I am currently setting up a profile just about everywhere I can for remote work to narrate audiobooks. I thought about that one person who encouraged me, said I have a voice for narration.

That compliment was pretty much branded into my brain. Why did I wait like a year to act on it outside of the occasional YouTube video? Because I'm slow.

This is really good coffee. I've been using honey a lot more than sugar lately. It's better for the vocal chords, and better in general. Even the taste is superior. I just thought of that one scene in Bee Movie.

I like the after taste!

Well, I don't, Mr. Joe Swanson.

I never got into that fake sugar shit. Those packets that supposedly are better for you. Everyone knows they're pure cancer.

Coconut oil is good. It really doesn't taste like anything in coffee, although, I would say maybe it has a slightly nutty taste.

Anyway, I'm applying myself to just about every freelance site that I can find. I don't know if it'll be a hopeless venture, just like anything that I try really.

Although, I don't really try at life? Everything that I do I halfass even when I want to do it. I'm writing this post right now partly to talk myself up and partly to procrastinate from doing it.

If my job were to go full lay down and rot mode I would probably start working my ass off just to avoid doing it.

Just to avoid any expectation at all. Okay, well as of now I'm hired to go sit on that bed behind me there and do nothing forever. How about that? Maybe I ought to use that trick on myself, a little reverse psychology.

I'm now officially employed at the NEET Institute of Hikikomori. I'm getting drafted and deployed to serve another tour in NEETghanistan.

Will it work? I don't know. Maybe the only thing that will work is thinking about my goal. And that goal is, as I'm pretty sure is obvious by now, to claw through any barrier in front of me to get to my man.

And I guess the whole point behind that is to bust a fat nut.

That's what motivates people to get up and move, really. At least I'm pretty sure. Aside from basic survival but that clearly wasn't enough motivation. I'm pretty sure if I were dumped on my ass and I'd never met this dude, I would have just taken a short fall off a long bridge.

If we never met but nothing changed and I stayed where I'm at, well, I don't even want to think about the possibility of living without having met him. I was just existing. I don't know where I would be now if he hadn't messaged me one day out of the blue, and he doesn't even know that.

I realize it's pitiful but it's true.

Not that I literally need him to survive. Fuck that would be pathetic. Shit now that I really think about it, he actually kind of accidentally saved my life.

I had a dream that I went to see him last night.

My car broke down because of course it did. Even in dreams something goes wrong. My life is one long string of Murphy's Law. I ended up hitching a ride. Probably no one would be willing to do that in reality, hey can you drive me to this dude's house miles away from here?

Go out of your way to help a stranger out?

Point one dreams. No knight in shiny armor in the waking world. Expecting someone else to just save me is weak. The fact that I do basically nothing is already disgraceful. I need to try harder at life.

I used to hate myself for not trying but that doesn't work. I hate myself more or less ironically now. It feels better. Here goes nothing.

This is so random, I have the song Cake by Melanie Martinez stuck in my head. I could listen to that whole album endlessly. God what an artist. I don't normally like music videos but I'll watch hers, they're masterpieces.