Khaotung sat down on the bed, leaning his back against the backrest and thought.  Just remembering the man he met in the market brought a soft smile to his lips.  First was handsome, it was obvious that he took care of himself, dark eyes emphasized with black eyeliner seemed even bigger and more beautiful, slightly longer hair combed in a ponytail on top of his head seemed to fit perfectly with the young man's character.  Khaotung knew that he wouldn't be able to forget about him easily, and therefore he didn't understand himself and why he had offered the boy this strange kind of friendship.  He didn't usually act like this.  Usually he spent one night with some stranger, telling him that he didn't need to know his name, and that was it.  He knew that gossip could destroy his career, take away his passion, which after so many years of strenuous and fruitless efforts to win the world title, turned into a necessary and boring, familiar routine.  Nothing in the sport excited him anymore, and although he drove for Ferrari, he no longer felt the same pride of belonging to such a great team.  Mainly because his team was often the source of jokes for fans who created memes, made fun of them, made fun of their racing strategies. He knew where the problem was and yet wasn't able to solve it.

Khaotung came from a not very rich family, but he was lucky.  His racing talent was evident from an early age.  He also had no problems learning English, mathematics or physics.  You could say he was a so-called wonder kid.  His parents immediately took advantage of it.  His father always dreamed of becoming a racing driver himself, but he never succeeded, so he transferred his passion to his son and decided that he would do his best to make the boy succeed.  That is why he sent his son abroad to school at the first possible opportunity.  That was the official story, and Thanawat repeated it so many times over and over that he almost believed it himself.

Now this very boy, now a grown man, was nothing like that cute kid whose only thing was never to disappoint his dad.

It didn't matter now.  He was aware that if his father had known about what his only son had known about the expedition, he would probably be turning in his grave, but he couldn't have known, he had been dead for six years, he hadn't even seen his son's first race in Formula 1.

"I made your dream come true, Dad, but you're not here to see and celebrate," he said then, after a race in Australia where he finished a not-too-bad eleventh.  He then drove for Haas, for which it was only his third season in Formula 1.

* * *

Khaotung could no longer deceive him.  Only on the second day of their acquaintance, he revealed the truth about himself, and he felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his heart.  He looked at First closely and decided that he was one of those people you could trust.  Maybe it was also the way he behaved towards others.  Before he approached him to talk to him, he spotted him in the crowd of people hurrying somewhere, as he supported an old lady, helping her cross the busy street at this hour.  He smiled.

"I don't think I'm making a mistake trusting me.  I hope he will understand why I was hiding" , he thought.

First understood.  And he offered him a cup of bubble tea, to which his little brother had literally become addicted.  Khao admitted that he doesn't have the opportunity to drink such things on a daily basis, and First chose the supplements for both.  So they walked towards First's apartment and talked.

"You're not very good at hiding since I recognized you," — First laughed as they reached his house.  He went up the stairs and led him to his room.  He opened the door and their eyes saw an order that Khaotung hadn't seen for a long time.  Even his own room was a bit messy, not to mention his suitcase or wardrobe, which was pure chaos.  First showed him to the couch, and he reached for the largest bowl he had in the house, then began to open more packets of chips and pour them into the bowl, filling it to the brim.  Not wanting to be left behind, Khaotung busied himself pouring orange juice into decorative glasses he found in a tall display case that someone had placed next to the black refrigerator, apparently as a joke.  As expected, he found ice cubes in the freezer, which were perfect for cooling a slightly heated drink.

"Okay, tell me, what's your plan for us today?"

"We will watch the most interesting Formula 1 race ever!" —  First clapped his hands at the thought.  He looked happy and excited, and Khaotung was getting it.

They set out the snacks, First drew the curtains to block the sunlight from reflecting off his laptop screen, then set about finding his favorite race.  In Thailand, the sport became popular some time ago, and when the young and talented Alex Albon and Khaotung Thanawat joined Formula 1, driving numbers 23 and 29, the Thai people went crazy for them.  Both were reasons for pride for many and examples that stubbornness and hard work in many cases lead to achieving their goals.  Khao guessed which Grand Prix First would choose, but kept his face straight.

Monza, the temple of speed, a place where everyone wants to win, especially when you're racing in Ferrari's red livery.  Something unusual can always happen here and you can never be sure of anything.

It was said to be a crazy and unpredictable race, dramatic and full of twists and turns.  Plus it's rainy.  As the time and laps went by, the track surface dried out and eventually the drivers began to decide to go to the pit lane for dry tyres.  Khaotung didn't follow their example, although it seemed risky, he stayed on the track on intermediate tyres, sensing that he might go down in a moment.  And so it happened.  Only then did he pull off with the others to replace his wheels with new, unused intermediate tires.  It was a very good move.

Khaotung thought about what he had felt then.  He still remembered it like it was yesterday.  His first victory in Formula 1, in addition, on a track that was so important for Ferrari, at the legendary Monza.  He couldn't believe that it had happened even when he was already on the podium and when he was presented with the award.  From the very beginning, he was very focused on getting to the finish line without making any mistakes.  When the race engineer informed him that he was the leader, he simply took it as another job to do, he knew he had to do everything he could not to be overtaken.  He was so concentrated that he felt like he was in a tunnel, nothing else mattered.  This is never forgotten.

"I want to show you my favorite races.  I know you've probably watched this one a few times, it's your first win after all, but I love it".

"Would I surprise you if I say I haven't watched it once?"

"NO?!  How is this possible?  How can you not watch your most important race?!"

“I have people for that.  Besides... It's hard to get it off your mind, whether I watched it afterwards or not, the feeling remains the same, the taste of victory is always beautiful".

"I guess, although I've never won anything in my life" — First admitted a bit depressed, smoothing with his hand some non-existent fold on Khaotung's blouse.  He hated to say it, but Khaotung made him say whatever was on his mind before he thought about the consequences.  He looked around his room, making sure there was no lint or rubbish anywhere, but he had gotten up early this morning specifically to tidy everything up once more to make sure his new acquaintance didn't think he was a mess and  dirty.  He even changed the sheets, though once he did, it seemed like an unnecessary effort.  He opened the windows, even bought an automatic air freshener, and pulled a long-unused fan from the closet.  He had no friends, and acquaintances had given him a wide berth lately.  Even the boy who was the reason for the argument with his parents vanished into thin air as if he had never existed.  First blamed himself.  He believed he wasn't good enough, worthy enough, or strong enough to keep anyone by his side, so he told himself he had to be careful not to get too attached to his new friend, who would soon be gone from his life too.  He knew that if he became too attached to him and liked him even a little, when the time came to part, his heart would break into a thousand pieces and no one would ever put it back together again.  He feared the pain, loneliness, emptiness and longing that would begin the day he said goodbye to Thanawat.  And that day will surely come.  And that's why he enjoyed every minute of the attention the Formula 1 driver gave him, savored the sweet sound of his nickname when Khaotung said it, laughed louder than ever, smiled even though he found it difficult at first, as if  forgot what it's like to be happy.  Maybe that's what it was?

First would have given anything to keep Khaotung in his life, but he knew he couldn't, Thanawat had his own life, his own job, and his obligations to fulfill.  Even if he agreed, it wasn't that easy and it wasn't up to him alone.  That's why First took everything that happened very hard and thanked fate every time he got to touch the arm or leg of a new friend and realized that the man sitting next to him was real, not just a figment of his suffering imagination, which thus managed to cope  with pain.

"Seriously?  You've definitely accomplished something.  I don't know, maybe a football match or some kind of math competition?"

"None of these things.  I've always been an unobtrusive geek".

"I think you underestimate yourself. You don't even know how special you are".

"Me?  Special?" — First found it hard to believe.  He looked into Khaotung's eyes and found only sincere confirmation of his words.  He was surprised at how much attention someone as insignificant as himself was given by someone as wonderful as Khaotung.

"Yes, even very much.  You're incredibly strong, I'm guessing you have scars because you must have been stronger than others.  I also saw how you helped that old lady cross the road and how you fed probably stray dogs.  Most people in such situations pass by indifferently without even paying attention, some, the worst ones, can still tease or make fun of an elderly person or kick a homeless dog.  You are different, you help and I can see that you do it from the heart, that you want to help.  It's cute". 

"It seems to me that I do it because I know the suffering and humiliation very well and I don't want anyone else to go through what I have.  If I can do something for someone, I feel happy and at least for this one short moment someone needs me".

Khaotung heard a note of bitterness in handsome Thai's voice, but he didn't know what to say to that.  Their lives were so different, he couldn't give him any advice.  First smiled, patted him on the back, and said.

"Don't worry, I'll manage. Let's go back to watching".

Khao nodded and quite mechanically reached for a bowl into which they poured and mixed different flavors of chips.

Now, as he watched his best race from a spectator's perspective, he saw something he hadn't seen before.  That day he thought he was just lucky, he remembered that Verstappen, one of his two fiercest rivals, had a brake failure and had to retire after only eight laps, and another of his opponents, the legendary Lewis Hamilton, somehow made an inexplicable mistake  and crashed into a tire barrier set up near the pit lane exit, breaking half of his front wing, forcing him to pit.  That was when Khaotung took the lead, and although he was being pushed by Pierre Gasly in his surprisingly fast Alpine, and right behind the Frenchman very close to the DRS was Sergio Perez in his pink Racing Point car, he didn't let that victory be snatched away.  Only from the comfort of the couch did he see how difficult and demanding the race was, and it wasn't about luck at all, although he must have had a lot of it that day.  Carlos Sainz in a yellow and black Renault was doing pirouettes on the track every now and then, driving into the barriers and it was his commentators who called him the luckiest of the day, because despite all the mistakes he made, his car was not seriously damaged and he even managed to finish the race on  high, ninth place, which allowed him to gain valuable two points.  Those were the days when 12 teams competed: Ferrari, Mercedes, McLaren, Renault, Racing Point, Alpine, Alpha Tauri, RedBull, Alfa Romeo, Williams, Haas and the weakest team of all, Minardi.

"How many more mistakes will I make?" — Carlos rhetorically asked his race engineer over the radio as he skidded on the wet track after going out on the soft tires and spun.  — "Box, box, I need new tires.  What have you given to me?  Slicks?  For a wet track?!"

Lando Norris, who was a rookie that year alongside Alex Albon and George Russell, collided with his older, experienced and successful teammate Fernando Alonso because he failed to notice that Nando had a power unit failure.  It was a strange day.

"GP2 engine, GP2 engine" – Alonso complained on the radio moments before the young Brit crashed into him, sending both off the track and ending the race for the team.

Khaotung had no recollection of these radio conversations, and he had to admit that they amused him now, especially when he saw and heard First laughing out loud at them.  Only now did he remember that he himself had then thanked his team by singing a song in Italian that Sebastian Vettel, the former champion, had taught him.

"You know why this is your best race?" —  First asked when the viewing was over.

"I guess because I won with Ferrari at a track that is important for our team?"

"Not only because of that.  Also because when others made mistakes, you were focused on your goal, you didn't let yourself be distracted, you fought like a lioness, you were strong, brave, feisty and invincible.  Everyone says that racing alongside Leclerc, who certainly had more support than you at Monza, you must have felt a lot of pressure, more than anywhere else.  And yet you did.  You drove cleanly, flawlessly, recklessly.  That's why the Tifosi loved you as much as Charles".

✨😉🪄❤️🥺🌺🤩🧡😭🤣👑🤗💔🇵🇱😊😂🥰💤🔥☀️👀💙🐕😍😜🤪💜🤯🤴🌷💖💮🌸💯☺️👋

To all reading!

I put here some easter eggs for F1 fans, can you find them all? 👀👀👀

And what do you think about this story? Do you like it? Or is there anything you would change?

Let me know, i'm here to listen ❤️🥺

And thank you everyone for reading, this means a lot to me and makes me want to finish it beautifully just for you as my way to say „Thank you“. I hope i won't disappoint you 🥺😭

~Annie