Okay this is the last one I promise. The characters are my old and current identites. Currently I'm an omnisexual, cupiosexual, cupioromantic.

Cupioromantic: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.
Demisexual: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.
Bi: if you want information it is
Cupiosexual: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

Cupiosexual: Shh, here comes Omni!
Bi: Quick, Cupioromantic, start talking about boring nerd stuff!
Cupioromantic: You know, nerd culture is mainstream now, so when you use the word "nerd" derogatorily, it means you're the one that's out of the zeitgeist.
Bi: Yes, that's perfect. Just like that.

Bi: It's time to turn this into a real business.
Cupiosexual: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?
Omni: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?
Demisexual: I handle our accounting.

(Cupiosexual really don't know what to do)

Demisexual: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?
Cupioromantic: Put spaghetti in it.
Demisexual: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.
Cupiosexual: Put spaghetti in it.
Demisexual: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.
Omni: Put spaghetti in it.
Demisexual: I am no longer taking suggestions.

(Demisexual probably doesn't like to be replaced)

Police: You're under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.
Demiromantic, with Bi and Cupiosexual behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!
Police: Yes...three.
Demiromantic: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?
Police: Wha-
Demiromantic: Cupioromantic FUCKING FELL OFF!

Demisexual, watching Cupiosexual & Cupioromantic panic : What's going on?
Omni: Cupiosexual is having a midlife crisis and Cupioromantic is just having a crisis.

(Cupio means crisis)

*Everyone is playing a board game together*
Bi: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.
Demiromantic: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.
Cupioromantic: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.
Omni: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.
Cupioromantic: *flips the board*

Omni: Christmas is cancelled.
Cupiosexual: You can't cancel a holiday.
Omni: Keep it up, Cupiosexual, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Cupiosexual: What does that mean?
Omni: Demiromantic, take New Year's away from Cupiosexual.

(Omni is punishing Cupiosexual. For what? Who that fuck knows)

Demiromantic, teaching Demisexual to drive: Okay, you're driving and Cupioromantic and Cupiosexual walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Demisexual: Oh, definitely Cupiosexual. I could never hurt Cupioromantic.
Demiromantic, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

(Demisexual does not like to be replaced. Got it)

Demiromantic: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
Demisexual: No, that's not how you make cookies.
Bi: FLOOR IT!!
Demiromantic: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
Demisexual: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-
Demiromantic: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
Cupiosexual: DO IT!
Demisexual: NO-

(Oh no)

Demiromantic: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."

Cupioromantic: Bi, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.
Bi: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Demiromantic: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Demisexual: ...I did. I broke it.
Demiromantic: No. No you didn't. Bi?
Bi: Don't look at me. Look at Cupioromantic.
Cupioromantic: What?! I didn't break it.
Bi: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Cupioromantic: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Bi: Suspicious.
Cupioromantic: No, it's not!
Omni: If it matters, probably not, but Cupiosexual was the last one to use it.
Cupiosexual: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Omni: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Cupiosexual: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Omni!
Bi: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Demiromantic.
Demiromantic: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Omni: Demiromantic... Bi's been awfully quiet.
Bi: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Demiromantic, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Demiromantic: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Demiromantic:
Demiromantic: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Cupioromantic: We're kind of missing something guys.
Demisexual: Cohesion?
Omni: Teamwork?
Cupiosexual: A general sense of what we're doing?
Bi: And Demiromantic is not here.
Demisexual: Oh, and that, yeah.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Demisexual: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Bi: ...I did. I broke it.
Demisexual: No. No you didn't. Cupioromantic?
Cupioromantic: Don't look at me. Look at Cupiosexual.
Cupiosexual: What?! I didn't break it.
Cupioromantic: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Cupiosexual: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Cupioromantic: Suspicious.
Cupiosexual: No, it's not!
Omni: If it matters, probably not, but Demiromantic was the last one to use it.
Demiromantic: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Omni: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Demiromantic: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Omni!
Cupioromantic: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Demisexual.
Demisexual: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Omni: Demisexual... Cupioromantic's been awfully quiet.
Cupioromantic: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Demisexual, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Demisexual: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Demisexual:
Demisexual: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

(Demis really like to punch coffee makers)