Today is my consultation and I'm a little nervous but mostly super excited!  Today really is the beginning of this next chapter in life, and I cannot wait!

Mom is coming with me for support.  She'll stay in the waiting room or the car, but she'll be here for me and that's what matters.  I'm not alone.

"Okay Ms. Lange, today's consultation will be $100."

Oh right.  I didn't tell you... Fertility treatments are not covered by insurance.  I mean depending on where you go maybe some lab work is covered, but this doctor was recommended by my OB and I trust her advise completely. This process will be one hundred percent self pay.. so pray this works and I have a sticky baby.

***

So. Many. Numbers.

HSG I believe I can do without.  I'm 27, no fertility issues that I know about.  Plus that'll save me $925!  I also think I can do without ovulation stimulation and shots, I mean why go through that?

I don't want to get my hopes up because it's a low chance this will work... But stranger things have happened!  I mean at 27 I've already been through a global pandemic!  Never say never, Jessica.  This baby is coming!

***

It is January 23rd.  Cycle day 3.

  My first baseline appointment!  It's like a regular exam except that you're on day three of your period so it's totally fucking awkward!  But it's fine.  I have tiny little baby follicles that I pray will grow, grow, grow!  I have to come back in a couple of days to check on them.  Until then all I have to do is relax...

***

Cycle day 6.

Follicles are looking good, but I bought some sunflower seeds and Pom juice to help with thickening the lining of my uterus.  Some say it works, others say it's bull.  But why not?  I'm doing everything I can for this to work.

Another thing; I have told a couple people.  One is my friends' mom who I work with.  She's like a second mom to me, and another is a single mom I know.  She is an amazing woman.  She works so hard for her daughter.  She is her entire world and that is such an inspiration to me.

I have people praying for me, I have the best doctors, and I have so much hope.  I'm ready.

***

IUI Day.

This is crazy.  Everything.. all of my research, the money, the tears, the prayers, everything I have done to prepare for this moment.. it's time.

The actual iui was a piece of cake.... The two week wait?  Now that's another story.

At the moment I feel amazing.  Like this is going to work.  I've been testing out my trigger shot everyday, and the line is getting lighter.  Now I just wait for that line to get darker again!  And it will!

My numbers were good.  The iui couldn't have gone better.  I know I'm pregnant.  I know it in my heart that there is life growing inside of me.

I can't explain how bad I want this.  A baby will be hard, I know that.  But oh what a joy he or she will be.