When I was a little girl I used to think that I would meet a man, who would find me perfect. I used to dream that he would whisper longingly into my ear "You are perfect because of your imperfections". I was naive to think that this would happen or be true. Love like all of us is not perfect. It is not possible to find no fault in anyone. It is unrealistic, perhaps the strongest loves are those where there is the acknowledgement of a beings imperfection, and the love overpowers the faults. As humans we continually idealise but never face the reality. Why is this? Is the truth and reality so hard to bear?

Om whispered into my ear only but a while ago, his breath touched my skin and made me shiver. I could feel his warmth on me, his hand caressing my arm as he held me. "You are perfect," he murmured serenely in my ear. Ironically, after all this waiting I am disappointed in him. I wish he had not said that. There is a feeling of security in me as he holds me, but it feels mundane. Perhaps I need to adjust from the violent emotions I bore for Kabir. My love is, no was unnatural. I am sure. Yes. I am right.

The corner of my lip tweaks and I can sense he is waiting for me to say something but I do not. What can I say? I cannot lie.

He has to go, I can feel his body stirring restlessly and before I know it he is kissing my lips, before leaving me. The day is cold, the wind is bitter and the air is dry. I pull my coat over me, and my mind wanders. My eyes flutter over the delicate flowers scattered around this cultivated bit of garden. My thoughts wander back to Kabir. Does he notice my absence? Does he even care?

Do I care?

The cameras are bearing in on me here. I know I am safe but I still feel just as contained as I did with Kabir. Is there no escape from anything, or anyone?

But if I were to escape where would I go and what would I do? I'm not sure whether my life has much meaning anymore. Im so hopelessly lost and I have been for far too long. It seems to me that one escape leads to another trap, is this how life should be?

"Make sure you smile and nod that pretty little head of yours, ok? I need tonight to go smoothly, and nothing is going to get in my way, especially not a little whore like you." His dark eyes pierced into mine. My hand was itching to slap him.

"I am only a whore because you made me this way," I spat at him. He smirked and signalled to the driver to stop. I snapped my head away from him, to avoid that smirk. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand that look. Those looks of superiority that made me feel like nothing. But I was nothing to him, just another example of his power, to make anyone fall to his command where that be in business or bed. He reached round and grabbed my chin forcing me to look at him, I didn't shield the contempt I felt for him in my eyes.

With the other arm he flung open the door beside me. "You can leave anytime you want, sweetheart. There is nothing stopping you. You can go back to your little life." He released my chin and I glanced out the door into the darkness. There was no path; it was the middle of nowhere. I would have nothing but the thin dress that clung to me. But I wasn't thinking straight. That did not matter; I just wanted to show him that I would leave.

I smiled, a conceited one at that. "Ok."And stepped out of the car. As I slammed the door I watched his cool eyes fade from my vision. The car moved away, and as the car lights faded, the reality of my situation flooded my senses. The cold winter air brushed uncomfortably against me and I glanced in all directions.

I had been walking for a half an hour; my heels were rubbing painfully against the heels of feet. The skin was raw and my body was shaking. My phone had no signal. I was lost, I was not even certain that I was still on the road. My senses were heightened every sound and every rustle scared me.

An hour passed.

Two hours. Defeated, tired and lost I slipped to the ground. What if I died? Who would care? Then I cried, the hot tears warming my blue cheeks. I slipped into a coma of coldness. Then a bright light appeared suddenly. My eyes flickered open. The sound of a running engine. The door opened and those cool eyes stared down at me.

"Where the fuck did you think you were going?" His voice barely concealing the anger he felt that his eyes had.

"I don't know," I trembled unsure. He climbed out the car, and picked my shaking body up and placed me into the warmth of the car, placing his coat around my shoulders. I remember that smell, it stabbed at me. It was another woman's perfume, all over him, taunting me.

"Enjoy your freedom?" he drawled sarcastically.

"What do you think," I managed to reply.

"Sometimes what we really want isn't what we really want," He whispered as the car drove on.

"Well done," I murmured angrily. He just chuckled and placed an arm around my shoulders. "See you could never leave me." I was too tired to argue, but then I was still determined to prove him wrong. This determination rolling through my head as it lolled and fell onto his shoulder, falling into a deep slumber.

It is strange how sometimes memories jump out from nowhere, that one certainly did. We had been on our way to a social event that really meant big business people could mix with big business people and make big business deals.

I step out of office. Tomorrow I am going back into his world, its been three weeks, and I will see him again. Three weeks seems like suddenly a very long term. I've been briefed on what I have to do. It won't be easy, I don't even know if I am strong enough. I don't think they even know if I am strong enough. I can tell Om does not want me to do it, he wants me for himself. Does that make him that much different from Kabir?

I have to find the centre of Kabir's operations, search around the base and gather evidence. They will tell me more when they are certain what they are looking for is there, no need to endanger me anymore than they should, they tell me.

Basu, she is nice, but it's all-false. All of this, I am yet again a pawn in somebody else's plan. I can see the hatred in her eyes, she wants to nail Kabir, nail him hard. I recognise it because I felt like that once. Maybe when I see him again these feelings of hatred will return. I hope and I wish.

Om catches up with me as I make my way down one of the corridors. He's reassuring me, but I just want to be left alone. I snap at him to leave me alone, and he stops his whole body seems to shrink and I see the hurt in his eyes. "I'm sorry, it's just I've never done anything like this before. I just need some time alone, to process all of this."

He nods, " I understand." But I know he doesn't really, he's too caught up in caring for me that really he doesn't.

I find my way to the gym, to the running machine. I just keep on running. I don't think, I want to forget everything, even who I am. Suddenly those few moments when I first woke up here and knew nothing seem like bliss. All I can do now is run at this constant pace. I press the button the machine gets faster, and my legs struggle to keep up with this running.

Ok, you know what you have to do?" Om is holding my face in his hands and his eyes are piercing uncomfortably into mine. I nod my head. Just over his shoulder I can see Basu looking on. She doesn't seem to mind the close contact between Om and I. Maybe she likes it, maybe its part of her plan use him to make me do what she wants. Even if that is her plan I don't really care.

He plants a soft kiss on my lips and mutters into my ear, "Be careful, remember this will be all over soon and we can be together." Something knots itself in my stomach upon hearing his words we can be together. His words should provide comfort but really they don't.

I am so scared. I am sure he will know that I have betrayed him. He deserves it though doesn't he? I mean all the pain he has put me through. I take a deep breath and smile at Om, the man who will save me. My knight. My man.

Something painful hits the back of my head and a cloud of black swirls into my vision.

My eyes flicker open and white flood my vision. I groan and roll over, my head pounds and aches. My eyes squint in pain, slowly the pain becomes less sharp and more a dull pain thudding inside my head. My eyes focus and I glance around the room. It is familiar, I recognise it. I am at home, my home. Lying under my delicate cream cotton sheets. The photograph of my father is propped up on the table next to mine. Confusion clouds my mind, has everything that has happened been a dreadful dream?

I don't want to move; in my bed it can all remain a dream, a nightmare. I rub my eyes and do the mandatory pinch, but this is real I am back home. I sigh. Slowly I ease my way out of my bed, dropping my feet to the soft carpet. I open my door and enter the living room. I catch my breath, it's as if my apartment was never ransacked. The furniture is all exactly the same, in the same place. My brow furrows in yet more confusion. A feeling twists in my stomach and I'm not sure what it is.

I circle my apartment taking it all in. I lift the blind that covers the window that shows the park below. The sun is shining, and there is a light breeze that ruffles through the trees. Spring has arrived and finally it is here. I glance at the pinky white blossom on the trees. It is all so beautiful as if I were in the countryside.

I hear the muttering of a voice. It is coming from above me. My flat is the last in the building so that means I have access to a small roof garden. I climb the stairs slowly. The door to the roof creaks open and the warm sun coats me. A figure stands leaning over the railings talking into his mobile. He turns and sees me standing here.

He shuts his phone and says my name softly and it lingers on his tongue. I bite my lip and we stand there watching each other, as if an ocean is between us. His mouth curves slightly. "How are you feeling?"

I nod my head, "Ok," my words are dry and hoarse.

"You were found unconscious not far from my industrial estate, I thought it was best if I brought you back here."

"What about those men... is it safe?" I ask and I see a simmer of fury rifle through his eyes.

"Of course it is," he snaps.

I have imagined countless times over the last few weeks how it would feel to be back with him. I have imagined how I could feel nothing but hate or how my feelings of love might be reawakened, but I feel a strange sense of nothing. I notice how there are dark shadows lining his eyes. More than stubble lines his jaw now; he looks unkept. His skin is paler and it looks like he has lost weight.

He moves closer to me and places his arms on my shoulders; a shiver runs through me at his touch. His eyes bear into me uncomfortably. "Do you know where you have been the last few weeks? What do you remember?"

"I...I," I stumble over my words. I know what to say, Riya filled me in, but now to lie seems suddenly so wrong.

"I don't remember much. A cell. Passing in and out of sleep." I mutter.

His grip tightens on me and I know he doesn't realise he is hurting me. Suddenly he releases me and turns his back to me. He runs a hand through his thick hair. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have involved you in all of this, then they wouldn't have..." He breaks off. He punches his fist against the wall. I move so that I can see his profile, his eyes are screwed up in anguish. Then his eyes are on me. I can see him. Really see him.

Anguish, pain, guilt. All of it is there. My stomach lurches and I crumple. The tears that I would never cry for him well up and there is no stopping them, thick and fast they flood me. I'm sobbing so hard I can barely breathe. Then two thick arms surround me, he rest his chin on my head. "It's alright, it's ok. You're not going anywhere now. I will always be here." His words do nothing to soothe me but create the opposite effect. I cry harder into his shoulder. Something has changed in him; he is tender, almost...loving.

How could I have been so stupid? How could I have fooled myself in believing that I did not love him anymore? Those feelings flood me uncontrollably. I have betrayed him. I want to forget everything that has happened. Om is meaningless. He is nothing. I push him away. Here with Kabir, this is how it should be.

He rubs my tears away with his thumb and kisses my cheeks, where the tears have fallen.

"Oh, Kabir. I am so sorry," I burst. He lifts my chin so that my head looks into his.

"No, Shhhh. I am sorry. This was all my fault."

"No, no you don't understand-" He brings a finger to my lips and stops me from talking.

"Its ok now." Then he says my name. He pauses and for a second I think he is about to make a declaration. My heart feels like it has stopped. This is it.

He repeats my name. "I won't let anyone harm you because..." He stops; he blinks, "because I owe it to your father." His words hit like a car crash and bring me back into reality. My face sinks.

I stand back from him and my eyes dry. "Oh."

"I'm sorry about your father, keeping you safe, is my duty now."

"Your duty," I choke on his words. His phone rings. He glances at the screen. "I have to take this."

I nod my head. Suddenly I feel like the worlds biggest fool. Of course he doesn't love me. This it's all because of duty. Because he feels responsible. This has nothing to do with me. I watch him as he talks slowly on the phone, disgust filling my every bone. Disgust, not at him, but at me for thinking that he could change that he could open his heart to loving me. How deluded could I be, to think this? And so the cycle begins all over again. Me loving him, him not loving me. It's all the same. Om only showed me that I love Kabir, more than I can ever love a human being. That's what worse is that what I thought was me not loving him, is in fact my feelings growing even more stronger.

"One of these days your past is gonna catch up on you." I shouted. It was another feud, another one-sided fight.

"Oh really," he smirked reclining in his seat.

"Yes, How dare you do that to Dhruv. You promised that you wouldn't ruin him." I shouted at him again. He was a selfish bastard who took joy out of ruining peoples life's for no other reason than his own personal satisfaction.

"I never promised babe. I said that if you continued to see me, I wouldn't interfere. But I guess I changed my mind."

"I hate you. The man I love, you ruined him."

"You don't love Dhruv."

"Well I certainly don't love you." I hissed at him.

His eyes hardened on mine, "Did I say you did? To say you loved me that would be hypocritical, you tell me you hate me enough. But you know what Hate is not the opposite of Love, indifference is. And I would rather you hated me any day."

I wasn't really listening to his words. I was storming round the room, throwing whatever I could at him. I grabbed my bag and stormed for the door. His arms encircled around my waist and pulled me back. "Oh no you don't.?

"I can do what I fucking well want."

He smiled and kissed me on the lips. I struggled against him. My nails scratched at him. "What you gonna rape me now."

He laughs cocking his head backwards, "No, Rape is without consent." I knew he had won, I would go to bed with him, and he would win again.

He always wins. He always exhausts me. Now watching him, I wish that I could hate him. Then it dawns on me what had he meant that he would rather I hated him any day?

I glance back at him, trying to figure a lost meaning behind those words. He looks at me and mouths the words, you ok?

I laugh a shallow laugh. He is going to pay for making me believe he was going to tell me he loved me, for hurting me, for letting me cry in front of him, for everything. I hope to god that he will be caught and locked away forever. Even so I know that will not give me what I really want. Three simple words with a meaning that could send me skyrocketing towards the sky. I hate that that's what I need. Why is it that I need his Love so much? The only dull pain I feel now is in my heart.

I am certainly not ok. I reply by nodding my head.

"No, I haven't got anything yet. The answer has got to be simple. Just five numbers... yeh she's doing better now. Ok, so two days time- nine o'clock is the drop off. Don't forget."

I stand in the doorframe watching Kabir's back. I know he is unaware of my presence. Something is going on and I can only guess. The drop off it must be something to do with drugs. I know it is. The past few days I have hunted around looking for clues. It's amazing how much I have already found out. But maybe the information was always there I just never bothered to look.

I know he's expecting a shipment from burma. Tonnes of some chemical that all-important for some weapon he is developing. I should be shocked by this discovery, but I am not. I think I would have been disappointed if I hadn't discovered anything.

I have a rendezvous with an agent tomorrow and then I will tell them everything. I just have to get through one more day of this charade. If it really is a charade?

I still love him, but I have to do this. It's the only way I can hurt that cool hard exterior of his. I want to. My determination grips me like poison.

He snaps the phone shut and turns around. Surprise flickers momentarily through his eyes. "How much did you hear?" He asks calmly.

"Everything. I know about the shipment." I'm surprised at how calm my voice is. I'm surprised I let him know what I know.

He nods slowly. I know he's not going to do anything to me because he thinks he controls me. Once he did, but not now.

He strides across the room towards me and stops just before me. He raises my chin so that my eyes have to look into those mesmerising eyes. His arm snakes around my waist and pulls me to him. My breathing quickens and I can feel my pulse rise. I can't tear my eyes from his. All thought seems to flee me.

He pulls me in closer; we are so close our noses are nearly touching. I feel his hand snake down my back and clench my bottom. He leans forward and plants a soft kiss on my neck just below my ear. A groan dies in my throat and I sigh inwardly. His lips trail up to my lobe and I feel the heat from my body burning with desire.

"Not a word to anyone," He whispers gently but I know the command. He plants a full, titillating kiss on my lips that sends shivers up my body. My body is fully re-awakened and I can feel my appetite rising.

I glance up at him through my eyelashes. Just because I'm going to destroy him doesn't mean that I don't still want him.

He looks down at me and smiles. He kisses the tip of my nose. "Not now." He releases me and my body turns cold. Quickly he strides to the door. He pauses his back to me.

"I'll be back later. Tonight we are going somewhere important. Dress...." He pauses, "Make me proud." He finishes and leaves the room without a backward glance. I lean against the wall.

I feel queasy. I remember a time when Kabir would never had said no. He doesn't want me like he used to but strangely I want him all the more. Guilt doesn't seem to stop my body from being aroused.

I clench my stomach. I can feel the sick feeling in my rising. I run to the toilet and proceed to throw up.

I slump against the toilet. I tell myself it's the nerves. It will be one of the hardest things I have ever done, to betray the man I hate should be so easy yet I love him.

My stomach makes more rumblings and I empty last night's dinner into the bowl of the toilet.

I stare in the mirror. I know I look good but I look different. There is a certain glow to my cheeks, certain warmth to my eyes. Is this what having secret control does to a person?

The dress is a simple strapless black thing, my hair seems to caress over my shoulders. The dress emphasises my growing curves, the fullness of my breasts and the curve of my hips.

I hang the delicate silver earrings lick my lips and leave the room. Kabir is standing with a glass in his hand. He gulps it down swiftly as I enter the room.

He can't take his eyes from me. I feel uncomfortable under his scrutiny. His eyes reveal nothing and I wonder if he is admiring me.

Kabir of course is dressed to perfection. The crisp black suit accompanied by the midnight blue shirt accentuate how truly handsome he is. He has shaved and now his sharp cheekbones are there strong and proud leading down to that defiant chin of his.

He reaches for the bottle of brandy beside him and pours himself another glass that he swiftly downs.

"You look different," he murmurs quietly. My heart hammers. Does he know? Is this a set up? Oh god.... My pulse rises. No, I'm being silly. He doesn't know. I'm getting too paranoid. Just act normal, I tell myself.

I smile and brush his ambiguous comment to the side. "Are we leaving now?"

He nods and leaves the apartment. I follow him into the elevator. I can smell the brandy on his breath. How much has he exactly had? I side glance at him. He stands tall and proud my sign of the alcohol on his features.

The elevator pings open and we make our way to the car waiting outside. I sink into the leather seats and I am aware of Kabir's warm presence so close to me. I stare out the window as we move. I can see Kabir's reflection in the window he is staring at me. Those eyes are piercing into my skin. It sends shivers up my spine. His hand brushes against my knee and I inwardly sigh. I feel the desire twisting its way around my insides. I won't turn and look at him. I want him so much. I am sick with desire.

The heat is rising and I can feel perspiration on the back of my neck. I want this car journey to be over. I need some air. I need an escape. The journey seems to stretch on for hours and all I can feel are his eyes on me watching me as if he is waiting me to crack. Those beautiful eyes are taunting me.

Suddenly an arm reaches across. The silk of his suit brushes against my bare legs. A moan dies in my throat and I am aware of my heaving chest. Kabir leans round and his eyes catch onto mine.

My whole body stills. His mouth curves. There's a click and cold air rushes in as the door swings open. Kabir withdraws his hand and climbs out of the other side of the car.

I feel like an idiot. Like some lovesick teenager. I shouldn't be feeling this. I hate Kabir.

I glance up at the building. It is a impressive town house with tall windows and a grand front door. Golden lights shimmer from inside. Its daunting. I don't know what is inside this splendid house. Kabir steps beside me. I glance over at him and he gives me a reassuring smile.

The smile throws me. It's not like Kabir. What's going on? He wraps his hand around mine and leads a stunned me into the house. Kabir never holds my hand.

A round man greets us. He flings his hand into Kabir's face and Kabir calmly shakes his hand.

"Good to see you Roy," he says.

The man laughs. "Good to see you, and even better to see you," he turns his attention to me.

Kabir grips my hand tighter and I wonder if he realises he's doing it. Kabir introduces me.

Roy takes my hand and kisses it. I smile. "Beena" he suddenly shouts.

A woman appears out of one of the side doors. She is attractive and looks in her mid forties.

Roy introduces me to his wife. "Oh I love your name," she drawls in an enthusiastic tone

"Thank you. You have a beautiful house," I murmur shyly.

"Oh wait until you see the rest of the house this is nothing!" She grabs my elbow, "Come on I'll show you the rest of the house."

I glance back at Kabir as Beena drags me into another room. He shrugs helplessly and the door closes on us.

"I thought I'd give those two some space so they can discuss business," Beena says casually.

She drops to one of the cream sofas. I glance around the room. It's beautiful. Antique oak furniture surrounds the room and cream carpets, curtains and sofa's embroidered with gold create a shimmering effect.

I copy Beena and sit on the sofa opposite. She hands me a glass of champagne and retrieves a packet of cigarettes.

"You don't mind?"

She lights the cigarette, "about Roy's business? No, I used to once but then I realised he'd never change. Some men are meant to follow the right road and others aren't."

"Do you not feel second best?"

"I know business will always come first, but I have enough love for the both of us. It's the price you have to pay for the man you love," her smile softens and she looks at me directly.

She is so relaxed, so happy. She knows she isn't the most important thing in his life but she doesn't seem to care.

"Anyway I know he would never let someone harm me. Just like your Kabir."

I nod my head slowly and finish my glass of champagne.

"I see you're not convinced. But I'm happy. I have a great lifestyle."

"So you just shut yourself away from what your husband does?" I probe further.

A grim line sets at her mouth, "What I don't know can't harm me. I know he's not a saint but it doesn't mean I have to know everything. Look your still young, just don't waste time expecting it to change. Men like Kabir and Roy will never change."

I want to think and believe like her but I can't. I want Kabir to be mine and only mine. I know that will never be and so he pays the price

Doubts flood my mind. Am I doing the right thing? Am I destroying something perfectly good between us?

The evening passes like a shimmering cloud and before I know it, the evening is over.

I feel dizzy and light headed as I step into my apartment alone. I fumble for the light switch. Suddenly my flat that was so warm and comforting feels so empty and cold. I hate the way I wish Kabir had come up with me. But things have changed he has changed. I remove my heels and move the kitchen.

There is a knock at the door. I know who it is. My heart beats uncertainly. I open the door.

"Can I come in?" He pushes past me before I can answer.

"Looks like I haven't got much choice."

I watch as he distractedly glances around the room, his eyes falling on the picture of my father.

"Kabir, what do you want?" I am half dreading his answer.

He scratches his head irately. "I think you know, to talk."

"About?" I send a questioning gaze his way.

He is silent. He moves nearer to me." Since we first met, I have wanted nothing more than to have you. So much that it overpowers me sometimes, to know almost every contour of your body but not to have you."

His sudden outburst shocks and startles me into silence.. Does he want to sleep with me? I laugh weakly, does he actually have feelings for me. "I know you feel the same." He says moving even closer. "Don't deny we have feelings for each other."

I can't speak. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met."

"How do I know this isn't some trick to get me into your bed?" It was not the most original of lines, and I could imagine him saying it to plenty of women in the past.

His eyes darken. "There is no trickery here. I intend to sleep with you."

Before I have time to retort, his lips are upon mine. The kiss is tender yet with a certain brutality to it. His soft lips brush against mine and I feel his tongue easing my lips open. I lean further into him wanting more and so very much for this not to end. Shivers descend through my body and I feel so light-headed. This isn't right. It's only a dream. He is indifferent to me. And I hate him, tomorrow I am going to screw him over. I abruptly pull away.

I feel the blush rushing to my cheeks, ashamed that I have pulled away. Then I became ashamed of my actions and how I have surrendered to him so quickly. The moment was lost in a flash.

I move away from him and gulp down a gathering lump in my throat. I need space some time to gather my thoughts and push my desires from my mind. I excused myself to the toilet.

I look out across the small bathroom window into the clear night. It is a night for lovers. A night for romance. But Kabir isn't looking for romance. Or love. He wants what most men have wanted from me over the years, the difference being that this time, I want the same thing.

Sex.

I shiver as I think of all that small word entails. The nakedness. The intimacy. The act itself.

At last I gather up the energy to leave the bathroom. He is standing in the doorway to the living room. I wrap my arms around myself, feeling not cold but suddenly shy before him. Or was it ashamed? I wondered if he thought I was cheap by inadvertently agreeing to sleep with him.

Probably, I accepted unhappily. My confidence is wearing thin now and suddenly I don't feel so brash.

He comes forward and slowly but firmly unwinds my arms before he places them around his neck.

He kisses me softly on the nose, then my cheek, then the corner of my mouth. My lips are parted and quivering by the time he covers them with his own. There is no barrier to his tongue as he slides it deep into my mouth.

I have linked my fingers behind Kabir's neck and cling on like grim death lest I should fall down, for my knees have suddenly gone to jelly and my head is spinning. His arms tighten around me, and I am dimly aware of my breasts pressing painfully against his chest.

But my focus is concentrated on that sensually probing tongue and how it is making me feel, what it is making me want. Him, inside me, not his tongue. Him, all over me. Him, and only him, for ever and ever.

I moan a tortured denial at this crazy notion. This isn't love, I remind myself brutally. It is pure lust.

I shiver in his arms. I can feel his appallingly aroused body. Vivid images flash my mind, starkly explicit and shockingly erotic. Kabir, undressing me here, where we stand touching me all over, taking me in this doorway, my cries of ecstasy sounding shamefully loud in the stillness of the night.

He is now nuzzling my neck, brushing lips across my burning skin. "Tell me what you were thinking about when I was just kissing you," he murmurs seductively.

I shake my head, then gasp when his lips open and close on my neck, sucking at the already fevered skin till the sensations go from pleasure to pain.

"Stop," I gasp, and wriggle against him. It is now I notice he is shirtless.

"Then tell me," he insists. "I won't be shocked."

Again, I shake my head; my eyes are wide with the mental image of his naked torso pressed up against me.

"You were wanting me," he whispers in my ear. "Weren't you?"

"Yes," I confess with a shudder. I can't think about my own betrayal to myself.

One of his arms releases its hold to start stroking my throat, tipping my neck up and my head backwards with each upward caress. My eyes are squeezed shutas his hand moves down my throat, down to caress my cleavage.

His warm hand reaches into my bra to cup me. "Oh I have missed you so much, God I want you now, " he whispers in to my neck. I am lost in him as his hands roam my body as my sickening desire melts into him. All I can think of is Kabir and how much I want this. How much I love him.

I am lovesick.

My head is pounding as I lean against the wall. My body slumps pathetically and I close my eyes momentarily. I let the silence seep into me. I rub my belly. Surely no more can come up?

Inwardly I sigh. This is payback. Karma. Last night was amazing and now I am paying for my sins. It must have been the champagne. It has to be.

My eyes are still closed but I can feel his presence standing in the doorway. He's watching me. My eyes flutter open and I glance sideward up at him.

His naked body leans casually against the doorframe. He crosses his arms over his perfectly sculpted chest. Muscular but not too bulky.

Images are flashing through my head. Memories of last night. Memories of his sweet caresses and of his loving endearments. Things have changed between us. I can see it now. It's obvious that he doesn't regard me with indifference anymore- I can't help but wonder if he ever did. Whether he loves me though? I'm not sure. I'm not sure he is capable of loving.

He is watching me intently, I feel conscious under his scrutiny. A small smile reaches the corner of his mouth. He knows. I've tried to deny it from myself but the signs are too obvious. Now he knows - what is the point in hiding it. He's not angry but I didn't expect him to be. Now he has a stronger hold on me and an heir to carry on what he has created. I cringe at the idea our...my child will not be like his father. Never.

"I'll send a doctor up later...to check you over."

I nod silently not sure what to say. Not sure I can really take this next hurdle. A baby, dear god!

He moves towards me bending down to kiss my forehead and stroke my hair. "Don't worry everything will be fine." He murmurs softly in my ear. His words are meant to soothe me but they do the complete opposite. How can everything be okay when I am on the very verge of betraying him – the father of my unborn child and the man I love so very much? "I've got some things to sort out but I'll be back later. There are some things we need to talk about."

My heart flutters, what on earth does he want to talk about? Oh no please don't say he knows about the government and I. My mind swirls and I proceed to throw up into the toilet. Silent tears run down my face and I'm not sure if they are tears of illness or tears of tragic uncertainty.

The doctor has checked me over. It's a familiar face. A face from what seems to long ago. He was the doctor that checked me over after my flat was ransacked.

"Everything appears to be okay. You are coming up to three months gone. Not risk free quite yet so take it easy. It's recommended that you don't drink any alcohol."

I can't help but sneer. I know what will happen now. Kabir will wrap me up like cotton wool. I will become even more of a prisoner. I sigh and let the doctor out. He smiles at me sympathetically – as if he knows my fate.

I run my hands through my hair and touch my belly. There is a child growing in there. Then suddenly a thought hits me that throws my mind into turmoil. Could it be? Could this child be Om's? My heart hammers and fear grips me. To have Om's baby well that would be worse than....

I'm stunned by answer because it would be worse than having Kabir's baby. I find that part of me likes the idea of having his baby; it ties us together even more. Now as I think about it I can't imagine having a baby with anyone but Kabir. No, it goes deeper than that. I can't imagine being with anyone with Kabir. My hand beats against the wall. I used Om just like Kabir has used me. There never was a future for us; it was a charade from the beginning masked under the guise of an escape.

I need to get out this room. I need some fresh air. I need an escape. I grab my coat and leave the building. It is snowing when I reach the warm outside air. I reach out and grab a snowflake only to realise it isn't snow at all but blossom. White blossom gracefully falls around me from a large tree. It isn't cold enough to snow. In fact it is quite warm. The sun is shining shrouding my face in delightful warmth. Spring has arrived and in my inner turmoil I failed to notice the beauty of it all. I wander around the small garden hidden amongst the big industrial sized warehouses. It feels like my own little oasis. A secret between me and my unborn child.

I lean against a tree and take in the fresh air and free my mind of everything and it feels great. Just for one moment I can imagine I am somewhere else. I imagine myself on a beach, the sea lapping up against my feet. The warmth of the sun on my skin. I am in my own little paradise.

Lost in my own little world I fail to notice an approaching figure. It is only when I hear my name being whispered that my eyes flutter open. My eyes take a while to adjust to the strong sunlight. Before me stands a woman, a very familiar face indeed.

"Kavya," I say breathlessly.

She raises her finger to her lips. "We have to be quiet; we don't know who might be listening. There is one guard hidden behind the shrubbery watching us. But he won't suspect me."

My brow furrows. "Suspect you of what?" The truth dawns on my instantaneously.

"Oh my god...you're..." I begin.

"Yes, I work for them," she nods silently. Her pretty assistant air has dropped and I can see the hard government spy in her. I had completely forgotten about the rendezvous today.

"But I don't understand. Why need me, when they already have you so far in the system."

She sighs impatiently. "Mr Mittal isn't stupid enough to let just an assistant know what he really is up to. He is a very clever man. He only trusts a very small amount of people...including..."

"Me," I finish for her. She nods. Kabir trusts me? I'm not sure what to say and then it all fits into place. He wouldn't have brought me here let me hear what I have if he didn't. Oh god, perhaps he does have feelings. Just maybe.

"We don't have long. I need to know what you know. We know there is a drop off happening soon. We just need to know where and when. Can you tell me anything?"

She looks me expectantly. I freeze. I know what she wants to hear. Here is my chance but can I betray him now. I stare at her. What do I say? Do I say the truth? What do I do? I want to scream but my tongue is thick and I can't think what to say. Maybe whatever it is that Kabir and I have is not as one sided as I first thought. What if he has loved me all this time? Could I really betray him?

"Do you know anything at all? However small it could be useful. We just need to catch him, come on." She asks hurriedly glancing around. I lift my eyes. There is movement behind Kavya. At the far end of the garden stand two figures. One is Kabir and the other is a heavily armed guard. He passes a gun to Kabir. Kabir examines the gun. And in that moment I see it. I remember everything that has happened. The killings. I see Kabir for what he really is. He is not a lover but a cold hearted killer. A murderer. Anger grips me just as he glances up at me. We catch each others eyes. He places the gun inside his jacket and starts to walk towards us.

"Quick!" Kavya insists.

I swallow a large gulp of air. "Tomorrow night, 9pm at the old castle remains nearby." The words tumble out simultaneously.

Kavya smiles and taps my arm, "You've done the right thing. Don't worry we will get him."

I nod not sure if that is what I am worried about. My eyes fly towards a nearing Kabir. Oh I hope to God that I have made the right decision. My anger morphs to fear as it grips my stomach ferociously as Kabir descends on us.

"Hello kavya, what are you doing here?" He questions her but his eyes never leave mine. Does he know – are my last thoughts as black descends on me. Kabir's eyes along with everything else are wiped from my vision as I fall with a soft thud to the ground.