Awawaagagagwhgwaawwhaha

||John Laurens||

:September 11th 2016:

Okay.

What the hell is happening.

And how the hell did it happen.

From the time in which I met Alexander, to now, I have discovered color, found out about my mother dying, had to turn in at least fifty essays in a week, and became in love with someone.

And it was a mess.

I have no idea what to call my current emotion. Cautious? Confused? Helpless? Overwhelmed? Probably overwhelmed. No, most definitely overwhelmed. So much shit is happening at once. And I have no idea how to handle it all.

There is too much to think about.

-My Mom
-School
-My ability to have color
-Alexander

Furthermore, one of those conflicts is completely dominating all the others.

Alexander.

I've known him for about a month now and I never knew from the moment I met him how important he would be to me. He has taken over my entire life and I don't know if it's good or bad.

Over the past week, I've realized how in love with him I was. Let me rephrase that, over the past week, I've noticed how entirely gay I was for him.

Haha, but seriously.

I have never felt this way before.

Whenever I talk to him, I feel butterflies in my stomach.

Whenever he smiles, my insides explode.

Whenever we're close, I heat up to the point where I almost faint.

And just to think...that this man is destined to be with me is insane.

Why? Why ME of all people? Why am I the one for him? What's so special about me?

I don't deserve him.

I don't know the facts, but I am entirely grateful.

I love him so much.

I feel like Cinderella singing 'So this is Love'.

I'm just so...so...

Helpless.

But now I have to think about...

When exactly are we going to get together? Because I'm becoming impatient.

I just want to live the day where we're holding hands, kissing,...making love??

...

Okay, minus that last part.

Maaaayyybeee.

...

Fuck I'm blushing so hard right now thinking about it.

Anyway

With Eliza stepping into Hamilton's life, I don't think our happy ending is yet to come any time soon.

She keeps stealing him away from me.

She keeps getting so close to him.

She loves him.

But not as much as I do.

It makes me angry about the way she acts around him.

But jokes on her, I'm his soulmate!

*hairflip*

Sucker.

Hmm...

I wonder where Ham is now?

Oh. Of course. Typing another essay that will be too many damn pages for any man to understand.

Let's see if I can talk him out of it.

I approach the door and- whoa, he walks right out.

"Oh, hey John. Um, need anything?" He asked.

I smiled at the sight of him.

"Oh, I was expecting to see a wild Hamilton in his natural habitat." I said with a giggle. He rolled his eyes and started for the kitchen.

"Hey, wanna go out to eat? Just you and me?" I asked. He turned around with a smile.

"Yeah. Sounds nice."

Since I don't own a car yet, we take Alex's. As we drive and talk about where to go, we notice that it starts to rain.

"Fuck. I hate the rain." Said Alex as he wiped the windshield.

I gasped, "What!? I love the rain! It smells nice, it feels nice, rain's amazing! Why don't you like it?" I asked. Alex began to sweat and didn't look away from the road.

"I rather not talk about it."

"Is it the same reason why you were afraid during that hurricane scene in that founding fathers movie?" I asked hesitantly. This might have been a fragile topic to bring up.

"...Yes. Um, I'll tell you eventually. I'm...sensitive about it." He looked sad. Oh no, I should make him smile somehow.

"So. What's your favorite food?" I asked, bringing up the topic of where we were going.

"Food in general is my favourite food." He answered. I laughed at his response. He totally gets me.

"Haha, same! Food is heavenly." I said doing the '👌' sign. (I had no better way to phrase it don't look at me)

"Haha. We do have a lot in common, huh."

"Yeah."

We ended up going to some fancy French restaurant that Lafayette recommended. I had no idea how we had enough money to eat here. Neither did I know what anything said on the menu. Alexander seemed to understand though.

I just realized...is this a friend date? Or a romantic date? I'll just pretend it's a romantic one.

"So...are you fluent in French or something? Because you really seem to understand what anything here says." I told Alex. He looked up from the menu and smiled.

"Yeah. I learned French a while ago, my mom taught me when I still lived in the Caribbean." He explained.

I was fascinated by this information, "You lived in the Caribbean!? Like...like that movie 'Pirates of the Caribbean'? How long!? Why didn't you tell me!?"

Alexander began to sweat and awkwardly laughed, "I-I don't know. I just...rather not talk about it since I had a bad history growing up there..."

Alexander seemed to have a really messed up background and I was going to find out eventually. He seems really sensitive about it however. But maybe he'll open up to me someday.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that, bro."

It killed me to say 'bro'. Why did I say 'bro'?

It was silent for the next minute or so. Then a waitress came around and we ordered. I didn't understand anything that was displayed on the menu so I just ordered the most familiar looking food on the page.

"So how have things been going at school? Ha, I sound like some cheesy parent who doesn't know how to start conversations. But seriously, I'm only in a couple of your classes. Anything been going on?" He asked me. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Eh, everything has been the same. For me, at least. But I've gotten word of a few rumors from people around me. Wanna hear?" I asked with a grin.

"I'm not one to gossip, but sure."

"Apparently people are saying that they keep spotting Thomas Jefferson and that one guy...whats his name? Oh, James Madison! Well people say that they've caught them being, like, really close? Like, to the point where it's super gay and it's honestly hilarious because they're trying to be secretive about it, but there is obviously something there. So people are concluding that they are dating, haha." I said with a small chuckle. A weird look came across Alex's face.

"Jefferson? Dating? Ha! I never thought I'd live to see the day where someone actually loved him. I bet that guy is just his toy." Alex said with a grin. I was confused. Why wouldn't Alexander like Jefferson?

"You don't like Thomas? Why? I mean, not to say that I like him but why don't you?"

"He's a bastard, asshole, douche bag, and an idiot who won't leave me along. Oh, oops I accidentally left out immature, bitch, self-obsessed, bully, and motherfucker. I think that concludes his description."

Wow...that's a lot of hate.

"Holy...what has he done to earn all those titles?"

Alex sighed and rested his chin on his palm, "He's just like I said! Annoying and never leaves me alone!"

"Does he...bully you by any chance?"

Normally bullying is a grade school thing, but it could be a possibility.

"Er, if constant harassment means bullying, then yes."

I felt hurt by this. I didn't know Thomas Jefferson could be such an asshole. And to Alex? Damn, that bitch better stay away from my Alex before I cut him.

"Well, if he ever tries to bring you down, don't listen to what he tells you. You're perfect in my eyes." Fuck. That was pretty gay. But true.

He blushed, "Thank you...but whenever he does do that, I normally send him straight to the nurse. I always end up getting in trouble but it's worth causing pain to Jefferson." He seemed amused by this. I chuckled as well.

There was a comfortable silence between us. Mostly because we weren't the best at conversation starters. But he soon broke that silence.

"How do you get your hair to be that curly?" He asked, starring at my hair. I laughed at the sudden question.

"I don't know. I mean, it's not Jefferson's level of curly locks but...it's just natural? I think?"

"Oh yeah, Thomas as unbelievably fluffy hair. Same with Lafayette. Speaking of their hair, have you ever seen Laf with his hair down? He looks just like Thomas. I'm not even joking. It's like they're clones of each other."

I thought about the two side by side in my mind. Holy shit, he was right. This caused me to laugh.

"You're right, that's so funny! I bet they use the same shampoo or something."

"I think they're long lost twins."

We continued our weird conversation about hair for the rest of the afternoon. We actually had quite a fun time together. I love it when I get to have these kinds of moments with Alexander. They just remind me how amazing and adorable he is.

On our way back, the rain had stopped so there were large puddles on the side of the road. I warned Alexander not to 'accidentally' splash the people walking but he couldn't help himself.

Eventually, Alexander noticed a familiar tall fluffy haired man walking on the side of the road. He knew exactly what to do.

"Hold up, is that Thomas? Right there?" I asked as the car drew nearer.

"Damn right."

Alexander drove through a large puddle of rain on the road and soaked Thomas entirely. He stuck his head out the window and flipped him off as he laughed like a Disney villain while Jefferson stood there confused as hell.

Alexander laughed like a maniac as he continued driving. I couldn't help but laugh too. That was pretty funny.

"If the there was an award for savageness, you would win one. Congratulations, Alexander."

He looked at me with an adorable energetic smile and I once again felt the butterflies in my stomach.

That was a fun one to write ^^ Haha RIP forth wall.

STORY TIME! So there is this phycopath-ish stalker girl that is apparently stalking my brother and talking about how much she loves him and always tells his female friends to back off and shit like a total Yandere. So today I wanted to be a savage to this creep and send her a message. I said (under my brother's account) 'if you truly loved me, I'm sure you would be able to spell my name correctly' since she actually didn't know the correct spelling of his name. So then we blocked her so we couldn't see her reply and we basically jumped around screaming about how savage I was. It wasn't the most savage thing in the world, but it was enough for revenge.

If you guys have any ideas, feel free to suggest some in the comments! I already have a bunch of chapters stockpiled onto my phone but it won't hurt to have more ideas! :)

Question of the day:

Character you'd go to a theme park with?

Probably...John Laurens. Cuz he's fun and amazing. Maybe Peggy.

-Kitty