Will's POV
THAT MORNING

River, like always, is beautiful when she sleeps. I would glance over from time to time, and be completely captivated by her.

I wasn't staring at her in a creepy manner, like those romance movies where the guy is watching the woman sleeping beside him, for so long that eventually she wakes up and realises and smiles shyly. If that were me, and I woke to someone staring into my soul, I would not only be fearing for my life and crapping my pants, I would also be extremely embarrassed, because I do not look good when I sleep. I move around a lot, twitching and rolling, my mouth hangs open in a completely unattractive manner. The complete opposite to River who sleeps like an angel. I wonder what she dreams about—if I'm ever introduced in those dreams, or nightmares. I'd hope not the nightmares. I hope the only feeling she associates with me is complete and utter comfort.

After all, that's what I feel when I'm around her.

We're sat at her kitchen counter in the early hours of the morning. According to the clock on her wall, it's just turned six o'clock. Such a terrible time to be awake.

Staring at the time reminds me that I'll have to return home soon. I'm dreading it.

I sip my tea and glance across the counter at River. There's no emotion in her face as she stares down into her mug, completely still and silent.

She's not doing well at all. I can tell by the numbness in her expression and the look in her eyes.

I don't know what to do to make her feel better.

Guilt sinks into my stomach at the thought of me causing this. I poured her that first drink last night, I didn't stop her from drinking further. I'm aware that she's old enough to make her own decisions, but River isn't like other people. She has a sort of sadness deep inside her that can be triggered very easily. I had a feeling that her hangovers would consist of depressing thoughts and feelings, hence why I wasn't comfortable with her drinking a lot.

"We're going to do something today," I announce. River doesn't realise that I'm only doing this for her. Of course I want to spend as much time with her as possible, but the main reason is that she gets some air and walks around to help clear her head. I don't exactly want to leave her on her own when she's feeling like this.

"Hmm?"

She lifts her bloodshot eyes, clearly confused and dazed.

"I said, we're going to do something today. We planned to go to the quarry anyway, so maybe we can pick up some food on the way, maybe go to the arcade as well? I work there, so they'll give us a bunch of free shit."

Her hands are cupped around the mug for warmth. There's a slight shiver that goes through her, even though she's wearing my jumper again.

"Okay. Yeah, sure."

Not quite the chatter box that she was last night.

"We'll need to stop by my house beforehand. I need to brush my teeth and change out of these clothes."

River nods. "Okay."

My shoulders slump in defeat. I can't exactly blame River, she's just experiencing a really bad hangover, so it's only natural that she doesn't feel like speaking.

"Your mum home?"

She nods again. "She got back around four in the morning. She's sleeping."

"I'd hate working nights."

"Me too."

I gulp down the rest of my tea and then place the mug in the sink. "Do you have any ideas for what you're going to do as a job?"

"No. Not yet. I'm still trying to figure that out."

She's overthinking again. She's really in her head.

I walk over to where she's sat and place my hand over hers. She's lifts her tired eyes to stare at me. They melt my heart.

"You'll feel better. Hangovers tend to make people feel down," I assure her.

"Sorry for being such a bore."

"Smiley, I'm going to keep telling you this until you accept it. You don't have to apologise for everything, especially not something like that."

I hate that someone made her feel like everything is her fault. I assume that it's because of her dad, I remember what River told me about him.

My stomach churns whenever I think about it. I can't imagine someone treating River like that. I can see him screaming in her face as her eyes tear up and her lips pull down. The thought tears my soul apart.

* * *

We're sat at the top of the quarry with chips in our laps. The days are growing colder, so we have to bring extra clothing and a blanket to sit on to prevent our asses from getting wet.

River's coat hood is up and she's scrunched into herself as the breeze blows against her face, blowing back her brown strands of hair. A memory occurs to me, where River has natural dark blonde hair. I'm not sure when she started to dye it brown, but I know that it wasn't always this colour.

"How's the chips?" I ask.

River turns her head and forces a smile upon her face. "Good. Thanks. How's yours?"

I scrunch my nose. "They didn't put enough salt on."

She laughs for the first time today. Hearing that noise makes my muscles relax and causes a smile to pull on my cheeks.

I'm about to pull out my pouch to roll a cigarette, but a weird feeling comes over me.

I don't need it. For the first time in a long time, my mind is clear enough that I don't need it. I've been smoking for years, unable to quit the horrible lifestyle that slowly destroyed my lungs. Today is the first day that I don't feel the need to calm the stresses of my mind. For some reason, it feels easy, like I can completely quit right here and now.

Maybe things are getting better. Maybe I'm getting better.

I can't even remember the last time I felt so much anger that it felt like my lungs were collapsing. In fact, I've never felt so calm before. It's like I'm finally free, even though I know that the day will come when that anger will return to me, one way or another, just like my craving for a cigarette will return.

My gaze is glued to River as I admire how she stares up at the sky like she usually does. It gives me hope that this world can become a better place, simply because River is a good person who could never bare to hurt another soul.

It starts to dawn on me that River may be too good for me. Maybe my anger and my impulses will be too much for her to handle. She deserves someone who can control their emotions and love life with her. I'm trying to teach River how to enjoy life again, but I'm not sure how to do that when I don't even know the answers myself.

Maybe I'm reading into this wrong. Maybe River doesn't see me as anything other than a friend. Last night in the woods, I tried to figure it out without actually asking and embarrassing myself. I leant in, and it seemed like she was leaning in as well...I actually thought we were going to kiss. But then she tripped, and the thought of it being on purpose tore at my heart. What if she pretended to trip because she felt too awkward rejecting me?

Although I seem confident, I'm not. Or at least not as much as other people assume I am. I'm far too awkward and anxious to ask River straight to her face whether she likes me or not, to ask what is going on between us. I don't want to ruin things. I'd rather be her friend than not have her in my life at all.

I'll figure something out.

"Feeling better?" I ask.

She nods her head and smiles, pulling her sleeves over her hands. "Thanks for today, you know, for staying with me and doing all of this."

I shrug it off and smile. "No worries. It's the least I could do."

Her eyes light up as she smiles wider, her cheeks blushing from either the coldness or her shyness.

"You're pretty cool, Will," she says, grinning.

"Too right I am, smiley." I move closer to her and wrap my arm around her shoulders. She does something unexpected and actually rests her head on my shoulder, snuggling into my body where her muscles relax. "We're the coolest people in this town."

She laughs lightly, shaking her head as she sighs. "No one cool would admit that they're cool."

"We're the exception."

Her shoulders bounce when she laughs once more, blessing my ears.

"I don't know why you're doing this. But I want you to know that I appreciate it. You're the only person who's ever...really seen me," she whispers.

I hold her close to me by her head, gently caressing her hair before I press a kiss on it.

I'm doing this because I wish someone would have done the same for me. I was forced to deal with those depressing feelings all on my own, because no one ever realised and no one cared enough. But I see you, River. I understand you. I won't allow you to go through this on your own ever again. I promise.