"What are you writing?" Jungkook questioned, eyeing the note book that I currently had my head buried into.

I stopped writing. The fingers holding my pen froze. I spaced out shortly looking at what I had written so far.

To do before I leave

"Y/n, I asked you something." Jungkook said, making me snap out of my stare. I bounced slightly as he sat down next to me on the bed, trying to get a glance of what I was writing.

I quickly shut the note book and looked up at him with a smile I really tried to make look genuine, "Nothing. Just girl things."

"Girl things? Like what, who you like?" Jungkook chuckled. I played along with his laugh in hopes of distracting myself from what went on on the inside.

If only that was my biggest concern.

I was born 22 years ago and all my life I've tried living with a positive mindset and always look as the cup half full rather than half empty.

I mean, you have to when you were diagnosed with lymphoma cancer at the age of 6.

I was sick most of the time during my 6th year in life. It was usually inexplicable and random fevers that kept me home. I frequently lost my appetite and therefore lost a lot of weight in that period of my life.

After a few months of the symptoms, my parents decided to take me to the doctor. At first my parents had thought it was nothing serious. A lot of young kids get sick often, due to all the bacteria and playing outdoors. But what they didn't expect was for the doctor to send me to an examination at the hospital and for the results to come back as cancer positive.

It was a hard time for my parents, but thanks to the doctors and the medical opportunities, I got cured.

At the age of 7, only 6 months after I was diagnosed, I was cancer free.

Even though it had been long since then and I had been very young, I still remembered the anxiety clearly. I remembered thinking I was gonna die. I remembered my parents' scared expressions when I got diagnosed. I remember having to be cheerful for my parents not to fall in deep, even though I was only a child.

I knew my mother cried when I wasn't there. I knew my father had to gather his all to be the strong one, but it was hard. So despite me only being at the edge of 7 then, I agreed with myself that I would try to be as bright as possible.

I learned from the experience, that being positive about things could get you far. It at least got me through the tough time. And it had been an active choice I made ever since.

Since then, I'd always tried to look at the bright side of things.

Which was how I met Jeon Jungkook. Well, roughly at least.

He was my partner in biology once in high school. He didn't want to do our assignment, claiming he didn't understand or even need to understand what the insides of a frog looked like.

A long story short, I made the assignment myself.

But when we were done being biology partners, Jungkook stuck by my side. Even though he took no part in our mutual assignment, which I by the way scored us an A in, we'd gotten friends.

He had a big mouth and talked whenever he got the opportunity. He was also curious as to why I was so focused on the assignment and why I seemed to be so optimistic about it.

It didn't take me long to open up about my experience with cancer. He was just so very easy to talk to. At that time I was 16, he was 17. And as much as he loved to talk, he was also a good listener.

Since then we'd been inseparable and while I was currently in college and living a much average everyday, he was working with music producers, getting lessons and aspiring to be a successful singer.

We spend a lot of time together, we were best friends after all.

Jungkook's schedule was very flexible and recently I'd been having more online classes than in person, which meant we got to spend more time together and more frequently than before.

The only problem was the reason behind me having a lot of online classes...

After a hard experience at young which taught me a lot, I've now been cancer free for 15 years.

Or should I say, I was cancer free for 15 years.

Even though I was cured when I was young, I regularly had to go to mandatory check-ups.

Every year, sometimes  every 1.5 years I would get a medical check-up to be sure the cancer hadn't spread.

It was supposed to be my last check-up this year.

A few months before the last check-up I had started feeling ill. I started getting random headaches, my body was quite often sore and sometimes I even felt like I was gonna faint as I had trouble keeping my balance.

I thought of the symptoms just to be a normal part of a woman's life. It wasn't any worse than my period cramps at least. The thought that it was serious didn't occur to me once.

Since I had passed the age of 18 and got considered an adult, I had went to the check-ups alone, but this time the doctor called in my parents too.

It was hard to keep strong when my mother broke down next to me and my father sat silent in shock.

The lymphoma cancer had spread to my lungs.

I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. The doctors calmed us, saying that I could still have long to live. But another two weeks went by and I got the news that I only had a month.

34 days.

34 days to live to be exact, they said.

It wondered me how they could give us such an exact answer to something as abstract as death.

It was possible for me to live longer, even die before. But that didn't make it any better.

I didn't feel like I had lived life to the fullest yet. I hadn't lived a life I would be satisfied with if I died tomorrow.

I was only 22.

If I only had a certain amount of days to live, shouldn't I make the best of it?

So that was what I was writing.

I was making a list of things I wanted to try before I took my last breath.

A to-do list.

But why call it a to-do list? Why not a bucket list?

Bucket lists are made for things you want to do before you die. Bucket lists usually are made to be there a whole life time. Most bucket lists has unrealistic things on them that people hope to achieve in the future.

I didn't have a future. I didn't have a life time. I had a short period of time to do the things I wanted to do.

Therefore, a to-do list.

But I couldn't tell Jungkook.

"Okay okay, you don't have to tell me." Jungkook spoke caving in to my stubbornness, "But I have to be on that crush list of yours."

"Hey!" I let out something between a chuckle and a scoff and hit Jungkook with my notebook, "I don't have a crush list."

He shrugged to which I kept defending myself, "And even if I had, you would be the last one to be on it." I said sniffily.

"So you do have one, hm?" He concluded, reaching out to grab my notebook.

I quickly dodged his attempt, but he attacked me with his fingers digging into my sides, tickling me tormentedly.

"Jungkook, stop!" I laughed, but also meant it.

We both were laughing, but my laugh got choked and made me cough.

When my cough got serious, Jungkook stopped our tickle fight. I kept coughing. It hurt in my chest. My sides starting feeling sore too from the tickling. Maybe it was just anxiety.

When I finally stopped coughing I obliviously hugged my stomach, trying to calm the pain coming from behind my ribcage.

"Hey, are you okay?" Jungkook spoke worried, but still with a small smile on his face.

The coughing fit might've looked quite funny to him.

After all, he didn't know I was dying.