move out of his arms, but his grip on me is tighter than when I fell asleep. I happened to wake up in the middle of the night, and it felt like I was on fire. Jimin's arms were wrapped around me, a leg threaded through mine, and his face at my neck, breathing heavily. The smell of alcohol weakened though it still wafted around us. When I tried to move away from the space heater that was my fiancé, he whimpered, murmured my name and squeezed me harder. I turned my head slightly and rubbed my lips across his forehead, hoping that it would relieve the tension coursing through him in his sleep. Once I realized he wasn't letting me go, I settled back into sleep.

"Jimin," I groan. "I have to pee."

"Y/N" he mumbles into my shoulder and I feel his chin drag across my shoulder and towards my face. I feel his lips at my neck and then my ear. Normally I would relish in the closeness but what happened between us last night is making me feel suffocated, not comforted by his invasion of space. He lets me go, reluctantly and I make my way to the bathroom. I stare at myself in the mirror, thinking about how different my life was one year ago. How I was so unhappy, feeling as if I couldn't fight for what I wanted. Feeling defeated, exhausted and in a marriage I knew was damaged beyond repair. I'm a new woman now. And I'm not taking anyone's shit. Not even from the man I love. I would fight for Jimin but if he didn't want to fight for me too then so be it.

I walk out into the room and Jimin is sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He must hear me approaching because his head shoots up, his eyes immediately meeting mine. "How are you feeling?" I ask crossing my arms defensively.

"Like I got hit by a truck."

"How much of that bottle did you put away? I didn't see where it was before you started your party," I say, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I don't remember."

I nod, something inside of me thinking serves you right. We stare at each other in silence for what feels like a full minute before I realize that he's not going to bring it up first. If I'm going to bring this up, I need some coffee and food first. "I'll make some coffee" I say as I move out of the room when he stops me.

"Y/N" that one word stops me in my tracks. His voice hoarse, not from the hangover I know he's sporting but from everything that led him to drink last night. I turn around, cocking my head to the side. He stands slowly before making his way towards me. I don't have a chance to think before he wraps his arms around me. I don't think he's ever hugged me this tightly, his chin resting on my shoulder as he turns his face to press against my neck. He lifts me off the ground, and I wrap my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry," he whispers and because I don't know what else to say at the moment, I nod. "I fucked up," he says after a few minutes as he sets me on the ground.

I want to tell him I agree, that he broke my heart last night not only with his words but with his actions. He wasn't me, he knew he wouldn't get turned on watching me with another man. He had enough self awareness than that. And truth be told, I would be out for blood if there was any tape of Jimin and an old girlfriend. But I certainly wouldn't leave him over it. "Take a shower, and get yourself together. I'll make you some breakfast."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thirty minutes later, Jimin enters the kitchen looking like a new man, one far different from the one I dealt with last night. I set a plate of bacon, eggs and pancakes in front of him and some coffee and lean across the counter. "You look like a human again."

He chuckles. "I hate being that drunk."

"It would have been adorable under other circumstances I'm sure."

"I'm sorry you had to see that," he says quietly and I think I catch a bit of pink coloring his cheeks. You have no reason to be embarrassed, baby. It happens. " You know I didn't mean what I said," he continues looking up at me as bites down on a piece of crunchy bacon.

"Which part?"

"I want you," he whispers. "I was hurt and out of control and drunk... and while that's not an excuse, I just wasn't in the headspace to deal with it. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you... and him... kissing, fucking... " he shakes his head as if he's trying to rid the images from his brain.

"How could you watch that?" I whisper.

"At first, I don't know, I think I was in shock. And you're not completely visible until a few seconds in. He was holding the camera and the first few seconds are just... him going in and out of you and then he raises the camera and the first thing I see are your tits... tits I would know anywhere." He pushes the plate away, a clear sign that he's lost his appetite and I immediately move around the bar and climb into his lap. "I almost lost it then."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I say over and over. I'm livid at him for watching. Pissed at him for letting Mark get into his head. But at the same time, he did watch a pretty graphic and intimate video of me and my ex, and I know he's hurting because of it. Self-inflicted or not, it'll take awhile to get that out of his head. And for that I was sorry.

He continues. "And then I see your eyes and you're so... happy. I see the lust in your eyes. And then you told him you loved him. Watching you in the throes of passion with someone else...hearing those words... it was a bitter pill to swallow."

"It was years ago, Jimin," I say, pulling away from him and putting my hands on his cheeks. "I don't even know who that girl is anymore. That was almost nine years ago."

"I know. And I just have to keep telling myself that."

"Are you going to be able to get over this?"

"Eventually."

"How soon? I don't want things to be different between us. I don't want it to put space between us."

"They won't. This is my thing."

"No. This is our thing. We will work through this together." I sigh and he nods in agreement.

"I hate that he made you come," he says petulantly.

"I was probably faking it."

"You weren't."

"How would you know? You don't know what it sounds like when I fake an orgasm."

"I don't?"

"No, of course not."

"Even that first time? Most women fake it the first time they are intimate with someone new."

My eyes widen wondering if he's really thought that this whole time. "Jimin, I screamed so loud, I'm surprised your whole building couldn't hear me. No I didn't fake it. I've never faked it with you," I tell him honestly.

He smiles so wide and I know he's resisting the urge to beat his chest with pride. "This is good to know."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, his hand stroking my leg, mine stroking his back. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

He puts a hand over his mouth. "Me too. But I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, I should've talked to you. I knew getting drunk would just add fuel to the flames I had burning me up inside. I knew I would end up taking it out on you, saying something stupid, hurting you. The moment I said those words, even in my drunk mind I knew I fucked up. It's why I followed you right away, why I climbed into bed with you and clung to you the whole night. I was terrified I pushed you away... that you would up and leave in the middle of the night."

"No," I say succinctly as if there's no other explanation needed. "I wouldn't do that. My therapist taught me that communication is the key to all successful relationships," I say, shooting him a grin. "And I knew we needed to talk when you were sober."

"I might fuck up from time to time, Y/N. Say things I don't mean in anger but I will always love you and want you and this... I'll never not want this."

"You weren't very sure last night."

"I was an idiot last night. I regretted it instantly. I didn't mean it."

"So you were just saying it because you knew it would hurt me?" I don't know which hurts worse.

He's silent for a few moments before he looks up at me. "I don't know, maybe somewhere deep down, I wanted you to hurt like I was hurting. So I lashed out and I'm sorry."

I nod, knowing that his apology is the answer to my question. "Don't do that again. I don't care how angry you are, don't make me think you're ending it... unless you are."

He nods. "I shouldn't have done that. I tell all of my couples not to do that. I know better."

"I don't expect you to think like a shrink every time we get in an argument, I know you'll say things in the heat of the moment and you won't be thinking rationally. That's normal. But don't..." I trail off. "It hurt hearing you say that you didn't know what you wanted."

"I want you. You're everything that I could ever want. I love you... forever, Y/N," his hands grip my face and I let my forehead rest against his. "You and me," he whispers.

"You and me." My lips find his and I kiss him slowly, deeply, madly. The goal is to get as close as I can to this man through this kiss and it seems to be working. I feel the tension slowly leave his body as our mouths begin the familiar dance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

We are sitting on the couch after our makeout needed to be moved to more comfortable furniture. We didn't go farther than kissing, rediscovering how much we loved the feelings of our mouths on each other. Jimin and I hadn't only made out maybe ever. The majority of our relationship was a race against the clock so it was nice to have nowhere to be, and all the time in the world to explore each other's bodies without the need for a hurried orgasm.

"I've been thinking about something... and I don't want you to get mad," I say, pressing my fingertips to his swollen lips. They're red from my teeth nibbling on both his bottom and top lip and I can only imagine how mine look as his teeth found my bruised flesh as well.

"Not the best way to start off."

"I think I should talk to Mark."

"Absolutely not, Y/N."

"Jimin-"

"No."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that was how this worked? You're not even going to hear me out?"

"Not on that."

"Baby-" I say, giving him the eyes I know he can't resist.

"No, Y/N. And don't look at me like that," he snaps.

"Of all the things you said last night in your drunken stupor one thing stands out to me that I actually agree with and that's- what's next? When will he stop this? Ever? I just- I want to end this war with him. I want to move on with my life, our life, and maybe he just needs closure. I want him to know that there is nothing that he can do to come between us or break us up."

"He doesn't want closure, Y/N. He wants revenge."

"Fine, then I can beat him at his own game. We still have a fair amount of dirt on him."

"We can't prove he threw the brick, Y/N. We have the same amount on him that we had before."

"What do we have to lose, Jimin?"

"He's a lover scorned, he's unstable and a ticking time bomb. I don't need you in harm's way when he finally explodes."

"Maybe you can be there... or... close by."

"What, you want to have a final session?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at me, the sarcasm evident by his tone.

I give him a look and I shake my head. "Not quite like that."

"I don't like the idea of you being alone with him."

"Nothing will happen to me."

"I still don't like it."

"I don't either but I'm the only one he hasn't really talked to... and I despite everything, I did cheat on him."

"Baby you don't need to do this. You don't owe him anything, Y/N."

"I don't?"

He looks at me, and I can tell he's weighing the pros and cons. As much as he doesn't agree with the idea, I see the moment he relents knowing that it might be a long time before he stops unless we take a stand. That maybe I'm truly the only one with the power to end it. "I want to be close by. And this needs to happen in a public place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I pick up the phone and dial the number I know by heart when a familiar person answers. His secretary. I didn't think he'd answer if I called his cell, so although it's sneaky, I'm choosing to appeal to someone who actually liked me and would more than likely put me through to him.

"Tuan Mark, please."

"I'm sorry but he's unavailable at the moment, can I take a message?" I'm not sure if she recognizes my voice or if maybe she's on auto-pilot after being advised not to put any calls through.

"... it's... Y/N."

I hear a pause. "Oh Y/N..." she says softly and then I hear "Hold one second." I think I'm holding for only a literal second when I hear his voice.

"I was expecting your call," I hear him say, the iciness of his voice moving through me.

"Hi Mark."

"What can I do for you Ms. L/N?"

"I thought- I thought maybe we could talk," I say, clearing my throat. Confidence Y/N.

"Talk about what?"

"You know what," I bark into the phone.

"I don't have time for this, I'm busy."

"Make time."

"For what?"

"Mark, we should talk. No lawyers, no... anyone. Just us. There are clearly feelings of resentment-"

"You think? You just left me for another man, what- do you want to be friends now? Fuck off."

"No, but I certainly don't want to worry about you throwing another brick through my window or sending my fi-Jimin another sex tape." I catch myself before I say fiancé not because I'm ashamed but because as happy as I am I certainly don't want to pour more salt in the wound. I had spent three months battling Mark in divorce being angry, calling him every name in the book. Now, I wanted peace. I wanted tranquility. I wanted a ceasefire. He chuckles, clearly pleased with himself and I take a deep breath to calm the rage boiling inside of me. "I know you hate me, I just want a chance to... move forward... make amends if it's possible."

"Fine Y/N I'll agree to your little meeting if it will help you sleep at night. But so you know, an apology doesn't just make everything okay."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I put my car in park and take a deep breath preparing myself for this conversation. Alright, Y/N. I know you're pissed. Livid. The bug, the brick, the sex tape.. hell I'm still enraged over Seven but none of that is going to put him in jail- without implicating the man you love so just keep your temper in check and see if you can get through to him. You want peace, so just let it go. Do not pick a fight with him Y/N. Do not. A part of me even feels like I shouldn't even give Mark the time of day for all of the shit he's done over the past few months, but at the same time, I was walking away from this marriage happy. So happy. I was getting the life I wanted, with the man that loves me and I love in return. I get the happily ever after, and what does Mark get? Maybe he's not heartbroken over losing me but he's certainly hurting. Despite how he treated me, I still feel a pang of guilt when I think about my unfaithfulness. I'm walking through the park, knowing Jungkook and Jimin are close by, but not sure exactly where and I'm shocked by the sight in front of me. I was expecting the usual tardy Tuan Mark, but as I begin to walk, I see him sitting on the bench, his elbows resting on his knees. It was hard to find a place that adhered to Jimin's need for us to be in public but also away from prying eyes and ears that were inevitable at any food establishment. "Hi Mark"

"Can we make this quick? I have a conference call in twenty minutes."

His words revert me back to every time over the course of our marriage where I came second to work. "You know what?" I blurt out. "Fuck your conference call."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Fuck it. And fuck you," I growl. "You threw a brick through my fucking window and you think you can't have a goddamn conversation with me right now? You're lucky you aren't having one with the police," I growl as I cross my legs and arms and look away from him. He's silent and I wonder if he's waiting for me to say something else knowing he doesn't have a defense against my accusation. "I came here because..." I start. "I thought you needed closure to move on. I thought maybe if I let you yell at me and tell me what a horrible person I was, without our lawyers or Jimin present or me recording you, that you'd move on. I thought if I did this you'd leave me and Jimin alone. You'd let me move on. Be happy. And in turn maybe give yourself a shot at happiness as well. But maybe I'm the one that needs closure." I lick my lips once, trying to bring moisture to the dryness coating the skin. "You sent him a sex tape?" I ask my eyes finding his and I see a look of what looks like regret cross his features.

"You think it was easy for me to listen to you have sex with someone else? I wanted him to see how it felt."

"I know," I whisper. "And I'm sorry that you had to hear that. But... Jimin loves me and you sent him fucking visuals." I'm so angry I'm shaking as I prepare to tear him a new one for hurting the man I love so deeply.

"And I didn't love you?" He says completely ignoring the fact that seeing and hearing are two completely different things. "Did you just not give a fuck about my feelings at all?"

"Of course I cared, Jimin didn't send you a fucking tape, Mark. You planted a bug! Neither of us meant for you to hear anything," I say trying to show that there's no comparison between the two. Mark intentionally sent the tape out of retaliation. "And you didn't love me the right way, Mark. Not the way I needed to be loved."

"And how was that? To be fucked every two seconds?" I cringe at the harshness of his words. There was nothing wrong with maintaining a healthy sex life. I hope he takes that with him into his next relationship.

"Physical intimacy was something I craved."

"And you spread your legs for the first man who gave you a second glance." He shakes his head as he leans back on the bench rubbing a hand over his jaw. I look at him, getting the first good glimpse at him since I sat down. He looks like he's lost a few pounds, and he's sporting more facial hair than usual. I suppose it's possible that the divorce actually affected him more than I expected. I guess I'll never know if it's over losing me or losing face.

"You really think that?" I say getting angry all over again at his accusations. "Were you really that self-involved? Did you really not notice anything about the woman who you shared your life with? Men gave me second glances all. the. time. Sometimes third and fourth. Do you know how many of your associates, clients, partners at your firm have hit on me? Sometimes in front of you! I always thought it didn't bother you and now... I learn you just didn't notice!? If I just wanted sex I could have fucked any number of them. Believe me they tried. I fell in love with Jimin. I think I was in love with him before he even touched me. I didn't spread my legs for anyone. I gave myself fully to a man that loves me and cherishes me."

He scoffs. "I can't listen to this shit."

"Mark, I'm trying to explain to you how I feel. For once. I'm trying to be honest with you."

"You don't think it's a little late for that?"

"I don't." I shake my head. "It's never too late to do the right thing."

"You really are fucking a shrink," he snorts.

"If that's all you think this is, then fine. But it's more than that. You know it's more than that."

He's silent for a moment. "What did he do that I didn't? How did this man weasel in and steal my wife right out from under my nose?"

"So many things," I whisper. Where do I even begin? My mind draws back to the list I made a few months back between Mark and Jimin and I realized that I welcomed the chaos. "But the biggest is... you fell out of love with me. I could feel it and so could you. When you looked at me... it's like you were looking through me. You stopped seeing me. And Jimin didn't steal me. I was drowning in my own misery, depressed, with a low self-image of myself due to a husband that didn't pay me the time of day. You took me for granted. You made me feel that I wasn't important. Like I was your property to do with what you wanted and when you didn't need me I was irrelevant." I lower my head as all of my thoughts and insecurities bubble to the surface.

"Why didn't you ever sit me down and say that?"

"I did," I say quietly. "Before we even went to therapy. And in therapy. You walked out on me so many times when I was trying to have this conversation with you. You made me wonder so many times if you ever really loved me."

"Of course I loved you Y/N."

"Why did you stop showing me?"

He's silent. "It doesn't matter now, does it?"

"No," I say honestly. "It doesn't. But it's something you should know before your next relationship so you don't make the same mistakes."

He sighs and I wonder if he's gearing himself to drop a huge bomb. "I loved you so much. In the beginning when everything was new and fun and exciting... I thought we were in this forever. But we were young, we barely had responsibilities. And then we got married and we had a house and a mortgage... And work just became my main focus...I just wanted to be successful. And I guess that gave me tunnel vision. Each month was a new hurdle I had to overcome and I kept thinking things would calm down after each promotion and they never did." He sighs as he looks over at me. "Months came and went and it was getting easier and easier to throw myself into work. I knew you were starting to feel that you wanted my attention and I guess a part of me resented you for it."

I gasp. "Resented me? For wanting to spend time with you?"

"For being on my case me to be home more, not to work so hard. I was climbing up the ranks fast and I felt like you didn't support that. I was putting all this work in, the long hours and I felt like the second I walked in the door I had to face you and that look of disappointment. I hated that I was letting you down and it became easier just to get angry at you for it. I started to feel like I made this life for you and you didn't care."

"I didn't want that life if you weren't going to share it with me. And it's not fair of you to say that I wasn't supportive. I always supported you," I whisper, the tears flooding my eyes that he thought that for so long. "I just wanted to be important to you. I wanted to be as important to you as work so clearly was, and as the years went by, I didn't feel that."

"You were important."

"It's easy to say that now, but you didn't make me feel like that then. I wasn't a priority. We stopped being affectionate. There was a time you couldn't keep your hands off of me and then it was like one day, I didn't do it for you anymore."

"Maybe you didn't," he sighs and I wasn't expecting it to sting as much as it did. "The excitement of everything wore off and I don't know... after the honeymoon phase was over, I guess I just got... bored."

No woman ever wants to hear that a man she had slept with used the word 'boring' to describe their sex life. It was a blow to the ego, even though I certainly didn't enjoy it the last few years either. I blow out a breath wondering if Jimin would ever grow bored of me. No. Never. I shake my head hearing the conversation we've had numerous times that this is so much bigger than the excitement of a forbidden romance. The fire between myself and Jimin could never be extinguished. We're a full-blown inferno.

He stares at a spot on the ground, focusing on it. Fixating on it as if he's in a trance before he speaks. "Just so you know," I hear a sniffle and I look over to see him wiping his eyes slowly. "I didn't throw the brick."

"What?" I ask.

"I didn't throw it. I don't even know where the house is. I'm sure I could find it... but I didn't want to know." My eyes widen as I wonder if he's lying to me. If he didn't throw it, who did? As if he can hear my thoughts, he speaks. "You know loyalty is a funny thing. You can do a whole bunch of crazy shit to each other... but when another person messes with you there are certain people that will always have your back."

My eyes narrow before they widen in understanding. "Seokjin?" He shrugs nonchalantly, but years of marriage tells me that's a yes. And he knows that I know it's a yes. "Tell him I'm sorry for bringing him into this," I say finally.

"Seokjin and I... we'll be fine."

"Why did you sleep with Jennie?" I ask the question I've been dying to ask since he drunkenly told me a few months ago.

"We were drunk, honestly. Jin wasn't always this doting perfect partner. He was aloof and cold and... honestly was a bit of a fuckboy. Not that it was an excuse. They'd gotten into a fight and he'd stormed out of our apartment where we lived together. Jennie was still there. One thing led to another and..." he trails off letting me fill in the rest.

"Did it happen more than once?"

"No."

"Do you regret it?"

"I regret what it did to Jin when he found out. He was... devastated. By the time they got married, he worshiped the ground she walked on so it killed him when he found out the night before the most important day of his life."

I nod slowly as I hear Mark's side of the story. "I'm sorry that I hurt you," I say finally. I don't have any regrets. I fell in love and I did what I needed to do for me. But in the same regard, I hate that I've hurt another person.

"I should probably be saying that to you."

"You should," I say, as I recall all of the things that have happened during our divorce process. Focus, Y/N.

"Would it be too much to ask if you didn't live here," he asks. "I don't want to run into you. I don't want anyone I know to run into you either."

"So what, you get Seoul in the settlement?"

"I was thinking maybe the entire country of South Korea," he chuckles. "Look regardless... I'm done. You've made your decisions and... I'm really not trying to throw everything I worked for away because I wind up in prison so... I'm done," he sighs. "You win."

I want to argue that I didn't set out to 'win' anything. But I realize that from an outside perspective, I did win. So I say the only thing that I can think of. "Thank you."

________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note: So fun fact, Jimin is exactly seven months older than me. (Jimin's: October 13, 1995. Mine: May 13, 1996) I always have grown up with a special connection with the number 13 since while it was usually known as the "bad luck number" I always associated it with happiness. When I found out that Jimin was also born on the 13th, and that the boys started BTS on the 13th, I knew that this number was something special.  This year I celebrated Jimin's birthday by having a self care day :) I hope that he had a wonderful birthday, and I hope that you all have had an amazing week! See you all next week with Chapter 17!

-Serendipity