||Philip||

Trigger Warning: Cutting.

:December 14th, 2016:

After hours of begging, Ms. Eliza finally opened up to me about why she was so sad. She told me that Mr. Alexander had been in the hospital because a car hit him. I felt really sorry for her. I really liked Alexander. I looked up to him like the father I never had. No way he'd be in the hospital.

I didn't quite understand all that doctor stuff, but I hoped with all my mite that Mr. Alexander would be okay. And if he will be okay, I will run over to the hospital and hug him! I just hope he'll wake up so I can do that.

||John Laurens||

My world was grey now. Boring colors of black and white were all that I lived in once again. I forgotten what this felt like, but it felt like crap. It felt like the entire world was against me.

Memories of that afternoon flooded through my mind.

The shattering feeling of my heart when I felt Alexander's cold, limp body against mine, hoping that I was dreaming.

The unforgiving moment of having to leave him in the hospital under critical condition.

The crushing first thought of him dying.

And let's not forget, my mother dying as well.

How...

How can two of my favorite things leave me in the same day? How?

Nothing is right. Everything is surreal.

Alex is still alive, right? He'll be okay, right? Right!?

I simply could not cry anymore. I think I've used all my tears up. Everything is just dry now.

And nothing is the same.

I haven't eaten in days.

I haven't slept in days.

And everything is...quiet.

Nothing I do can change those things.

I've attempted to drink my problems away, but those have just resulted in major hangovers and even more crying.

Maybe I can go to the next level and...

Cut myself.

It sounded right. Maybe cutting could lead to happiness. Maybe then I'd be at peace. Maybe then I'd finally be normal.

I opened my bedside cabinet drawer and took out my pocket knife.

I made my way to the bathroom but something stopped me.

Would Alexander want this?

No, it doesn't matter.

He isn't here anyway.

I continued what I had started and ended up leaving three deep cuts in my left arm.

I immediately regretted it. My arm felt numb and everything around me was dizzy.

But I managed to stop the bleeding.

God...

I want to die.

But I'll stay alive for Alex. I just have to hang on for a few more days.

As I wrapped a bandage around my arm, my phone vibrated. More texts from the group chat. All to me.

The group had been sending me comforting messages. They made me feel slightly better, but the depression still remained.

God...

Alexander.

Please.

Please, please, please be okay.

I can't live without you.

Please...

I picked up my phone and went to my photos. I specifically looked at the ones I took of Alexander that one day.

They were good photos. Each one brought a smile to my face.

I love him so much.

I soon found the photo of him with the flower crown and stopped at it. He looked so cute and innocent. I loved this picture.

I kissed the Alex on the screen and set it as my background image.

Then a sudden strike of pain hit my stomach...

Ugh...

Everything hurt.

What am I doing?

I should eat something. Alex wouldn't want me starving myself.

I walked into the lonely kitchen to get some food in my system.

I still felt like crap but it helped a little.

Gosh, I should take care of myself. That's what Alex wants me to do. Take care of my health. I'll make sure to do that from now on.

An hour later, I walked back to my room and lied down on my bed. I took out all the mini-letters that Alexander had given me and read them all one-by-one. Each one was more poetic and heart-warming than the last.

And for once in a long time, I felt at peace.

I felt...happy.

Then out of nowhere, my world filled with color once again.

I know Alex will wake up. I can feel it deep inside. I just have to keep believing and Alexander will be okay.

-

Okay this kind of cracked me up:

So I write my ideas for this book on a notepad on my phone and here is my original idea for when Alex is in the hospital. It kind of made me laugh a bit too harder than I should've.

idk it was funny to me.

-Kitty