Hey I wrote this while really mad and listening to my "Feel like a Villain" playlist. So get ready and buckle up buttercup

TW: Mention of suisidal and self harm thoughts, Trump, indiscrimination, police brutality, a lot of transphobic stuff, r@pe mentions, killing mentions, conversion therapy mention Listen this is a rant about all the things I'm mad about so this is long and it's a lot

You wanna know why I'm mad. Do you. Do you really want to know.

I'm mad because the fact that I told my mom I want to go to a pride parade when June comes made her scared. I'm mad that my mom is so scared for me that she is going to set up rules of when I can go and I have to have a parent of mine with me. I'm mad that she's so scared for my safety I won't be able to go to the larger crowds and the center of the parades because theres too much of a risk that some riot will break out that I'll be sucked into. 

I'm mad that police will inevitably push back against pride parades. Groups of people who just want to be allowed to kiss their partner without being killed.

I'm mad that the SAME THING happened and is happening during BLM protest.

People just want to be treated equally. People just want to be able to walk down the street without the risk of being killed just for walking, people just want to be able to hold hands with the person they love, people just want to use the fucking bathroom, people just want to live.

I'm mad that when I talked about LGBT+ rights my family said that LGBT+ people have less history of discrimination. I'm not mad at them. I'm mad at the fact that we have hid so much about LGBT+ discrimination that many people don't know that Trump(The fucker) made it illegal for trans people to join the military. 

We were moving in the right direction them Trump said "Fuck them take more rights away" and people AGREED with him. 

I'm mad that I learned about asexuality and aromantic from fucking fan fictions! I learned so much of my identity from fucking fan fics. School didn't teach me about asexuality so I didn't know that other people had no sexual attraction and that it was ok and that others found sex disgusting. I learned from Wattpad that other people don't feel romantic attraction till they know the person and REALLY know them as a friend before dating(Demi romantic) I learned from Wattpad that I am ace and Demi ro. I learned from a RANDOM book I found when wandering around the library about gender fluidity(Like I am) and the fact that I just so happened to pick up the book that helped me discover my gender identity

I'm mad that when I found out about being Gender Fluid I was scared that I was broken, that I had no clue what to do with myself, that I was too scared of being kicked out that I didn't come out of the closet for so long even though it was effecting my mental health long enough that I experienced many suisidal and self harm related thoughts. That it caused my alread not great mental health to decline so much. But after I came out and was excepted by my family I have been so much happier.

I'm mad that not everyone gets an excepting family. I'm mad that there has to be the person at pride parades who gives hugs to kids with unexciting families because they should be. I'm mad that there can't be stores that sell packers and binders because it's too risky that they'll be attacked by transphobes so people like me have to sneakily buy things online hoping that somehow our parents will never find out.

I'm mad that I had to ask my friend to buy me a binder and everyday I have to pray to god that my parents won't notice my chest size changes because of me hiding my binder. I'm mad that people have to hide their pride flags under their beds, deep in their closets, under drawers, so their families won't find them. I have seen people talking about how they don't iron their flags for those who have to do that.

I'm mad that people still say the word "gay" or "Lesbian" like it's a fucking slur or something then don't hesitate to call someone the f-slur or d-slur. I'm mad that when I watch older movies I hear the words and my parents didn't say anything to my younger brother about how it was an awful and harmful word unlike when someone says the r-slur or n-slur. I'm mad that I was the one who had to lecture my brother about those two words and how they are so harmful.

I'm mad that reading fan fiction is like this unsaid thing that people do and people are made fun of for when it's often times the only time most of us can find quality LGBT+ content that wasn't written by some cishet author that is really just meant for straight people and the entire story line is about them coming out. I just want to see someone being gay for no reason and there is no conflict around it.

I'm mad that Queerbaiting and Queercoding is so excepted and ingrained into so many movie industries and they still get mad when people ship the gay ship they were baiting us with. I'm mad that it was a whole debate when people thought that Elsa might be gay and that Disney had to say that "People weren't ready for it" and when they have some small 2 line side character that never comes up again mention they are LGBT+ we all freak out because we are so starved for representation.

I'm mad that in school people will tell the new kids that only know me by my preferred name my dead name and tell them to call me by my dead name and She/her pronouns because their transphobic. I'm mad that one time the gender neutral bathroom was taken so I was about to walk into the mens room because it was closer when I noticed a transphobic kid walk in and had to debate weather or not to go in and my chances of being hate crimed for going into the mens room. I'm mad that kids HAVE been beaten up, killed, r@ped, and so much more just for using the bathroom that is right for them. 

I'm so mad that our cries for change fall on deaf ears because "The LGBT+ community is moving so fast." and "Your change has come so quickly" LGBT+ change has happened. But people act like being gay wasn't legalized in the USA till 2003. And that conversion therapy is still legal in all but FIVE FUCING COUNTRIES. I'm mad that in school we debate my rights and weather or not I should be allowed to live and that people have answered NO. 

I'm mad that because I'm a kid I know no one will listen to me and will just say I'm confused and I don't know what I'm talking about or I'm too young. Bet you never told some cishet kid they were too young did you. 

You know what. I am too young

I'm too young to be scared about my safety for going to the bathroom

I'm too young to be scared to date someone

I'm too young to have slurs slung at me like it's nothing

I'm too young to be scared of dating someone who won't except I'm ace

I'm too young to be scared of people forcing me into being someone I'm not

I'm too young to have to fight so much

But I'm also too mad

I'm too mad that I'm scared

I'm too mad that I have slurs said to me

I'm too mad that I have to fight so much

And that is why I will never stop fighting I'm too mad. I'm too mad to stop. I will never stop. The anger will just keep getting stronger and stronger and deeper and deeper till one day maybe I'll have enough anger to get it though some idiotic peoples thick skulls that EVERYONE deserves rights. 

I'm mad that I have to miss gender and dead name my friends who families don't except them. I'm mad that when I called my friend by his name we both got scared because it slipped out when his parents were around. I'm mad that I spend hours up at night trying to think of excuses for why my friends preferred name is my "nick name" for them which is why I keep calling them that. 

I'm mad. I'm so fucking mad. I want to scream but if I scream then people will use it against me and not see my point. I want to rip my hair out thinking about all of this. But I can't and I won't I'll put on a fake face and continue marching forward

So raise a glass with me