"Somewhere weakness is our strength,
And I'll die searching for it.
I can't let myself regret such selfishness.
My pain and all the trouble caused,
No matter how long
I believe that there's hope." - Let The Flames Begin

--

Five days later...

Was this really it then? I clutched the handle of my green luggage bag, one that I had kept at the back of my closet for all of these years. It was always filled to the brim with everything needed for the day I would finally leave my home - my past behind.

The edges torn and frayed, and with one wheel broken and spinning senselessly, it was my lifeline for my future. It was supposed to be the turning point of my life when I held the handle and carried it into a new life. I was going to start fresh because I was finally free, just like I always wanted.

Then why did it feel so wrong?

Standing in front of the doors leading into the massive international airport, the entire situation felt surreal. People hustled and bustled, moving quickly to get to their alotted gates in time. Dressed in coats and dragging behind large amounts of baggage, I suddenly felt self-conscious with my single hoodie and only luggage bag.

The airport was grand; glass windows stretched high above my hands, soaring so high into the sky that the sun's rays bounced off and created rainbows in the blue atmosphere. The ground vibrated as planes took off and landed, and the roads were filled with honking cars and traffic, the smell of exhaust fumes in the air.

Behind me was a yellow taxi, whose passenger door opened to reveal a familiar stout man with a graying moustache, covered in a warm jacket and hat. He picked up his briefcase and bags from the trunk before waving away the vehicle and coming to stand where I was. Together the two of us faced the entrance; Mike's hands were in his pocket as he smiled at the sight, while I felt sick to my stomach.

"You ready?" he asked, casting a look in my direction.

"As I'll ever be." I croaked out, and he began to lead the way in.

Past the rotating doors, we were hit with a gust of warm air as soon as we took a step inside. The inside was as large, maybe even larger, than the outside. With the ceiling high glass windows emitting sunlight through, the lobby area was bright and spacious. Elevators and escalators were scattered in every direction. People had their bags and everything, frantically milling about to wherever they were headed.

There were so many people, but I still felt so alone.

"I'm going to go check in," said Mike, reaching out to take my luggage, which I hesitantly gave. "Wait here." The man began towards the long line towards the back, where people where doing baggage checks and checking into their respective flights.

I stood awkwardly in the middle of the area, people skirting around me, before sighing and moving to the small row of seats facing one of the windows. Placed there for people to wait for taxis or buses, I took a seat at the end and stared outside, growing lost in my thoughts.

Around this time, the band would probably be doing a practice rehearsal for the actual rehearsal, courtesy of Gabriel always being a stick in the mud. During it, Drake would whine obnoxiously and Zac would sip his lemonade, and Xander would be sneaking silly faces at me- No.

I shook my, not wanting to think about them anymore. But thoughts and memories with Chasing Avenues kept invading. I smiled at my reflection in the glass, remembering once when Drake and Xander had decided to prank Zac while he was in the bathroom. The two idiots took five drops of tobasco sauce and put it in the poor bassist's lemonade. Zac's reaction couldn't have been any more memorable.

Or that one time, when Gabriel challenged Xander to a karaoke contest, yet the rules were that only the other three members of the band could choose the songs. Watching them sing along to mainstream pop songs they both clearly disliked couldn't have been any funnier.

My heart ached and I bit my lip, the smile in the reflection fading away until it was nothing. I missed them. I missed being a part of Chasing Avenues.

Even if I wasn't as much of a member as I imagined myself.

The pact, I thought. I broke nearly all of the rules. I was never a true member anyway. Staring at my reflection, I watched the inage rearrange itself to our very first rehearsal, where Drake, Zac, and Gabriel explained the importance of their opinion of friendship.

"Dude, there's no way you can chug that in ten seconds," Drake made a face at Zac popping open a large container of lemonade.

The bassist grinned, as if in a secret. "Try me."

"I dare you," Xander butted in, pushing past Gabrel so he could get a seat in front of Zac. We were in Drake's basement, huddled around in a circle after practice. The four boys were devouring all the food in Drake's mini fridge, while I fiddled with the hem of my top and watched with a small smirk.

"Someone time it." Gabriel ordered as Drake pulled out his phone, already on it.

"Ready?" Drake grinned. He bounced on the balls of his feet as Zac cracked his neck and opened the bottle.

"Ready." said the bassist.

Drake tapped a button his phone and shouted, "Go!"

Zac put the container to his lips and immediately started guzzling. I watched his adam's apple bob with each swallow. Just watching made me feel queasy and I set my bottle of water on the floor so I wouldn't throw up. Zac seemed unfazed by it all, and as the seconds counted down, so did the amount of lemonade in the can.

"Time's up!" Drake announced just as the last drop landed on Zac's tongue. The latter grinned victoriously, wiping the corners of  his mouth. A small smile formed on my face.

"Lacey." Mike's voice made me turn around, the image and memory dissipating quickly until I was looking back at myself. "It's time."

With a small nod, I stood up shakily and brushed myself off, following Mike to the elevator. As the contraption descended, I felt every movement become slower and more sluggish, as if my body didn't want to leave the city of Seattle and all of the memories behind with it.

I should be jumping with joy. At least, that's how I imagined it when I thought of leaving. But now, I dreaded it.

At the entrance to our gate, Mike chuckled and said, "The point of no return." He meant it to be funny but I found it to be the harsh reality.

"Can I- can I just take a moment before we go?" I asked, knowing that if I took another step, there would be no going back. With a sympathetic smile, Mike nodded and patted me on the shoulder.

"I'll go wait in the waiting area." he said, picking up my luggage and his and making his way over to the terminal.

As soon as his figure disappeared into the swarm of the crowd, I let out a long sigh I hadn't realized I was holding and weaved my way through the crowd. I made my way to the large scale window, showing off the planes in the distance, ready to disembark to wherever they were headed next.

I would be on one of those planes soon, I thought dismally, leaning my forehead against the cool glass. Closing my eyes, I realized I probably looked like a lunatic just standing in the middle with her head pressed against the window, but I ran out of shits to give the moment I saw Carter standing with my band.

Please, I thought, give me a sign that what I'm doing is wrong. Anything.

I waited. And then I waited some more. I waited until Mike tapped me on my shoulder and out of my reverie, telling me that boarding was taking place. Reminding me that I was a step closer to my inevitable fate.

And with one last look at the window, seeing my reflection in its depths - the haggard, sleepless eyes and unruly appearance - I turned and headed after him, realizing no sign was coming.

----

"Lacey, wake up," Mike's voice woke me gently, and I felt him shaking my shoulder gently as he roused me from my fitful sleep. "We're landing."

I blinked the sleep out of my eyes, rubbing at them before slipping my seatbelt back on. Warily, I turned my head to glance out the window. The rumbling of the plane was music to my ears, a sound I had grown used to during the four hour flight. I was hoping I could just stay on the plane forever and never have to get off, but the sight I was looking at told me otherwise.

The sun was high in the sky, cast behind a few cumulus clouds as its rays sneakily pass through the fluff and onto the city below. Skyscrapers hugged the sky while thousands of other sleek, grey buildings hid underneath. The sunshine glinted off the windows, making the city light up though it was bright and cheery. It was all too familiar.

The airport was a blip in the distance, but soon it grew closer and closer until our plane touched down on the runway, the bump of the imapct jostling me in my seat. With every passing second, my heart climbed further up into my throat.

Mike unbuckled himself, grabbing our luggage before motioning for me to exit the plane with him. Holding my breath, I followed the line of passengers exiting the plane, focused on Mike's back in front of me. As soon as we took a step off the airplane, I could hear the honking and street noises from outside and I realized with a jolt that I was home.

Seattle, did you miss me?

Mike stayed with me until we reached the exits, where he pulled me over and gave me a worried look. "Are you sure you're going to go back? I could get you a hotel room for a while, until things blow over at least."

"I'll have to face him eventually," I replied, my voice hollow. I didn't even recognize it. "I'll be fine."

"Lacey-"

"Go back home, Mike. Get some rest. Watch the rest of the competition and tell me if Chasing Avenues wins, okay?"

He caught my wrist before I could leave, "Are you sure you don't want me to at least drop you off? See that you're safe?"

"I like this Mike better than the asshole I met at the beginning," I laughed, though it registered no emotion. "I don't want you seeing this, Mike. I'll be fine."

"If anything happens, call me. You have my number. I'll call the police right away."

"Don't," I said hoarsely, peeling his grip away from me and taking a step back. "Please don't. Goodbye, Mike."

"Lacey-"

But I was already gone.

----

Roaming through the streets of my home city, I recognized where I was almost immediately. My brain had already turned on it's instinctual naviagtion system, telling me which alley ways and turns would lead me to the abode that was my home.

The blocks became less and less as I realized how close I was getting. My heart wouldn't stop beating erratically and I began to hyperventilate, holding my hands in front of me and realizing they were shaking. I couldn't get them to stop.

And then something caught my attention out of the corner of my eyes.

It was silver glint in the sun, and I blinked, realizing it was a shimmer coming from iron gates. A familiar set of gates that had me letting out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. The sound of children's playful screams emanated from inside, and I saw the luscious green of the grass and trees, and the shimmer of sunlight reflecting off the lakeside.

The park.

Without even thinking, I abandoned all thoughts of my apartment and detoured, veering a sharp left so I could walk through the gates and to a familiar spot my heart was aching to see. My footsteps were quick and agile, pounding on the pavement as I nearly jogged to my destination.

Around the lake. Past the oak tree. Ten paces forward.

My bench.

I nearly collapsed as soon I was within two feet of it. Falling on my knees in front of the decaying wood, I crossed my arms together on the surface and placed my head on top, hiding my face. And then the tears finally came.

My body wracked with sobs - terrible, terrible sobs that heaved from head to toe, as if I were finally letting go of everything I kept inside. My tears stained the bench, turning the brown color even darker from the water.

The bench was cold, reminding me of how I used to be before I met the guys - before I met Blake.In fact, it was in this very spot where my heart began to thaw for the first time. It was this spot where I met the boy I only realized now I was in love with. Somehow, this bench was a reminder and anchor to my old life. And now that I was back, this was the only place I would ever want to be in.

Wiping at my eyes, I wept and sniffled, punching the bench and feeling the pain skyrocket through my fist. It didn't even scare me that I could damage my most valuable trait. If Blake couldn't drum, why should I?

All my fault.

Everything is my fault.

Getting up shakily, I climbed onto the bench, curling into a ball and laying my head on the cold exterior. My vision was trained on the lake, the waves lapping against the shore as ducks and geese flapped around in its waters. The tears wouldn't stop flowing, and soon I found that I had cried myself to sleep.

----

When I awoke, my eyes were crusty and sore, and the daylight had moved aside so that the moon could take its place in the sky. Stars lit the atmosphere, creating a crown over my head. I rubbed at my face, smothing my hair down and stretching the sore muscles in my body.

I pulled myself to my feet, staggering for a bit as I caught onto the arm of the bench to keep me steady. Swallowing dryly, I took a step forward, until I found myself walking towards the exit. To my surprise, once I got there I found the gates were locked. Security must have not seen me, and locked up the park.

Shaking my head, I walked to the side of the chain link fence, placing a foothold into one of the crevices before pulling myself up. I climbed swiftly over it - it wasn't the first time I ever climbed over this fence, whether to get in or to get out.

As soon as my feet hit the ground on the other side, I felt a brief satisfaction before a familiar memory interrupted my victory.

"Deliqnuent." Xander laughed.

"I'm not a delinquent!"

Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed my best friend away and started for my home. It was even more daunting now - returning without warning, in the middle of the dark, and my step-father's menacing threat echoing in my thoughts from when before I left.

"So go. Fine. Run away and leave me. But when you come crawling back to me, I will make you regret it. I swear it on my life."

I passed by a small shop, selling electronics that were too old-fashioned to survive in a modern world like the one we live in.The television on display was on, showing a commercial for shampoo, and I stood and watched, looking for any excuse not to go back to Marco.

The commercial ended.

And then I saw it.

"Carissa Voltaire reporting from Faboo Magazines. As you can see from behind me, I'm currently at the presentation of the last two contestants for Infinite Records' national battle of the bands," The reporter was blonde, her hair in ringlets down her shoulders. But it wasn't her that caught my attention, it was who was on stage behind her. "Our finalists are Within These Cages and Chasing Avenues, though there is some speculation on whether or not Chasing Avenues deserves a spot up there tonight."

I bristled in anger, scowling at the lady who just beamed at the camera before continuing, "During the performance between them and Tilted Reality, we had a shock in for us when the major label band quit from the competition. A later interview explains that it wasn't just the contest they quit, but making music entirely. That's right, folks, Tilted Reality is no more."

"What?" I whispered, pressing closer to the screen with wide eyes.

"Perhaps it's for the best since their drummer, Blake Mercer, is still recovering from his tragic accident involving the rescue of another contestant, Lacey Carson," I jumped at the mention of my name. "Now, let's talk about Lacey for a second. It has come to my attention that she is no longer in Chasing Avenues as well and that the boys are going to continue on without her. Why could this have happened? Did it have something to do with Blake Mercer, since it seemed the two had something going on between them? Either way, with Tilted Reality's exit, Chasing Avenues earned a spot in the finale."

I placed both hands on the glass, watching expectantly as the camera zoomed in on the bands on stage. There was Within These Cages on the right, their expressions smug as they waved to teh audience. And on the left was Chasing Avenues, though they looked more humble. Gabriel stood off to the center, but there was something off about him. He looked paler and washed out than the rest of the band members. Xander looked gloomy off to his right, his hands in his pockets. Zac and Drake seemed to look the same way. I wish I was there with them.

"And," Carissa added, the camera leaving my friends and returning to her overly cheerful face. "The board has decided on something very special. Since both bands come from the same city, Seattle, Washington, it has been decided that the final competition will take place in their hometown, in three days time. Be there or be square. This is Carissa Voltaire, signing off."

The screen went blank.

Seattle. They were coming home too. I felt something close to excitement bubble in my chest, making me grin in anticipation. Was that the sign I was hoping for? Turning back, I rubbed my hands down my arms and continued walking, already planning on ways to apologize and fully explain to them everything.

If I survived Marco first.

The thought had me stopping in my tracks and putting my hands inside my pockets. Inside, crumpled and frayed, was the ticket to England. Though I had contemplated using it right away, I had thought against it and decided to use it on a rainy day. Emergency only.

I hoped I would never have to use it.

In my pocket, my phone buzzed, startling me. I let out a grunt before pulling it out and hitting answer without checking the caller ID. "Mike, I told you I'm fine, okay?"

"Guess again?" a familiar voice said in my ears. Xander.

"Xander." I breathed, nearly dropping the ticket in my hand.

"Bingo," he laughed airily, and I felt like melting, just to hear someone talk to me again.

"Where are you guys? I heard about the finals and-"

"We just got off the plane; we're just getting our bags and stuff."

"I have to get a ticket and see you guys. Even if I'm not performing, I don't care. I want to support you all until the end. I have some money stashed under my bed, if Marco hadn't gotten to it, and I can-"

"Lacey," Xander laughed, sounding like a chorus of bells. "There's a reason I called you, you know?"

"Oh, yeah," I said, blinking. "What is it?"

"We need you."

I paused, "What?"

"We need you," Xander repeated, but I stil couldn't believe his words.

"But," I whispered. "They all hate me. They're all mad at me."

"They don't hate you, Lace. They were mad, and then they were hurt. But now we all realize that you're one of us, and there's no way we could perform in the finals without you. You're family." Xander said softly. My heart thudded in my chest and I smiled at his words. Then, I frowned.

"Are you sure?" I asked warily.

"He's fucking sure." I heard a familiar voice yell and I laughed - a short, abrupt bark of relief. It was Drake. "Look, Lacey. What you did was wrong. And stupid. Really fucking stupid. But we were assholes too because we didn't get a chance to hear your side of the story. And I just want to say... Say..."

"That we're sorry." another voice piped up.

"Zac?" I asked, my throat clogging up eith emotion.

"Yeah," he replied; I could almost hear the smile in his voice. "Lacey, we want you to come home. We need you back. It's not the same without you."

"Xander pretty much hit us over our heads and helped us see clearly," Drake added. The shuffle over the phone told me he had snatched it away from Zac. "We're both at fault here."

"And besides," Zac said, a little hesitantly.

"We have a bit of a problem." Xander finished.

"Problem?" I asked, curiosity piquing my interest.

"I think it's best if you see for yourself." Drake mused.

"What? And where's Gabriel? Is he still mad too?'

"See, now he's part of the problem."

"Drake," I said through a sigh, but inside I felt my heart swell with happiness. This was it. This was my sign. This was the sign I was waiting for.

"Come home, Lacey." he said, "We need you back," and the line went dead.

I put it back in my pocket, a grin still on my face and it wasn't leaving anytime soon. In my hand, I saw the ticket, its fine print telling me it was a one way trip to England. With a laugh, I finally felt the courage leap its way into me, and my hands ripped a tear in the paper. I would go with my band, or I wouldn't go at all.

Without another thought, I ripped the paper in two.

Throwing it in the trash, I cast one last look at my apartment in the distance, shook my head, and made my way to Drake's home.

--

GOTTA FINISH GOTTA FINISH. SORRY IF THIS IS ALL RUSHED. I'M SO SORRY. BUT LIKE, ONE LAST CHAPTER LEFT. AND THEN EPILOGUE. WOW. OMFG. I'M HYPVENTILATING. -SCREAMS-