HEEYY!!!

sssooooo, i was gone for like ages and now im back, GASP

Ive been working on my social life lately and have had a bunch of fun! I used to despise socializing but once i started doing it, it was a bunch of fun! I can thank my BESSTTT FREINNDDD Finn for boosting my confidence, ily vro 💕

ANYWAYS, i got myself the most amazing and supportive and amazing, and did i say amazing?? AMAZING BEST GIRL FRIEND EVEERRRRRRR. Her name is mary and shes super nice and supportive, her voice is the most beautiful thing ive heard >< Im lit a sucker for her, gaaaah love, i was supposed to give up on love, before Finn and Mary. But here i am, inlove lol.

Anyways life has been going somewhat good for me, the holiday break for school wasnt the best though. DUDE I CANT BELIUEVE MY LIFE IS RELATING TO FUCKING In another life THE BOKUAKA STORY NOOO HELP

Ok ill tell you about it

So i have this male bsf named Jeremy, and he was recently put in hospital because of THE SAME FUCKING ILNESS. Thats also why i recently read in another life because Bokuto also suffers from FFI. It really helped me understand to be honest. My life at that moment was almost identical to that story.

Anyways

So jeremy started suffering from FFI, 7 months ago. When i found out i thought it was just insomnia problems, but his symptom's worsened drastically. Before i knew it he was already hallucinating 2 months in, it was very scary for me and i spent almost every day visiting him and sleeping over at the hospital, unfortunately they refused to let him out so he couldnt spend time with me like we used to.

He also had friends come over and visit, and just like in the Bokuaka story they told me they were giving up on Jeremy because they couldnt stand the feeling of him passing and didnt want to burden it and live with the guilt. Which i totally respect, they told me i should give up on him but i didnt, i kept visiting him even with the words 'giving up' still lingering in my head. I didnt want to burden the feeling of thinking that Jeremy wondered why i stopped visiting, he got so happy and excited when ever id visit him and i didnt want him left to be thinking. 'Wheres tylerr?' or 'Does Tylerr not care anymore..?' I coulnt stand the thought of him being upset and suffering by himself because i left for the better of my own self. So i continued to visit him. About 3 months later (1 month before he passed) he had forgotten who i was and i was absolutely heart broken, but. I stayed with him, reminding and telling him of all the fun times we shared together, he didnt remember me but he said he enjoyed me staying by his side even though he couldnt remember me. It was somewhat wholesome, and i loved him sm.

I didnt tell ANY of my friends that this was happening, i just said i was offline due to family issues or that i was tired, but i kept visiting him even thought he no longer shared our memories.

Than the passing month flew by and i was in the hospital, sitting next to him and he was telling me how much he dreamed to get a motorbike, i was holding his hand at this time. (Platonic)

To keep him comfort, that was at about 2 in the morning, fortunately the hospital had let me stay over the night, eventually i fell asleep with my head on his chest and still holding his hand. I woke up at about 6, and. Well.

He was relaxed, completely. He was asleep.

I didnt move for a while, just staying, resting my head in his chest when the tears hit me like a brick and i sobbed into his lifeless body. They wernt angry or sad tears, they were happy. Jeremy was finally out of Misery, he no longer had to go through the pain anymore.

His death eventually took a turn on me though, about 1 week in i felt it was almost impossible to sleep, id wake up to him in my dreams, or to me leaving him like his friend said and him dying without knowing why i left him. It was all nightmares from there on about him, wondering why i had left. I knew i shouldnt burden the feeling so i went on little night walks and played with my friends to take my mind off it, Recently i had planted his fav flower in my garden and went to see it everyday, it finally bloomed. A red spider lily, i felt that when it bloomed all my nightmares where gone and i coulf finally sleep again.

His last words before i fell asleep still linger in my head to this day. "Hey, tylerr. do you promise not to forget me?"

Yes Jeremy. I promise, your name will sit in my heart filling a deep space no one will ever reach or replace, it belongs to you. Jeremy. <33

ANYWAYS. So that was all recent, but ITS MY BIRTHDAY TMMRW ON FEB 1ST, IM TURNING 15 YAYAYAYAYA IM SO EXCITED!!!!