Basically the title. Wow this already sounds like one of those Reddit posts asking strangers for advice but it's just me here getting my thoughts out.

My boyfriend really is starting to hedge close around to me coming to him up north.

Why did I just sound like a civil war era person? I'm all over the place. Whatever. Point is he wants me up there.

One for obvious reasons, we both want me up there. Two he is scared for me living in a blood red state, as I've mentioned, as a trans person in this political landscape.

Now I don't think anything bad will happen to myself personally in the next four years as I am a hermit that never leaves the house.

However, yes this is coming to my point that I'm terrified of how different it will be to not rot in a house for once in my life.

You all were pussies during COVID. Oh wah I can't leave my house! Bitch you have no idea.

Some of us have lived how you suffered for a long time. I realize I'm a freakish outlier though.

I'm getting off my train of thought. Yeah so the thought of going from being a hermit autist to living a real life and having a boyfriend is quite jarring.

This has been the best year of my life in spite of any negative circumstances. I'm still very scared though, even considering moving from a crappy life to a better one.

The fuck is wrong with me? I'm afraid that at some point he'll ask the same question.

So the thought of even talking to him about this makes me very excited and nervous. I have a weird feeling in my stomach. Not because of anything he did.

He has got to be one of the sweetest most caring people I have ever met. I feel like I can trust him, and I'd be safe up there, as he put it.

I don't know. I need to get over myself about it. I would miss my family, but is it mostly out of familiarity?

I don't think I would miss Tennessee at all. I've never liked being here. There's nothing for me here so why am I clinging like this?

My family are stupid Trumpers well except for my brother. And my grandma. And probably my niece and cousin who I never see. I hope you retards are happy in a few years. 

I'm being so fucking stupid. I know what I want to do but I'm afraid to let go of my comfort bubble, and that is being depressed living with people who I do not share anything in common in a place where I have never wanted to stay or be.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't even use the excuse now that I don't know how to drive because I just heard two people this week say they don't ever drive and they take an Uber everywhere instead, so it's at least a somewhat normal thing to do now, and I found out that I can even take my little dog too.

God what am I going to do?

I swallow my own ego to tell him that I want to cuddle him and wake up next to him and tender feelings stuff.

That is hard for me. But I do it. I can make it happen.