I woke up from a dream that my brother's friend came to me from the afterlife. He said, for some reason in Arabic I guess because he was, and for some reason my brain knew how to translate it, to a message that essentially meant, be strong.

That I have a longer life to go.

We weren't very close but I still cry when I think about him. He died a few years ago in his 30s. His life wasn't easy. He was really super tall like abnormally tall and he had spinal issues he had to have excruciatingly painful surgeries to treat.

He never married or had a girlfriend. I don't know why. I guess he was just more into his studies. Super busy learning things.

He had a really unique voice. I liked him enough. My brother has his amazing manga collection, his lifelong best friend. We went to his house as kids and I just marveled at his shelf. I am trying not to cry because it's twenty to four in the morning and I don't want to lay back down with gross congestion and for my face to get all ugly.

I think I'm okay. I hope that he's okay, wherever he went. 72 virgins and all that. I wish we talked more in life. Oh God I'm fucking crying like a little pussy bitch. Whatever. No one is going to see me anyway.

I recorded another audio after I got up. I finished that mad scientist series. A five parter no less! Good acting on my part, I think. You know, I noticed something about my acting that I realized mid-read.

I sounded sad when I was talking to my subject who I twisted into a freakish monster beyond human comprehension. I was saying to them, basically nobody cared about you after you disappeared anyway, so you might as well just embrace your monstrous insides.

Then I sounded more energized toward the end when I was basically talking to them about taking revenge by turning the world inside out. I feel like the scientist was playing out his life vicariously through his victim subject.

Now I'm going to take a break before I edit to eat a sardine sandwich. I eat them straight out of the can. Haven't done that in a while. In olive oil, so good. Eat it like bruschetta. Oh my goodness.

It's night. I edited the video. I uploaded the last of the five part evil scientist series, done and dusted, it was a great script.

Very happy.

My boyfriend keeps sending me porn. It's starting to confuse me a little bit. What am I supposed to do?

Do I send him porn too? It's random people. It's images of anyone except for him and it's driving me nuts.

I know, I know. I'm not entitled to his body but when he sends me this stuff it's like, just show me the goods?

Please? Respectfully? That's all I want. I need to see that cock. 

I probably would be pretty tortured though if I got to see the goods but I couldn't pounce on it.

Should I tell him I jerked off to a picture of his hand? I think I will. I'm a desperate slut.

I fucked myself sore again thinking about his fingers.

It's merciful really. Literally would be gnawing on the screen of my phone if I saw much more.

I'm a freaking animal.

I also am starting to really miss having a relationship with him and feeling that void in my life, where it's like, I want to walk around holding his hand and, well I guess he would be the one introducing me to his friends?

Does he have friends? It'd sure be nice to meet them.

I hate having to keep being strong.

Also I think I'm getting sick. My throat is scratchy and I am sneezing and blowing, not the kind of blowing I'd rather be.

Oh God. Anyway, point is I'm sick. But I'm going to fight through it. I found a five parter script, this time hypnosis audio files.

I like that it's incorporated into roleplay and the speaker calls the detective listener pet while slowly disarming them and turning them into their little doll for keeps.

That is so hot.

People are absolute suckers for mind manipulation. And you know what? Me too.

I'm about to be Master.