My brother keeps commenting on my choker, a completely normal and only partially sexual thing depending on the context, telling me to take it off and calling me a BDSM freak, right in front of our family.

I mean I am but he keeps pointing to it and it's starting to piss me off. I'm not taking it off. It's a comfort object. The light pressure around my neck is very soothing and helps me think clearly. It's not like I'm walking around with a huge bad dragon strap-on, which he keeps talking about.

I am the absolute last person to judge. If it's a joke it wasn't funny the first time. So like, I shouldn't have to justify what I wear.

Now I wouldn't step outside in my birthday suit unless someday the opportunity arose to go to a nude beach. It sounds pretty great to not have tan lines and be perfectly golden-toasted. But anyway, it's getting annoying how much he seems so put off by even the slightest hint of sexuality when it's anyone other than him doing it or talking about it.

I don't get on his case when he goes into detail about all the hot chicks he goes home with. He should have locked that rich girl down. Honestly.

I'm going to wear whatever the fuck I want. That's always been a defacto part of my personality. It's a free country, well, sort of. It will be more so if I have to choke someone.

I got a clit pump for myself yesterday. I had an amazing experience with it. I showed my boyfriend. He liked it a lot. It looked so weird after but my goodness the way I pulsed after. I haven't felt like that in a long time.

I read that it wasn't possible for the growth to be permanent, although according to a few people who have done this, they did see permanent growth after they did it for long enough. I mean if you keep at it for limited days per week.

Not with a particularly stiff suction, and not for too long in a session either because I don't want to injure myself. That would really suck. No pun. I actually felt a little bit nervous from how weird it looked after and sweated over it, even though I followed the instructions to the letter and took it off after the designated time.

Someone more experienced warned me about the risk of a clitoral hematoma when I asked about pumping online. Immediately before I looked up what that is even the name sounds painful.  

It would really suck, truly no pun intended, to hurt your genitals. That's serious. I'm going to be careful and go slow. But my what an excellent purchase.

It's after dinner. I feel nauseous. I think it's because I forced myself to eat chili when I didn't want to.

I don't eat much. I've been sleeping a lot lately. I think it's the weather. Also I'm really bored.

I posted a roleplay to my channel.

You ever think about para social relationships? Like, hi, I don't know if you'd like me or not in the real world but I want to live in your voice.

I'm that safe place for some people now.

It's nice but also not, on both ends. The detachment lets you appreciate someone for their talent but nothing more.

I guess if you're alone in your room or wherever it kind of helps fill a void but not really.

It's entertainment more than it is real company, or rather, a distraction from a world that can get pretty unpredictable.

My stomach is settled now.

This is literally so disgusting but a huge chunk of tartar that I've had on my teeth just stuck there fell out of my mouth.

Yeah I know that's fucking revolting and I should feel shame whatever but oh my God I'm freaked out but relieved sort of.

Like I've been waiting for that while doing everything I could like oil pulling and brushing obviously.

Finally. Fucking finally yes. But also oh my lordy my gums are sensitive. I don't even want to feel them.

It's the space where I have a crooked bottom tooth because when I was a kid I didn't keep up with my retainer.

I lost it twice. Fucking twice. I wish my parents would have waited just a bit longer to get me braces.

I feel like at thirteen I was definitely too forgetful and irresponsible to keep track of a retainer, so it was lost to the trash compactor after lunch.

Literally sitting right there on my lunch tray in its bright colorful case and I'd toss it, freaking twice!

What is actually wrong with me?

I am stupid, irresponsible, lazy, forgetful, and have the attention span of a goddamn gnat most of the time.

Oh my god I am so fucking stupid. 

And I wouldn't wear it at night. I refused because I had this deep fear that it would become somehow dislodged and I would choke to death in my sleep.

So I was insistent on wearing it during the day. How'd that work out?

My parents basically flushed their money down the toilet. But if I'd gotten braces a little older like at sixteen, I probably would have been mature enough by then to keep track despite my flaws in character.

Oh well. Anyway I'm still kind of freaked out. But all thirty two of my teeth are still intact so freaking miraculous I guess. I feel so good now. I feel so much better. I was scared to death that my tooth would come with it although it feels pretty sturdy in there still.

Oh god oh my god my mouth feels so weird. 

I think about kissing my boyfriend with this mouth and I felt so fucking nasty and ashamed. Like what would he think? Ew. Disgusting loser, me. But oh my goodness what a relief. I can have that fantasy without thinking about this shit now.

Fuck yes.

I am such a massive homosexual for this man. Everything I do has just been motivated by getting closer to him or being good enough.

I mean sure I'd self improve before, but I feel like the way people say to go about it while you're single is just kind of bullshit.

My brother has been losing a ton of weight and dressing really nice because he's super down bad for this one girl.

People need people as encouragement to improve I feel like. People need a reason to be peak.

Really on top of the shame and revulsion of my mouth, that piece of tartar jammed in there, feeling it with my tongue, was driving me absolutely crazy.

I'm so viscerally disgusted I can't even look at it. But this feels so good. I am so conflicted.

I'm trying not to laugh because I'm scared to move my mouth in any way. But trying not to laugh is making me laugh at the randomest thoughts.

I'm even reading back what I wrote and fucking laughing my ass off like it's comedy gold man what is wrong with me fuck.

I am literally such a man child. Oops. Guilty as charged.

I'll be okay. My teeth feel sturdy as ever, which for all the abuse they've taken really is a miracle of genetics and luck.

Nature has blessed me, yes. With a strong constitution and bones. I'm not made of jello last I checked.

Oh my God I need to stop laughing. Okay let me try to calm down. I'm so happy right now seriously.

The only minor downside is that I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. I'll take it I mean damn. I've been waiting for this.