I stared down at the sketchbook before me, my eyes half-focused on the sketch I started about an hour ago but hadn't added to since. The rich scent of meat roasting filled the air, combining with the sensation of me sitting at the kitchen table to affirm that I really was back home. Even though it'd been two months, I still questioned things.

   My eyes began to blur and sting, so I blinked, then blinked again. I didn't want to close my eyes for very long. Whenever I did, I swore I'd start seeing things, seeing them as well in the darkness of my closed eyes. They were things I thought were only confined to my memories and nightmares, but it was like they were starting to leak into everything else now.

   A sigh escaped me as I leaned back, tired of hunching forwards on the table. As my neck protested, so did my stump. It was like a dull burn mixed with needles stabbing into my leg. I tried to ignore this second pain, having experienced it many times since I awoke from my coma. I recalled learning about this when I was younger—phantom pain. It was normal, really. But it still didn't stop the pain. Aedia had given me some mild painkillers if it became too much to bear, and I was seriously considering utilizing them then.

   As the minutes passed, the pain refused to go away. I was sick of dealing with it. I cast a look at my glass, frowning when I noticed it was empty. Not only that, but the pitcher Aedia left for refills was empty as well. Great.

   For the first time since I got back, Aedia had left me home alone to go pick up a spice we'd run out of. She would be back before dinner was done, so that was why she didn't have as much of an issue with leaving me. That, and I insisted she do so. But the issue still stood that I needed water and had none.

   Bracing myself, I clambered to my foot, grabbing the wooden crutches I'd leaned against the wall along with the small pill bottle Aedia had left for me. My remaining leg had regained much of its strength by this point, and my arms were well on their way as well. And at least effective sit-ups relied more on abdominal muscles than anything. Still, hopefully I wouldn't mess this up.

   I didn't bother trying to take my old glass back to the counter, I just grabbed a new one while I was there. Carefully, I filled the glass and propped myself against the counter so I could drink it. It was thankfully easy to do so.

   For a second, as I drank my water, I was able to forget that anything was wrong. Syele and Lissy were coming over for dinner, and Vio would simply be late. Even though we all had taken the day off from our work, Vio never stopped working, just one thing about him that made him so great. But then I finished my glass and saw my crutches in my peripherie. And here came reality again...

   Not long after I sat back down, I swore I heard knocking downstairs. My heart sank. If there was knocking, it surely was Syele and Lissy. It came again, definitely knocking. I gritted my teeth as irritation swept over me. How I wanted to go down there, let them in, thank them for coming. But no, crutches weren't suitable on stairs. They weren't suitable anywhere except for the upstairs of this building.

   After a moment longer, the knocking stopped. Silence, and then the door opening. I breathed a sigh of relief. So Aedia was back as well. It seemed to take forever for them all to come upstairs, and I regarded them with a slight smile when they entered the room.

   Syele seemed a little surprised to see me, oddly enough. "Oh, Len, you were..." she then trailed off, not wanting to point out the obvious. "But you look well." It'd been about three weeks since I last saw her. At least it looked like she was getting more sleep now by how she seemed more lively, though I couldn't say the same for myself.

   "Hi, Mr. Len," Lissy said with a small smile, and I gave her a nod. The three women busied themselves with finishing up dinner, Syele and Lissy helping even though Aedia kept telling them she could finish herself. I just sat there at the table, idly watching by.

   Dinner itself was mostly silent, punctuated by quips from Lissy that Aedia would add to. Lissy still smiled, but I could sense the tenseness radiating from her, see the uncertainty in her eyes. "She cried for hours on end when they learned about... Vio," Aedia had told me. Syele, meanwhile, had descended into a numbness of sorts, an automatic grim acceptance that frightened me. "Delving was what he loved, he wouldn't have wanted to go any other way," she'd apparently said. I doubted that. I couldn't forget the terror in his eyes when that Orb Piercer was staring us down. Thinking about that, I couldn't finish my food.

   I was glad when Syele and Lissy said they were leaving, sad to say. I just couldn't stand to be around them like this. Unfortunately, I found myself cornered in the stairwell with Syele when I was saying my goodbyes, Lissy having already gone back into the pharmacy and Aedia cleaning up in the kitchen.

   "Have a good night," I told Syele, but she didn't seem ready to move yet.

   "Are you sure you've been doing well?" she asked, and I stiffened as my gaze fell to the ground. "Has Aedia?"

   I shook my head, looking back up at her. "You don't need to ask that, we're doing just fine compared to—" I was cut off by Syele hugging me carefully.

   "You don't need to say that. Your feelings shouldn't be invalidated. My husband meant as much to you as he did to me, and he was blessed to have you in his life. I'm positive he would agree with me if he were still here."

   I took a breath, swallowing back a lump that was beginning to form in my throat. "And I... N-no, I didn't, it was just an accident." I thought otherwise, but I knew Syele would rebuke me for saying it.

   "You're right, it was," she said with a nod. "You did all you could in that situation. It was better that you came back than you both dying because... I don't think Aedia would have been able to handle it. Vio just wanted to protect you. You're alive, and that was all that mattered to him. I'm just glad you were able to bring back his whistle for me."

   I nodded reluctantly. "I just don't think that sometimes."

   "And while I wish you wouldn't, it makes some sense," she said solemnly before letting me go. She waited until I got my footing back before she said, "Both you and your sister have a good night now. And thank you for inviting us over." I waited until she left before going back into the kitchen, where Aedia was preparing some nerve-calming tea for me. I appreciated it, but I knew it wouldn't work. It hadn't since I got back, and there was no reason it should now.

   "I started running a bath for you, if you wanted to clean up before you went to sleep," Aedia said, and I thanked her. While I still loved hot water, and it helped me relax, there were other things I'd come to despise about the whole procedure. It really was a procedure now, like everything involving my mobility.

   As I stared into the bathroom, my palms became clammy with forming sweat, and my heart began to pound. Even if she'd opened both the window and door before, it didn't stop steam from building up in the small room. This was one of the few occasions where I didn't need to close my eyes to be terrified by my nightmares.

   "Oh shoot, I thought I'd opened the window enough." Aedia hurried into the bathroom to open the window above the tub completely. "Can you go sit back down for a bit longer? I'll have it cleared out soon."

   I shook my head. "No, I'll just wait here," I said, leaning against the hallway of the wall. This was ridiculous, I knew it was. I could afford to lean here and wait. But Aedia's form, obscured in the steam, changed her into something else. I looked away, swallowing hard. It was her, it wasn't anything else.

   Something then grabbed my arm, and my heart leapt into my throat. Attack, get away! my mind screamed. I couldn't help but let out a shout, flattening myself against the wall and almost slipping and falling.

   "S-sorry! I'm sorry!" Aedia apologized, pulling her hand away. Once I realized it was her, I began to relax.

   "You're okay," I breathed, trying to calm the sudden racing of my heart. Aedia's worry remained for a few moments before it dissolved into one of her rare, stern looks.

   "I was going to tell you it'll take a minute or two. And look, you're shaking," she said. "Go sit down." I held her gaze defiantly for a moment before giving in to my residual fear and realizing that I was indeed trembling. I agreed, and she watched to make sure I sat back down before starting to use the bathroom door to fan the steam out of the room. I could've done that myself, I could've done it so easily. But at the same time, I couldn't... of course.

   My nightmares were just as horrific as they were when I was in the Seeker Camp. Llyr's technique only served to soften them for a short time, but I didn't go a night without having at least one. Screams and pain, blank eyes and quills, people grabbing me, stabbing and choking me, so much blood... I sometimes wondered if it was more worth it for me to wear a gag to sleep so Aedia wouldn't be distrubed by my screaming. I didn't know why I even bothered to sleep anymore, it wasn't like the days were much better.

   Time never seemed to pass so slow. I couldn't hope to busy myself with reading or drawing. I would just want to read or draw about the Abyss, which I had no clue why. I didn't make my visits to Llyr's anymore either, so he came here instead. He came twice a week while Melva came every other day or two on no strict schedule, which did nothing but hurt me more. I hated that I craved their company so strongly. They both delved with each other along with Gwynden on occasion, but it wasn't the same, nothing was.

   More time passed, another couple of months, perhaps. I had no clue. It was just a blur of monotonous sights and sounds. But one day started off differently after Aedia's check-up. Every day she examined my right leg, checked the sensitivity and if there was any residual swelling. The latter was gone by now, and she helped me with therapy to toughen up the end of my stump, to dull the pain in preparation of a prosthetic. But after the check-up, Aedia began conducting measurements of my leg. She noticed my confused look and gave me a soft smile.

   "By how much you've recovered, I think it's about time you got fitted for a prosthetic," she said, and my breath caught in my throat. "After this, I'll be heading out to visit a prosthetic specialist I've been looking into. Lissy of course will be here if you need anything."

   I didn't know what to say for a few moments. So I could actually get a prosthetic now? I could have a chance at walking again? It seemed surreal to hear her say that. But looking down at my stump, more bitterness began to rise. I really wouldn't be getting my leg back, it would just be a mockery at best. Really, I should've been happy, but I couldn't bring myself to be. I was selfish for having the gall to think that. I kept all this to myself as I glanced at Aedia and nodded. Her smile grew as she held my crutches out to me when I stood up.

   "Do you want to be downstairs or upstairs while I'm gone?"

   My cheeks flushed when she asked that, like it had the dozens of times she'd asked prior. I would never get over the idea of Aedia having to help me up and down the stairs when Melva or Gwynden weren't around to do so, even if I appreciated her concern for my comfort. "U-upstairs, please. I don't want to get in Lissy's way."

   Aedia frowned disapprovingly. "You wouldn't be, and you definitely won't be soon." She held the door open for me, and together we entered the stairwell where we began the tedious process of her helping me upstairs. It would be nice to actually walk up stairs on my own again.

   About an hour passed of me being left to my own devices, and I was pleasantly surprised to see Gwynden of all people stop by. Lissy had come to recognize him by the many times he'd stopped by the pharmacy in the past, so she had little issue with letting him in. We greeted each other, and again I was surprised to see he'd brought lunch. Not just for me, but for Aedia and Lissy as well. His cooking was as good as Aedia's, and it was also enhanced by some spices from Morgan's.

   A somewhat peaceful silence filled the air as I ate, fueled by Gwynden's usual quietness. I'd gotten used to silence like this, so I didn't mind it as much. But at one point, Gwynden asked, "Has everything been okay?"

   I shrugged. "It's been... normal. The same as when you last came by."

   "Don't say that," he said with a wince. "This isn't normal, at least not all of it."

   "I suppose it won't be for much longer," I partially agreed. "According to Addy, I can get fitted for a prosthetic. She left to talk to somebody about that."

   A cautious smile lit up Gwynden's face. "Oh, I know about that. In fact, Melva and I—" He cut himself off, shaking his head. "N-never mind. We all know about this. I just didn't think it was already time." I was obviously confused by this response but didn't press further. It was clear there was something I didn't need to know, and I cursed my curiosity for wanting to know. "I will say, be sure to let us all know when you get the prosthetic," Gwynden then said. "If you want to, of course."

   "You know I will," I reassured him. Gwynden then got a slightly concerned look on his face, hesitating before he spoke again.

   "I know I've said this before, but I-I'm sorry for what I said at the Seeker Camp. If you want to delve again, you can. There are prosthetics that are more suited for delving. Expensive, but they work well for what they're meant to replace."

   My heart sank as I shook my head. He didn't have to keep apologizing, and I was just glad Melva had accepted his apology. "No, I won't. I said I'm done delving," I said, my gaze falling to the table. "But even so... I can't stop thinking about the Abyss."

   "It makes sense you wouldn't," he started. "You're only two months out of... You said fourteen years?" I nodded. "Fourteen years of the same job. That, and I've noticed your passion for the Abyss. Always taking those notes and researching. It was always on your mind, it seemed like."

   I shook my head again. "But it's not like that... at least I don't think it is?" His expression became confused, and I struggled to explain. "It's like I'm feeling a sort of pull. I want to return to the Abyss, just go down as far as I can. And I don't get how, I-I'm terrified of going back down there." That was definitely the worst way I could've described it, but it was the truth.

   "I'm sorry, I really don't get what you're trying to say," he said, like I expected. "You're afraid, but I still don't think that would stop you from thinking about delving. Passions aren't so quick to die." All I could do was hold in a sigh in response to that.

   Gwynden didn't stick around for much longer after that, though I wanted him to so I wouldn't be alone (horrible to think when Lissy was right downstairs). But he had his own life to attend to, so I didn't say anything. Thankfully, my sister returned a couple hours later, where she seemed more upbeat than she had for the past few days.

   Apparently, an official fitting could be done in the next few days, and from there it would take another week or so for the actual prosthetic to be made. I was excited for this, just because I could stop being a burden to everyone else who had crafted their lives around mine for the past few months.

   The fabric of my nightshirt was cool against me as I pulled it on, and I blinked hazily as my vision blurred the colors of the room. Still, even with my mangled vision, I could see the stump of my leg. It was like the reality of this development was truly setting in. I was finally going to be getting a prosthetic. But now what would I do? I couldn't just sit in the house forever. Still, all my research, all my books and equipment, all the things I'd collected, what I equated to my value... Were they destined to go to waste now?

   For a few moments, I sat there on my bed, not moving or even really thinking. My mind was as blurred as my sight as all my thoughts jumbled together, more than there had been recently. But there was something else there as well, more at the back of my mind but somehow speaking louder than everything else.

   By the time I managed to collect my thoughts, I found myself staring at the window, the one that faced... the Abyss. In the navy darkness outside, the pit yawned with a vantablack that looked about ready to reach up and pull Orth inside. Yet I was compelled to stare down into it. I noticed I'd lifted my hand up a little, and I grimaced, clenching it before letting it fall back to my side. Again, it had happened again...

   This was what I had been trying to explain to Gwynden. I'd come to notice this compulsion within me since I got back from the Seeker Camp, almost like a physical tug within the core of my being. It pulled me to the Abyss. And even though I was back to my senses now, I still felt that compulsion. It'd seemingly receded, enough that I wouldn't notice it unless I focused on it.

   Even after I turned out the light and laid in bed, my thoughts wandered back to the Abyss. Why couldn't I stop thinking about it? Was the presence and nature of the Abyss and its impact on the lives of everyone in Orth just that innately drilled into all of us, or was it something else? Again, I recalled what Melva had said at the Seeker Camp, and my blood chilled. I swallowed hard. Just what the hell had I become?

—~*~—

I had been brought down to the clinic's examination room the day my prosthetic was to be delivered to the house. The specialist himself was bringing it, an older man with graying hair and a stern face but kind smile. He'd treated so many Delvers, with his clientele being composed of them almost exclusively.

   Melva, Llyr, and Gwynden along with my sister had joined me in the examination room as well, and we all chatted about whatever came to our minds. It was nice to see them all together again, and time went by surprisingly quickly. Before I knew it, Lissy was letting the specialist into the examination room. He carried with him a long, thin case, obviously containing my prosthetic.

   "Good afternoon," the specialist greeted us. "I didn't expect there to be an audience, but this is an important occasion." He chuckled as he said this, placing the case on a counter. "Of course, there still may be some modifications that have to be made to this prosthetic, so be aware of that. You're very fortunate to have this."

   "What do you mean by that?" I asked, only for Aedia to squeeze my hand out of nowhere.

   "You'll see," she said.

   What I was then shown was something I didn't expect at all. I thought I would be getting something relatively simple, but I was instead faced with a complex amalgamation of wood, leather, and metal. The leg and foot were made of a dark-colored wood, and a metal ball was set in a socket to act as an ankle joint. At the top of the leg was what resembled a leather sock lined with cloth, where I was supposed to insert my leg so the prosthetic wouldn't slip off. Finally, there was a set of leather straps reaching up from this top section.

   "Damn, that came out even nicer than I thought," Melva said before her voice dropped to a mutter. "But it'd better be with what I put in. He ain't gettin' shit quality if I can help it." A couple pieces slipped into place when she said that, and my throat grew tight.

   I stared at the prosthetic, trying to figure out how everything was meant to work as the specialist said, "Why don't you just try it on?"

   I made sure to put it on with as little help as I could to already start practicing. The leather holder reached up to my mid-thigh when I put it on. It was slightly snug but comfortably so, and I was surprised I could flex my knee so easily in it. There was a strap that connected to both the front and back of the prosthetic that reached up to a belt that needed to be firmly fastened around my waist. This was meant to function in a way that my waist and hips would keep the belt up and the prosthetic from slipping down by extension. My stomach fluttered with a nervous excitement as I prepared to stand, but Melva nudged me before I could move.

   "Take my arm, kid," she said, and I did so as I got off the table. The remnant of my right leg trembled as I put weight on it for the first time in months. My stump ached dully as it pressed against a thick pad that had been sewn into the bottom of the leather holder. All eyes were on me, and the flutters in my gut turned into a tight knot. But I took a breath, bringing myself back to a center of focus before making another move.

   Embarrassingly, my first step turned into a stumble and then fall. Melva kept me from smacking my face against the floor, but I still collapsed to my knees. A few gasps came from the others, and my face flushed with shame. My pride definitely hurt more than anything else. A curse nearly slipped past my lips as Llyr dropped down next to me.

   "A-are you okay?" he asked worriedly, and I regarded him with a nod and sheepish smile.

   "Don't worry, unsteadiness is perfectly normal," the specialist said. "You should expect more for a time until you get used to this. Stand up, and try again. Try stepping with your prosthetic first this time."

   Melva helped haul me to my feet, and I tried stepping with my right foot this time. The prosthetic had some definite weight to it, a bit more than I was used to. Or perhaps I had been? I'd never really thought about the weight of my legs until then. But I made myself banish the thoughts from my mind as I stepped down. The ball in the "ankle" adjusted easily, and I was able to plant my foot. I then took another step, and then another, slowly wobbling my way to the door to the examination room before returning, clutching Melva's arm tightly the entire time.

   "You're already doing far better than you should be, but you seem to be healthier and more physically fit than most of my other patients," the specialist said. "Of course, don't expect to be walking properly again for quite a while. You need to learn to reuse a limb, essentially." He turned to Aedia. "Recall what I told you, and be sure to stick to it. Further injury is still more than possible right now."

   "Of course," Aedia said.

   I sat back on the table, and the specialist began to question me. How things felt, if anything needed to be adjusted, things like that. Everything seemed to be fine, from what I could tell. The man was satisfied with those responses. "Prosthetics like this are rare to see," he then said. "A lightweight steel rod core around a water-sealed outer layer, stainless steel ankle joint and steel-reinforced toes. It's a Delver's prosthetic, and I can definitely tell you're a Delver."

   "Black Whistle," Llyr said before I could respond, and the specialist arched a brow.

   "Really now? Impressive. Well, don't think you can get back into delving right away," he said with a laugh. "You have plenty of work to do beforehand. First off, you'll need to limit how long you wear your prosthetic each day..." More information, consisting of yet more limitations I'd have to adhere to. Irritation began to burn in me the more I heard, but what did I expect? Nothing would ever go back to normal, even once I regained my ability to walk on my own.

   It seemed to take forever, but finally the specialist finished speaking. Thankfully Aedia had taken the liberty to take notes partway into the specialist's speech, because I would definitely need them. But once he finished, he gathered up the case he'd brought my prosthetic in and bid us farewell.

   "Thank you for this," I said, truly appreciative even though it was his job.

   "It's no problem at all," he replied. "If you have any questions or need adjustments, be sure to let me know." And then he was gone.

   Once it was just myself and those I knew left in the room, I gave them an exasperated look. "'A Delver's prosthetic?'" I echoed the specialist's words. "You all helped pay for something I won't use to its fullest extent." The others exchanged looks, Melva sighing while Llyr and Aedia looked more nervous, and Gwynden outright ashamed after he had been the one to spoil the surprise first. Of course I wouldn't turn down their generosity, though I felt horrible considering how expensive this had to have been. "Thank you for this, but why did you do it?"

   "Because we wanted you to have options," Aedia said. "We honestly don't believe you want to give up delving permanently. The Abyss is your life, and none of us want you to be separated from it forever." She mouthed something under her breath under that, what I can make out as "me especially." And I felt guilty seeing that, but I still stood my ground.

   "Well, that 'love' almost killed me more times than I can count, it almost killed you," I looked at Melva, "and it killed... Vio. I-I don't want to face that again." Even if what seemed like my very being begged otherwise, I wouldn't do it.

   "We won't make you do it if you don't want to," Llyr said. "L-like Aedia said, we want you to have options."

   I shook my head. "I don't want those options. But I know you'll make me keep this, so I will. It... really is nice. Thank you, again."

   "Don't mention it," Melva said. "I wouldn't've let ya have some cheap-ass prosthetic anyways, though Gwynden did suggest this one."

   I was admittedly surprised by that. "You did?" I asked, and he nodded.

   "Something solid like this is better regardless of how it's used, it's proof it'll last for years to come." He was right about that; waterproof was definitely a plus if I got caught in the rain in the future.

   With the lull in the conversation, Aedia spoke up. "You're all welcome to stay for dinner if you want. It's getting pretty late now," she suggested. Melva seemed ready to jump at the opportunity but didn't say anything when Gwynden and Llyr stayed silent.

   "Do you want us to stay?" Llyr asked, and I truly had to hide a grimace. I did, I did so damn badly. When I cast a glance at Aedia, she smiled. We were both generous to such a fault, just like our parents.

   "Can Syele come over as well? I know she helped pay for this too," I said. That didn't even seem to be a question, and Melva left to tell Lissy that plans had changed for the evening. Aedia already began discussing dinner preparations with Gwynden.

   Llyr helped me up then, handing me a crutch. "Just in case," he said, still holding the other. I smiled and managed to lean down for a quick kiss, thanking him.

   "And... I'm sorry for saying what I had," I said, only for him to shake his head.

   "We're just worried about you. And remember what you said about me apologizing? It applies to you also," he said. I suppose it did. Now if only I could believe its enforcement for myself.