With each week that had passed, I grew more confident with my cane. While I didn't want to get my hopes up too high, I felt the parts of me I'd buried for months again try to shine through and see the good. Hopefully I could afford to actually go outside soon, even if it was just for a short while. I'd take anything at this rate.

Of course, not much else improved about me. It really was the support of everyone else—but mainly Aedia—that kept my feet beneath me, that reassured me I wasn't going crazy.

Aedia... I couldn't stand her having to do everything still, and I couldn't stand how much I wanted her to be near me. It was like she could slip away from me at any moment, even though she was stronger than I'd seen her in years. It still astounded me how far she'd come from that sickly little girl who wanted to do so much, but her body wouldn't let her while I was the opposite. The tables had seemed to turn in this manner, as well.

After a few weeks of begging, Aedia had begun to let me help around the house more. I could easily carry a stack of plates in one hand when she would need two, so long as I managed to balance correctly. I'd only broken two plates in the time I did this, much better than we were both expecting. Of course Aedia would pick up the pieces while I apologized.

I wished I could help her cook as well, but a problem I hadn't realized before presented itself the moment she tried to hand me a knife to try and cut something. When the blade neared my hand as Aedia placed it down on the counter for me to take, I nearly recoiled. I couldn't stand to have it anywhere near me, let alone bring myself to hold it. This wasn't a dinner knife, it was a large, sharp thing used for cutting and slicing. I swore I could feel a blade piercing my arm and side again when I looked at it. And that was when I truly began to become angry.

"Are there any medications that could help me forget?" I asked, and that obviously confused Aedia.

"What're you talking about?" she questioned.

My eyes narrowed as I took a breath. "You don't see the issue? I can't even pick up a damn kitchen knife without remembering that day," I said, trying not to spit the words.

"Well, you never liked cooking much anyways," she tried to joke awkwardly, but I was in no mood to do so as well.

"That's not the point. I wasn't afraid of sharp things after the Talpiclor, and now I am?" I glared at the scar on my arm, the one that had been left over from when I was stabbed. "I try to function normally, but I can't. No matter what I try to do, everything just comes back to ruin it. Th-that day, all these days. I want to forget them. If I did, perhaps that could stop the nightmares, and everything else."

Of course, Aedia began to look concerned for me. "You know no medication like that exists, you've been reading those journals."

"Then have you or Llyr discovered any plants that could help me forget?" I asked.

"No, we haven't," she said. "Forgetting won't help you, Len. You'd have to forget so much to get rid of all your memories associated with that trauma, years' worth. And even then, you still would have your scars and missing leg, there would have to be a reason why you got them."

I shook my head. "I don't even care about my scars at this point. I'd been able to live with all that, but this..." I hesitated to say "I can't." I was obviously living, at least I was appearing that way.

"You would also have to forget Vio. You know that, right?" Aedia asked somberly. "I don't want to forget about him, and I know you don't want to either."

My chest tightened, and I held my head in my hands. "I don't want to forget him," I said weakly. "But I want to forget everything else. Just for an hour, even a few minutes, I want to forget everything. I-I want to be the old me, Addy. Delving with Melva, Llyr, and Vio, going out together and just living. I'm not living right now!"

"But you are alive, Len," Aedia said. "You might not feel like you are, but you've been pushing forwards all this time. You've been helping out in the pharmacy, relearning medicine, relearning how to walk. You couldn't be expected to do more with what happened."

She thought I was talking about living in that way. And while I might have been, I was also thinking about it in the way that had been nagging at me ever since I came out of my coma. "When can I go outside, Addy? I want to walk outside, please." I didn't know what I was saying then, I just felt numb.

"It seems like you can soon, judging how well you've been doing here." She smiled sympathetically. "How about this? The next time Melva or Gwynden comes over, they can walk with you on the backstreets since they can catch you if need be. It'll have to be at dusk, though. Less people around."

Some of my misery evaporated as a smile spread across my face. "Really?" She nodded, and I exhaled an incredulous laugh. I was actually going to go back outside without being held up. I couldn't believe it. "Thank you," I said, but Aedia shook her head.

"You've been working hard and pushing for this all this time. I've just been scared about what might happen if you went out, but I won't know unless I let you do it." Her smile dared to sneak up into a small grin. "If you do fall, though, try not to fall on any sharp rocks, okay? You don't need any more injuries." I had to chuckle at that, because I was tired of feeling miserable.

I was overjoyed the day Melva came to visit a short time later, even more so when she agreed to stick around until dusk to go outside with me. If only I could've gone earlier to get some sun on my now-pasty skin, but I couldn't complain. Though as the time drew near, I couldn't help but grow nervous.

Melva clapped me on the back, giving me a lopsided grin when I looked at her. "Don't tell me you're gettin' nervous, kid?"

"Admittedly, yes," I replied with a nervous chuckle.

"That's why I'm here. Lean on me if ya halfta," she narrowed her eyes, "an' if anyone gives ya a look, I'll beat the shit outta 'em."

That definitely wasn't something I wanted. "You don't have to do that," I said quickly, though it seemed like Melva had already made up her mind.

"Don't go too far please," Aedia said.

"I'll make sure he won't," Melva reassured her. "We'll be back by nightfall, promise ya." Aedia nodded, giving us a tight-lipped smile.

A cool breeze swept over me when I stepped outside, the setting sun washing over me and blinding me. I lifted my arm to block the harsh glare, squinting as I looked about at the street I knew so well. The street our clinic was on wasn't the busiest of streets, and with the day coming to an end, there were only a dozen or so people out that I could see. But then I focused on the uneven cobblestone road, dotted with puddles after last night's rainfall, thinking about how I used to walk it so easily.

"What're ya waitin' for? Let's go," Melva said.

"S-sorry," I said. The fact I felt so strange being outside was a sign I'd definitely stayed inside for too long.

The first few steps were nerve-wracking, but I tried not to think about everything too much. Over-focusing was just as bad as not paying any attention, and Melva's presence beside me was nothing but reassuring. I just had to not rely on my cane as much, try to work on walking with my feet alone. I swore I was getting looks from the other passerby, but either I actually wasn't, or they'd look away when I tried to look at them. Soon, we made it to the end of the street at only a partially slower pace than I would have reached it previously.

"See, look. You're doin' just fine," Melva said with a smile. "Ya wanna head back or what?"

Why did she even ask that? "I want to go... somewhere else. I really want to go visit Llyr, though..." I trailed off, unsure.

"I mean, I don't get why not?" Melva said with an arched brow. "Not like we can't take back streets to get there, an' it don't look like we got anythin' on us, so a mugger wouldn't wanna mess with us." I'd almost forgotten about that warning Vio had issued all that time ago.

This was Melva's overambition talking. Still, I thought about it. Although Morgan's was only a fifteen-minute walk, that was a walk out here, not me making laps around my home. Still, in spite of the concern I felt, I couldn't help but find myself growing curious if I could make that walk regardless. I'd spent the past eight or nine months stuck at home, rehabilitating.

"Think 'bout how happy he'd be if he saw ya walkin' like this," Melva added at my pensiveness. "'Sides, Aedia said she wanted ya back by nightfall. We got more than enough time."

She was right as well, though. I could already imagine the look on Llyr's face when he'd see me show up. He'd be thrilled. With my mind made up, I nodded. I wanted, no, needed to push myself.

We took a couple of the larger backstreets to hopefully avoid any issues but just stuck closer to the buildings. These backstreet sections of Orth were almost all residential, giving us a slight reprieve from the bustle we otherwise would have had to face. It was nice to just concentrate on walking and making conversation with Melva.

"Y'think I should make Gwynden part o' the group?" Melva asked abruptly, and I was surprised to hear say that.

"What, give him one of your nicknames, you mean?" I replied. "I... didn't think you would consider that. A replacement for Vio, not liking his way of seeing things, the fact this really isn't a group anymore..."

Melva frowned at me. "This' still a group. Just 'cause we don't delve together don't mean we ain't friends still. Now that you're out walkin', we could meet up again, spend nights just shootin' the shit an' all that." A sigh escaped her as she looked surprisingly guilty. "An' I still hate what he says, but he's given a lot of shit for ya. I've been kinda a bitch 'bout everythin' when he didn't halfta get 'imself wrapped up in our messes, an' he still did."

I was floored by this and frankly impressed. Melva had always been such an immovable wall, just like her idol, but it seemed that Gwydnen was able to make that wall crack a little. If only it could've been under better circumstances.

Melva's frown slightly tugged up into a tenuous smile. "I'll tell the hare the next time I see 'im, then."

"Hare?'" I echoed with a small laugh.

"Quiet an' flighty." Her smile faded into something more somber. "I would've thought 'mouse,' but..." She trailed off, and we both went quiet for a few moments, words not being necessary to express how we felt. "It's really been this long already, huh?" she then said. "The days dragged by when Bellan died, but now they're flyin'. I dunno, maybe I'm just gettin' old."

Time was so odd for us now. I was technically twenty-seven, though I was positive I'd spared myself at least two years of physical aging thanks to the Abyss. Melva was forty-three now, but... Now that I looked at her, I was surprised just how much she had seemed to age. I'd looked at her face so many times since we returned from that delve, but only now was I noticing the crow's feet tugging at her eyes, the firm wrinkle set in her brow and the smile lines. The sight just made my stomach sink.

"The hell're starin' at, kid?" Melva asked then, arching a brow.

I suppressed the urge to flinch, not realizing I'd been staring at her. But now that she asked, it wasn't like I could back down from asking what I wanted to, not that I wanted to. "Have you been feeling okay?"

"Yeah, why?" Before I could clarify, she seemed to realize what I was talking about and said, "If it's 'bout Vio, of course I'm still sad. But ya gotta move on, right?" I agreed, and she changed the subject to something else. I should've just left it at that. Melva had her moments of sadness for Bellan between her usual bursts of personality, and the same went for Vio here. Still, I felt something was wrong.

My spirits lifted when I saw Morgan's further down the street we turned onto, and a small smile crept onto my face. I'd actually made it without incident. Of course, that was a cue for something bad to happen, but it didn't. We were greeted by Llyr's aunt as she left the store, and she looked surprised to see us, me especially.

"You're actually out now, Len?" She grinned. "That's great! Llyr's going to be overjoyed to see this. Here, let me." She opened the door to the store and held it open. I thanked her as I entered, feeling awkward for having someone else hold a door open for me. "Llyr, you'd better not have gone upstairs yet, you have two more customers," she called into the shop before looking back at us. "Have a good night, you two."

"Wh-what?" Llyr said as he pushed his way through the back room's door into the shop. "But I know how much you hate last-minute—" He caught my gaze and went rigid with shock, his mouth falling open slightly. He didn't have to be so dramatic, did he? I gave him a sheepish grin, and he ran to the front of the shop to greet me, taking care at the last second to not risk knocking me over as he hugged me. "Len, you're actually here! You walked all this way?"

I wanted to kiss Llyr so badly, but I didn't want to when I knew Melva was smirking at me. "Yes, but I did have some help,"

Llyr looked at Melva, looking apologetic before his gaze moved elsewhere. "Oh, s-sorry, Melva. Thank you for helping Len."

"No need for thanks," she said, waving her hand dismissively, "though I am surprised the klutz didn't trip up at all on the way here." I gave her more of a grimace than a smile, but I was relieved that I'd had little issue.

"Can you stay for long?" Llyr asked. "I was going to start dinner, and you two can join me if you want."

I shook my head. "Addy's expecting me back by nightfall, but I'd like to stay while you cook. We can leave when it's done so you aren't held up." I glanced at Melva, and she gave a quick nod of approval.

"Ya only halfta clean off one chair, stick. I can stand," she said, and Llyr smiled nervously.

"I-If you insist. Just ask if you need it." He gestured for us to follow him, and we headed upstairs, already starting up another conversation about something or other. It was nice enough to talk like this in general.

--~*~--

The time went by all-too quickly, and Llyr finished cooking before we knew it. The tantalizing scent of Llyr's cooking started making me hungry, and it pushed me to leave since I knew Aedia would likely have dinner ready when I got back. I managed to sneak in a quick kiss before Melva and I left, though Llyr clung to my hand for a bit longer than I expected.

"I'll still come by tomorrow, don't think I won't," he said, and I smiled.

"We can go up to the rim soon, I promise. I want to try pushing myself soon." His head darted up, and he grinned widely at me, one of the widest I'd ever seen on him. Before he could lose that smile to concern, I reassured him, "I won't push myself more than I need to, don't worry. After all, I won't get anywhere by doing nothing." He nodded, his smile becoming more sheepish. I wished him a good night, and Melva and I left.

The sun had nearly set when we stepped back outside, the evening chill becoming sharper. Shadows draped the streets, though they were pierced by the lights turning on in the homes along the streets. Aedia would definitely worry why we were so late, but really, she should've expected something like this from me.

I was waiting for Melva to question what I'd said as we walked, and sure enough, a few minutes later she spoke up. "So you're goin' up to the rim with the stick? Ya mean the crater's edge?" She jabbed a thumb up at the edges of the cliffs looming above the city, and I nodded.

"I never thought about trying to draw the ocean, so I might as well try it," I said.

Melva didn't seem moved at all. "It's just the ocean. Water, water, an' more water. Guess there could be trade ships, but it's just like a desert."

"But it's something different. Better than sitting inside all day yet again, and I'd rather be anywhere besides that pharmacy," I said before frowning pensively. "Still, now I wonder what the Sea of Corpses looks like..."

Melva shrugged dismissively. "Cold an' gray, snow everywhere. Sounds more borin' than the Great Fault. I'd hate to see it, no warmth at all." She gave me a sideways glance. "Thought ya were tired of snow, ya never seemed to miss it."

"And I don't, but the Fifth Layer has hardly been drawn." The flat water, probably steel-gray with ice frosting its edges, the crystalline spires of ice hanging from above and the great waterfalls pouring down to the Sixth Layer... I shook my head, as if to shake the thoughts from my mind. Why was I still thinking about this? I'd never see the Fifth Layer, so why bother thinking of it? Melva nudged me, cracking a smile.

"Hey, the ocean's better. Ya get a nice breeze," she said, obviously trying to help me shift my thoughts as well. A good wind would definitely be nice, hopefully not as strong as the winds of the Inverted Forest. I honestly couldn't remember the wind the day my family came to Orth, just the view, me trying to chase away the remnants of seasickness. Funny that then a month of continuous seasickness was the worst thing I'd had to face.

As the street curved, it became completely drenched in gray shadow cast by the cliff rim. The alleyways we passed were like voids between the buildings, a bit eerie, to be honest. The sky was purple streaked with pink, a pretty sight, really. And I was more surprised to see how quiet everything was now. We passed perhaps two people in the past five minutes. "I never knew it'd be possible to be on an empty street in this city," I said with some amazement. "Then again, back street..."

"Voice echoes. Keep it down, klutz," Melva said with a snicker, and I couldn't help but feel a bit self-conscious despite it being foolish.

I looked to Melva, trying to come up with some kind of comeback to save my pride. "Oh, come on. It's not like anybody care--" I was abruptly cut off when my cane was knocked out from under my hand. My heart was in my throat in seconds as I stumbled, but I was yanked off my feet as an arm snaked around my neck, and I was dragged a few paces into the alley we were passing.

"What the hell?" Melva gaped, but she was shushed by the voice of a man speaking right next to my ear.

"Keep it down. Your voice echoes." My glasses had been knocked askew and had slipped dangerously far down my nose, but I couldn't adjust them. It wasn't like I could make out what the man looked like since his face was on my left, but he sounded older than me. Before I could attempt to elbow him in the chest or windpipe, something sharp scraped my side. In a second, my blood went cold as ice, my muscles stiffening as fear struck me like a blow to the chest.

Melva looked nothing but confused at first, but then she saw the man. Her expression warped in both shock and anger as she stepped into the alley after us, stopping when the man's hold around my neck tightened. "Woah, all right. Put the knife down," she said through gritted teeth.

"Shut up. All your money, now," the man said.

Melva shook her head, outurning her pockets to reveal nothing; the key to her home was kept on a string around her neck. "We have nothin'. No money or anythin' else, so let 'im go." She took another step forwards, but the man then dug the blade into my side, breaking the skin. My stomach turned to water; I couldn't move, couldn't do anything as I froze up completely. It took everything I had to not break down into panic.

There was tense silence for a moment before the mugger then said, "You do have something else I want." My legs almost gave out as he sharply dragged me back a few more paces, forcing both myself and Melva further from sight of the street. My glasses slipped off the rest of the way and fell to the ground. When everything was murky black in my vision, the mugger spoke again. "You know what I'm talking about, bitch."

Both Melva and I were shocked into further silence, the blurry form of Melva growing more rigid. "No, I don't," she said in a disgusted voice, though her tone otherwise suggested she did know.

My mind was at war then. Part of me screamed to fight and stop this, that I was more than capable of doing this. But the rest of me was trying not to be pulled down by the memories that were yet again clawing their way to the surface of my consciousness. The air seemed to grow heavy, the pressure of the mugger's arm against my windpipe making me feel like I was breathing in that heavy humidity again as the shadows turned into others fighting around me. The knife dug in more, please no..!

Melva hesitated, and that brief lack of cooperation was enough for the mugger. "Fine, dumbass bitch." The pain sharpened, and a choked cry left me as complete panic engulfed me. All I could think was fight, escape. My leg kicked back like it had then, and my empty hand could only form a fist as I retaliated with a desperate flail. The air was then full of screams, male and female as they maimed and killed each other.

I struck blindly at hands trying to grab me, breaking free and trying to run but tripping. Water soaked my hands and knees when I went down, and I expected that at any second, I'd be drowned again. It was all a blur. I hit something solid, and I screamed again as I tried to punch it out of reflex, only for agony to erupt across my fist. I shoved myself away, only for hands to grasp my shoulders from behind. For a few moments I struggled, only for the person to seize my wrists and yell out, "Len, stop it! He's down!"

I snapped back to reality, freezing when I saw Melva's face inches from mine as she tightly gripped my wrists. Behind her, the shape of a person was slumped on the ground. Melva handed me back a pair of now-cracked glasses, and I saw the mugger, semi-conscious as blood trickled from his now-crooked nose. Had I done that? Or had Melva? I was then hit with a sharp pain in my side, and I bit back a groan as Melva clamped a hand to the wound. Again, it was happening again. I trembled against her, my heart slamming against my ribcage so hard it hurt. I couldn't breathe still, why couldn't I breathe?

"It's okay, Len," Melva said as calmly as she could. "Remember what Aedia said. Breathe in, hold for a bit, then exhale." I struggled to do what she instructed, terror threatening to overcome me again as the pain in my side gouged like it had that day. Tears built up against my will in both frustration and fear. "Don't panic, we're both safe." Approaching footsteps startled me, and Melva held me close as a couple civilians looked into the alley.

"What the—Do you need help?" one of them asked, and Melva's next breath escaped her as a sharp hiss.

"Yeah, we do," she admitted.

Things were a blur for a time after that. As Melva helped me finish calming down, the civilians helped treat my wound, the city guards were brought to the scene, and the mugger was arrested. It took far too long for my wits to return, and I was still a trembling mess by the times the guards were questioning me.

When it came time to ask if I wanted to do anything against the man, I shook my head. "I just want to go home," I muttered, my gaze on the ground as Melva held my arm. "Th-there's nothing, it's not worth it..."

"I'll pass too," Melva said. Guilt weighed heavily in my gut as she said that, but she was firm in her refusal. "Do whatever ya want with 'im. I'd like to see 'im rot, but I'm not in the mood to deal with this shit." I grimaced. Aedia... Dammit, she would have to deal with this now!

Despite our refusals, we were escorted back to my home. Aedia had been waiting down in the pharmacy, much to my dismay. Her face fell when she saw our escort, and she immediately began questioning us. The truth came too quickly, and Aedia was pulling me into the examination room minutes later to properly examine my wounds.

"Why didn't you press charges, Len?" Aedia said in disbelief. I clenched my teeth as she disinfected my stab wound and the torn flesh on my knuckles.

"I didn't want to deal with it," I said. "When he stabbed me, I-I..." I took a breath, bracing myself to tell Aedia since she needed to know. When I did, her mouth fell open in shock before she hugged me tightly. I let myself break again for a moment, a couple tears forming and escaping before I wiped them away. She didn't need to see that.

Aedia released me after a few seconds, looking at me with teary eyes of her own. "I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, I wish I'd been there." She wiped her eyes before returning to my injuries. "I can't believe this... But why did you go to Llyr's in the first place? Why did you let him?" She looked at Melva as she said this.

"He didn't wanna come back yet, an' I wanted to push 'im," Melva said. "I hate seein' 'im so limited, an' he wanted to try too." I agreed, not finding a use in refuting it. "We just lost track of time, an'... yeah," Melva added before trailing off.

Aedia was clearly upset, but she didn't scold me or anything. She likely thought my breakdown was more than enough for me. "It's too late for charges, I guess... You're okay, Melva?" she then asked as she began to bandage me, and Melva reassured Aedia she was.

"But really," I looked at Melva, "are you okay?" She held my gaze for a moment, silent, before nodding firmly.

"Don't worry 'bout me, kid. Not the first time I've heard that." She sighed sharply. "First time in years, though. Last bastard ended up on the ground too." She snickered, smirking to offset my concern. "Dunno why ya think I wouldn't be." Still, it was mainly my thoughts of her earlier that made me insist on making sure she was okay. I could've done something, after all.

After a couple of minutes, the knuckles of my right hand were buried under a layer of bandages, and the gash in my side was stitched up. They still stung from the rubbing alcohol, but they were otherwise fine. Just the fact I could still bleed... "I'm just relieved you're both safe," Aedia then said. "I've heard about muggings like that but have never gone out late enough to risk dealing with one myself."

"I hardly had to knock 'im down, Len already clocked 'im good enough," Melva said. She lightly elbowed me, and I regarded her with a glance before looking at my bandaged hand.

"It didn't even have to go that far, I could've done something," I muttered under my breath as I flexed my fingers. "But no, I stood there... remembering."

Melva elbowed me again, shaking her head when our gazes met. "No, no blamin' yourself for this," she said. "Ya couldn't help but get caught up in those memories when they've... done all they have to ya."

That was one of the kindest ways Melva had ever phrased anything to me, but it didn't stop the anger that began to burn in my chest. "I shouldn't have had to deal with that in the first place, why did I even have to remember at all?" I spat. "You saw me, Melva. I couldn't do anything, I was just... stuck in my mind. And you could've been attacked! I was more than capable of fighting back, but I did nothing!"

"I said I'm fine, ya don't halfta keep worryin'!" Melva said. She still tried to smile, but it was still easy to see it was difficult for her to do so.

"But what if something like this happens again, and something worse happens? I'm still useless like this!" My fingers naturally found my scars again, and I managed to dig my nails in before Melva could pull my hand away. I snatched my arm from her, scowling. "Not even everything with the Talpiclor was this bad, they just stayed in my dreams! Why the hell won't these stay there like the others? I haven't slept a full night in months..."

"The memories are somethin' everyone has to deal with. They'll dull with time, you'll see," Melva said. Aedia nodded in agreement.

"When?" I exclaimed. "Every night, they're there! Vio, the Orb Piercer, I almost died five times in those few minutes alone!" My heart was beginning to pick up speed again, fear welling up with anger as I frantically looked from Melva to Aedia. "No, I-I actually died! What the hell am I, Melva? What were you saying at the Seeker Camp that day?"

Melva's brow furrowed as she shrugged. "I don't know myself, kid. It was just a mess of random thoughts, ya don't need to think 'bout it too hard."

"How can I not when I literally died and somehow came back to life?" I retorted. "Prayers and preachers, am I undead? Was that what you were trying to say?"

Against Melva's startled look, Aedia gently put her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. "Len, c-calm down. You're just overthinking, you're obviously alive."

I whirled to face her, grimacing. "Am I, though? I don't feel like it! Everyday it's the same thing. Things seem to get better, but they don't!"

"They will get better, they just need time." Aedia pulled me into a hug, making me rest my chin on her shoulder like I was a child. In my peripherie, I saw Melva try to step in, but Aedia held her hand up.

"Why am I alive?" I whimpered as a feeling of despair engulfed the anger and fear. It was like I was a whirlpool of emotions, unable to stick to one, and it just made me feel even worse. "Why should I be if I'm just living like this? That Piercer should've just killed me..."

Aedia didn't say anything at first. "You can go if you want, Melva. I can handle him," she said. "Handle me," like I was some uncontrollable creature. It made me want to scream, but I kept it all in, biting my tongue. All I could do was stare at Melva as Aedia ushered her out. The fact she wanted to stay...

"I took him away from her, all of us... Vio..! H-he's gone, it's all gone..!" I half-yelled and sobbed. Aedia stroked my hair, her touch startlingly reminiscent of our mother's.

"It'll be—" She stopped herself. She knew what I would say, and I was glad she didn't try to counter it when I wouldn't believe it, even if it pained me to do so. She hugged me tighter instead. "I'll stay with you, don't worry. You can cry if you want." But I was tired of crying, of feeling like this at all. I shook my head and gently pried myself away from her.

"I just... L-leave me alone," I choked, pushing myself to stand. Aedia tried to reach for me, but I moved away before she could touch me. I nearly tripped on the stairs a couple times, just managing to catch myself each time.

Finally, I managed to lock myself in my room where I collapsed onto the bed. I gritted my teeth against the tears dripping down my cheeks. I simultaneously wanted to scream, continue sobbing, and punch something. Instead, all I did was collapse onto my side and bury my face in a pillow. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I was anywhere else.

When I tore my eyes open again, I was greeted with a dark room and quiet house. Brief confusion, then realization. I must've fallen asleep from sheer emotional exhaustion, only to be wrenched back to consciousness by the obvious. My glasses had been removed along with my prosthetic, and I was draped in the warmth and softness of the bed's comforter. Obviously Aedia had done this.

As I laid there, immersed in complete comfort, I wanted nothing more than to dissolve back into sleep. Even with the residual pain in my side, I hadn't felt so physically comfortable in ages, but I couldn't sleep. The exhaustion dragging at my body fought against my restless mind, and yet again I wanted to scream from frustration. What did I have to do to get just one night of undisturbed sleep?

I pushed myself up, strapping on my prosthetic before getting up. We sold sleeping pills at the pharmacy, but they were kept under a lock and key I didn't have access to unless I asked. But there was something else I could do, dragged back up from the depths of my memories. It was something else I wanted to forget, but it may have been better that I still remembered it for what I wanted, no, needed.

In the kitchen, hidden behind a line of spice containers were a couple bottles of alcohol, wine to be specific. Aedia used them for cooking, and among them was a bottle of some kind of red wine. I didn't care what kind it supposedly was, all that mattered was that it wasn't specifically cooking wine, and the bottle was a little over half full. I grabbed it and took it back to my room.

For a few minutes, I again sat on my bed, staring down at the bottle. I hated the feelings that came after drinking, but did I have to get as drunk as I had then? That drunken bliss had been incredible, made me feel nothing but amazing. And while I regretted the ordeal because I could hardly remember the night before, that was exactly what I wanted now. Hell, if I did get as drunk as I had then, perhaps it would be worth it just to forget it all for a time.

With an exhausted feverishness fumbling my fingers, I grabbed hold of the cork and yanked it from the bottle. A faint, bitter sort of sweet scent wafted from the bottle, only registering with me for a moment before I lifted the bottle to my lips and began to drink. I nearly choked on the foreign, dry sort of taste of the wine, like the flavor had been wrung from the grapes it was made from.

That shock made me hesitate, and I lowered the bottle slightly. What in the absolute hell was I doing? How would I explain this to Aedia? But then I told myself it was just for tonight, I just wanted to sleep. I could explain after I'd slept. With that, I tilted the bottle back up and continued to drink.

Admittedly, the flavor was pleasant after a while.

—~*~—

The next morning, I awoke to Aedia shaking me, calling my name. It took me a minute or two for me to force my eyes open and look at her. Haziness swam through my head, the slight pain of a headache digging into my temples. "Morning, Addy," I managed to get out, my words slightly slurred.

Aedia sighed, shaking her head. "Finally! I can't remember the last time you slept in this late," she said with mild amazement. "I should be happy about this, but I still wanna ask if you're feeling okay? Is your side bothering you?"

It was like her saying that made it flare up, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it'd been yesterday. I shook my head and sat up. Nausea lightly churned in me as I did so, but that and the headache was all that bothered me. Granted, that one bottle was less compared to how much I drank that night with Melva, so that likely saved me. But still... "I-I feel just fine. Don't worry." My words were a bit more stable now, I was waking up more now.

"Okay, that's a relief," Aedia said with a small smile. "But I've made breakfast already, so come eat when you're ready."

That frankly sounded great. After not eating dinner last night, my stomach was aching. And I'd definitely feel less nauseous after eating something. "I'll be out there in a minute or two, then," I said. Before she could leave, I added, "Also, Addy, when is the next time I can go out again?"

She looked surprised by this, and I didn't blame her. "M-maybe wait a couple days for your side to heal up more, and then you can go out if you want. We can go shopping together, someplace sorta crowded but populated enough so nothin' won't happen this time."

"I'd like that, thank you. I just want to try and push forwards after this." Aedia looked happier hearing me say that, and she nodded and left the room. She seemed to be none the wiser about the missing bottle...

I leaned down and grabbed the empty bottle I'd hidden under the bed, reading the label. I recognized where it'd come from, so I could buy a replacement bottle. Guilt dug into me for taking it, but I couldn't deny the alcohol's effects. Not only had I slept, but I'd slept in. I could only imagine what might happen if I drank at the beginning of the night...

Something gnawed deep in me as I thought about this, but I couldn't quite tell what it was supposed to be. Hesitation? Desire? Desperation? Whatever it was, I shoved it down. This would be easier than trying to sneak sleeping pills, people actually needed those. But for now, I'd be picking up more than just a replacement bottle.