I thought about how CT neighbors RI and got a huge laugh. Basically my life goal is to be Peter Griffin's neighbor. I found a song called Connecticut by Bing Crosby and Judy Garland. I wonder if Seth MacFarlane ever dueted that one.

I had a dream I was on the Long Island Sound last night. Some kind of carnival or festival was going on. People were dressed up. It was fun.

You know, I'm in a lucky situation and a bad one at the same time.

Sure, I have this house that my parents offered to be mine since they'll get the grandparents' one when they go. It's all paid for, the only thing I'd worry about would be utilities, and my brother would likely also foot some of it.

He's trapped here too by the way. He'll be 32 tomorrow. The only difference between him and me is he's in school for something, I don't know what, and working a wagie job that couldn't afford him a living if Hell froze over.

Anyway, this post isn't going to be a downer. I am very fortunate I'm not living under a bridge homeless like many mentally ill or disabled people are, frozen popsicles lining billionaire's suites who have more money than they could ever possibly spend.

Wow I'm doing it again. But we can all see why nobody shed a tear when that insurance guy got capped in Manhattan. It's got to be the most unifying event that I've seen in recent history. Everybody clapped, basically.

What the fuck was I even saying? Oh yeah I'm a very fortunate guy, but I'm also not, because I want to be with my boyfriend and in order to do that, I can't be content to just sit here for decades more eating tendies and doing whatever else NEETs do, gooning I guess.

I don't play video games like a lot of hikikomori do. Maybe that's my flaw. I should become a streamer. I have all the time in the world and nothing to lose if I fail, except maybe time that I waste by doing literally nothing anyway.

I became obsessed with watching other people play. Amanda the Adventurer dropped about a month ago with the sequel. I watched all of my favorite YouTubers play that when it came out. I kind of feel like Amanda stuck in those tapes repeating the past so maybe that's why that game caught my attention.

I too wish I could see the world.

Being stagnant eventually catches up with you whether you're in immediate danger from inaction or not. If you're unhappy, what is the point? It'd also be nice to be around someone who respects my identity.

Facing constant opposition to being trans has taken a huge toll on me. I believe a big chunk of my issues comes from that fact. It's been a vicious cycle. The reason I can't seem to get my mind on any goal is partly due to being depressed and angry with where I am.

It's really bad when it's your own family that fucks you like that. If it weren't for them I'd be homeless but if it weren't for them I might have lived much better and happier at this point. It's really unpopular to blame others for your issues, but we don't live in a vacuum and it's kind of retarded to pretend we do.

This is why mental health, and health care in general, should be free. I may be a fringe case, sadly less so in recent years as more people are getting fucked by the system, but my situation is a microcosm of what is wrong with America.

This took a very negative turn didn't it? Sorry post, you were supposed to be about happy dreams. One thing that gives me a bit of hopium is how unanimous the reaction to what happened the other day was.

Are we seeing a rising movement of class consciousness in the United States? I really think that we are.

So, bringing back my earlier thought should I become a streamer? Well, the only games I've touched recently are mobile games that give you a small sum for playing them. Perhaps I can use that little bit of money to buy some games, start playing legit.

Do I have the charm for that? I won't get on there and start doomering about stuff. That is for private, well semiprivate, here. Maybe I could play The Sims or something. I don't know. Nah probably something more popular like those cheaply made horror games that are a fuck ton of fun to watch.

Scrutinized was a good one but I don't know if I should start with something like that since it's pretty hard. Hello Neighbor is another one. Little Nightmares could be one since I haven't watched it mostly through yet.

Don't Starve is interesting for the art style. I could be like everyone and their grandma and start playing Minecraft but that could get pretty boring to watch. You have to react to stuff too. Oh my God I just remembered At Dead Of Night is getting a sequel.

That's the one. I can play the first game since it's still fucking weird and scary no matter how many playthroughs I've seen, then when the sequel drops it's gonna be bomb. I would need to have a lot more than a microphone to accomplish this goal, however.

You know what I really want to do? Open a weed dispensary. Become a budtender. Not particularly in that order but something more down-to-earth and peaceful. You know where I can't do that?

Here.

I haven't smoked weed in years. It gave me terrible anxiety, and existential thoughts completely uninhibited. Like it was horrible. I don't understand how it has a calming effect on most people but the complete opposite for me.

It could depend on your mental state, how you are when you're sober in general.