So earlier today was my training as some of you know. And I said that it was with some of the people who kinda ruined my life and stuff. But this is what happened when I got there. Okay so when I first got to the sidewalk outside of the place I tried calming myself down because my heart was kinda beating fast. And when I got inside I saw one of the people who was apart of the "situation". And when we first saw each other it was kinda awkward. But we said hi and hey and that was it. When we had to get into groups I was by myself until we partner upped. We talked and stuff like little things and then more. But during our break I was trying to calm myself down cause I saw some of the other people who was also involved. So I was pacing back an fourth and and taping my finger on my crossed arm constantly. So I guess he saw me and he walked over to me and ask is something wrong. So I said you know what exactly what is wrong, and I just don't know what to do about it. So he said calm down and I said that you don't understand what I'm going through and that I'm just a monster and I'm replaceable. He said no your not. I said oh really. Well I've been replaced many times by many people so why don't you just do it. He said cause your not. I said ask anyone and they will tell you that I am a monster and replaceable. So we started talking about that until our break was over and then when I was not paying attention he asked me if I wanted to be his partner when we return to it in a week. So that happened but the other one's there who was apart of the situation was not talking to me at all and I felt really bad but I already apologize to one of them but I shutted myself out from her. So when I got home I asked her what the other person's number was. She gave it to me and I texted him saying sorry and I thought he would respond because we we're so close but he didn't. So I called him but he sent me straight to voicemail and I was thinking did I do something wrong. So I asked the two people who talked to him and one of them said that he wouldn't talk to me cause he just got back from a trip and I totally understand that but at least tell me. But the weird thing about it was that through out the training I kept seeing him look at me but I just shrugged it off. So I was worrying if I did something wrong cause when he talked to one of our friends about it she was talking about my augment and he started getting mad at what she was saying. I don't know why he got mad. And that is just really confusing me right now.

But as you know I have anxiety and that I have been having stomach pains for a couple of weeks now and all of you are saying get help. Well I am getting some help from my sis and UnicornMMTS2022 and mirandaisa2023. But tomorrow I am going to go see a doctor for my stomach pains but I am also going to ask for help for my anxiety and my suicidal thoughts and stuff like that. But I am getting some help and I want to try to get better but unfortunately I don't know how or what to do. So that's it for today I think but if you have any comments on this I will try to see them. So bye I guess.