I hate mirrors. Yet I can't help but stare back at my reflection every chance I get. I need to look, I need to check. I've never cared much about my appearance or making an effort, but unfortunately I'm an extremely self conscious person. There is not one thing about myself that I like.

I hate my thin lips, my crooked nose, my acne, my pale skin, my straight hair that only flops in one specific way. I hate it all.

I hate the body I've grown with, I hate the face of the girl who once smiled in photos with ease and loved every inch of herself.

I force myself to turn away from the mirror, stopping myself from insulting my appearance further. I don't need this tonight, not when I'm about to be around a crowd of people who I've never once spoken to.

I'm already exhausted.

My hands run over my black trousers and T-shirt, smoothing out the outfit before I add a coat to cover my arms from the cold. I grab my phone which I don't even need because I never use it, and then I walk out of the house and drag my feet along the pavements until I reach Beck's house.

Beck lives only ten minutes away from me, his house is much nicer than my own, showing me that perhaps his parents are richer than anyone could've ever imagined. The garden is massive, taken over by a swarm of my classmates and other random people who are dancing and screaming to the loud music which almost destroys my ears. I grimace my face at the sight, realising I've made a mistake. This isn't my scene, someone like me should not be at a house party. Half the people here don't even know that I speak and actually have a voice.

I'm about to pivot on my foot and head back home, but a familiar voice calls out to me and instantly causes my body to tense.

"River!" Ryan calls out, waving in a drunken state from the balcony of the second floor. Dozens of people are around him, all smoking and necking down drinks. "I'll go get Will. Wait there a sec."

I try my best to smile and nod as I stand there awkwardly and rub my arm for comfort. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Everyone else seems to be so care-free and relaxed; dancing and singing together. I don't fit in.

After a minute passes, Will's tall frame exits the house and pauses on the wooden steps. He twists his head and darts his eyes around the garden, desperately trying to find someone until they drop on me. A smile pulls on his cheeks before he lifts his head and strolls over to me, holding a bottle of beer in his hand.

"You came," he says, still smiling.

"I did," I reply awkwardly.

"Coming in?" He motions his head towards the house which is making feel anxious to my stomach.

I nod my head and allow him to take lead, showing me through the rooms until we reach the kitchen that is home to dozens of glass bottles.

"Want a drink?" he asks me, talking loudly so I'm able to hear him over the music.

I hesitate. "Sure."

"What do you want? We've got vodka, gin, whisky, beer, sourz, shots, tequila, cider, soft drinks..."

I dart my eyes around the different selections, not having a clue what is what or how they taste. "What do you think I'd like?"

Will hums to himself and looks at the drinks. "Probably cider if you're not a big drinker. It's a low percentage."

"Cider it is then," I decide. I'm internally cringing at the way I'm acting.

Someone bumps into me while Will's pouring me a drink. Luckily he doesn't notice. I pull at the sleeves of my coat and glance around the room, feeling my lungs failing on me as anxiety kicks in.

"Here." Will taps me on the shoulder, gaining my attention and stealing my breath as I turn around and take the cup from his hands with my shaky ones.

Hopefully this will make me a little more talkative.

I down the drink, grimacing my face at the taste which I'm not a fan of. Will is drinking something that's a much more higher percentage than mine, but he sips it contently and never once allows his face to twitch in disgust.

"Can't believe I'm eighteen tomorrow. I'm getting old," Will sighs, shivering.

I almost laugh. "Eighteen isn't old."

"It is. It's the beginning of the end. When do you turn eighteen?"

"Next month."

"You excited?"

"No," I tell him truthfully.

"Why not? You can throw a massive party and get a fuck ton of money."

"I hate my birthday, and I have no interest for money."

He rolls his eyes and downs the rest of his drink. "No interest for money? That's how you survive, darlin'."

Who said I want to survive?

"Will," a deep voice calls out from behind him.

I expect it to be Beck or Brains, but it's another random person who I've seen once or twice in the corridors at school. He's got blonde hair that's swished to the side which he runs his fingers through as he grows closer to where we stand.

"Will, how you doing, man? Happy birthday for tomorrow," the mystery man greets him in a friendly manner.

"Fuck off," Will snaps.

My eyes widen at his nasty response which makes him seem like a completely different person. If that's how he treats others, I don't want to be associated with him. I refuse to allow another person like my dad into my life.

"Mate-" the guy starts, but Will refuses to let him finish.

"I said, fuck off. I'm not your mate, Charlie."

"Come on-"

Will shoves Charlie back and squares up to him, smiling sinisterly as he gets in his face, laughing in the process. "You've got a lot of fucking nerve coming here after what you did."

"It's been months. I made one mistake, Will."

"You slept with my girlfriend."

Oh, shit.

"She was your ex."

"We broke up two days before you decided to shove your hand down her pants. Think that excuses what you did? You were supposed to be my friend, Charlie. You don't do that shit."

"How long are you going to keep this up?" Charlie sighs, like he believes Will's overreacting.

After finding out why Will acted so coldly towards Charlie, I agree with him. Betrayal is one of the worst things to experience, especially when it's by someone you love. I couldn't imagine both my friend and my significant other hurting me like that.

"For as long as it takes. Now I'm gonna suggest that you get the fuck out of this house before you make me more angry. You remember how hard I punch?" Will taunts, smirking down at Charlie who's jaw clenches.

I sip on my drink and raise my eyebrows, watching the argument end when Charlie scoffs and heads to the front door to escape from Will's fists that look like they could smash through any wall at any given moment.

Just like that, Will's mood changes. He's his angry self again, the part of him that I have seen dozens of times before when he would argue back to teachers and get into fights with other student. He whacks an innocent cup that's sat on the side, sending it flying and barely missing people's heads before it hits the wall and drops to the ground.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, so I just stand there and drink my disgusting cider. Will leans his hands against the freezing counter which helps to cool his temperature down, his shoulders are rising dramatically with each furious breath he inhales.

"Calm it, bud," Beck tells Will, hanging his arm over his shoulders.

"Did you invite him?" he snaps back.

"Course I didn't, he must've heard someone talking about it. You good?"

Will scoffs and lifts a sarcastic smile. "Am I good? Yeah, sure, I'm fucking amazing."

Beck shoots him a sympathetic smile and then shifts his gaze to me. His eyes instantly soften. "Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend?"

I stand awkwardly as Will turns around and makes eye contact with me. He seems disappointed and ashamed in himself, I can see the regret swimming in his eyes.

He sighs and runs a hand down his face. "This is River. River, this is Beck."

"River? Woah, never heard a name like that before," Beck admits, but luckily doesn't take the piss. "That's cool. Nice to meet you."

I clear my throat and try to smile. "You too."

"So, how come I've never heard of you before? I mean, you've apparently been at our school for years, but why haven't I ever noticed you?"

I glance over at Will who slouches against the counter and looks so hurt that it physically pains me. No one is helping him. His pain is so evident in his eyes, but no one cares.

"I keep to myself...I guess," I reply bluntly.

Beck's eyebrows twitch slightly before he nods his head and grabs another drink. "We're playing beer pong in a minute. You two should join us. It was good speaking to you, River."

Speaking to me? I only said a few words.

Once Beck walks off to join the party again, I study Will and watch as he takes deep breaths to try and calm himself. His eyes are closed and his fingers have turned white from how harshly they're gripping the counter behind him.

"Are you okay?" I ask quietly, hesitant to do so.

"I'm fine," he snaps.

I almost flinch, but I stop myself and stand my ground.

"Okay," I whisper, staring down into my half-filled cup that has small bubbles travelling to the surface.

"Sorry," he apologises, but it's in a furious tone that is still spoken a little too harshly. It's the type of tone that most people would take offence to, but I remind myself that Will is an angry person and has those anger problems for a reason. He's hurting. Should we be judged based on the anger we portray in the moments we're hurting the most?

Will continues, and I listen patiently. "I don't mean to be a twat, alright? Just ignore me, I'm not mad at you."

I give him a sympathetic smile, but he never sees it because he's staring down at the ground which holds him up right.

And then I do something completely out of character; something that no one — even myself — would expect to hear from my mouth. I ask him, "Do you want to go for a walk?"

Will's eyebrows crease on his forehead. I can't tell why he's done that or what it means, but because I'm me, I instantly assume that he's weirded out by my offer.

"You want to go for a walk? After the way I just acted?" he asks in disbelief.

I nod my head and smile slightly. "It's understandable. I think anyone would be angry in your position. Walking helps to calm people down, you should try it."

Will narrows his eyes slightly, staring at me for a few long seconds before he pours himself one last drink and motions his head towards the door.

"Lead the way."

I breathe in a sharp breath, trying to make the nerves disappear. I'm not used to hanging around with others and engaging in activities. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do or say. That seems like a frequent thought of mine.

Will and I walk down the road to nowhere in particular, the sky is dark and dotted with hundreds of shining stars, not almost as bright as the full moon that shines down on us and helps to illuminate the pavements. He kicks a small stone along the pavement for a few minutes, allowing the small object to take his mind off the events of the party that seemed to go south pretty quickly.

"So...was Charlie your friend?" I ask.

Will's entire body stiffens and causes him to miss the kick against the rock which seemed to become an acquaintance to him. It got lost behind us, finally still after being kicked and battered by a pair of Nike trainers.

"Sorry, you don't have to tell me-" I begin to say, but Will shakes his head and quickly assures me that I haven't done anything wrong.

"He was my friend. We've been friends since primary school...and then he...you know."

"Is that why you and Evie broke up all those months ago?"

"No. No, we broke up because we were having some problems. We were arguing a lot, things weren't the same anymore, she was stressed about exams and school...so she broke it off and said we needed to give it some time. I actually thought we would work things out...and then I found out that she slept with Charlie. She didn't even fucking apologise, just kept coming up with this bullshit excuse that she couldn't help who she fell for."

The silence picks up around us for a moment along with the cold that prickles against my face and causes my cheeks and nose to grow red. I knew Will and Evie broke up before the summer holidays, but I never heard about why they had broke up. I never would've expected that.

Has he even told anyone?

"That's horrible. I'm sorry," I mutter.

"It's whatever," he scoffs in response. "I don't care anymore.

You clearly do.

Another minute passes, Will shoves his hands into his trouser pockets and lifts his head to face the dark sky, I can see the smoke which steams from his mouth every time he exhales.

"You were right about this, by the way. Walking helps."

"It does?" I question. I'm surprised that I was right. I had heard it from somewhere before, but I wasn't actually sure if it was true or not. I suppose I should start to walk whenever I feel angry.

I'm not angry at a specific person. I'm just angry at the world. I'm angry at everything. But the numb and sadness I feel overtakes that by a mile.

"It does," he confirms. "I need to do this shit more often."

"Me too," I mumble to myself. Will somehow still hears, even though I barely even spoke loud enough for the words to be heard.

"Oh, I see. You've got a little fiery side to you, huh?"

I roll my eyes in response to his cheeky behaviour that doesn't receive a smile from my lips.

"No," I reply.

"What did you mean then?"

"I don't know."

Will sighs at my answer. "You're killing me."

"Excuse me?"

He laughs this time. "You're just awful at conversation. It's honestly like trying to get answers out of a brick wall."

"Cheers."

"Come on, just open up a little. Tell me one thing about yourself."

"Why?"

He shrugs. "Why not?"

I stop walking and look up to face him, showing no expression in my face that will reveal my decision.

"Fine."