I'm not bashing anyone, but definitely read this if you want to know my Catholic perspective on this. And no, I'm not pointing out anyone! Just be aware if you see some of these qualities!

Okay...

So, here's an awkward topic, huh?

Haha, okay, so I've definitely stumbled across my fair share of people who have already "done the deed," if I might. I mean, we're already in high school, so it should be normal... right? Actually, no. 

Think about it. Back in the olden day, when Adam and Eve were the only people on earth, sex is just what people did to reproduce. It was essential to survival. Of course, no babies equals no next generation. No next generation equals no more human race.

So, my next question is, why has sex evolved into something that is purely for pleasure?

Let's get down to the basics. This is also referred to as "making love," and rightly so. Your body is telling the other person that you love fully, truly, and unwaveringly love them. 

Okay, this is honestly what happens in movies. Two people have sex, get married, and then live happily ever after. Obviously, though, in real life, it doesn't work that way.

Do people use sex to say that they think they love someone? Yes.

Do they fully, truly, and unwaveringly love them? No.

Take this into perspective :

...

 a girl and a guy have been dating for about a year. 

The guy says "you know, I've never felt this way about a girl before..."

The girl gets all flustered and starts blushing, and probably says something along the lines of "oh, stop it," in an absolutely flattered voice.

The guy scoots closer to the girl, wraps an arm around her, and looks her straight in the eye. He then says, "if you love me, then show me."

...

We all know what happened next. Now I'll give you two scenarios you can think about.

1) They really did love each other. But did they really love each other as much as their bodies said that they did?

2) Of course, you know what happened after that scene. But what if one of those people were your future husband/wife?

Alright. For scenario 1, think about it. They loved each other. One might say that they wanted the entire world to know that they were in love. Okay, sure, let's just say that. But what would have happened if the girl's dad walked in? Would the guy say "hey, you know what I just did with your daughter?" just because he loved her so much? Hell no! The guy would grab his clothes and run out of the house butt-naked! 

Obiously, a dad would get pissed when he walks in on a guy taking advantage of his daughter. If a guy truly loved the girl that much, he would say "look how much I love your daughter." Not "*insert high pitched pig-squeal here.*"

Now for scenario 2. Chances are, you aren't dating your future spouse. I can bet that almost anyone you're dating in middle school and high school will only end in heartbreak, because I can almost gauruntee you that you aren't going to the same college. Or, if you are, good for you! But the chances are very slim that it will be one and done. It's not impossible, but it is more likely than anything in the world. So, how would you feel if you saw a man all over your future wife, or a woman all over your future husband?

I know what I would do. I would grab a baseball bat and smash them until they were a bloody pulp. No one touches the man I love.

Now, taking that into consideration, would you do that to your future spouse? Would you throw yourself at someone else, or let them do whatever the hell they wanted if your future spouse was right there, watching? No way! If their future spouse was there? You better run, Forrest, Run!

It sounds kind of silly, but seriously. When you attend your ex's wedding, you should want their spouse to come up to you, give you a hug, and say "thank you so much for helping my spouse become the person they are today."

Remember, you want to bring people closer to Christ, not draw them away from Him.

... The Breakup List (Courtesy of Jason and Crystalina Evert) ...

Here's a list of warnings for you girls out there if you need to know if you should break up with your boyfriend or not. Thank you, Jason and Crystalina for this amazing list! This is from their book, "How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul." It's a REALLY good read. Most of these are quoted, but the wording's a bit different... still, props to Jason and Crystalina!!!! 

Anyway, this list is from their book, along with an explanation of who these types of people are.

1. "The Flip-Flopper"

- So, this person is basically the in-between of an ex-boyfriend and a current one. Just know that he's always going to end up being your future ex. He has a girlfriend, but "oh my god, he can't live without you." He "loves you so much," but the next thing you know he's off with someone else. It was compared with his other girlfriend as a puppy, waiting on the porch for her master to come home. It's only a matter of time before he sends her right back outside again. He's "not ready for a relationship" or he's "really really stressed—" at least, that's what they say just because he's too immature to actually commit to a woman. If he really loved someone, he would commit to her in a heartbeat, even if that meant she lived on the moon. Because he's indecisive, that also means that all he's going to do for you is provide emotional instability.

2. "The Problem Child (aka : The Fixer-Upper)"

- Aka, the Bad Boy. There are many names for this type of person, and, as I mentioned before, life is not a cliche story. It's not "I see something in him that nobody else sees." That's what you want to believe, not what's actually real. Because of this intuition, the relationship is dragged out far too long without realizing that they deserve better.

He'll oftem claim to be getting better, and say that they can't live without you. Believe me, he doesn't need you. He needs a therapist. If he's doing anything against the law, drinking, having drugs... That's a red flag right there. He needs to talk to someone who's professionally trained about his problems, not cling to you like you're his life support or something.

That's the thing about this type of person. He will make you think that he's your responsibility, even though the only way he can change is if he tries to make changes himself. The best way to help him is to let go, and let him stand on his own two feet.

3. "The Walking Hormone"

Ahh, this one I'm sure many of us are familiar with.

To begin with, during the teenage years, boys have literally twenty times the testosterone in their bodies than girls do. This is where the name comes from. However, not all men are like this. There's a difference between having this testosterone, and letting your actions be ruled by your hormones.

All they want is their instant gratification at the expense of someone else. To get his way, he will often manipulate someone into doing this, pressuring or guilt-tripping them. These people are regularly easy to identify by their super corny pickup-lines.

- "You're such a tease."

- "If you loved me, you'd show me."

- "What's the problem? We've done it before."

- "Don't you like me?"

They can be very creative in their tactics. They won't die if the don't have sex with someone, but they'll pretend like they will because they want to be gratified. It's not cool.

4. "The Smooth Criminal"

- This is like the Walking Hormone, except twenty times more dangerous. He's smart. He knows that girls won't be as "turned on" by a guy who doesn't care for them, so he'll put on the act. Because guys need a reason to not have sex, girls need one.

One of their tactics is for them to say something along the lines of "I'm okay with not having sex."

Tell me what's wrong with that.

Instead of pushing her to be pure, and do what is the best for her future (I'll explain that later) he will say he's okay with not having sex so she falls more "madly in love" with him. I mean, c'mon, girls definitely find confidence attractive.

But remember; if you're willing to give, he's willing to take.

5. "The Control Freak"

- Some girls love a guy who's possesive. But over-possessiveness? Ha, no thank you! They come off as sweet guys, who care about a girl to ask about what she's doing, but then they turn into having an unhealthy, obsessive devotion over you. Here's a few things to look out for;

- "Did you talk to any other guys while you were out?"

- He behaves badly and blames it on other people or events

- He emphasizes or exaggerates how terrible his life is, without doing anything whatsoever to improve it

- He hits things to take out his anger

- He has a jealousy problem, but says it's because he loves you

- Make you feel lucky to have him instead of making you feel as if he is lucky to have you

- etc.

6. "The Older Guy"

- Age gaps don't really matter in an older relationship. The older the couple, the less it matters. No one cares if a 36-year-old man is dating a 30-year-old woman. However, it's messed up when a high school junior chases after an eighth-grade girl.

Most people would laugh it off if they asked themselves if they would date the guy if they were his age. The'd probably think, "no way!"

But most girls dating older guys are seeking compassion and to feel loved. These guys know that, and know that the girls would do anything to stay with them. Be aware of that. That means that it will be so much easier for a younger woman to give into his sexual desires.

7. "The Potty Mouth"

- Umm... This person expresses how they feel with aggressive actions and words, to put it nicely. However a guy's speech shows his intentions. For example, a provocative speech can show wandering eyes and a very unfaithful heart.

If a woman passed by and my boyfriend said that she was hot, that would hurt me seriously. But imagine the conversation when I'm not there?

There are two types of potty-mouthed guy out there. The guys who drop the f* bomb and the guys who make perverted jokes 24/7, just to see his girlfriend's reaction. A girl should know that sex demands reverence, and if she knows how a real gentleman should act, she would be repulsed by what he's saying.

If she doesn't know, however, then the goal is simple : Fill her mind with sensual thoughts, and perhaps the curiosity of the conversation will lead into action. 

8. "The Tearful Cheater"

- This one is known throughout the many movies of the world. There's so many apologies offered and stuff, but really, is it worth it?

A famous basketball player was caught having an affair with someone other than his wife. During a press conference with her by his side, he offered a lengthy apology, including the words from that 1980's song that include that she is the wind beneath his wings and the air that he breathes.

But was she the air he breathes while he was in bed with another woman, and would he be saying this if he wasn't caught in the act? No way. And here's some of the excuses that are always offered.

- "It was an accident!" How does that work? Was she just magically standing there and he collided with her, and then said "I just cheated with you! If you hear this whole "accident" excuse, tell him that you're breaking up with him on purpose.

- "She just started kissing me." Boy, how does that work? I find it kind of unbelievable that a man has no physical strength to push a woman off of him. Besides, if a girl kisses a guy, he's got to be sending signals.

- "I don't know what happened. We started doing stuff and I just couldn't stop." Okay, if that's true, what do you think would have happened if you walked in on them? Obviously, he would have stopped. Therefore he had the power to stop whenever he wanted to.

- "I was drunk." Great! Now you have an excuse to break up with him, whether he's telling the truth or lying.

Also. Whatever you do, don't fall for those cliche movie lines he says afterward. "It didn't mean anything, forget all of that." If it didn't mean anything, then what's the point in doing it? Obviously, at the time, it meant his own instant gratification, and he therefore threw away any respect you could have had for him.

If you discover that your boyfriend cheated on you, and didn't have the balls to tell it to your face, or if he did (you should still be pissed), tell him that you want him to wait five years until he tries to get you into a romantic relationship again. If he really loves you, then he will wait, and you can accept him if you haven't already moved on to someone better. Otherwise, if he won't commit, find someone else who's worthy of someone as amazing as you.

9. "The Spiritual Midget."

- Husbands are supposed to help you grow in Christ. Of course, it's important to have a caring father and husband, although if they cannot lead you closer to God it's a no-brainer. They may even try to undermine who you are by constantly asking questions without searching for answers. See, it doesn't matter if they simply "respect" your faith. It's the job of your husband to draw you closer to God.

Faith is hard enough as it is— believe me, I know. Noticing these things, it's a clear sign that if he is holding you back from spirituality, your relationship with him is not in Christ.

10. "Mr. I-Don't-Have-Enough-Social-Skills-to-Meet-Girls-without-the-Internet"

- If you know your boyfriend through the internet, then it's time to go. If you think that your relationship "becoming serious" just because you talked to him for four hours last night, it's time for you to go outside and see the sunlight for once.

You see, guys who spend cast amount of times on the internet often lack the abilty or confidence to meet someone in real life. It also makes everything so much easier for them to show someone an image of themselves that they desire.

These relationships are short-lived and dangerous. Especially in "long-distance" relationships. They often form a romanticized image of their relationship because they lack the day-to-day interaction that grounds an actual relationship. Even after they meet, it's not easy to forget the person you long to have versus the person who you're actually with. It takes years of talking to know someone.

Personally, these relationships don't work out. I know that.  Of course, my spouse isn't going to come knocking at my door (unless he's a mailman or something), and I shouldn't expect them to.

If you really want to meet your soulmate, get your butt out of the house and go look for them! It's okay to meet a person online, but any real relationship has got to take place away from the computer, face-to-face and in real life.

... Why shouldn't you have sex? ...

Alright, as I mentioned before, you may already know that we don't approve of sex before marraige. But, if you're not Catholic, why not have sex?

1. The baby. It's sole purpose is reproduction. The cliche scenario is that a woman is afraid to turn over a pregnancy test, and obviously, she'll be scared to death if she's pregnant.

Take this into consideration :

 You are a 14-year-old girl is sitting in a Planned Parenthood waiting room, silently praying that you aren't pregnant. You did the deed with your boyfriend, who flipped out when he realized he didn't have "safe sex" and use a condom, and you feel as if you are too young to have a kid. Of course you are! You're only a teenager.

So you're sitting there. The adrenaline rush kicking in, the sound of your shallow breath annoying the only other person in the waiting room... Finally, the results come back and you aren't pregnant.

The woman sitting nearby you sees the wash of relief wash over your face. She looks at you and tilts her head, asking, "why are you so happy?"

You look at her, your emotion changing from being overjoyed into being mostly confused. "Uh... I'm too young to be having a baby?" you say, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. The woman looks at you with observant eyes, then down slightly.

"If you're too young to have a baby, then you're too young to be doing the stuff in order to have a baby."

But what if you were pregnant? Would the baby grow up without a father? Would he or she grow up in a broken family? How much more likely would they be to grow up in a drug-abusive state? I don't remember the numbers, but it's a lot.

You may be thinking "birth control. Easy fix. Don't get pregnant, then you're all fine and dandy." Really? Nope.

Birth control pills actually increases chances of getting breast cancer, and you can suffer from thinning bones later on. Also, in certain medicines, it thins the lining in your womb, in which you will never be able to have kids. If you want to later on, then you should probably refrain from taking any type of birth control, primarily depo-provera. In fact, it takes nine months for ovulation to return. The lining of the uterus thins and there's more gross stuff that's affected, and for any guys reading this I won't mention it.

Anyways. Ladies. If you're on birth control and this type of stuff, you could actually be pregnant and not even know it. Do you believe in abortion? If not, that's exactly what you're doing. Because the lining uterus thins out so much, it's impossible for your kid to live for more than three weeks. Yikes.

2. STDs. Oh, don't we love these?

First off; there's no such thing as "safe sex." That's why I've been referring to it with quotation marks the entire time. One of the most popular STDs is chlamydia.  Seem simple? I think not. Many times, this does not have any symptoms, and can lead to complications later in life. It can actually pass on to your kids, which will drastically increase their chances of being prematurely born, result in a miscarriage, or be stillborn.

Same with HPV. I remember something mentioned that a man and woman had a kid, and when the dad thought that his daughter had strep throat, it turned out she had warts in her throat. Gross, I know.

But can you imagine how devastating that could have been? For both of them.

Truth is, birth control doesn't prevent this. Neither do condoms. Why? Certain types of STDs are spread through skin-to-skin contact in the pelvic area. So, no. It's not safe to have safe sex.

3. Side effects of Birth Control. This one sucks, and I've already mentioned it before. So, girls, do you want to have breast cancer, miscarriages, stillbirths, thinning bones, etc.? Hell no!

So guys. You love your wives, right? Do you want them to do this to themselves, just so that you can have sex without getting kids? No way! Even if you are married and just don't want kids, how do you expect that to work out? She just puts hormones into her body and you get to watch her waste away? If you love her, you won't let her do that to herself.

You may think. "Well, if she wants to do that, I'll let her." Would you really? Is it worth the risk just so you don't bring a human being into this world? What's worse— a painful death, or bringing new life? Exactly.

... sigh. And it just gets more awkward ...

So porn. Someone asked me about this, I won't mention any names because I want to protect their privacy, but this is what Catholics believe.

Porn's a no-no.

Here's the reason why :

A woman was in the porn industry. I won't mention any names, of course, but this is a true story. Guys are imagining doing these "deeds" with her. Soon, she is burnt to a crisp by her jealous boyfriend, and guess what? Guys are still "wanking off" to this woman.

Her father was pissed. It was his baby girl who had just died, and all people think about is how they wanted to have sex with her? That's terrible!

Even then, the people who are still alive in the porn industry feel dead inside. One woman said that after her fourth abortion, she couldn't take it anymore.

Abortion is, in itself, a terrible deed. The rate of depression and suicides basically explodes whenever someone gets rid of the unborn child. Seriously.

And also, the absence of children will have a toll on human evolution. Whether or not you want to have kids or not, or think it's okay to have an abortion, here's the fact— it plays a toll on the extinction of the human race.

How so?

Well, if a person does not have any childen, then that's the absence of their grandchildren, great granchildren, and so on. That means hundreds of thousands of people are gone just because you didn't want your kid.

Think of it this really cool way. If you don't abort your kids or go on birth control, you're basically the protector of the human race. That's thousands of lives you just preserved.

Anyway, back to the porn.

It takes away a person's capability of love. How can you infinitely love someone if you're pleasuring yourself, skipping over more countless perfect men/women than you'll ever meet in real life? If you expect your future wife/husband to live up to your expectations, then you might as well never get married.

You know how you vow to love your spouse "all the days of your life?" Well, then immediately when you go to watch porn you're breaking that vow. I know, you're probably thinking "but Frankie, I'm not married."

Those six words. "All the days of my life." Of course, everyone thinks that's after marraige, but what about before? How would you feel if someone were all over your future spouse? Again, nuh-uh, honey! So how would you feel if your spouse were in love with these artificial people? I'd be heartbroken.

Did you know that 500,000 marraiges end annually because one of the spouses is watching pornography? And you are twice as likely to get a divorce if you've previously watched pornography, and continue to do so into marraige.

It phsychologically changes your mindset into thinking that your wife or husband will be perfect. That they will be able to live up to someone who's body photoshopped for people to jerk off to, or that they'll be just as perfect and amazing as a porn star... Reality is, they're not.

Don't set false expectations.

... is that it? ...

Yup. That is about it. I may post a topic on abortion later on, but that's it for my perspective on sex, porn, dating, etc. Thanks for reading, if you made it through that...

I'm going to die in a hole, now that I'm blushing at basically everything I wrote.

Remember I love you all, so does Jesus, and it's never too late to change something. <3!