Everytime before going to bed he is the last person I think of and everytime as I wake up he is the first person I think of as well.

Damian brings the best out of me. The good in me blossoms to the point everyone can tell I'm truly happy.

And I am.

I am definitely a hundred percent truly happy ever since I met him.

He saved me from a toxic relationship that had no future and saved me from the emptiness I had in me.

And every time I go and think about my past I want to cry. Cry in how stupid, naive, ignorant, envious, and overall dirty I was.

Stupid to have fallen for Joe.

Naive to the people around me.

Ignorant to think Emilio wasn't going to leave me just like that.

Envious to ever want to be like the other girls who were who I used to think "better" than I was.

And dirty......... Because of Juan.

I want to go back in time and fix all of my mistakes but then I stop and think...

I wouldn't have met Damian.

So things happen for a reason.

All of that I had to go through in order to have met with Damian. Everyday I thank God for helping me stop making the stupid mistakes I used to do and for putting Damian in my path. Now all the mistakes I ever done I am fixing it little by little and with the help of Damian. He truly brings the best person out of me. Because if it wasn't for him I would have bloody murdered someone by now...

So much hate has contaminated my heart. Why is it that people always want to hurt the good people? I'm always friendly and caring but people take advantage of that and only know how to hurt. Just like Ana betrayed my sincere friendship. Just like Joe just left me for being different. Just like Emilio who abandoned me for no reason. Just like Juan who took advantage of my loneliness.

And even if I don't want to remember these people that hurt me so much in the past, I can't help but keep bringing them up.

Because I can't be hurting all of my life.

So I accepted Ana's friendship request. I added Emilio to it. I forgotten about Juan and all I have left is Joe.

Is it worth it though?

Do I feel ready to complete this toxic circle?

Ever since I got the others out of the way I have been at peace because now I have no enemies and my heart is at peace.

Scratch that out.

I have ONE enemy and she will forever be in my kill list because I want her DEAD.

Serina Brogdon has taken the love of my family from me and has contaminated my place I used to call home. I feel uncomfortable, unsafe, and overall miserable because she is taking part of my life. She will be that one person I will never accept. I may have forgiven my enemies but she is that exception that will never happen.

And even if Damian is a strong part of me from stopping in doing something unforgivable and sinful, there is a limit for everything.

And I am to my damn point of a limit.

I need her GONE.

******

December 2018~

A lot has happened since my birthday.

I got to spend time with my friends afterwards one day where it was just Alisha, Rose, and I. Kaitlynn couldn't come so it was just us three just like the good old days. We went out to eat and went to the park which was incredibly fun even if I almost died going down the slide and saw my life flash before my eyes and saw phoney fly out from my hands all because I had to video it. Other than that it was great hanging out with the girls which was rare nowadays since everyone is so busy all the time and Damian hogs me all the time. Speaking of him, it took a lot of convincing for him to let me go. Lately he has been more and more...how you say...jealous. He saw my conversations with Concho and Joshua to the extent I understand him why he gets jealous since those two were confessing their feelings all the time towards me. But inalways assure him...my heart only belongs to Damian. So lately I stopped replying them which is no problem since the only one I really care about is Damian and Damian only. Luckily he gave me permission and that's how I managed to be with the girls.

Also......Alisha gave me a blanket full of colorful cats like geez it has been my favorite gift of all.

But anyways the month was starting out to be swell until Hoe comes and ruins everything.

They gave me vacation at work for a few days and guess who came and ruin my vacation...

Stupid bitch ass hoe that's who.

Being sane was really becoming a challenge as the days go by. Each day my hate grows stronger and stronger.

But love overpowers everything.

And that's my only reason to be sane at the moment.

As to my parents and family...I have grown apart from them....

The day I will leave is when they will miss me.

And I'm begging for that day to come. For that day when Damian comes and rescue me from this trapped place I live in.

******

"Hey." Damian said.

It was just a simple hey.

Every time when he video calls me, he calls me princess or love or something sweet but today...today it was just hey.

"Hey?" I frowned. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Tired." He replied.

I know he works really hard but other times when he comes out of work really late he still sounds happy but today he sounded off.

"Are you sad?" I had to know. This was the first time I was seeing him so down.

"No."

"...."

The silence lingered in the air for a good ten minutes until I said, "Okay I'm going to bed."

"Are you mad at me?" He frowned.

"Um no? All I said is I'm going to sleep already."

"You're mad I can tell when you're mad."

"Well you're wrong because I am not mad." I was starting to get mad because he was saying I was when really I wasn't.

"Fine go to sleep. Goodnight."

Wow.....wow.....wow....

For some reason my heart was aching. We never end our conversations like this.

"Oh fine. Goodnight." Now I was angry.

"That's it? Just goodnight?"

"Well yeah that's what you want no?" I turned the camera off so all he can see is darkness. I mean all this time he wasn't even looking at me anyways.

"Why are you mad?" He kept asking.

"I wasn't. You the one who is mad."

"I'm not though," He said. "I'm just tired."

"Other times you still sound happy and there are days when I know you are more tired you still smile so why now you have to be so different?"

To be honest I don't know why we were fighting like this. We never argued or had anything bad. Only that one time when he got drunk and I was upset but that was when we were just friend and nothing more. Ever since we started dating we had no problems until now if you call this as one.

We ended up hanging up the video call and talked normally through the phone up to midnight where he started to ask me questions and I will reply back rudely just as he started them.  We went back and forth talking about Christmas and among other stuff. At the end we both cooled down and that was it.

"I'm sorry Princess..." He said at the end. "It's just I'm worried."

"Of what?"

"Of us."

"Why?" I felt a knot start to form in my heart for some reason.

"We never fight...and I'm scared."

"What?" I small laugh escaped from me.

Here I was worried about something else and he was worried because we never fight.

"How is that something to be scared about?" I asked.

"Well because I don't know how I will handle it when we really do fight. Because everyone fights once in a while."

"So? It doesn't mean we have to do it."

"I never seen you mad with me."

"Because you don't give me reasons to be."

"Usually couples that fight break up or married couples divorce... I don't want that."

"I don't want that either." A ran a hand over my face.

"I'm sorry again Princess..."

"It's okay." I sighed.

"It's just that sometimes I feel this is too good to be true you know what I mean. I feel happy with you and I'm afraid if something happened....I don't want to see us fighting."

"Geez Love there is no need to think like that. Couples fight all the time but it doesn't mean we have to fight either. Even if we do one day it doesn't mean we break up or divorce just like that. In every relationship there is always problems but you know...love is strong and it fixes those problems. So if we do one day we will get over it and still love each other. I will always love you no matter what."

Gosh he was making me cry now. I wiped my tears but kept my voice firm. I am more sensible when it is that time of the month...

"I will always love you too. Still I want to know what you do when you are angry?" He asked.

"Well when I get angry I will just be quiet and ignore you for the rest of the day. That is what I will do if I ever get mad at you. What will you do?" I asked.

"I will probably just lock myself in the room and play music full blast to drown all the other sounds. That's my sign if I'm angry."

"Okay good. Now that we got that settled... Will you tell me that you love me?" I whispered as sleep started to kick in.

He chuckled, his happiness coming back to normal.

"I love you. So much."

*****

December 21, 2018~

After work I begged my parents to let me go visit Damian.

Today was our first year anniversary.

My parents took a while to make a decision because my mom will be like, "It's wrong for the girl to look for the guy and go to his house at this time late in the evening." And my dad will be like," It's one year blah blah blah it doesn't mean anything."

Oh but when hoe comes you guys say nothing and when it was their shitty first year y'all were like go ahead and didn't bother the time.

Sexist bullshit I say.

At least at the end they said yes and I sped my way to his house. And spent it snuggling under his blankets in his room.

I don't need things to be happy. I don't need to go to a fancy restaurant or gifts when the best thing I have is right in my arms.

My sweet Damian.

The best anniversary ever. And for more to come like Damian says.

Since I only had an hour, I couldn't stay longer so before I had to go we took a picture and took every second and every minute to make out. I mean hey I miss him and I don't know when I will have freedom again so I'm taking all of my chances.

At the end I had to leave taking with me one more last kiss.

When I got home I opened my backpack and saw a small mint container.

"Odd..." I never seen it before. I opened the small box and saw money rolled up. I pulled one out and more and more and more followed afterwards.

"Geezus!" I was in shock seeing all this cash coming out from something so small.

I thought it wasn't going to end until I finally got the last bill out. It was a bunch of five's and ten's all cramped inside the small container. At the bottom there was a small half notebook paper folded neatly and I opened it.

'Love, thanks for everything you are amazing. I love you.'

My heart jumped in excitement and in love. This I didn't expect at all from him. On the other side of the half notebook paper was a small heart he drew and said one year together.

Something so small yet simple made tears come out from my eyes. I have everything. Even if it was just a few words for me it meant absolutely everything and he knows it really well how it touched my heart, how it sent my butterflies flying off into space.

Damian never stops amazing me every time.

I am madly in love with him.

But of course it was obvious.

And I want the whole world to know he is mine.