It was just an ordinary day filled with ordinary people, ordinary things, and ordinary happenings. That's when he came, I met the man of my dreams. I saw him on my way to work at the Youthstinn Times, he was lost and I decided I'd do my good deed for the day.
I walked up to him and said, "Excuse me sir, you seem to be lost, would you like for me to help you find your way?"
When that man turned around I knew he was going to be someone that I would stay with forever. His face was that of an angel and his eyes were gentle and kind. He was a bit pudgy, but all I could see was his true beauty. He had the chiseled chin of a Greek god beneath his enormous folds of flabby skin. His hair was a lions mane and his glorious neckbeard glistened in the sunlight.
I couldn't get over his untamed strawberry-blonde mustache upon his pale white skin.
"Yes, I am looking for the comic store, it's 'Comic Books 1,000' correct?" He spoke with a mesmerizing lisp that made me weak in the knees and he breathed like a beached whale with an excessive amount of mucus.
I had to gather myself so that I could speak properly to this perfect being. "Yes that's what it's called, I believe it is down the street on the left side. There should be a sign outside that has the name on it."
"Thank you, Ma'am, I can find it from here," he spoke like a true gentleman.
"You are very welcome, Sir," I breathed.
And with that, he left for the comic store. I watched him walk away with his hips swaying back and forth. His ginormous legs pumped up and down with his cellulite flopping and slapping together. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and stood there in shock that this god of beauty even considered speaking with me.
I snapped back into reality and checked my watch, 8:00! I was late for work! I ran the entire way to the office and arrived two minutes past. Luckily for me my boss was late too and I got off Scott free. The rest of the day all I could do was think about him and what our life will be like in the future and that night I dreamt it was all real and this man was my lawfully wedded husband.
The next day I met the man again in the same place. I spoke to him and asked him to go down to the coffee shop later and he agreed. I was so excited that I nearly urinated in my pants. This flawless man was willing to even spend a second in my presence let alone a lunch break.
I met him at the local coffee shop at around noon and ordered a mocha and a scone. When he walked in the Earth quaked in his presence. His enormous legs tread so gracefully through the room all the way over to my table. When he sat down his gigantic folds gyrated with grace and the chair legs bowed under his mighty girth. I was so shell shocked by his entrance that I forgot to say hello. He spoke to me about the controversy of the battle between Superman and Batman. All I could do was nod, I was so engulfed in his radiance. When my lunch break was over we agreed to meet again tomorrow in the same place.
When I returned to work I daydreamed about him again, Carl, that was his name.  All I could think was Carl, Carl Carl Carl, I couldn't pull myself away.
The next day when I was working on the paper, I went to edit the front page when I saw the man again. My heart broke and so did my sanity, the headline was "Local Man Dies from Cheeto Overdose". I was so upset I ran to the coffee shop and cried at the table that we sat at together, the man of my dreams left as soon as he came.
I went to his funeral and his parents wondered why I was there. I told them him and I were seeing each other and I was just as upset as them. We shared a beautiful moment before the service ended and I went home to cry.
The next day I tried to join him, but the police caught me before I could. There was a trial and I was admitted to a psychological facility, Little Hope. That's where I am now, I still think about him to this day and I will always love him. I have to go now, the nurses are coming to give me my medication. Goodbye.